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Summer123
LIF Toddler
Member since 5/19 436 total posts
Name:
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Would you be okay with DH lending money to family that never pays back
Say DH has a brother that never holds steady job asks for money. Its not the first time and money never gets paid back. How would you handle this?
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Posted 2/20/22 10:47 PM  |
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KarenK122
The Journey is the Destination
Member since 5/05 4431 total posts
Name:
Karen
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Would you be okay with DH lending money to family that never pays back
As a general rule I do not lend out money unless it is a dire situation. It just ruins relationships. If I did lend it out, I would probably view it as a gift and not expect it back. If they pay it back, great but I wouldn't expect it. Of course this is all dependent on if I have enough money to give without putting myself in a hole.
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| Posted 2/20/22 11:13 PM |
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Re: Would you be okay with DH lending money to family that never pays back
How much is it and are you willing to lose that amount as you most likely won’t get it back?
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| Posted 2/21/22 7:21 AM |
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Summer123
LIF Toddler
Member since 5/19 436 total posts
Name:
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Re: Would you be okay with DH lending money to family that never pays back
Posted by windyweather21
How much is it and are you willing to lose that amount as you most likely won’t get it back?
Not sure the amount but somewhere in the 100s. I know it will not be paid back as we have done this before and it's never paid back. It's caused lots of tension between us in the past and again yesterday when this came up. It's the last thing I need to deal with. I am dealing with a lot of heartache of loss and illness in my family and struggling to deal with that and now this comes up. I am one that when you borrow money, you pay it back but this will not be the case as he does not do that. It's always, lets do this one last time type of thing and nothing changes. This has caused many arguments in the past.
Message edited 2/21/2022 7:45:45 AM.
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| Posted 2/21/22 7:39 AM |
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ali120206
2 Boys
Member since 7/06 17792 total posts
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Would you be okay with DH lending money to family that never pays back
Since it causes a lot of issues on your end and you know he won’t pay it back - I would say listen, we are not in the position right now to lend you that kind of money.
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| Posted 2/21/22 8:15 AM |
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KateBennetReel
LIF Adolescent
Member since 10/15 555 total posts
Name:
Keep
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Re: Would you be okay with DH lending money to family that never pays back
Posted by ali120206
Since it causes a lot of issues on your end and you know he won’t pay it back - I would say listen, we are not in the position right now to lend you that kind of money.
Yep. Just no. No is a good one.
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| Posted 2/21/22 8:17 AM |
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GoldenRod
10 years on LIF!
Member since 11/06 26792 total posts
Name:
Shawn
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Re: Would you be okay with DH lending money to family that never pays back
I would stop using the word "lend", and don't let DH use the word "lend", either. You're obviously not "lending" him any money, you're giving it to him.
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| Posted 2/21/22 8:18 AM |
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LSP2005
Bunny kisses are so cute!
Member since 5/05 19458 total posts
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L
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Re: Would you be okay with DH lending money to family that never pays back
You are not lending. It is just a gift. If you are not okay with that no is a complete sentence. It will never stop unless you stand up for yourself.
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| Posted 2/21/22 8:20 AM |
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Hofstra26
Love to Bake!
Member since 7/06 27915 total posts
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Re: Would you be okay with DH lending money to family that never pays back
Posted by LSP2005
You are not lending. It is just a gift. If you are not okay with that no is a complete sentence. It will never stop unless you stand up for yourself.
This. ITA.
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| Posted 2/21/22 8:22 AM |
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Re: Would you be okay with DH lending money to family that never pays back
Posted by KateBennetReel
Posted by ali120206
Since it causes a lot of issues on your end and you know he won’t pay it back - I would say listen, we are not in the position right now to lend you that kind of money.
Yep. Just no. No is a good one.
Agreed since you KNOW you will never see the money again and this will be a continual thing for years to come.
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| Posted 2/21/22 8:53 AM |
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StaceyWill
It's a girl!!!
Member since 6/10 21539 total posts
Name:
Stacey
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Would you be okay with DH lending money to family that never pays back
It's a tough situation. If we could financially afford to give him money I probably would, but let him know this was the last time. He a grown man. He should be able to figure life out on his own.
Why can't he hold on to jobs?
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| Posted 2/21/22 10:05 AM |
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noni882
LIF Toddler
Member since 7/06 378 total posts
Name:
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Would you be okay with DH lending money to family that never pays back
I have been in this exact situation with my in laws. They were in a tough situation and we lent them a sizeable amount of money. I was sick over it but my DH felt that he had to. It has taken a long time for them to pay us back and it is only about half at this point.
It drives me crazy though when I hear about them spending money on things that I feel they don't really need.
I would strongly say don't do it unless you are ok with letting go of that money or if it's a matter of life and death like for medical treatment or his brother is going to be homeless.
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| Posted 2/21/22 11:05 AM |
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blu6385
Member since 5/08 8351 total posts
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Re: Would you be okay with DH lending money to family that never pays back
It would be a no for me. One you know it’s a loan it’s just gifting the money so I would call that out.
But my biggest issue would be that you’re just probably enabling his brother by giving him money.
Why does he have no money ? why is he not keeping a steady job?
If it’s because he lacks any type of responsibility or accountability for thing she does giving him money constantly does nothing but enable that behavior and that would be my argument.
I would also be questioning why they’re going to you and not his parents.
I’ve had somewhat similar discussions with my DH about his brother and my go to response is he’s a grown adult let him figure it out and he has parents let him go to them.
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| Posted 2/21/22 12:17 PM |
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MarathonKnitter
HAPPY
Member since 2/07 17374 total posts
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EMBRACING CHANGE
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Re: Would you be okay with DH lending money to family that never pays back
BTDT with my sister.
for me, it happened in steps.
first i accepted that the money would never come back. then i changed the vocabulary from lend to give. then i worked my way to offering only half of whatever she asked for. until i felt good enough to tell her no.
as a spouse... it's tough. i understand your husband's desire to help a loved one, but enough is enough. especially if you're going through your own stuff, right now.
as others have said: No is a complete sentence. this brother needs to accept that his life is not yours to clean up.
i'm sorry you're going through a really tough time.
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| Posted 2/22/22 11:34 AM |
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Summer123
LIF Toddler
Member since 5/19 436 total posts
Name:
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Re: Would you be okay with DH lending money to family that never pays back
Posted by MarathonKnitter
BTDT with my sister.
for me, it happened in steps.
first i accepted that the money would never come back. then i changed the vocabulary from lend to give. then i worked my way to offering only half of whatever she asked for. until i felt good enough to tell her no.
as a spouse... it's tough. i understand your husband's desire to help a loved one, but enough is enough. especially if you're going through your own stuff, right now.
as others have said: No is a complete sentence. this brother needs to accept that his life is not yours to clean up.
i'm sorry you're going through a really tough time.
Thank you so much! Very tough time for me. Thank you for the responses. Makes me know my feelings are valid.
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| Posted 2/22/22 7:03 PM |
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DancinBarefoot
06ers Rock!!
Member since 1/07 9534 total posts
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The One My Mother Gave Me ;-)
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Re: Would you be okay with DH lending money to family that never pays back
I have a friend whose spouse did this with his parents. They both died last year and he was essentially disinherited and all the money (house etc) they parents had went to his siblings.
I have a brother who is constantly after my sister for $$$. She is essentially supporting him. My BIL has washed his hands of the entire mess because he decided he wanted to stay married to my sister. (also, he is on disability and my sister earns 6 figures so it's her money to do with what she wants). I have not, and will not under any circumstances give my brother money. I have on occasion purchased him a meal, or given him a gas card - but that is the extent of it.
If I were you, I would have a heart to heart with your DH and tell him that this habit of supporting his brother is endangering your relationship, and that there needs to be an end. If you don't want to go that far, start the process of separating your finances so that any money he gives his brother is HIS money.
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| Posted 2/23/22 7:59 PM |
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