BF and Working Mom LOOOOOONG Vent update towards the bottom

I am sorry to post this - I don't like to vent about family issues too much - but I feel like I'm going to break down any day now. I love BFing my son - I know it's the best thing for him and financially it helps us out...but sometimes I feel like a ball is wrapped around my neck when i worry about how much i'm able to get from a session, what happens if i get late to work and can't pump (i teach) and of course - not wanting to go out without my son b/c i don't want to pump more often than i need to

i feel like i have added stress to make sure all of his needs are met b/c his dad can't just make a bottle and feed him if i'm gone - he can, but i try to use the frozen milk for days when i absolutely need it.

my husband was really good in the beginning but it's not so good now. i think he takes me for granted and doesn't realize how truly stressed out i am.

this is my typical day...

wake up at 6 -
shower
get partially dressed
wake my son
nurse him
get him dressed
finish dressing myself
load the car with bottles, pump and work bags
drop ds at daycare
get to work btwn 7:30 and 7:50
pump
get classroom set up for kids
teach
10:50 lunch
eat in 10 mins.
pump for the remaining 20 mins in my closet
teach some more
resource at 1:30 on the days im lucky enough to have one
pump during resource (full 20 mins) no time for anything else
teach some more
dismiss students
pump at 3:00
attend grade level meeting or school faculty meeting depending on the day
depending on how long it goes - pump again
pick up ds from daycare
nurse
play with him
soak bottles
then i'll either put him in the exesaucer or lay him down for a nap
make dinner
eat
make ds' cereal - feed him
get his bath ready
bathe him
get him ready for bed
nurse him
put him down for the night.
finish cleaning his bottles
hop online for a few minutes
clean pump parts
get ready for bed


now my husband's day

wake at 7
shower
shave
go to work
work
take an hour lunch
work
come home
hop online
play x box
watch sports
play x box
play with rocco
play x box

get the picture? he'll help - but i have to ask for help and then he won't do it right away which would be fine if he didn't already forget to do things before leaving me to finish before going to work - so i'd rather do it right the first time myself

i am so stressed out that i think about putting rocco on formula but i really want to wait it out a year

i need a vacation!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

sorry for the long vent. obviously i need to talk to my husband tonight or i'm going to explode. thanks for reading if you got this far.

it's helped to get it out

Message edited 4/28/2008 8:29:33 PM.

Re: BF and Working Mom LOOOOOONG Vent

no advice just thought you could use some hugs!

Re: BF and Working Mom LOOOOOONG Vent

HUGS. I worked full-time and pumped full-time for one year. I totally understand the stress of not knowing if you have enough milk for the next day. It is the worst feeling.
For me, stopping would have been more stressful. For others, stopping makes them feel more balanced in their lives.
Only you can make the decision that works best for you.
IF you want to continue..eat oatmeal everyday. that really helps your supply. In all honestly the ONLY way this works is if you take it ONE day at a time. Somedays I would say..I can pump and make it the next 2 hours. Other days I could not believe that it was 11 months ago that I started. Today is a bad day. That is so normal. Tomorrow will not be so bad. Just take it one day at a time and if you need support please tell me!

You could ask your husband to finish dressing the baby and load the car with everything for you. That would help you.

Re: BF and Working Mom LOOOOOONG Vent

Nursing and working is very stressful, I do it too so I know how you feel. I did start giving dd formula too just last week. It can be overwhelming.....I know how you feel, b/c I felt bad giving dd formula but I nurse her when I'm home and out about with her, and I still pump while I am at work.
Its a shame that we can't just stay home with our dc as long as we want to nurse them. Unfortunately I had to go back to work mainly financial reasons!!!
Just definately talk to dh....

Re: BF and Working Mom LOOOOOONG Vent

I think the fact that you've come this far and worked full time is such an accomplishment! You should be so proud of yourself. Your son is almost 6 months, right? That's more than a lot of women working or SAHM do. I went to the dr. on Sat. and the nurse said, "YOu're still BFing?!?!" Like, dd is 15 instead of 5 1/2 months. I'm not back to work yet but sometimes I'm just ready to throw in the towel because it is stressful. You're not a bad mommy if you decide to switch over to formula

Re: BF and Working Mom LOOOOOONG Vent

wow i give you so much credit

Re: BF and Working Mom LOOOOOONG Vent

hugs & props


I am BF & pumping so I can have DH give bottle (so I can have time to myself some evenings) and to build a freezer supply. I am dreding when I return to working & BF.

You do what you can. Worst case, what about maybe some formula solme BF? Remember your sanity is important too!

Re: BF and Working Mom LOOOOOONG Vent

If it helps - there is someone else out there with your same schedule (& I teach & pump, too). It stinks!


My husband's participation is just about the same as yours.


I'm trying to learn to just do what I can & forget about the rest. (I'm not so good at this, but I'll keep trying.)


Hang in there! Summer's almost here!

Re: BF and Working Mom LOOOOOONG Vent

I don't know how working moms do it! I am a SAHM and my son is almost 4 months. I sometimes want to throw in the towel as well. I have to pump at least one bottle a day for my son, because I went a few weeks without giving him a bottle, and then he started refusing the bottle. Now I will never go a day without giving him at least one bottle. He still won't take one from my husband so it's me pumping and giving him the bottle!!! My husband does work long hours so I can't be too upset that I am pretty much all alone in this, but I know how you feel. Sometimes I feel like a single parent.

Hang in there and if you have to give up BF you already gave your DC so many of the benefits!!!! You should be so proud of yourself.

Re: BF and Working Mom LOOOOOONG Vent

You are doing a great job!

The good news is that in my opinion nursing gets so much easier after 6 months. You will start to be replaced by food and find yourself nursing/pumping a lot less. My daughter is now 8 months I am really only nursing two to 4 times per day. She only eats two meals of solids too. When we bump it up to 3 solid meals, I bet I will be down to 3 nursings.

I would insist that dh is responsible for something. Can he clean the bottles?

Finally, my only real suggestion....Have you considered pumping in the car? I know it sounds crazy while driving, but it can be done, just consider investing in a nice shawl.

Whatever you decide your baby will be fine. Many of us were formula babies and turned out just fine:hug Hope life gets easier soon!

Re: BF and Working Mom LOOOOOONG Vent

Thank you to everyone who replied with hugs and advice! I sooooooo needed to get that off my chest. when i got home today he and i had a loooooooooooooooooooooooooooong 2.5 hour discussion about all of the stress going on -
pumping, moving back to ny, selling our house, finding jobs, nursing, you name it we talked about it.

it was so needed and i am truly thankful to all of you for your support. i am going to continue to nurse and pump b/c im not ready to stop and i don't think rocco is either

my husband and i made a deal where he'll take care of the bottles first thing and help out more. i'll also speak up sooner so that i don't bottle it up and get ready to explode at a moment's notice.

thank you again for all of your advice. you are the best women ever!!!! i am so happy i have LIF!

Re: BF and Working Mom LOOOOOONG Vent

I feel your pain I am also a working, BFing, pumping mom.

And you are definitely handling the lion's share of the work. I think that you need to enlist your DH's help in the evening. Make one of the nightly tasks his job.

I sat my DH down and talked to him and we worked out a nightly system. My DH always gives the nightly bath. While he's doing that I wash some bottles/pump stuff and lay out the pjs. Then I BF and put DS to sleep and DH finishes washing the bottles/pump stuff. Then we both veg out together in front of the TV or do our own thing.

You could also try making big batches for dinner on the weekend and then you just have to re-heat the food during the week. And have DH pick up take-out sometimes.

And please don't feel that you have to apologize for posting about this. Working, pumping and having a baby are a lot of work. (Heck babies are just a lot of work!)

Re: BF and Working Mom LOOOOOONG Vent update towards the bottom

Working and pumping really is sooo hard! I do it too, and I am also a teacher, so I feel your pain. Here is my typical schedule, just so you can see you are not alone and maybe you can get a better idea for how DH can help you.

Wake up at 6
shower
dry my bangs (If I dont do it right away they stick straight up)
put on make-up (while I do this, DH gets up DS and changes his diaper)
nurse
DH then takes DS and plays with him or gets him dressed
I pump, and then put together my lunch, his bottles and my other bags
I go back upstairs and finish drying my hair and get dressed
I take my stuff out to the car
Put DS in the car and drive to day care
Teach
lunch at 12 (pump for 20 min and then eat)
Teach
Prep at 2 (pump for 20 min, if I have the time)
Leave to pick up DS at 3:30
Nurse
DH helps entertain DS and I wash bottles
Play with DS
Bath time
PJs
Nurse and Put DS to sleep
DH or I cook dinner and eat

Re: BF and Working Mom LOOOOOONG Vent update towards the bottom

Re: BF and Working Mom LOOOOOONG Vent update towards the bottom

YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!!!!!!!! We can understand how it is. I am here for a vent anytime.

Re: BF and Working Mom LOOOOOONG Vent update towards the bottom

You are definitely not alone... though I had to stop nursing at 5 weeks i can only imagine the stress because in that 5 weeks I wanted to pull my hair out. Even now that we had to switch to formula (medical reasons) DH still does not help out as much as I need him too. With me going back to work this week though I am going to sit down and right out our schedules and then sit DH down and have a serious talk about how much I am going to need his help more now then ever. Why is it that mommy's are always the ones that wind up with at least 90% of the work even when we work full time. Don't get me wrong I love DD but I hate it when DH has a day off and goes to sleep and says well I'm tired... guess what I'm tired too but you don't seem me having a choice to stay up until DD goes to sleep. They just don't get it sometimes I think. oh well feel better hope it works out of you

Re: BF and Working Mom LOOOOOONG Vent update towards the bottom

I am just going through this now. My DS is 3 months and i am going back to work tomorrow and trying to figure out when I am going to pump. I have a private office, but I am not always sitting in it, I am not even sure how often I have to pump. I am stressed just thinking about it.

Re: BF and Working Mom LOOOOOONG Vent update towards the bottom

first of all,

i feel your pain. it was extremely difficult for me to pump at work too, and the constant worrying about pumping enough milk made me insane. in the end i opted to wean ds and he was completely switched over to formula by 5.5 months. in my case, switching has made a world of difference. i am a better mom for it - more relaxed and MUCH happier.

in the end, i think you need to do what you need to do to preserve your mental health. happy mom = happy baby! maybe for you that means venting and taking a deep breath and moving on with BFing... or maybe you'll want to switch. either way, please don't feel guilty about it.

Re: BF and Working Mom LOOOOOONG Vent update towards the bottom

First of all to you, it's really tough to BF and be a working mom (or even to have an infant and work!). I'm glad your DH has agreed to take on some of the responsibilities, and that's great that you spoke up and told him you're frustrations!

I had to go back to work when my DD was less than 2 months old, and pumping at work was really hard. I did pump at lunch time, but I decided to supplement with formula. I felt that by at least giving her some BM I was still giving her the antibodies and proteins that were so great for her health, but for my sanity's sake as well as my work efficiency I needed some time off. I will say my body adjusted and I didn't have any production problems, and I was able to keep her on at least some BM for around a year. But if you can pump enough to give your son only BM, that's great. Just remember make sure you aren't overextending yourself, your health and sanity are just as important (or more important!) for your child to get a good start as those BM proteins are.