Your baby is big!!

I'm so tried of hearing everyone from family and friends to strangers telling me how big my babg girl is.
I daughter was 8lbs 14oz and 21 inches at birth. a surprise to all of us including my doctor. She is now 4 months old and is almost 16 lbs and 25 inches long and is very beautiful.
The main person that makes the comment on her size is my mother in law. She is always saying mean things. When my husband or I tell her something she acts dumb like she doesn't know what we are talking about or that we are over reacting.
Since I have become a mother I have change a lot of how I eat. I eat some much healthier and I get main organic stuff. I decided that I need to change my life style so my daughter doesn't grow up with hearing me saying all the time "I need to lose some weight" or "I need to go on a diet" or "I feel or look fat". I don't want her to ehar this stuff and effect the way she feel about herself. I want her to love herself no matter what size she is.
What I afraid of is that my mother in law is saying this stuff at such a early stage,that she will continue to say stuff to her when my daughter is old enough to understand. I try to give her the benefit of the doubt and say she won't but I know her and I know she won't stop. She is the only person quick to let me know if I look like I gain even 3 lbs. When she found out that I was pregnant one of the first things she asked my husband was "is she getting FAT?" Everytime she called that was the question she asked,not is I'm showing yet (which is the right ? to ask about a prego woman) but If I'm getting fat.
How do I get her to stop making these comment without keeping my daughter away from her?"

update:

I just would like to thank everyone for the advice,I think I will talk to my MIL once again.Thanks again.

Message edited 2/28/2008 1:41:54 PM.

Re: Your baby is big!!

I would say something like "And this is why American teenagers have self esteem issues. The comments start at birth"

Re: Your baby is big!!

Do you have a good enough relationship where you can be direct with her? I think that would be your best bet. Just tell her that it's important to you that she never have self esteem issues and you think instilling a good self image starts early.

Re: Your baby is big!!

Re: Your baby is big!!

Re: Your baby is big!!

Re: Your baby is big!!

see i'm usually the type who bites her tongue and wants to avoid confrontation but now i'm a mommy so i would be direct with her or if you're not comfortable tell DH to speak to her. Comments like that can affect your DD's self esteem/self image later.

then i would ask her if she has any mirrors in her house - no one is perfect!

Message edited 2/28/2008 12:25:55 PM.

Re: Your baby is big!!

You know, I get these comments about DS too, and he's really not that big. He's 11 pounds now and 23.5 inches at 3 months. His doctor says he's in the 50% percentile, and she thinks his weight/height are fine. Sometimes I think people just don't have a good sense of what is a normal size for a baby.

Your DD sounds fine. Tell MIL her dr says she is fine and healthy. It sounds as if MIL has some issues with weight in general. Maybe ask DH to talk to her. It would be good if these comments could be stifled now.

Re: Your baby is big!!

My baby is big. At our last doctor appt., they told me he was in the 90th percentile for weight and 95th for height. He is now 3 months and I am estimating he is at least 16 pounds, but we go to the doc next week, so I will find out then.

It doesn't usually bother me when people say he's big, because he looks much bigger than his age. I think he probably looks more like 5-6 months, size wise. I think it would bother me more if he were a girl, though, because I struggled with weight all my life and I wouldn't want my daughter to hear such negative things from people who supposedly care about her. I would talk to MIL about this and soon. Also- it sounds like SHE really has issues with weight and obsessing about yours and DD's is her issue coming out.

Re: Your baby is big!!

My DS is very big for his age. At 5 months he clocks in at over 20 lbs. Weight-wise he is off the charts and height-wise he is in the 75th %. Different kids grow differently. My pediatrician tells me this all the time. She tells me not to worry, just continue to feed him the way I've been feeding him and that his weight will eventually adjust. You are always going to get unsolicited comments from people. Do I get "big baby" comments? ALL THE TIME! But you know what, and I mean this honestly, it doesn't bother me one bit. I have a healthy baby and although he is a back breaker, I am happy that he is big and healthy!

Re: Your baby is big!!

right now, chubby and big baby is a good thing. It's cute, and it's better IMO than having a baby that is underweight. I would worry more about the future when the baby is 3 or 4 and understands. but truthfully, your DH may want to say something now, so this doesn't become an issue later on

Re: Your baby is big!!

They do understand at very young ages. My neice at 3 looked in the mirror at herself and said "mommy im fat, why do you let me walk around like this?"... my sisters heart broke, she was only 3!!!

Re: Your baby is big!!

Your MIL has some serious issues with weight. If you feel comfortable enough to have a frank chat with her, I would. if not- ask DH to. I agree with the other posters that this should be nipped in the bud now!

BTW- you are already a great Mommy- looking out for your daughter and thinking about her body image down the road. She is lucky to have a Mom like you.

Also- I was a HUGE baby- weighed 20 lbs by six months (9 lbs 11 oz at birth). But then I turned into a skinny kid and was a size 2 my whole life (well not now since I just gave birth five weeks ago! ):-

Re: Your baby is big!!

Posted by Bklyngrl

see i'm usually the type who bites her tongue and wants to avoid confrontation but now i'm a mommy so i would be direct with her or if you're not comfortable tell DH to speak to her. Comments like that can affect your DD's self esteem/self image later.

then i would ask her if she has any mirrors in her house - no one is perfect!

Re: Your baby is big!!

My MIL is the same way. At 4 months she said to him "if you're not to fat the dr will let you have cereal." ***
I know he doesn't understand but it puts me in a place to make excuses. He is not even that big. He is only in the 75th percentile for weight but he is in the 90th for length.

Re: Your baby is big!!

DD is was 8 lbs 5 oz when born and is now at 14 weeks 15 lbs 10 oz and 25.75 inches. So imagine what she will be at 4 months. I have people telling me all of the time that she is a big baby, because she is. She is long and big, but in proportion, just like your DD.

I wouldn't worry about it now, because DD does not understand and will eventually stop growing so fast. I would take it as a compliment. She is thriving and very healthy and that is what you want. If MIL continues to say such things when DD starts to get older then I might say something. But for now I might tell her that the doctor is so happy with her progress and she looks fantastic. Brag about how well she is doing, and how healthy she is. That will shut up MIL.

Re: Your baby is big!!

Re: Your baby is big!!

Quite honestly I would tell my MIL to simply stop her comments.

If my MIL told me I looked like I gained three pounds I would tell her she looked like a wrinkled old bag- how dare she say that to you!

Saying your baby is tall is fine, implying your daughter is overweight is unacceptable.

Here I am spouting all this bravado and I would probably be afraid to say anything- but seriously, you have every right to say ANYTHING you want- her comments are completely inappropriate!

Re: Your baby is big!!

this topic really bothers me....and I posted earlier that you def. need to nip it in the bud and I applaud you for recognizing this and not wanting to subject your daughter to any judgement or self-esteem issues. Because most likely that will be exactly what will happen.

My DS is big too. 22lbs at 6 months. Weight issues run on both sides of our families. I am probably too conscious of what he eats because I am SO afraid that he will have a weight issue. I've spoke to my ped. and he is onboard with me on making sure every step of the way that I am teaching him healthy habits and that he is getting enough to eat without overreating. I know it is crazy. But I think that this is something that anyone with a weight issue would understand. I know that a "fat" baby is a good thing in our culture. But my ears bleed when people use that word. It is derogatory. And hurtful. And sometimes people don't mean for it to be but that is the way it comes across to me. And for your MIL to continually use it, I give you credit for not pouncing on her already.

Re: Your baby is big!!