Would you be mad if your IL's gave DH's sibling $10000 or more....???

I am a regular poster but have to ask this anonomously.

Would you be upset or bothered by the fact that your IL's were giving DH's sibling over $10000 more as a wedding gift compared to you only a few years ago.

Financial situations are the same as they were when you got married.


ETA The couple is no worse or better off than you were when you got married.

Message edited 11/4/2007 5:17:33 PM.

Re: Would you be mad if your IL's gave DH's sibling $10000 or more....???

It depends. If they really needed it more, I would understand. I would also understand if it was his sister, since it seems like the bride's family often helps out more with the wedding than the groom's family.

Message edited 11/4/2007 5:16:31 PM.

Re: Would you be mad if your IL's gave DH's sibling $10000 or more....???

Mad isn't the word..

I might be frustrated, upset or confused - but ultimately I would just shrug it off.

My husband's parents REGULARLY give more to his siblings. It used to really bug me. But then I realized that my husband is the only one who is completely self sufficient. He doesn't NEED his parents help and he is happy not to ever have to ask for it.

For our wedding, his parents gave us $1000. It was a nice gift - but that was it. No offer to pay for ANYTHING else. My uncle - one that I hadn't seen in over 2 years - gave us more. Two months before our wedding they bought his sister a new car because she couldn't afford one on her own. They regularly give his siblings money for groceries, clothes, bills, etc..

It used to bother me - and sometimes it still irritates me because they are obvious about the fact that their other grandchildren get more and better gifts, etc.. But my husband sees it as a huge compliment. He sees it as them saying he is strong enough to not need them. And in the end - they are his family so I take his lead.

If I were you - I would clam up and let your husband be your guide here. If he is not upset or angry.. let it go.

Re: Would you be mad if your IL's gave DH's sibling $10000 or more....???

I'd have better things to worry about. Honestly.

It's one of those things that are just totally and completely NOT worth causing drama with family over.

Re: Would you be mad if your IL's gave DH's sibling $10000 or more....???

Honestly, yeah...I'd be kind of annoyed. I'd also be confused as to why they would be willing to do that for them and not us. So yeah, it would bother me.

Re: Would you be mad if your IL's gave DH's sibling $10000 or more....???

I would never dream of saying anything to them, and I don't bother DH about it.

It bothers him though. We both work hard for our money and so does she and FH. But it just seems unfair, that's all.

Re: Would you be mad if your IL's gave DH's sibling $10000 or more....???

i'd be annoyed, and mad, and yes, it might cause a rift in the family - but the truth is i can actually see it happening down the road. DH's parents gave us a nice gift and helped out a little with the wedding - but i know that when DH's younger sister gets married they will help her out much more, and won't think twice about it, but mostly because she is so spoiled and so dependent on them, whereas DH is very self sufficient, and has been since he was 16-18.

i think, in the end, i'd leave it to DH to decide how we would react to that happening. IMO several thousand dollars is a slap in the face - but i say that knowing that my own parents would never do such a thing, so it would be more of a shock to me.

Re: Would you be mad if your IL's gave DH's sibling $10000 or more....???

Re: Would you be mad if your IL's gave DH's sibling $10000 or more....???

I would be livid and I would express it to my MIL. Why should my husband be slighted.

Re: Would you be mad if your IL's gave DH's sibling $10000 or more....???

i put other.

I'm sure it might bother me, but ultimately, it's none of my business what they give others. It's their money and to complain that they didn't give me enough of it essentially sounds selfish and petty, i guess.

but, it's still something that i'd probably have to put an effort into getting over.

Re: Would you be mad if your IL's gave DH's sibling $10000 or more....???

I put other. Did the parents give the sibling more money before the wedding? Did the child go to a more expensive school, did the parent's pay for cars, a house, vacations? There are many variables at play before I can answer this question.

I just want to say- my dh's parents gave my BIL the $ for his apartment. DH did not get that $. It really bothered me a lot at first, but I have come to realize that circumstancees can change and there are other variables at play. It took me a while to get here. Please don't quote- I may take this down.

Re: Would you be mad if your IL's gave DH's sibling $10000 or more....???

Re: Would you be mad if your IL's gave DH's sibling $10000 or more....???

I am the perfect one to ask

My SIL moved to FLA. Grandpa bought her 349k house in cash. She in turn mortgaged the house and bought a boat surburban and a land rover. Now she cries she has no money and might have to sell the boat makes me do this


My BIL moved down to FLA grandpa bought him a 220k house.

When we bought our house SORRY nothing left

Im bitter have no problam saying it!

Re: Would you be mad if your IL's gave DH's sibling $10000 or more....???

How do you know in the first place? DId they tell you?

To answer your question, I would not be mad. Money is the root of all evil if you let it be. ANd it should never come between families iMHO...never.

Message edited 8/14/2009 12:43:18 PM.

Re: Would you be mad if your IL's gave DH's sibling $10000 or more....???

No I would not be mad. It is really none of my busines show much a sibling received.

Re: Would you be mad if your IL's gave DH's sibling $10000 or more....???

Re: Would you be mad if your IL's gave DH's sibling $10000 or more....???

Re: Would you be mad if your IL's gave DH's sibling $10000 or more....???

Re: Would you be mad if your IL's gave DH's sibling $10000 or more....???

Re: Would you be mad if your IL's gave DH's sibling $10000 or more....???

Re: Would you be mad if your IL's gave DH's sibling $10000 or more....???

Re: Would you be mad if your IL's gave DH's sibling $10000 or more....???

If it were as black and white as that, than yes, I'd be pisssed off... but if it were just a matter of necessity, or there was a valid, legitimate reason, than, no... basically, it is what it is... you can't change what they're giving FSIL/BIL and they can't compensate you now... KWIM?

Re: Would you be mad if your IL's gave DH's sibling $10000 or more....???

My family has given to each one of us according to our needs at different times in our lives. However not one of us ever questioned what (or how much) they gave. I know for a fact that I was the child who cost my parents the most amount of money to raise and I could list the reasons why - all normal reasons. But never did my siblings say or feel that I wasn't deserving of it.

I would probably be pi$$ed if money was given to a sibling who repeatedly demonstrated irresponsible behavior.

What my DH's family does with their money is their business - not mine.

Any discussions that my family has about our parents' estate is between the four children and the spouses stay out of it.

Re: Would you be mad if your IL's gave DH's sibling $10000 or more....???

I would be livid too if my IL did that. Fortunately, they were fair to all the kids.

Personally, you have a reason to be upset. Your IL show a complete disregard and lack of respect for you and your hubby by not being fair to you both.

No matter which of their children is more successful it doesnt take away the fact that you need to be fair to your kids, no playing favorites here!

If my IL did that I won't say anything but I would definitely react different towards them, whether it be visiting them less often or not returning their calls immediately. I know passive aggressive tactics dont always work but you definitely can't let them treat you like this and not react.

If the time ever comes up when you do talk about money, I won't hesistate to bring that up either. Hopefully they will get the hint and wise up.