Situation Advice

I posted this on the step-parent board too but, I'd like everyone's take on this.

SS is 17 and lives with us FT, has no job, hasn't followed up on the one's he's applied for. Doesn't get an allowance b/c he has to be reminded to do everything we ask. He won't do anything on his own. SS is the kid who will get something he wants even if we say no. He'll go to his GF, BM or friends and borrow money from them!!!!...........and not pay them back. SIL (DH's sister) works in a jewlery store so, she supplies him with gifts to give his GF for special occassions and holidays, that in retun he needs to "work off" by doing things for her- yard work, babysitting etc. SS has yet to work off the necklace SIL gave him for Christmas and now GF's b-day is coming up. DH and I decided that it was in the best interest of SS that SIL no longer bought gifts for SS's GF not b/c he doesn't have a job but, b/c he makes no effort to pay her back (work off) the other gifts that she's given him. It's not just that, we both feel that if we keep giving him everything ex: money to take his GF to the movies, do this with his friends, new $200 sneakers, etc, he will never get a job. BM is a real piece of **** and SS is pulling the same crap she does and DH is letting it happen. I feel he uses people.

I emailed SIL last night and told her how we feel (haven't heard from her yet) and then I told DH. DH totally had a change of heart and now claims that we are being hard asses and it'ts not SS's fault he doesn't have a job. He just doesn't get it. Now I feel like a total a** b/c DH is going to tell SIL to disregard my email. If DH had a change of heart don't I have the right to know as his wife and SM to his son or is it my fault b/c I didn't confirm our decision b4 I emailed his sister?

Sorry for the vent, there is alot more to the story that I'll spare you with. This is not the first time this has happened to me. I feel as if I'm not taken seriously, disrespected and an outsider.
I'm also PMSing. I admit I overreacted a bit (I hung up on DH) but, I can't help the way I feel.

Any advice or suggestions would be a help!

Thanks ladies!!

Message edited 2/19/2009 11:21:04 AM.

Re: Situation Advice

Personally, I see nothing wrong with your e-mail. If SIL chooses to disregard it and do what she wants, then whatever, her loss. I think your DH is as bad as mine with making excuses for him and his is essentially an enabler and contributes to the reasons why SS wont get a job. There are jobs out there, even if they are not ideal. I am sorry you are being put in this siutation, I know it all too well

Re: Situation Advice

Re: Situation Advice

I'd be upset too if DH changed his decision after we discussed it.

Leave all communication to your DH from now on. Besides knowing that it's wrong, you aren't affected here.

You SIL can say no if she chooses not to be taken advantage of. Same with all of the other people he goes to for $$ when you and your DH say no.