XP: Interested in Non-Parents opinions as well

Should Grandparents have the right to custody if a surviving spouse denies it?

Re: XP: Interested in Non-Parents opinions as well

Hrmm....If it were my husband, I'd think he'd make the right decision for my child.

If there was some sort of falling out bt him and the grandmother, there must be a damn good reason for trying to keep them seperated

I'd say spouse gets rights unless its proven they are abusive

Re: XP: Interested in Non-Parents opinions as well

After reading the story, I think the court made the right decision.

If the grandmother was harming the child, then I could see the court denying her visitation.

But this was a falling out between the father and the grandmother that had NOTHING to do with their love for the child. There was no abuse. It was simply a falling out over a difference of opinion.

IMO, the father is using the child as leverage and spite to get at the grandmother, and IMO, that's not right. She has a right to see her grandchild and I am glad that the courts did something aboiut it.

Re: XP: Interested in Non-Parents opinions as well

Don

Re: XP: Interested in Non-Parents opinions as well

I think the grandmother initially may have overstepped her boundaries, disagreeing with how the father was parenting and trying to push her ways, but I do not think it was reason to cut her out of his life for the past 6 years after she had been in his life for the first 7. She didn't do anything to harm the child, and was partially his mother for several years, so I really thinkt he father is in the wrong and the judge made a good ruling. I just hope that the father hasn't badmouthed the grandmother over the years, to where the child doesn't want to be with her and vice versa, I hope grandma doesn't badmouth dad when she does get to visit with him, saying how he kept her away and what not!!

Re: XP: Interested in Non-Parents opinions as well

I think the court made the right decision. Given the fact that the grandmother lived with the family for several years, I can't imagine it is in the best interest of the child to sever that relationship, especially since the child recently lost his mother.

Re: XP: Interested in Non-Parents opinions as well

I think at 13 the child should have some say in the matter.

Re: XP: Interested in Non-Parents opinions as well

I think it depends on the situation... My father passed away when i was 10... my dad's family then started doing some pretty awful things to my mom, so my mom didnt want to see them anymore... she would still invite them over for birthdays... my grandmother sued my mother for visitation... my grandmother was nuts... im not sure what happened in court, but i would not have been safe alone with my grandmother... however, if the situation was reverse, and my mother passed away and my father didnt want me to see my maternal grandmother, i would have been devastated because I was really close with her... so i think it really depends on the individual case and relationships of the people involved...

Re: XP: Interested in Non-Parents opinions as well

What level of toxicity is acceptable?

If she is bad mouthing the father, does she lose visitation?

If it's differering parenting styles? If my DH is an orthodox jew, but my mom discourages that belief, what happens?

I realize in this particular case, the grandmother was a pivotal person in the child's life - but to wage a 5 year court battle is there are strong feelings on the father's end. What say should a parent have as to who is involved in his child's life?

Does this extend to relatives outside grandparents? Aunts? Uncles? Ex-spouses who did not adopt a stepchild? An ex-boyfriend who helped raise the child but has no biological relationship? Where do you draw the line & why there?

Re: XP: Interested in Non-Parents opinions as well

you draw the line based on the following

- the relationship between the relative and child

- the level of negative influence

i doubt differing parenting styles due to religion was part of it in this case. She lived with them for 10 years. If there was that kind of tension, it never would have happened.

we don't know the father's side of it. Depending on his side, my mind might be changed.

But I stand by saying if the argument is just a silly thing between father and grandmother, and has nothing to do with the kid, then she has a right.

If either starts bad-mouthing the other, that should be taken into consideration.

Re: XP: Interested in Non-Parents opinions as well

Re: XP: Interested in Non-Parents opinions as well

Re: XP: Interested in Non-Parents opinions as well

It's a tough call without knowing the details of the situation however I do agree with others that said if the separation was simply over an argument, then the father, IMO was in the wrong. Apparently, he felt the grandmother was okay and not a negative influence to his child as she continued to live there until they had this falling out. While I do believe that parents have the right to determine who their child associates with, etc, I do know first hand how being denied a relationship with a grandparent can be very hurtfull and damaging to the child. If there wasn't any time of abusive behavior or emtional games going on with the grandmother, then I tend to agree with the courts decision.

Again, without knowing all the details it's hard to say and I think every case is different in it's own way.

Re: XP: Interested in Non-Parents opinions as well

this is a tough topic. the grandson is her only link to her daughter who passed away and a fallin out between 2 adults should not interfer with the love between a child and all his family members I would hope that if something ever happened to me that my spouse would let my mother be a big part of my childrens lives (well future children) i feel the only person who is really getting hurt in this situation is the little boy he lost his mother and now his father has caused him to lose in a sense his grandmother too. If the grandmother is not abusive i would have to say that it is probably beneficial for him to have her in his life.

Re: XP: Interested in Non-Parents opinions as well

I think in that particular case, the right decision was made.

However, if the grandparent was never a big part of the child's life, there should be no law requiring that the grandparent has visitation rights.

Re: XP: Interested in Non-Parents opinions as well

Just another thought - perhaps the father was willing to go through a 5 year court battle just to ensure he would keep the grandmother away for that long. He might have been waiting it out a bit - the older the child got with little or no contact with the grandmother, the less interested the child might be in seeing grandma.

I think this is something family courts have to evaluate on a case by case basis and get the facts from people other than just the parent and grandparent.

Re: XP: Interested in Non-Parents opinions as well

my first reax is I agree with the courts.

but I do not know what their falling out was about.
does she badmouth the father and mother, is she involved with drugs or alcohol or anything that would cause harm to the child? Is there physical,mental or verbal abuse?

if the answers are no to the above
I would not deny my child visitation rights to a grandparent, especially if gma was close enough to the family to live with them - and I believe the court made the right decision.

edit: If you just had a fight with your inlaws, or even don't care for them that much or at all. I don't believe that is good enough reason to not allow your child to have a relationship with them

Re: XP: Interested in Non-Parents opinions as well

I have no idea about the law but feel that parents have the right to choose who their children can or cannot see... I don't like the idea of mandating that. I'm not sure that it was right of the parent to not allow the grandmother to see her grandson but he must have some reason for it. It's a tough decision.