WWYD Wakes/Funerals with a preschooler

My DH's grandpa is really sick. They are starting to talk about things. My DC are 2 and 3. My DH feels strongly about bringing them to the hospital now, and the wake & funeral when the time comes. He feels it's a fact of life. I agree, but she's 3 and it's not someone that close to her.

Here's the thing they barely know the man. My DD (who's 3) knows who he is, but she's only met him a few times. I just feel that my DD is smart, perceptive, inquisitive and very sensitive. She is old enough to know something is wrong/sad but not old enough to understand. She already has issues with anxiety and I just don't think its necessary since they weren't close. I'm not worried about the 2 year old, he wouldn't know what's going on.


I'm against taking them to the hospital and wake (it would be open casket) but I think the funeral (church service and burial) are ok.

What are your thoughts on this topic? WWYD?

Message edited 4/19/2010 9:24:51 AM.

Re: WWYD Wakes/Funerals with a preschooler

I agree with you. I'm not even sure if I would bring them to the service though as it might be upsetting if they see people crying. Is the hospital even going to let in children that young to visit?

Re: WWYD Wakes/Funerals with a preschooler

If it was a family member who they know WELL and have a relationship with, then I would absolutely bring them. I think its important that people not just "disappear". When my grandma was sick and died, my children were all right there with us the entire time, through the hospital, hospice, wake, and funeral. At the time, they were 4, 3, and 1. It was hard, but they knew her VERY well. There were no tears from them, they really did not "understand" in the way an adult does, but they were able to see everything, ask questions, and I think it made the whole "dying process" a lot less scary for them because they went through it with the rest of us KWIM? But remember, this was someone they knew VERY well, saw almost daily, spent time with, she babysat them a few times, etc. She was a HUGE part of their lives.

Considering this is a "distant" relative to your children, I would NOT bring them.

Message edited 4/19/2010 9:27:04 AM.

Re: WWYD Wakes/Funerals with a preschooler

Late last year DH lost his grandmother and I recently lost my grandmother. We didn't bring our kids (3yo and 5yo) to any of the services. I'll be honest, it would have been nice for me to be able to hug them while at my grandmother's wake and funeral, but we had an open casket and I was having a hard time staying composed at the mass and I know it would have been very upsetting for them. As it is they understand that they were sick and went to heaven and they ask me at the most random times if DH and I are going to get sick and have to go to heaven.

Re: WWYD Wakes/Funerals with a preschooler

Re: WWYD Wakes/Funerals with a preschooler

I say bring them to nothing except the reception (or restaurant) after.

We (my generation) were never brought to wakes or funerals, the first I ever went to was my grandmother and I was ten!

My little cousins were brought to my grandmother's funeral and it was HORRIBLE for all of us, they got really upset and upset everyone else too (they were older too, 4 and 7)

ETA-I was referencing two different grandmothers too...sorry!

Message edited 4/19/2010 6:32:12 PM.

Re: WWYD Wakes/Funerals with a preschooler

well, we brought dd to my grandpa's wake in september and she was 1.5 years old. there wasn't a funeral so that wasn't an issue. i would probably have brought her though, since it was family.