Looking for advise on how to handle the situation with DH

My FIL passed suddently 3 days after we came back from our HM last year.

He was a great man and I really miss him.

DH and I went through our grief and DH really does not talk about it. In addition, his mom died when he was 13. He was VERY close to his dad, talked to him everyday, bowled together in a league every week, went fishing and golfing together. Acting more like friends that father and son.

Now that I am PG, I am not sure what to tell DH. I am sure he thinks about how much he wishes his dad was there.

Should I just let it go. I am scared to tell him how much I miss his dad and that I wish he was still with us. One side of me wants to tell him that I miss him, and the other side tells me that I don't want to remind him that he is no longer with us.

Message edited 3/5/2007 10:08:48 PM.

Re: Looking for advise on how to handle the situation with DH

As sad as it is to remind him of the loss--i think its nice if u show that u miss him too, and that u care. when my dad passed pple would kind of shadow over the mention of my dad and it hurt me more-- as much as it hurt to rememeber it was also nice to rememeber the good times and to ignore it seemed like he never existed

eta: maybe it will help him open and mention his own dad or to talk about it..

Message edited 3/5/2007 10:52:29 PM.

Re: Looking for advise on how to handle the situation with DH

My mom died while we were on our honeymoon so I can relate.

For me it makes me feel good when my Dh says things about my mom. Things that remind him of her or that he wished she was here. Having my first child without her was brutal. It hurt more than anything so far.

As the pp said it is more hurtful when people glance over talking about my mom. I think some people worry it will make me sad.

I think you should feel open and talk aboout it with him.

Re: Looking for advise on how to handle the situation with DH

I don't think you should hold your feelings in. It might help your DH to know you miss his dad, too. My DH and I met one year to the date after my mom's funeral and he'll comment from time to time on how he wishes he could have met her and feels like he missed out on something great by never having the chance to do so. It helped me.

Re: Looking for advise on how to handle the situation with DH

I think he would appreciate how much you cared for him and how much you miss him - it may help him feel better too, sharing some of that loss openly with you instead of carrying it inside....

Re: Looking for advise on how to handle the situation with DH

I think you should say that you miss his Father. It might get him talking about his feelings.

Re: Looking for advise on how to handle the situation with DH

Message edited 1/30/2009 10:43:52 AM.

Re: Looking for advise on how to handle the situation with DH

Well, Tuesday would have been his dad's birthday.

He was calm and just reminded me of his dad birthday without saying anything else.

Honestly, I lost my chance to talk but I am not sure it was a good time to say anything either.

I just hugged him and said I was sorry! I started crying. I totally suck!!!!!

Re: Looking for advise on how to handle the situation with DH

You don't suck. You may not think it meant anything but that is all he may have needed. People often try and come up with something to say and it doesn't make you feel better. When you get a hug and the opportunity to say what is in your mind you actually feel better.