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WWYD post... about pool...Edited to include the question

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staceyd
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stacey

WWYD post... about pool...Edited to include the question

So... DC is 15 months... goes in the pool, sometimes puts her mouth in the water and tries to blow bubbles... thats really it...

MIL dunks her head under the water... DC has never been fully submerged before, and MIL does it on her own... doesnt ask or anything... reactions????

Ill let you know what I did later... I am curious if what I did was acceptable...

Message edited 7/21/2010 3:46:09 PM.

Posted 7/21/10 3:44 PM
 
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Stacey1403
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Re: WWYD post... about pool...Edited to include the question

I wouldn't like that one bit. My DH wouldn't either.Chat Icon

Posted 7/21/10 3:47 PM
 

staceyd
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stacey

Re: WWYD post... about pool...Edited to include the question

Posted by Stacey1403

I wouldn't like that one bit. My DH wouldn't either.Chat Icon



Neither of us did.. but I think I overreacted... I kinda screamed "NO" and grabbed DD from her... DD was hysterical.. she wouldnt stop crying... and my MIL kept comming over, but I kept walking away to a quiet spot in the pool with DD to try and calm her down... it ruined the entire weekend.. she is not talking to me apparently...

Edited to add.. When I said no, it really wasnt a scream.. and DD was still under water...

Message edited 7/21/2010 4:08:12 PM.

Posted 7/21/10 3:49 PM
 

nrthshgrl
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Re: WWYD post... about pool...Edited to include the question

My MIL wouldn't do that but in a scenario where I'm pretending..well..

I would have said something A LOT stronger than OH NO!

In my opinion, you were being kinder than I would have been.

Posted 7/21/10 3:52 PM
 

beachgirl
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sara

Re: WWYD post... about pool...Edited to include the question

I would have dunked MIL and then stood on her head - seriously the liberties some people take is beyond me.

Posted 7/21/10 3:53 PM
 

headoverheels
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LB

Re: WWYD post... about pool...Edited to include the question

Posted by nrthshgrl

My MIL wouldn't do that but in a scenario where I'm pretending..well..

I would have said something A LOT stronger than OH NO!

In my opinion, you were being kinder than I would have been.



ITA.

It would have been more like:

WHAT THE FLUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU? WHO DOES THAT TO A BABY???

But that's just me Chat Icon

I would not care that she is mad at you - IMO you (and your DD) are the one that deserves an apology not her.

Posted 7/21/10 3:54 PM
 

clwp
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mommy

Re: WWYD post... about pool...Edited to include the question

See I'm a known water-hater... I hate so much as getting splashed, hate hate hate having my face wet. With that said, I actually invite the less water fearful in for help when it comes to the kids and the pool and such. We did Saf-t-swim and I could not dunk my DD#1 on the final day of class, she was about 13 months old. The instructor had to do it and it took everything in me to stay calm, but I know it was for the best b/c I don't want to pass my fear onto the girls. I wasn't around a pool till about 12 years old, they have been already b/c my parent's have one we every time we are there they go in it in the summer. JMO, I'm not saying your MIL was right - she should have asked your permission and accepted a "no" as it sounds like it would have been the response. She has no right to be mad, it's your child.

Message edited 7/21/2010 3:56:15 PM.

Posted 7/21/10 3:54 PM
 

mamabear
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Re: WWYD post... about pool...Edited to include the question

Well, I don't think your reaction was wrong w/r/t MIL--she had no business doing that, you were shocked and scared, and she shouldn't take offense. Moms are protective of their kids and if she does something like that without asking, she should realize you might get angry. In other words, even if you overreacted, you had a right to. You can say I'm sorry I reacted that way, but you scared the crap out of me, please don't do that again.

But, i think your reaction could have been dangerous for DD. You don't want DD to be scared of the water. Did she cry because she went under, or your reaction frightened her?

ETA-I think you were entirely right to keep walking away and find a quiet spot once DD was crying and upset. She needed you and peace to calm down and if MIL's feelings get hurt in the process..well, she'll get over it.

Message edited 7/21/2010 3:58:06 PM.

Posted 7/21/10 3:55 PM
 

bicosi
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M

Re: WWYD post... about pool...Edited to include the question

While I don't think that MIL should have dunked her head in the pool, I think that your reaction may have led to your DD being hysterical. I wouldn't want to instill that type of fear of water in my kids...Not saying your MIL was right, but I would have said something to her after I had seen that DD was ok.

Posted 7/21/10 3:57 PM
 

Kelly9904
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Kelly

Re: WWYD post... about pool...Edited to include the question

I dont see the issue with it.

My MIL would never do that, but I do it all the time. I have done it with my nieces and nephews without asking when they were younger.

Honestly I think your reaction was probably not the best for your DC simply because DC was upset and now by your reaction DC might start to associate that as a BAD thing.

DS hates when I dunk him but its part of learning to swim IMO and I will continue to do it because I feel its important for him to be comfortable in the water.

I should add that my reaction might have alot to do with the fact that I taught swim lessons for many years.

Posted 7/21/10 3:57 PM
 

Deeluvsvinny
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Whatever

Re: WWYD post... about pool...Edited to include the question

This is exactly why I won't let FIL take DD in the pool alone. He has been insisting since before she was born to put her in saftey swim at 2 months and telling me you just have to dunk her under.

I wouldn't be speaking to her! She needs to undersatnd YOU are the parent and what you say goes for your child!
Do you think your DC cried because you screamed no and were upset or because it bothered her to go under?

Posted 7/21/10 4:02 PM
 

mamabear
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Re: WWYD post... about pool...Edited to include the question

Posted by Kelly9904

I dont see the issue with it.

My MIL would never do that, but I do it all the time. I have done it with my nieces and nephews without asking when they were younger.

Honestly I think your reaction was probably not the best for your DC simply because DC was upset and now by your reaction DC might start to associate that as a BAD thing.

DS hates when I dunk him but its part of learning to swim IMO and I will continue to do it because I feel its important for him to be comfortable in the water.

I should add that my reaction might have alot to do with the fact that I taught swim lessons for many years.



While I agree that babies need to learn to swim, go under water, etc, there are different ways to go about learning that, and that choice is up to the parents. I think MIL crossed a line by taking action that can scare DC and also instill a fear of water. Ive been slowly teaching DD by getting her to blow bubbles and get closer and closer to going under with me watching her on her own. If someone now came along and dunked her completely under, scaring her and upsetting her, not only would I be mad because they needlessly upset her, but they could have now made her scared to start putting her face in slowly.

Posted 7/21/10 4:03 PM
 

brownie
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Re: WWYD post... about pool...Edited to include the question

I would have been pizzed if my MIL did that...but I also think how you reacted didn't help the situation, for your DD's sake

I also would have been more pizzed off because its my MIL and she's a PITA Chat Icon

and I think its RIDICULOUS that she's not talking to you for that...you got scared I'm sure, and WHO DUNKS SOMEONE ELSE'S BABY UNDERWATER? She sounds really immature overall. Chat Icon

Posted 7/21/10 4:03 PM
 

staceyd
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stacey

Re: WWYD post... about pool...Edited to include the question

She was hysterical before I took her from my MIL... She has not had any swimming lessons, I dont know anything about babies and swimming, and I was afraid she did not know how to hold her breath or not suck in the water... that was why I took her... to see if she had inhaled any water... and because I was scared.... shes my baby!! God forbid something happened under my watch!!!

I totally understand how I probably aided in the crying and maybe did the wrong thing for her... we never took her out of the pool, and we brought her back today, and she was not afraid... I would hate to be the reason she is afraid of water.. I love swimming! I just want her to get a feel for the water first, put her own face in, which she does... before she starts being forced to go under!

Posted 7/21/10 4:06 PM
 

Kelly9904
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Kelly

Re: WWYD post... about pool...Edited to include the question

Posted by staceyd
I just want her to get a feel for the water first, put her own face in, which she does... before she starts being forced to go under!



I totally see what you are saying. Maybe you should express this to your MIL. In her defense (and I dont know her of course) she didnt know your feelings and to her it was no big deal KWIM. (which is why she didnt think to ask...) So the reason she is probably upset is because it might have seemed to her as if you didnt trust her, with her grandchild. She doesnt understand that you want your DD to do this in her own time and not be rushed if she isnt ready.

Posted 7/21/10 4:12 PM
 

staceyd
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stacey

Re: WWYD post... about pool...Edited to include the question

Posted by Kelly9904

Posted by staceyd
I just want her to get a feel for the water first, put her own face in, which she does... before she starts being forced to go under!



I totally see what you are saying. Maybe you should express this to your MIL. In her defense (and I dont know her of course) she didnt know your feelings and to her it was no big deal KWIM. (which is why she didnt think to ask...) So the reason she is probably upset is because it might have seemed to her as if you didnt trust her, with her grandchild. She doesnt understand that you want your DD to do this in her own time and not be rushed if she isnt ready.



Good insight.. my DH was upset.. and kept saying "why would you do that? Now she is going to be afraid of the water!" I am sure she was upset over that too... she isnt speaking to either of us...

Posted 7/21/10 4:14 PM
 

Kelly9904
Mommy to 2 amazing little boys

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Kelly

Re: WWYD post... about pool...Edited to include the question

Posted by mamabear

but they could have now made her scared to start putting her face in slowly.



While I completely understand your point, I was just having this conversation with my SIL and our DC's swim instructor...

My niece didnt want to go under today. I know why, she just wasnt in the mood, and her mom was there so she figured mommy wouldnt make her (its the typical situation where my niece is a much different kid when mom is around) so after trying to coax her. My SIl gave her to the instructor and said "just dunk her" so she did my niece cried her eyes out for about 45 seconds then was fine.

As we were talking to the instructor we all said, it could go either way. It could scare them needlessly or it could prove to them, "wait I can do this and I am okay".
In this case within 2 minutes my niece was all proud of herself for going under....

I dont disagree on any of your points...just pointing out the other side of it.

Posted 7/21/10 4:19 PM
 

SecretTTCer
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Re: WWYD post... about pool...Edited to include the question

What is your mother in law F-ing insane? Who the hell does that? I am sorry but that is so obnoxious!

Posted 7/21/10 4:21 PM
 

twinkletoes807
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Gabi

Re: WWYD post... about pool...Edited to include the question

Posted by headoverheels

Posted by nrthshgrl

My MIL wouldn't do that but in a scenario where I'm pretending..well..

I would have said something A LOT stronger than OH NO!

In my opinion, you were being kinder than I would have been.



ITA.

It would have been more like:

WHAT THE FLUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU? WHO DOES THAT TO A BABY???


I would not care that she is mad at you - IMO you (and your DD) are the one that deserves an apology not her.



ITA with this too! Chat Icon

Posted 7/21/10 4:24 PM
 

MarisaK
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Re: WWYD post... about pool...Edited to include the question

I don't think dunking her under the water was such a terrible thing to do - I actually think it's a good thing to get them used to it early on -

I think dunking someone ELSE's child under the water w/o their permission is a terrible thing to do .........something like that is YOUR choice as a parent -

I don't think you overreacted at all

Posted 7/21/10 4:26 PM
 

staceyd
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stacey

Re: WWYD post... about pool...Edited to include the question

I guess I didnt know how harmless it could be to dunk a 1 year old...

I hope I didnt make it worse for DD.. as for MIL... there is not much I can do to make it better... it is what it is.... I already apologized... oh well..

Thanks girls... this was good to get out and to know...

Posted 7/21/10 6:02 PM
 

saraH
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Re: WWYD post... about pool...Edited to include the question

Posted by twinkletoes807

Posted by headoverheels

Posted by nrthshgrl

My MIL wouldn't do that but in a scenario where I'm pretending..well..

I would have said something A LOT stronger than OH NO!

In my opinion, you were being kinder than I would have been.



ITA.

It would have been more like:

WHAT THE FLUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU? WHO DOES THAT TO A BABY???


I would not care that she is mad at you - IMO you (and your DD) are the one that deserves an apology not her.



ITA with this too! Chat Icon



I agree with this as well.

Posted 7/21/10 6:07 PM
 

browneyedgirl
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browneyes

Re: WWYD post... about pool...Edited to include the question

Posted by MarisaK

I don't think dunking her under the water was such a terrible thing to do - I actually think it's a good thing to get them used to it early on -

I think dunking someone ELSE's child under the water w/o their permission is a terrible thing to do .........something like that is YOUR choice as a parent -

I don't think you overreacted at all



i completely agree.

my DD learned how to go under water at 6 months during swimming lessons. the first few times she cried, now she laughs! there's nothing physically wrong with dunking a baby.

i would not dunk someone else's kid though unless asked to.

Posted 7/21/10 9:03 PM
 

cutie
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Janine

Re: WWYD post... about pool...Edited to include the question

Posted by staceyd

I guess I didnt know how harmless it could be to dunk a 1 year old...

I hope I didnt make it worse for DD.. as for MIL... there is not much I can do to make it better... it is what it is.... I already apologized... oh well..

Thanks girls... this was good to get out and to know...



Wait...YOU apologized? I don't think that you did anything wrong! You were in fear for your child's safety.

I definitely think that she crossed the line. I also want to add that I am a big swimmer have always loved swimming and want my girls to also. To this day, I have not dunked my 3 1/2 y.o. or 18 month old and I wouldn't.

I hope MIL apologized to you as well!

Posted 7/21/10 9:34 PM
 

JChia
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Jen

Re: WWYD post... about pool...Edited to include the question

I was at a safety swim class recently and couldn't believe that babies were being dunked and were fine with it. DD hated it. Wished we had taken her sooner... she is 28 months. These babies were MUCH younger and totallly cool with it!

I would have been very upset if someone else did it to DD without my permission. You are completely right to be angry.

Posted 7/21/10 9:45 PM
 
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