Coworker advice

My team at work consists of 3 women (not including me) and one man. We generally get along. The women, and one of them in particular, frequently say things like “you look exhausted, tired, terrible, not ok, bad, awful” insert random insult. It’s not a one off, it happens all the time. I do not hear them do this to each other. I certainly do not do it to them.

FTR, I’m not a supermodel but I wouldn’t consider myself heinous. Regardless, even if I were an ogre, it’s unusually cruel, not to mention unprofessional, to constantly critique a coworker’s appearance.

I have no intention of going to HR or anything like that but I’m honestly getting fed up. Any advice on how to put a stop to this?

Coworker advice

That is annoying!

How about replying with something like "Really? Was that necessary?" Or something sarcastic like "I was going for 'death warmed over', but thanks." Or "I guess you must have failed kindergarten -- if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all."

It's hard to indicate tone in writing. But, I think whatever you say, it has to indicate that she's being stupid and it's just tiresome to you.

Hope that helps.

Re: Coworker advice

I think I would just say back: yeah you look like shit too and roll my eyes and walk away.

Re: Coworker advice

I would definitely give back some version of:
I'm aware you think so, because you constantly let me know.
What a witch!

Coworker advice

Since you work in a close team, I would just take her aside or wait until you are alone and just tell her that it hurts your feelings. Hopefully she is not realizing it is bothering you that much or that she is saying that much and it will be resolved. I wouldn't be giving her a snarky remark back because you will start unneeded drama.

Coworker advice

That is so rude of your coworker. I have one of those, too unfortunately. It really makes me self conscious for the rest of the day. I have never confronted her, but if you can, I think that's the right thing to do, esp because you are a small team. I would usually respond that I was tired because I was, but it annoyed me. My coworker finally stopped saying it, but who knows, maybe I don't look tired anymore. ?? It's an odd thing to say to someone. I hope you have more courage than me and can actually say something.

Re: Coworker advice

My boss says this to me all the time "you look tired" like gee thanks...

Coworker advice

I get this all the time too from a coworker. Also asks me how my weightloss is going when I purposefully try not to discuss that at work or call attention to weight. Next time I am going to say something like "yeah, I am tired, but what would make you say that"?

Coworker advice

I hate these type of comments. I usually say “thanks, I slept great, but maybe you need to get your eyes checked out.”

Coworker advice

Thanks. I’ve tried the snark. I’ve said things like “thanks for letting me know I look like shit” and “sorry I’m so offensive to look at.” Right over their heads. The only one who does catch on is the male coworker and he isn’t the problem. I might have no choice but to say “listen, maybe you don’t realize, but you’re being super rude.”

I know this is trivial in the grand scheme of things but it is so beyond obnoxious. At first I would just laugh at how absurd it was but when you hear it enough you start to think “Am I that horrendous?”

Re: Coworker advice

Someone at my job did this to me once. My kids were all under 3 at the time (I have 3) so I think she was trying to say like oh you look tired. I shot back right away and said gee I thought I looked nice today (which I actually thought I did). Guess I better work on my makeup skills! She said no, no you look great. I said apparently not. lol. She never said a word about my appearance ever again.

Re: Coworker advice