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MarisaK
HELLO Manolo !!
Member since 5/06 14562 total posts
Name:
Marisa
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WWYD? What do you think? Pros and Cons? I'm looking for everyone's honest opinions and experiences !!
DH and I are discussing #2.
We're both on board - but both apprehensive about it -
He asked me if I wanted to 'take a few years off' of work to stay home .............
The majority of me is screaming NO - VERY bad idea Marisa - You can not handle being a SAHM, you're going to be very unhappy, you're going to put your career at a standstill - you're NEVER going to get back to where you are at work - You're giong to miss the city and the work and the people and having something that's 'yours' outside of beming wife and Mom -
Then there's that teeny tiny part of me that's thinking ***** is wrong w/ you jacka$$? You're in a position most women would kill to be in and you have the opportunity to stay @ home w/ your kids ................Stop being so effing selfish and do what's 'right' -
Let's be honest, daycare for 2 kids is going to be over $2k a month, and Sean only goes 3x a week now !! (my parents watch him 2 days) - Obviously I bring home more than that a month, but I also carry the health insurance, max my 401k, pay the life ins. directly from my salary (I work for the company) etc etc - So, my paycheck isn't really "JUST" my paycheck - KWIM?
Obviouisly, there are a million variables - I'm just looking for everyone's perspective on the subject - the good, the bad, the ugly -
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Posted 7/26/10 10:23 AM  |
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Bxgell2
Perfection
Member since 5/05 16438 total posts
Name:
Beth
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Re: WWYD? What do you think? Pros and Cons? I'm looking for everyone's honest opinions and experiences !!
Posted by MarisaK
Stop being so effing selfish and do what's 'right' -
I don't think there is a right versus a wrong in this situation - it is all dependent on you, your personality, your temperment, your family dynamic, your children, etc.
We could afford for me to stay at home, and I will admit, I absolutely LOVED my 6 month maternity leave with Yael. But I know that's because it was a finite time. Personally, I know myself, I'm not SAHM material - as much as I would LOVE to be that kind of mother, I know that I am not, and that I am a better wife, mother and person when I work.
Instead, I made a different kind of compromise - I left the firm I was working at and started working at the federal government, which provides me with so much more flexibility and time to spend with my children, so in a way, I have the best of all worlds.
Again, there is no "right" - it boils down to what is "right" for you and that may be a working mother, or a SAHM. You just have to figure out what would work best for you and your family. The answer will be different for each and every family...
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| Posted 7/26/10 10:29 AM |
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kmac
Two under two!
Member since 5/07 3703 total posts
Name:
Kris
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Re: WWYD? What do you think? Pros and Cons? I'm looking for everyone's honest opinions and experiences !!
I love my job and after being home for the summer with DS part of me thinks I couldn't do this full time. They grow up so fast though, I think if I had the opportunity to do it for a few years I would take it. I would at least want to see how it went for the first year.
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| Posted 7/26/10 10:31 AM |
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MarisaK
HELLO Manolo !!
Member since 5/06 14562 total posts
Name:
Marisa
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Re: WWYD? What do you think? Pros and Cons? I'm looking for everyone's honest opinions and experiences !!
Thanks - and I know that you're right - nd I know in my head there's no 'right' and 'wrong' - but that teeny tiny insecure part of me feels guilty -
Like I SHOULD jump at the opportunity to stay at home ...........rather than make the decision as a 'sacrafice' KWIM??
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| Posted 7/26/10 10:32 AM |
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Ophelia
she's baaccckkkk ;)
Member since 5/06 23378 total posts
Name:
remember, when Gulliver traveled....
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Re: WWYD? What do you think? Pros and Cons? I'm looking for everyone's honest opinions and experiences !!
only you know that is "right". there is NO "right".
if you can't be the mom you want to be as a SAHM, don't be one.
if you think it would be totally awesome to do, then do it.
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| Posted 7/26/10 10:33 AM |
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Rycois
Blessed with 2blue/2pink
Member since 12/05 13341 total posts
Name:
J
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Re: WWYD? What do you think? Pros and Cons? I'm looking for everyone's honest opinions and experiences !!
I am going through this thinking of #3. With #1 I went back (was working about 3-4 days a week until he was 9-10 months). I knew I wanted 2 under 2 so I didn't want to stay home before I had #2, and I was always on the payroll FT (used vacation days to work PT for a bit).
Then after #2, I came back at 4 months and worked 3 days/wk, and now 4 days a wk through the end of the year.
With #3 (if and when) I have to consider being home. 3 in daycare    BUT I get nervous and uneasy considering this. Plus, we pay for FT daycare and only use it about 2-3 days/wk. SO frustrating!
I like working to have something to myself, to contribute to the household and to secure my future god forbid I ever became a single parent. Honestly, in this economy it makes me nervous to leave a paying job. That said, I think I could learn to enjoy being home too if I get a routine going.
Do you have any PT opportunities? Could you work the 2 days that your parents watch the kids? Honestly, if I had committed help (my ILs help us when they're around but they travel a lot so they can't commit to anything long term or steady), I would def. opt for working those days. I think it's a healthy balance if you enjoy working.
Message edited 7/26/2010 10:38:23 AM.
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| Posted 7/26/10 10:35 AM |
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DRMom
Two in Blue
Member since 5/05 20223 total posts
Name:
Melissa
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Re: WWYD? What do you think? Pros and Cons? I'm looking for everyone's honest opinions and experiences !!
Posted by MarisaK
Thanks - and I know that you're right - nd I know in my head there's no 'right' and 'wrong' - but that teeny tiny insecure part of me feels guilty -
Like I SHOULD jump at the opportunity to stay at home ...........rather than make the decision as a 'sacrafice' KWIM??
You've heard of shoulda, coulda and woulda, right? They're every Mom's worst enemy! Honestly in your situation, I would hire a nanny and continue to work for another year or two, or work out a WAH schedule for a couple of days. I would not spend 2K on daycare. If that is your only option-I would probably stay home. That is-unless including the benefits-you make over 150-175.
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| Posted 7/26/10 10:35 AM |
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Bxgell2
Perfection
Member since 5/05 16438 total posts
Name:
Beth
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Re: WWYD? What do you think? Pros and Cons? I'm looking for everyone's honest opinions and experiences !!
Posted by MarisaK
Thanks - and I know that you're right - nd I know in my head there's no 'right' and 'wrong' - but that teeny tiny insecure part of me feels guilty -
Like I SHOULD jump at the opportunity to stay at home ...........rather than make the decision as a 'sacrafice' KWIM??
I would try to take the guilt out of the equation and think long and hard about what you think will work best for you and your family. I know the temptation to feel bad, but at the end of the day, many of us grew up with working mothers, and my impression is that very few, if any of us hold any resentment against them for it. While I may have issues with my mother now, they have nothing to do with the way I was raised, and in fact, I LOVED my childhood and don't have a single regret about it.
I don't necessarily think that, by staying home, you are a more "selfless" person and that you are giving more to your children, particularly if that is the wrong environment for YOU. It is SO true what they say - Happy Mommy = Happy Children. If you sacrifice your own needs to stay at home, your children will sense it and they will be no better off for it in the end. That's not to say that staying home IS NOT the best thing for you and your family - it's to say that, whatever decision you make will be the "right" decision.
Message edited 7/26/2010 10:37:17 AM.
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| Posted 7/26/10 10:35 AM |
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snowprincess
My happy babies
Member since 3/06 3428 total posts
Name:
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Re: WWYD? What do you think? Pros and Cons? I'm looking for everyone's honest opinions and experiences !!
it is a personal prefernce - i love my son but i am a better mom when i am working - i think part time would the best but that is not always an option - i could stay home if i want too but i work for my own sanity
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| Posted 7/26/10 10:35 AM |
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4PsInaPod
My Loves <3
Member since 7/07 10079 total posts
Name:
D
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Re: WWYD? What do you think? Pros and Cons? I'm looking for everyone's honest opinions and experiences !!
Posted by Ophelia
only you know that is "right". there is NO "right".
if you can't be the mom you want to be as a SAHM, don't be one.
if you think it would be totally awesome to do, then do it.
I agree with this.
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| Posted 7/26/10 10:36 AM |
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JenBenMen
party of five
Member since 9/06 11343 total posts
Name:
Jen
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Re: WWYD? What do you think? Pros and Cons? I'm looking for everyone's honest opinions and experiences !!
Can you work part time? That would be my dream!!!
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| Posted 7/26/10 10:36 AM |
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pickles16
Real Estate Professional
Member since 11/07 17227 total posts
Name:
Jen
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Re: WWYD? What do you think? Pros and Cons? I'm looking for everyone's honest opinions and experiences !!
I agree with everyone else..there is no right or wrong..if you read my post the other day...I put my career at a stand still to be a SAHM..I NEVER NEVER NEVER in a million years thought I'd be cut out to be a SAHM, and honestly I'm loving it...and now my old job is calling me back , and I'm in the opposite position, I don't know if I want to go back...which to me is mind boggling bc I never thought I'd be that way...but again, you should NOT feel guilt over any decision you make bc you're going to make the right decision for you and your kids, bc if you're happy they're happy!!!!
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| Posted 7/26/10 10:37 AM |
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MrsRbk
<3 <3 <3 <3
Member since 1/06 19197 total posts
Name:
Michelle
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Re: WWYD? What do you think? Pros and Cons? I'm looking for everyone's honest opinions and experiences !!
Like PP's have said, only you know what's "right" for you and your family. There is no right or wrong here.
Can you take an extended leave and see how it goes? Would your company agree to that?
Where I work, I can take UP to 1 year of leave (of course it's not paid outside of what my immediate disability/maternity benefits are). If you can do something like that, try it, you can always go back to work before that time frame is up.
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| Posted 7/26/10 10:39 AM |
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angnick
Life is So Wonderful!
Member since 8/06 6663 total posts
Name:
Angela
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Re: WWYD? What do you think? Pros and Cons? I'm looking for everyone's honest opinions and experiences !!
Posted by JenBenMen
Can you work part time? That would be my dream!!!
mine too. That is my dream come true.
That is what i would suggest to you Marisa
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| Posted 7/26/10 10:43 AM |
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MarisaK
HELLO Manolo !!
Member since 5/06 14562 total posts
Name:
Marisa
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Re: WWYD? What do you think? Pros and Cons? I'm looking for everyone's honest opinions and experiences !!
Posted by JenBenMen
Can you work part time? That would be my dream!!!
No. Well, I COULD, but that kind of defeats the purpose of staying at all.
I'd be staying w/ a FT job to keep moving up, being promoted etc etc. -
Working PT, I wouldn't have those opportunities.
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| Posted 7/26/10 10:43 AM |
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Bxgell2
Perfection
Member since 5/05 16438 total posts
Name:
Beth
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Re: WWYD? What do you think? Pros and Cons? I'm looking for everyone's honest opinions and experiences !!
I would add - if you have any doubts about what you want to do, I agree, I think you should ask for an extended leave and see how it goes. Having a 6 month maternity leave REALLY helped me realize what was right for me and my family.
I understand part-time work is unfeasible - what about working from home 1-2 days a week? I can tell you from my own experience, it makes a world of difference.
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| Posted 7/26/10 10:45 AM |
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Bridex100
Two Under Two Mommy
Member since 3/08 10420 total posts
Name:
Momx100
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Re: WWYD? What do you think? Pros and Cons? I'm looking for everyone's honest opinions and experiences !!
What may be ideal for others may not be ideal for you.
I also worked very hard for my career. We are now pregnant with #2. For me, my career does not hold a candle to how much I want to spend time with DS and future DC. I make a healthy six figure income but we'll be able to live without my earnings.
As of now, I plan to stay at home but that may change in the future. I've been getting a lot of negative comments about my plans to be a SAHM from my peers. Most of them don't have kids. I've heard comments on how I'd feel bored at home and that my education is a "waste". I plan to keep us all very busy with playdates and activities galore. I'm really looking forward to staying at home. I'm sure there may be times that I will see my friends who are doing well professionally and feel bad. That is something I am willing to accept.
If I were you, I'd start TTC for #2. You can make a decision later on whether you want to be a SAHM or a working mom after your maternity leave is over.
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| Posted 7/26/10 10:47 AM |
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MarisaK
HELLO Manolo !!
Member since 5/06 14562 total posts
Name:
Marisa
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Re: WWYD? What do you think? Pros and Cons? I'm looking for everyone's honest opinions and experiences !!
Posted by Bxgell2
I would add - if you have any doubts about what you want to do, I agree, I think you should ask for an extended leave and see how it goes. Having a 6 month maternity leave REALLY helped me realize what was right for me and my family.
I understand part-time work is unfeasible - what about working from home 1-2 days a week? I can tell you from my own experience, it makes a world of difference.
I am fortunate enough to take 6 months leave - It was great with Sean, but by the end, I was ready to go back.
I guess I just have to weigh the pros and cons ..............
Another reason I'm really reluctant to be a SAHM is b/c I KNOW my DH just does not 'get' how difficult it is to be with the kid(s) all day - He has that irritating "what do you do all day" mentality ..........So I can just SEE the fighting now ........
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| Posted 7/26/10 10:50 AM |
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Ophelia
she's baaccckkkk ;)
Member since 5/06 23378 total posts
Name:
remember, when Gulliver traveled....
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Re: WWYD? What do you think? Pros and Cons? I'm looking for everyone's honest opinions and experiences !!
Posted by MarisaK
Posted by JenBenMen
Can you work part time? That would be my dream!!!
No. Well, I COULD, but that kind of defeats the purpose of staying at all.
I'd be staying w/ a FT job to keep moving up, being promoted etc etc. -
Working PT, I wouldn't have those opportunities.
so, let's ask this...when you retire, what do you want to say?
will it matter to you, in the long run, to say "I was the SVP of gobbledygook".
or will you be ok to say something "lower"?
at the end of the day, where do you want to be?
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| Posted 7/26/10 10:52 AM |
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MarisaK
HELLO Manolo !!
Member since 5/06 14562 total posts
Name:
Marisa
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Re: WWYD? What do you think? Pros and Cons? I'm looking for everyone's honest opinions and experiences !!
Posted by Ophelia
Posted by MarisaK
Posted by JenBenMen
Can you work part time? That would be my dream!!!
No. Well, I COULD, but that kind of defeats the purpose of staying at all.
I'd be staying w/ a FT job to keep moving up, being promoted etc etc. -
Working PT, I wouldn't have those opportunities.
so, let's ask this...when you retire, what do you want to say?
will it matter to you, in the long run, to say "I was the SVP of gobbledygook".
or will you be ok to say something "lower"?
at the end of the day, where do you want to be?
I know I know - but is it horribly egotistical to NEED to be 'someone' other than Mommy and Wife?
I"m not looking to run the company - but I DO feel like I need something that's "Mine" ---------KWIM? And I feel like, if I AM going to leave my kids to go to work - it SHOULD be for something 'bigger' than 'average' -
I WISH being a Mom was 'enough' - for me, I don't think it is. I feel like a horrible person for even admitting that - I'm hadly an ego -maniac, and I'm not particularly impressed with myself up until this point .........and part of it is me, I'm ridiculously hard on MYSELF ........and I know that ..........but at 31 years old am I really going to change the way I think about MYSELF?? I feel like I should be a SAHM for my kids, but I don't know if I can -
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| Posted 7/26/10 10:57 AM |
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Janice
Sweet Jessie Quinn
Member since 5/05 27567 total posts
Name:
Janice
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Re: WWYD? What do you think? Pros and Cons? I'm looking for everyone's honest opinions and experiences !!
warning: SAHM POV from my head for my family, decided on together with my dh.
Life is a journey, at the end we just wanted to live a happy, full life. Successful and productive.
When I found out I was pregnant, at the same time I was offered the spot at work that would have really brought home a payday and what I had wanted all along. Doesn't sound fancy,  but I was asked to be exec assistant, to one of the top 3 bankers at ML.
It was my career. I worked hard, OT every night. I declined, confessed I was pregnant and that I would soon be leaving all together to move to the country.
I LOVE my life. I finally now feel like I am living...I did not ever mind working, but the time wasn't my own.
I rarely saw dh. I would make a quick meal at night, watch a show with him, then get ready for the bus in the AM.
Now, today even...kids woke early, threw them in stroller for our walk before 7AM, met up with another mom who was walking...out for over an hour.
get home, dh getting ready for work, make him a quick breakfast while he plays with kids...he leaves.
it is 11...baby is sleeping, josh is watching sesame street...my upstairs is already cleaned, will do downstairs soon. dinner will get cooked while i clean. heading out to a bounce house today with josh, after that meeting up with dh for lunch.
don't know where the rest of the day will go after that...but when dh comes home...there aren't any chores or anything, all is already done. i love that. we just have this new found stress free time together.
in my different moms groups, some are former lawyers, most teachers, even a former ped. none of them talk about guilt or loss of anything by leaving. it was time to go and that part of our life was over...onto a new challenge.
not all sahms are the same, just like not all moms at work are the same. some are more active...some req more from their dh's...some dh's aren't so good at having an income that is completely shared.
it is one lonely life if you let it be.
as far as money, we see this as an investment. invest in the kids, give them the type upbringing that is more lax and fun and we will see what happens.
good luck and no matter what you chose, it will be the right choice, no wrong answer.
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| Posted 7/26/10 11:04 AM |
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Ophelia
she's baaccckkkk ;)
Member since 5/06 23378 total posts
Name:
remember, when Gulliver traveled....
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Re: WWYD? What do you think? Pros and Cons? I'm looking for everyone's honest opinions and experiences !!
Posted by MarisaK
I know I know - but is it horribly egotistical to NEED to be 'someone' other than Mommy and Wife?
I"m not looking to run the company - but I DO feel like I need something that's "Mine" ---------KWIM? And I feel like, if I AM going to leave my kids to go to work - it SHOULD be for something 'bigger' than 'average' -
I WISH being a Mom was 'enough' - for me, I don't think it is. I feel like a horrible person for even admitting that - I'm hadly an ego -maniac, and I'm not particularly impressed with myself up until this point .........and part of it is me, I'm ridiculously hard on MYSELF ........and I know that ..........but at 31 years old am I really going to change the way I think about MYSELF?? I feel like I should be a SAHM for my kids, but I don't know if I can -
honestly, I am one to feel that the best thing you can do for your child is to KNOW who you are and BE that person. trying to do and be and be fulfilled by something that doesn't quite make the grade is not doing right by your child. harboring resentment for doing the "right" thing is not either.
you know who you are. you know what makes you happy. being true to that is being true to your kid(s).
I understand totally what you mean. and if I were being honest, from the little I "know" of you, I don't see you being a SAHM. I hope that is not too forward of me to say. I see you working. enjoying who you are at work. and coming home and having that sense of self and happiness radiate on to your kids.
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| Posted 7/26/10 11:09 AM |
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MarisaK
HELLO Manolo !!
Member since 5/06 14562 total posts
Name:
Marisa
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Re: WWYD? What do you think? Pros and Cons? I'm looking for everyone's honest opinions and experiences !!
Posted by Ophelia
Posted by MarisaK
I know I know - but is it horribly egotistical to NEED to be 'someone' other than Mommy and Wife?
I"m not looking to run the company - but I DO feel like I need something that's "Mine" ---------KWIM? And I feel like, if I AM going to leave my kids to go to work - it SHOULD be for something 'bigger' than 'average' -
I WISH being a Mom was 'enough' - for me, I don't think it is. I feel like a horrible person for even admitting that - I'm hadly an ego -maniac, and I'm not particularly impressed with myself up until this point .........and part of it is me, I'm ridiculously hard on MYSELF ........and I know that ..........but at 31 years old am I really going to change the way I think about MYSELF?? I feel like I should be a SAHM for my kids, but I don't know if I can -
honestly, I am one to feel that the best thing you can do for your child is to KNOW who you are and BE that person. trying to do and be and be fulfilled by something that doesn't quite make the grade is not doing right by your child. harboring resentment for doing the "right" thing is not either.
you know who you are. you know what makes you happy. being true to that is being true to your kid(s).
I understand totally what you mean. and if I were being honest, from the little I "know" of you, I don't see you being a SAHM. I hope that is not too forward of me to say. I see you working. enjoying who you are at work. and coming home and having that sense of self and happiness radiate on to your kids.
 You know me so well ...........
How WEIRD is that ???
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| Posted 7/26/10 11:15 AM |
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jellybean78
:)
Member since 8/06 13103 total posts
Name:
Mommy
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Re: WWYD? What do you think? Pros and Cons? I'm looking for everyone's honest opinions and experiences !!
It seems like your first gut reaction was no. For now I would stick with that..have #2 and then see how you feel after he or she is born.
Honestly if I were you, I would probably continue to work. It seems like you have excellent benefits, a good career and are on the track for promotion. Don't worry about having an opportunity many don't have..just do whats right for you. Just because you have the opportunity to be a SAHM doesn't mean you have to take it. At the same token just because you have a lot of benefits with your career doesn't mean you have to stay there if you feel you want to be a SAHM. Good Luck with your decision
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| Posted 7/26/10 11:19 AM |
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Shorty
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Member since 5/05 30390 total posts
Name:
really
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Re: WWYD? What do you think? Pros and Cons? I'm looking for everyone's honest opinions and experiences !!
MY ultimate work experience would be my same occupation, just part time - maybe 3 days a week. Is that an option?
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| Posted 7/26/10 11:19 AM |
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