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MrsWoods
LIF Adult
Member since 4/12 1461 total posts
Name:
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Re: How would you reply?
Posted by Sash
Posted by LSP2005
Posted by MrsWoods
We have friends who are like family members to us and even our DD is their goddaughter but they moved to Georgia recently. Their daughter, who we are also close with, recently got engaged and will be having her wedding down there in May. So we were excited and planned to go with our DD but were just informed that its an adults only wedding and they can not make any exceptions not even for us. So that kinda took us by surprise. My husband and i understand but we are also hurt at the same time. I guess we will have to skip it but how do you reply?
dear xxx,
We are so incredibly thrilled that you and yyy are getting married. As your wedding is out of state, and we cannot secure child care, we must regrettably decline. Please know how much we care for you and know you will have an amazing wedding. We look forward to seeing all of your photos!
Love,
Mrs Woods
 this is perfect. Thanks for putting the work in that I was too lazy to do.
Thank you. This is perfect.
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Posted 9/4/20 7:20 PM  |
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Long Island Weddings
Long Island's Largest Bridal Resource |
Katareen
5,000 Posts!
Member since 4/10 7180 total posts
Name:
Katherine
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Re: How would you reply?
Posted by Pomegranate5
Wait until you get the invite and then just RSVP no. You don't have to explain.
If they ask, tell them the truth. You aren't able to leave your DD, and you aren't comfortable traveling alone.
But I don't agree that you can't make exceptions. If there is a child, or a family that you are especially close with you certainly can have them without having to invite every other child you know. The couple doesn't have to explain how they chose their guest list. Especially since you are OOT guests, it's easy to explain why your child was allowed to attend. But whatever, I digress.
I agree. We had our nieces and nephews, and my Godmother’s 2 kids.
If anyone else was offended, they never mentioned it.
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| Posted 9/4/20 8:34 PM |
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hmm
Sweet
Member since 1/14 7993 total posts
Name:
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How would you reply?
did I miss it where you OP states she has no one to watch her DD? or is that just the excuse everyone is saying to use
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| Posted 9/4/20 8:57 PM |
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hmm
Sweet
Member since 1/14 7993 total posts
Name:
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Re: How would you reply?
,
Message edited 9/4/2020 8:59:33 PM.
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| Posted 9/4/20 8:59 PM |
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LiveItUp
Love my babies!
Member since 8/11 4096 total posts
Name:
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How would you reply?
We've skipped weddings that are far away if our kids aren't invited. I wouldn't feel comfortable travelling far away from my kids for one or more night away. Send a gift and a nice card with a thoughtful note if you are very close, but don't feel obligated to travel to an far away wedding without your child.
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| Posted 9/4/20 10:03 PM |
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Mrs213
????????
Member since 2/09 18986 total posts
Name:
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How would you reply?
Do you actually not have childcare? Because most weddings are in fact kid free. My kids were not invited to any of my family members weddings. I would try to find someone to watch her and decline the invite if you are stuck for childcare
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| Posted 9/4/20 10:10 PM |
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LSP2005
Bunny kisses are so cute!
Member since 5/05 19458 total posts
Name:
L
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Re: How would you reply?
Posted by Mrs213
Do you actually not have childcare? Because most weddings are in fact kid free. My kids were not invited to any of my family members weddings. I would try to find someone to watch her and decline the invite if you are stuck for childcare
I feel that an out of state wedding is 100% different than an in state wedding. I also think the age of the kids makes an enormous difference in how far I qould be willing to travel without my kids. Especially for a wedding. If I am going to an OOS wedding it costs so much more than just mailing a gift. I've been to a few OOS weddings without my kids, but only if my parents are not also invited. Otherwise I would not have child care. I don't know if OP is in the same situation, but having safe and reliable childcare is my #1 priority over any other wedding, including for family.
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| Posted 9/4/20 11:07 PM |
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Re: How would you reply?
Posted by MrsWoods
Posted by ali120206
Posted by chilltocam
As a pp stated, if you make an exception for one, then you have to do it for all. Or risk other people being offended that they didn't get to bring their kids. It's a decision the couple made about their wedding, not about your family. It sucks if you can't go, but I wouldn't take it personally
I agree. And it's nice that they told you from the get go, as opposed to finding out when it's time to RSVP. It doesn't seem like they did it to be hurtful, but, if they invite your DD, they would probably have to invite a number of other kids and things could quickly multiply.
Could you see if DD could travel with you and if they could arrange for someone to watch her while you are at the wedding? Or do you have someone you could leave her with here?
Unfotunately we have no one to look after her here in NY for that long. We would have been gone two nights. And if we were to have someone watch here there, it would take an hour back and forth to drop her off then head back to the wedding. Then leaving again another hour back and forth to pic her up and then bring her back to the hotel. We were excited to go, its just a disappointment because we also wanted to see our friends as well
If you have someone to watch her an hour away from the reception, why don’t you do that? It’s not ideal but for someone that you are that close to I wouldn’t hesitate to drive an hour each way. I’ve driven further then two hours just to get to a reception before... several times over.. sometimes for people I didn’t even like
 Maybe the person can even meet you half way to pick your daughter up. Then it is only 30 min away. You have 8 months to figure it out and make it work. I think you have to get over the fact that they are choosing not to have children at their wedding and make it work so you can support your friends on this important day.
Message edited 9/5/2020 12:52:45 PM.
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| Posted 9/5/20 12:50 PM |
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Pomegranate5
LIF Adult
Member since 2/11 4798 total posts
Name:
Pomegranate5
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Re: How would you reply?
Posted by Mrs213
Do you actually not have childcare? Because most weddings are in fact kid free. My kids were not invited to any of my family members weddings. I would try to find someone to watch her and decline the invite if you are stuck for childcare
Really? I don’t think that is true. I’ve never been to a kid free wedding. My family is huge and close and weddings are a family event. And most friends do it the same. Even if my kids were not personally invited to every wedding, there are always kids.
Like the OP I would also be disappointed, and I would not go to the lengths some are suggesting just to attend.
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| Posted 9/5/20 7:58 AM |
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PatsBrat
LIF Adult
Member since 10/06 2326 total posts
Name:
Ms. Brat
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Re: How would you reply?
Posted by Pomegranate5
But I don't agree that you can't make exceptions. If there is a child, or a family that you are especially close with you certainly can have them without having to invite every other child you know. The couple doesn't have to explain how they chose their guest list. Especially since you are OOT guests, it's easy to explain why your child was allowed to attend. But whatever, I digress.
From my personal experience, sometimes you can’t make exceptions. My MIL was furious that we were having a child free wedding because she wanted her grandchildren there. She finally calmed down and made peace with the fact that there would be no kids. If we had allowed someone to bring a child it would’ve started a huge Issue.
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| Posted 9/5/20 8:14 AM |
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NervousNell
Just another chapter in life..
Member since 11/09 54921 total posts
Name:
..being a mommy and being a wife!
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Re: How would you reply?
Posted by Pomegranate5
Posted by Mrs213
Do you actually not have childcare? Because most weddings are in fact kid free. My kids were not invited to any of my family members weddings. I would try to find someone to watch her and decline the invite if you are stuck for childcare
Really? I don’t think that is true. I’ve never been to a kid free wedding. My family is huge and close and weddings are a family event. And most friends do it the same. Even if my kids were not personally invited to every wedding, there are always kids.
Like the OP I would also be disappointed, and I would not go to the lengths some are suggesting just to attend.
It must vary from family to family then because I rarely ever see kids at any family wedding I have been to. And to be honest, especially when my daughter was younger, I had zero desire to take her to a wedding. I wanted to be able to drink, eat, dance and enjoy myself without worrying about entertaining and watching her in a catering hall that really isn't geared to keeping kids entertained. To me, that would be a nightmare and not an enjoyable evening
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| Posted 9/5/20 8:16 AM |
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M514
Hi
Member since 8/10 6011 total posts
Name:
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Re: How would you reply?
Posted by MerryChristmas
Posted by MrsWoods
Posted by ali120206
Posted by chilltocam
As a pp stated, if you make an exception for one, then you have to do it for all. Or risk other people being offended that they didn't get to bring their kids. It's a decision the couple made about their wedding, not about your family. It sucks if you can't go, but I wouldn't take it personally
I agree. And it's nice that they told you from the get go, as opposed to finding out when it's time to RSVP. It doesn't seem like they did it to be hurtful, but, if they invite your DD, they would probably have to invite a number of other kids and things could quickly multiply.
Could you see if DD could travel with you and if they could arrange for someone to watch her while you are at the wedding? Or do you have someone you could leave her with here?
Unfotunately we have no one to look after her here in NY for that long. We would have been gone two nights. And if we were to have someone watch here there, it would take an hour back and forth to drop her off then head back to the wedding. Then leaving again another hour back and forth to pic her up and then bring her back to the hotel. We were excited to go, its just a disappointment because we also wanted to see our friends as well
If you have someone to watch her an hour away from the reception, why don’t you do that? It’s not ideal but for someone that you are that close to I wouldn’t hesitate to drive an hour each way. I’ve driven further then two hours just to get to a reception before... several times over.. sometimes for people I didn’t even like
Maybe the person can even meet you half way to pick your daughter up. Then it is only 30 min away. You have 8 months to figure it out and make it work. I think you have to get over the fact that they are choosing not to have children at their wedding and make it work so you can support your friends on this important day.
Can she stay overnight with that person who can babysit? I get that it’s hard to think about leaving your child to go OOS, I would be the same way. But you don’t have to figure it all out now. I wouldn’t say anything more to your friend about it until you actually get the invitation and have to rsvp. We didn’t have any kids at our wedding either, except for my niece (the flower girl). If we said yes to one, then we’d have to say yes to all. It’s not fair.
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| Posted 9/5/20 8:56 AM |
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Dolphinsbaby
My 3 little guys!
Member since 12/10 2943 total posts
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Re: How would you reply?
Posted by Pomegranate5
Posted by Mrs213
Do you actually not have childcare? Because most weddings are in fact kid free. My kids were not invited to any of my family members weddings. I would try to find someone to watch her and decline the invite if you are stuck for childcare
Really? I don’t think that is true. I’ve never been to a kid free wedding. My family is huge and close and weddings are a family event. And most friends do it the same. Even if my kids were not personally invited to every wedding, there are always kids.
Like the OP I would also be disappointed, and I would not go to the lengths some are suggesting just to attend.
I thought the same thing. We have only ever been to one adult only wedding. Personally, we had kids at our wedding (honestly it was never even a thought not to as there were/are lots of kids in our families) and we had an amazing time. One of my favorite pics is a pic of us with all the little kids dancing around us. They were staring at me like I was a princess (my cousin’s daughter actually asked me at my wedding if I knew Cinderella-lol. She was 4).
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| Posted 9/5/20 9:44 AM |
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Re: How would you reply?
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Message edited 9/28/2020 5:43:01 AM.
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| Posted 9/5/20 2:32 PM |
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MrsWoods
LIF Adult
Member since 4/12 1461 total posts
Name:
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Re: How would you reply?
Posted by MerryChristmas
Posted by MrsWoods
Posted by ali120206
Posted by chilltocam
As a pp stated, if you make an exception for one, then you have to do it for all. Or risk other people being offended that they didn't get to bring their kids. It's a decision the couple made about their wedding, not about your family. It sucks if you can't go, but I wouldn't take it personally
I agree. And it's nice that they told you from the get go, as opposed to finding out when it's time to RSVP. It doesn't seem like they did it to be hurtful, but, if they invite your DD, they would probably have to invite a number of other kids and things could quickly multiply.
Could you see if DD could travel with you and if they could arrange for someone to watch her while you are at the wedding? Or do you have someone you could leave her with here?
Unfotunately we have no one to look after her here in NY for that long. We would have been gone two nights. And if we were to have someone watch here there, it would take an hour back and forth to drop her off then head back to the wedding. Then leaving again another hour back and forth to pic her up and then bring her back to the hotel. We were excited to go, its just a disappointment because we also wanted to see our friends as well
If you have someone to watch her an hour away from the reception, why don’t you do that? It’s not ideal but for someone that you are that close to I wouldn’t hesitate to drive an hour each way. I’ve driven further then two hours just to get to a reception before... several times over.. sometimes for people I didn’t even like
Maybe the person can even meet you half way to pick your daughter up. Then it is only 30 min away. You have 8 months to figure it out and make it work. I think you have to get over the fact that they are choosing not to have children at their wedding and make it work so you can support your friends on this important day.
I would have to drive an hour to drop her off then and hour back to the wedding venue area, then leave the wedding early to drive an hour to get her and then an hour back to the hotel...so no.
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| Posted 9/5/20 8:31 PM |
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quasi3
LIF Adult
Member since 7/07 1764 total posts
Name:
Stacey
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Re: How would you reply?
Is it possible that they would have someone who could watch your daughter at the hotel for the wedding? I’ve recommended babysitters for out of town people.
I’d make every attempt to attend- even if it was just me solo.
Message edited 9/5/2020 8:43:17 PM.
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| Posted 9/5/20 8:42 PM |
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MrsWoods
LIF Adult
Member since 4/12 1461 total posts
Name:
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Re: How would you reply?
Posted by quasi3
Is it possible that they would have someone who could watch your daughter at the hotel for the wedding? I’ve recommended babysitters for out of town people.
I’d make every attempt to attend- even if it was just me solo.
No.
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| Posted 9/5/20 9:37 PM |
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chilltocam
LIF Adult
Member since 11/11 9141 total posts
Name:
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Re: How would you reply?
Posted by MrsWoods
Posted by MerryChristmas
Posted by MrsWoods
Posted by ali120206
Posted by chilltocam
As a pp stated, if you make an exception for one, then you have to do it for all. Or risk other people being offended that they didn't get to bring their kids. It's a decision the couple made about their wedding, not about your family. It sucks if you can't go, but I wouldn't take it personally
I agree. And it's nice that they told you from the get go, as opposed to finding out when it's time to RSVP. It doesn't seem like they did it to be hurtful, but, if they invite your DD, they would probably have to invite a number of other kids and things could quickly multiply.
Could you see if DD could travel with you and if they could arrange for someone to watch her while you are at the wedding? Or do you have someone you could leave her with here?
Unfotunately we have no one to look after her here in NY for that long. We would have been gone two nights. And if we were to have someone watch here there, it would take an hour back and forth to drop her off then head back to the wedding. Then leaving again another hour back and forth to pic her up and then bring her back to the hotel. We were excited to go, its just a disappointment because we also wanted to see our friends as well
If you have someone to watch her an hour away from the reception, why don’t you do that? It’s not ideal but for someone that you are that close to I wouldn’t hesitate to drive an hour each way. I’ve driven further then two hours just to get to a reception before... several times over.. sometimes for people I didn’t even like
Maybe the person can even meet you half way to pick your daughter up. Then it is only 30 min away. You have 8 months to figure it out and make it work. I think you have to get over the fact that they are choosing not to have children at their wedding and make it work so you can support your friends on this important day.
I would have to drive an hour to drop her off then and hour back to the wedding venue area, then leave the wedding early to drive an hour to get her and then an hour back to the hotel...so no.
Can the person who would watch your daughter come to the hotel? Even if you had to.get an extra room for her for the night?
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| Posted 9/7/20 7:18 PM |
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Chai77
Brighter days ahead
Member since 4/07 7364 total posts
Name:
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Re: How would you reply?
I would be honest and say no, regrettably since it is out of town and with child care issues, you can not be there.
Am I out of it that "child free" weddings are the norm now? I have only been to one or two, by far most have included children even if only close family members (nieces, nephews, the couple's children, younger cousins etc.). I don't blame the grandmother who wants her grandchildren present. I would too! Weddings are about family to me.
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| Posted 9/8/20 12:39 PM |
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hmm
Sweet
Member since 1/14 7993 total posts
Name:
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How would you reply?
I would not mention child care if invited. simply RSVP sorry unable to attend and leave it at that.
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| Posted 9/8/20 12:50 PM |
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LSP2005
Bunny kisses are so cute!
Member since 5/05 19458 total posts
Name:
L
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Re: How would you reply?
Posted by Chai77
I would be honest and say no, regrettably since it is out of town and with child care issues, you can not be there.
Am I out of it that "child free" weddings are the norm now? I have only been to one or two, by far most have included children even if only close family members (nieces, nephews, the couple's children, younger cousins etc.). I don't blame the grandmother who wants her grandchildren present. I would too! Weddings are about family to me.
I have two sisters in law. Although both included my kids as flower girls and ring bearers, only one set invited my kids to the reception, and it was as much of a dumpster fire in the family as you would expect.it was out of state too.
Message edited 9/8/2020 9:47:15 AM.
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| Posted 9/8/20 9:47 AM |
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FirstMate
My lil cowboy
Member since 10/10 7790 total posts
Name:
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Re: How would you reply?
If they mean that much to you, why would you skip it because your young DD isn't invited? Are your friends going to be equally as offended if you blow off their child's wedding?
I don't expect my kids to be invited to anyone's wedding. In fact, they were invited to my cousin's destination wedding and my cousin was taken aback when I said there was no way I was bringing them.
If you are really that offended, I would just say you have a child care issue and can't attend.
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| Posted 9/8/20 10:26 PM |
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RainyDay
LIF Adult
Member since 6/15 3990 total posts
Name:
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Re: How would you reply?
Posted by Chai77
I would be honest and say no, regrettably since it is out of town and with child care issues, you can not be there.
Am I out of it that "child free" weddings are the norm now? I have only been to one or two, by far most have included children even if only close family members (nieces, nephews, the couple's children, younger cousins etc.). I don't blame the grandmother who wants her grandchildren present. I would too! Weddings are about family to me.
Thats great the grandmother wants them present but who it paying the bill?
You can't fault the bride and groom for not making an exception. RSVP no and I would only tell them of the childcare issue if they ask.
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| Posted 9/9/20 2:25 AM |
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NYCGirl80
I love my kiddies!
Member since 5/11 10413 total posts
Name:
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Re: How would you reply?
Personally, I would either RSVP 'no' and not say it's because you can't secure childcare.
If you really want to go, you have a lot of options.
You can always contact the hotel. They often have babysitters they can recommend so you don't have to drive 2 hours each way. Alternatively, whoever it is that you'd be driving to, you can always have them come to the hotel to watch your child and pay them for the time it took to drive each way.
I would not expect my child to be invited to a wedding. We had no children at our wedding and I'm not offended when my children are not invited (as long as there are no other children there). It would be different if you said there will be 20 children there, but yours is excluded.
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| Posted 9/10/20 11:30 AM |
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MrsWoods
LIF Adult
Member since 4/12 1461 total posts
Name:
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Re: How would you reply?
Thank you everyone for your advice. We have yet to tell them that we can not go. Unfortunately, the only way to make going happen would be driving 2 hours back and forth to drop her off with a sitter who is watching family members kids who would only be doing it as a favor and not overnight. There is no option for someone to come to the hotel nor would we trust an absolute stranger. When the time comes to tell them, we will take all advise and use it.
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| Posted 9/10/20 12:23 PM |
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