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sometimesmommy
Always in my heart.....
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Re: WWYD-sensitive post
Posted by dandr10199
Posted by sometimesmommy
Posted by sometimesmommy
So i spoke to one of my friends today and she thinks she may be preggo. AF was due since the 24th and no where in sight. So I ask her what she was goign to do-she said there was no way she could keep the baby so she was going to terminate. She has a son who is going to be one soon and I know money is tight. Also it doesn't sound like if she is that shes goign to tell her DH.
I guess I understand where she is coming from-I personally couldn't do it. I even asked DH what he would do if we were ever in that situation-he said truthfully he could never get over it if we had an abortion-he looks at abortion in a whole new way after having our own kids. So with that said would you tell your husband-I am pretty sure she is going to have an abortion but not sure if shes going to let her husband know.Shes scared he wont understand I guess.
ETA: I coulndt. I 'd spill th beans as soon as I was late.
ETA: I think because they are already struggling with their son she knows DH would say keep the baby but shes already stretched to the limit and ready to break so I think she feels he'll think with emotion rather than economics
What about adoption? Seriously, Since I cannot have anymore biological children I know for a fact that DH and I would adopt her child in a nanosecond. Going out on a limb here but I am sure a lot of other folks on the Infertility and adoption boards would as well.
I cannot fathom keeping that from my DH or aborting a child. I cannot even wrap my brain around that. I do not want to get into a whole debate on pro-life vs. pro-choice here, this is just how I personally FEEL.
I know you have probably tried to talk to her, to tell her to talk her DH about it or give the baby up for adoption. I know she will do whatever she wants to. It is hard to convince someone to choose adoption if they feel that their pregnancy and baby growing inside of them is a big inconvenience be it financially or otherwise.
This is such a heart-wrenching situation. I am sitting here with tears in my eyes as I type this. I have no words. I have no sympathy for your friend.
I am sorry that you are going through this with a friend that you care about. If it were me, I don't know if I would be able to be a good friend and listen to her tell me that she is aborting and not telling her DH JMHO 
We had the what if talk but for other reasons. She delivered/lost a baby early due to complications that could have stemmed from an abortion when she was younger and even with her DS she had issues. I know she wants more kids later and knowing what I do about abortions it can put her at risk later to miscarry or other risk factors so that was my first concern. I did give my opinion but ultimately know its her decision what she does if the test is positive tomorrow morning.
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Posted 1/30/08 11:05 PM  |
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dandr10199
Grace is growing up too fast!
Member since 10/05 11561 total posts
Name:
Dina
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Re: WWYD-sensitive post
Posted by sometimesmommy
Posted by dandr10199
Posted by sometimesmommy
Posted by sometimesmommy
So i spoke to one of my friends today and she thinks she may be preggo. AF was due since the 24th and no where in sight. So I ask her what she was goign to do-she said there was no way she could keep the baby so she was going to terminate. She has a son who is going to be one soon and I know money is tight. Also it doesn't sound like if she is that shes goign to tell her DH.
I guess I understand where she is coming from-I personally couldn't do it. I even asked DH what he would do if we were ever in that situation-he said truthfully he could never get over it if we had an abortion-he looks at abortion in a whole new way after having our own kids. So with that said would you tell your husband-I am pretty sure she is going to have an abortion but not sure if shes going to let her husband know.Shes scared he wont understand I guess.
ETA: I coulndt. I 'd spill th beans as soon as I was late.
ETA: I think because they are already struggling with their son she knows DH would say keep the baby but shes already stretched to the limit and ready to break so I think she feels he'll think with emotion rather than economics
What about adoption? Seriously, Since I cannot have anymore biological children I know for a fact that DH and I would adopt her child in a nanosecond. Going out on a limb here but I am sure a lot of other folks on the Infertility and adoption boards would as well.
I cannot fathom keeping that from my DH or aborting a child. I cannot even wrap my brain around that. I do not want to get into a whole debate on pro-life vs. pro-choice here, this is just how I personally FEEL.
I know you have probably tried to talk to her, to tell her to talk her DH about it or give the baby up for adoption. I know she will do whatever she wants to. It is hard to convince someone to choose adoption if they feel that their pregnancy and baby growing inside of them is a big inconvenience be it financially or otherwise.
This is such a heart-wrenching situation. I am sitting here with tears in my eyes as I type this. I have no words. I have no sympathy for your friend.
I am sorry that you are going through this with a friend that you care about. If it were me, I don't know if I would be able to be a good friend and listen to her tell me that she is aborting and not telling her DH JMHO
We had the what if talk but for other reasons. She delivered/lost a baby early due to complications that could have stemmed from an abortion when she was younger and even with her DS she had issues. I know she wants more kids later and knowing what I do about abortions it can put her at risk later to miscarry or other risk factors so that was my first concern. I did give my opinion but ultimately know its her decision what she does if the test is positive tomorrow morning.
Again, I am amazed at how you are able to handle this and be there for your friend. You must feel frustrated and sad as well. I have a lot of respect for you for trying to talk her out of keeping it from her DH and aborting.
ETA: I know I would not be a calm and helpful friend in this situation.
Message edited 1/30/2008 11:10:13 PM.
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| Posted 1/30/08 11:09 PM |
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sometimesmommy
Always in my heart.....
Member since 11/06 6686 total posts
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Re: WWYD-sensitive post
"Again, I am amazed at how you are able to handle this and be there for your friend. You must feel frustrated and sad as well. I have a lot of respect for you for trying to talk her out of keeping it from her DH and aborting"
Apart of me is scared for her if she is, a part of me will be disappointed if she is and doesnt tell him because I'll be disappointed in her and probaly wont look at her the same I hope its just stress making AF late.
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| Posted 1/30/08 11:12 PM |
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aliasPook
Blessed x 3
Member since 6/05 2460 total posts
Name:
Laurie
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Re: WWYD-sensitive post
I could never do that for one and two, it's part of her husband and part of him as well.... that's terrible... 
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| Posted 1/31/08 3:35 AM |
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sometimesmommy
Always in my heart.....
Member since 11/06 6686 total posts
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Re: WWYD-sensitive post
Posted by aliasPook
I could never do that for one and two, it's part of her husband and part of him as well.... that's terrible...
yah thats why I think I am feeling differently towards her considering terminating-we put them together as a couple.
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| Posted 1/31/08 2:27 PM |
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smdl
I love Gary too..on a plate!
Member since 5/06 32461 total posts
Name:
me
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Re: WWYD-sensitive post
I am not going to comment on the abortion moral.
For the sake of her marriage I strongly suggest that she speaks to her husband. This is not a "I spend too much money at Macy's buying clothes this month and I won't tell DH". This is a major lie.
What if her husband finds out later?
This is not something to hide. They need to make a decision together on this.
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| Posted 1/31/08 2:37 PM |
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lullabella
LIF Adult
Member since 5/05 2246 total posts
Name:
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Re: WWYD-sensitive post
Wow - I can't imagine how anyone could ever keep that kind of secret from their DH. I am sorry that is just so wrong on many different levels.
ETA: I hope she isn't pregnant and maybe now she will smarten up and get on some birth control.
Message edited 1/31/2008 2:40:46 PM.
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| Posted 1/31/08 2:39 PM |
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lullabella
LIF Adult
Member since 5/05 2246 total posts
Name:
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Re: WWYD-sensitive post
Posted by sometimesmommy
Posted by dandr10199
Posted by sometimesmommy
Posted by sometimesmommy
So i spoke to one of my friends today and she thinks she may be preggo. AF was due since the 24th and no where in sight. So I ask her what she was goign to do-she said there was no way she could keep the baby so she was going to terminate. She has a son who is going to be one soon and I know money is tight. Also it doesn't sound like if she is that shes goign to tell her DH.
I guess I understand where she is coming from-I personally couldn't do it. I even asked DH what he would do if we were ever in that situation-he said truthfully he could never get over it if we had an abortion-he looks at abortion in a whole new way after having our own kids. So with that said would you tell your husband-I am pretty sure she is going to have an abortion but not sure if shes going to let her husband know.Shes scared he wont understand I guess.
ETA: I coulndt. I 'd spill th beans as soon as I was late.
ETA: I think because they are already struggling with their son she knows DH would say keep the baby but shes already stretched to the limit and ready to break so I think she feels he'll think with emotion rather than economics
What about adoption? Seriously, Since I cannot have anymore biological children I know for a fact that DH and I would adopt her child in a nanosecond. Going out on a limb here but I am sure a lot of other folks on the Infertility and adoption boards would as well.
I cannot fathom keeping that from my DH or aborting a child. I cannot even wrap my brain around that. I do not want to get into a whole debate on pro-life vs. pro-choice here, this is just how I personally FEEL.
I know you have probably tried to talk to her, to tell her to talk her DH about it or give the baby up for adoption. I know she will do whatever she wants to. It is hard to convince someone to choose adoption if they feel that their pregnancy and baby growing inside of them is a big inconvenience be it financially or otherwise.
This is such a heart-wrenching situation. I am sitting here with tears in my eyes as I type this. I have no words. I have no sympathy for your friend.
I am sorry that you are going through this with a friend that you care about. If it were me, I don't know if I would be able to be a good friend and listen to her tell me that she is aborting and not telling her DH JMHO
We had the what if talk but for other reasons. She delivered/lost a baby early due to complications that could have stemmed from an abortion when she was younger and even with her DS she had issues. I know she wants more kids later and knowing what I do about abortions it can put her at risk later to miscarry or other risk factors so that was my first concern. I did give my opinion but ultimately know its her decision what she does if the test is positive tomorrow morning.
You are a saint because if she was my friend I seriously would be so disgusted. I mean she already had one abortion. I personally find it horrible and so wrong when people use abortion as a form of birth control.
Not to mention the position she is putting you in as a friend. She is lucky to have a freind like you.
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| Posted 1/31/08 2:44 PM |
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PrincessP
Big sister!!!!!!!!!!
Member since 12/05 17450 total posts
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Re: WWYD-sensitive post
I just read Barbs post and I actually agree with something she said. She mentioned that she brought you in on this and now you brought dh in on it. To be quite honest, I wonder why this was put on you? Its almost like she felt less guilty when she told someone else. Your response should have been you need to tell dh not me unless you already told her to tell her dh already. I personally wouldnt want that on me especially if he one day finds out that everyone knew except him
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| Posted 1/31/08 3:32 PM |
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Ang-Rich
Beyond Compare
Member since 5/05 17988 total posts
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Re: WWYD-sensitive post
I couldn't imagine not telling DH. That is too big of a secret to keep...plus I could not imagine the damage it would cause if it came out.
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| Posted 1/31/08 3:39 PM |
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Shelly
She's 7!!!
Member since 8/05 14624 total posts
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Re: WWYD-sensitive post
I just read Barb's post, and I changed my mind. I think that by spreadign the news, she is opening herself up for a bigger conflict down the line.
Message edited 1/31/2008 3:57:52 PM.
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| Posted 1/31/08 3:52 PM |
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bicosi
life is a carousel
Member since 7/07 14956 total posts
Name:
M
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Re: WWYD-sensitive post
I don't understand how one could keep something like this from your DH. My DH is my best friend and we face everything, both good and bad, together. What they would have decided on would have been THEIR business, for I am not one to judge anyone, but to me, it's morally wrong that she keep something this important from him.
Doesn't she know that keeping this from him will haunt her forever?
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| Posted 1/31/08 3:56 PM |
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sometimesmommy
Always in my heart.....
Member since 11/06 6686 total posts
Name:
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Re: WWYD-sensitive post
Posted by PrincessP
I just read Barbs post and I actually agree with something she said. She mentioned that she brought you in on this and now you brought dh in on it. To be quite honest, I wonder why this was put on you? Its almost like she felt less guilty when she told someone else. Your response should have been you need to tell dh not me unless you already told her to tell her dh already. I personally wouldnt want that on me especially if he one day finds out that everyone knew except him
I think shes scared and I've alawyas been the shoulder to turn to even when she acted like less than a friend. As for DH he wont say anything-I think based upon their past actions he kinda removed himself from them so in essence he's neutral.
Her DH wont hear it from me thats for sure. I already gave her my two cents and hopefully opened her eyes.
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| Posted 1/31/08 3:59 PM |
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Re: WWYD-sensitive post
Morally and ethically, I feel that she is obligated to tell her husband. I do not think that the law should mandate that or anything, though.
Sorry you are in a tough situation with your friend.
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| Posted 1/31/08 4:02 PM |
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