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BabyAvocado
Happy New Year
Member since 5/05 17334 total posts
Name:
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Would you give what you got? (wedding related)
One of my oldest friends is a guy from college. He came to my wedding 2 yrs ago with a date and gave a very...uh, modest gift.
Even though I know he does very well for himself and I was surprised, I just excused it because A) he is my friend and I really don't care that much what he gave, I was just glad he came and B) I figured, he's a guy and is clueless when it comes to weddings.
Fast forward to now...he's getting married (to the girl he came to my wedding with, btw) and is asking me all these wedding planning questions. Since we are cool like that, I showed him my wedding budget fully expecting him to be shocked at what a wedding costs. He didn't bat an eye and actually said "Yeah that's pretty much what I've been expecting".
Soooo...he DID know what went into a wedding. Yet still the "modest" gift.
He is getting married at Russo's. My DH is insistent that we give him the same modest gift he gave us.
Would you give back what you got?
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Posted 10/8/06 10:29 AM  |
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Long Island Weddings
Long Island's Largest Bridal Resource |
SweetestOfPeas
J'taime Paris!
Member since 3/06 32345 total posts
Name:
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Re: Would you give what you got? (wedding related)
I would give what I normally give when I go to a wedding.
JMO
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| Posted 10/8/06 10:30 AM |
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Moosey911
LIF Adolescent
Member since 5/05 771 total posts
Name:
Nicki
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Re: Would you give what you got? (wedding related)
I would just give my normal gift....$300 for good friends....gave $400 to my better friends. I've been to two weddings solo b/c DH couldn't come and gave $150 at both of them.
We had a few people "stiff" us at our wedding....and when they got married, we still gave our "normal" gift. I figure they had their own reasons for not giving a gift at the time (ie..travel expenses, etc...)
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| Posted 10/8/06 10:34 AM |
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BabyAvocado
Happy New Year
Member since 5/05 17334 total posts
Name:
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Re: Would you give what you got? (wedding related)
Normally I give more at weddings...significantly more... so it would be weird for me to give what he gave.
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| Posted 10/8/06 10:37 AM |
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Moosey911
LIF Adolescent
Member since 5/05 771 total posts
Name:
Nicki
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Re: Would you give what you got? (wedding related)
Posted by BabyAvocado
Normally I give more at weddings...significantly more... so it would be weird for me to give what he gave.
Then, I think you have your answer. Tell DH he loses this one. 
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| Posted 10/8/06 10:40 AM |
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Redhead
You Live, You Learn
Member since 5/05 31871 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: Would you give what you got? (wedding related)
Posted by SweetestOfPeas
I would give what I normally give when I go to a wedding.
JMO
i agree
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| Posted 10/8/06 10:40 AM |
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BaroqueMama
Chase is one!
Member since 5/05 27530 total posts
Name:
me
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Re: Would you give what you got? (wedding related)
I say just because he knows now what a wedding costs doesn't necessarily mean he knew THEN what it costs. He has a fiance now who can tell him how much these things are
Just give him what you'd normally give for a wedding. Remember, you never really know a person's financial situaiton. My bestfriend makes over 100K a year and has almost nothing to his name after he pays his student loans, rent, credit cards, utilites, etc., so it is possible for someone to make a great living, but still not have a lot of extra cash.
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| Posted 10/8/06 10:43 AM |
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HillandRon
LIF Adult
Member since 5/05 2922 total posts
Name:
Hillary
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Re: Would you give what you got? (wedding related)
whatever was given to me at my wedding, that couple will get the same back.
This is the same rule I use for all of the gifts my son gets for his birthdays, bris, etc...
If he knows what it costs for a wedding, then he knows he will get back what he gave...
In fact, my mother is always calling me to ask what so and so gave for the my wedding so she knows how much to give back.. Thank goodness, i still keep the list
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| Posted 10/8/06 10:52 AM |
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BabyAvocado
Happy New Year
Member since 5/05 17334 total posts
Name:
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Re: Would you give what you got? (wedding related)
And it wouldn't seem, I don't know, a little obnoxious if I gave what I normally give? Or do you think it would just be viewed as generous?
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| Posted 10/8/06 10:53 AM |
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SweetestOfPeas
J'taime Paris!
Member since 3/06 32345 total posts
Name:
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Re: Would you give what you got? (wedding related)
Posted by BabyAvocado
And it wouldn't seem, I don't know, a little obnoxious if I gave what I normally give? Or do you think it would just be viewed as generous?
I think you are over-thinking the gift. I bet you that he doesn't even remember what he gave you
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| Posted 10/8/06 10:54 AM |
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Redhead
You Live, You Learn
Member since 5/05 31871 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: Would you give what you got? (wedding related)
Posted by BabyAvocado
And it wouldn't seem, I don't know, a little obnoxious if I gave what I normally give? Or do you think it would just be viewed as generous?
IMO i don't think that much thought would be put into it..
and just maybe he might be embarassed at his fax paus?
IMO...i dunno..
I think people who keep mental tabs on what they got (for the sole purpose) as give them the same back, keeping lists as refernce guides...
is tacky...
jmo
Message edited 10/8/2006 11:02:41 AM.
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| Posted 10/8/06 10:57 AM |
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DandN
Twins are here!
Member since 3/06 3597 total posts
Name:
Deirdre
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Re: Would you give what you got? (wedding related)
I'd give a bit more than what he gave to you (taking into account the time that passed - prices have gone up, etc) but since he gave a modest gift, I would not give your usual amount.
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| Posted 10/8/06 10:59 AM |
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BabyAvocado
Happy New Year
Member since 5/05 17334 total posts
Name:
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Re: Would you give what you got? (wedding related)
Posted by SweetestOfPeas
I think you are over-thinking the gift. I bet you that he doesn't even remember what he gave you
I bet you are absolutely right.
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| Posted 10/8/06 11:01 AM |
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BabyAvocado
Happy New Year
Member since 5/05 17334 total posts
Name:
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Re: Would you give what you got? (wedding related)
Posted by Redhead
IMO i don't think that much thought would be put into it..
and just maybe he might be embarassed at his fax paus?
IMO...i dunno..
I think people who keep mental tabs on what they got as give them back, keeping lists as refernce guides...
is tacky...
jmo
That's why I wouldn't want to give "too" much ya know... I wouldn't want it to look like I was making a dig at his gift....if he even realizes or remembers... I don't even know if he does....
There was no effort put into keeping a mental tab on this gift, btw... it stood out quite a bit.
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| Posted 10/8/06 11:03 AM |
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Redhead
You Live, You Learn
Member since 5/05 31871 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: Would you give what you got? (wedding related)
Posted by BabyAvocado
There was no effort put into keeping a mental tab on this gift, btw... it stood out quite a bit.
i know that isn't what you meant..
i just commented on the act
I think you should give what you feel you are comfortable giving..
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| Posted 10/8/06 11:05 AM |
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HillandRon
LIF Adult
Member since 5/05 2922 total posts
Name:
Hillary
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Re: Would you give what you got? (wedding related)
So I guess i am tacky... oh well...l I know that I am not alone on this one.. I am just the one who actually post it..
Baby Avocado, do whatever your heart feels is best, There is no wrong answer to this one..
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| Posted 10/8/06 11:10 AM |
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Redhead
You Live, You Learn
Member since 5/05 31871 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: Would you give what you got? (wedding related)
Posted by HillandRon
So I guess i am tacky... oh well...l I know that I am not alone on this one.. I am just the one who actually post it..
Baby Avocado, do whatever your heart feels is best, There is no wrong answer to this one..
IMO it is tacky...
and i have no doubt that a LOT of other people do it
it is just my personal view
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| Posted 10/8/06 11:20 AM |
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MrsSchwags
Soccer Baseball Lax Mom
Member since 10/05 11240 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: Would you give what you got? (wedding related)
Posted by HillandRon
whatever was given to me at my wedding, that couple will get the same back.
This is the same rule I use for all of the gifts my son gets for his birthdays, bris, etc...
If he knows what it costs for a wedding, then he knows he will get back what he gave...
In fact, my mother is always calling me to ask what so and so gave for the my wedding so she knows how much to give back.. Thank goodness, i still keep the list
This is what we do.
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| Posted 10/8/06 11:22 AM |
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souvenir
LIF Zygote
Member since 10/06 3 total posts
Name:
Sue
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Re: Would you give what you got? (wedding related)
Give back what he gave.
I follow in the same steps as my mother, MIL, etc.
We keep lists. Detailed lists. Doesn't mean we give back EXACTLY what we got, but we definitely like to reciprocate for the more generous gifts we receive.
But, I know what you mean about it "sticking out". My cousin got married 10 years before me. She asked me if Uncle so and so gave me the same $60 that he gave her. No, I got $65. 
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| Posted 10/8/06 11:26 AM |
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MegZee
My bunny
Member since 5/06 8777 total posts
Name:
Meaghan
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Re: Would you give what you got? (wedding related)
maybe give something in the middle?
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| Posted 10/8/06 11:50 AM |
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LiPo
:(
Member since 9/06 1864 total posts
Name:
Lisa
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Re: Would you give what you got? (wedding related)
I gave a little less to my cousin when he got married 4 months before me because we had to pay $400 to fly down to NC and pay to stay in a hotel as well. Both the bride & groom live in NYC. If they had the wedding in NYC I would have gave more.
When he came to mine he gave me exactly the same and they were the first people to leave..before the cake was even cut. I guess it depends on the person and your relationship to them.
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| Posted 10/8/06 11:58 AM |
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nferrandi
too excited for words
Member since 10/05 18538 total posts
Name:
Nicole
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Re: Would you give what you got? (wedding related)
We would probably either give what we got, or if it's really under what we'd normally give, we'd meet halfway. Like if you normally give $300 and this guy gave you $100, then give $200.
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| Posted 10/8/06 12:41 PM |
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Hi-Fi55
12 years...wow....
Member since 2/06 2984 total posts
Name:
Dianne
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Re: Would you give what you got? (wedding related)
Posted by SweetestOfPeas
I would give what I normally give when I go to a wedding.
JMO
Same here or maybe a little more depending on how much time has past.
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| Posted 10/8/06 12:52 PM |
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Nicole728
My Happy Girl
Member since 7/06 8198 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: Would you give what you got? (wedding related)
Maybe give a little bit more than he gave? i usally go with the "you get what you give" rule.
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| Posted 10/8/06 1:42 PM |
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Christine
2nd verse same as the 1st
Member since 5/05 15287 total posts
Name:
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Re: Would you give what you got? (wedding related)
I would give what I would normally give as a gift regardless of what they gave us. To give less would make me feel uncomfortable and it's not worth it to me make that kind of point.
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| Posted 10/8/06 2:09 PM |
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