Issue w/ sister

I'm sorry in advance for the long post. I just don't know who else to talk to.

My little sis went off BC in April, had sex 1X and got preg in May.

We used to be very close but since she's told me she's PG, I just can't even talk to her. The few times I have, she's complained about morning sickness. On July 4th, she told me they were having a BBQ but it sucked bc she can't drink. I replied (very snotty), "I wish I had that problem." She's young (26) so maybe she's just immature and doesn't think about what she says. She knows everything DH and I have been through.

She just emailed me bc mom told her I am having surgery on Monday to remove a polyp and now she wants me to call her so she can hear about it and be supportive.

I feel like I no longer have ANYTHING in common with her. I have to force myself to make small talk. They just bought a house and want us to go up to Boston to see it and if I can't deal w/ talkiing to her on the phone, how the hell can I SEE her in person.

I am a mean, horrible, selfish person for thinking the horrible things that I am.

Do I address what I'm feeling or just leave it alone?

Sorry for the long rambling post.



ETA: I didn't mean to imply that people who are 26 are immature----she's just immature at times....I didn't mean to insult anyone here who IS younger.

Message edited 7/9/2009 12:22:30 PM.

Re: Issue w/ sister

so sorry you are going through this

I think its even harder for you because she is being so insensitive to your feelings. and i think i would be the same way as well. it just hurts.. and she doesnt get it! whether its her age or not.
the last thing you want to deal with is complaints about her pregnancy already!

i do hope you can work it out.. hopefully she can stop with the remarks, can you have a talk with her and really tell her how you feel? maybe she will realize?

Re: Issue w/ sister

Thats annoying. I would feel the same as you.
I'd definitely open up and tell her how I feel since she's not getting it. Maybe like you said she's immature so it would be better for you just to be very honest with her.

Re: Issue w/ sister

I would tell her how you feel. I think once she hears it from you she'll get it

I would go see her new home -- to show you are happy for her

Re: Issue w/ sister

Sorry you're going through this. It's almost impossible to understand how heartbreaking IF can be unless you have gone through it yourself. And the fact that your sister got PG on her first try, she's never going to be able to fully understand how horrible it is. I would say try to push the insensitive things she says to the back of your mind. Even though she knows your situation she can never understand how much her words can hurt.

Re: Issue w/ sister

I am sorry.. I can only imagine how hard it that is.

I honestly think you should talk to her and tell her how hard this is for you.

Re: Issue w/ sister

She just doesn't understand. My family makes comments all the time and I just let them roll. I know it's hard, but try not to blame her. People who don't have to deal with this will never get what we have to go through. They sympathasize with our situation, but will never be able to relate.

Also, she's probably just wants to share this experience she's having with her sister. You would want to do the same thing if it were reversed. If it's really hard for you to hear, than just tell her that. Try not to distance yourself from her though, you don't want IF coming in between you and your family- it takes over enough of our lives!

I just went through the same thing with my sis, and I just tried to stay as happy as I could for her. She was more sensitive to my situation though.
I always just try to remind myself that everyone is different and struggles with different things in their lives, so I should be happy that she doesn't have to struggle with what I have to. Easier said than done, but it helps to try and think this way.

You know we are always here for you to vent to, so you never have to hold back to us!

Re: Issue w/ sister

Posted by shiv

She just doesn't understand. My family makes comments all the time and I just let them roll. I know it's hard, but try not to blame her. People who don't have to deal with this will never get what we have to go through. They sympathasize with our situation, but will never be able to relate.

Also, she's probably just wants to share this experience she's having with her sister. You would want to do the same thing if it were reversed. If it's really hard for you to hear, than just tell her that. Try not to distance yourself from her though, you don't want IF coming in between you and your family- it takes over enough of our lives!

I just went through the same thing with my sis, and I just tried to stay as happy as I could for her. She was more sensitive to my situation though.
I always just try to remind myself that everyone is different and struggles with different things in their lives, so I should be happy that she doesn't have to struggle with what I have to. Easier said than done, but it helps to try and think this way.

You know we are always here for you to vent to, so you never have to hold back to us!

Re: Issue w/ sister

I agree that she probably doesn't truly understand what you are going through and that this is hurting you. How can someone who had it so easy possibly understand?
I think maybe talking with her and telling her that you are happy for her and want to support her through her pregnancy, but that she needs to understand that you are in a particularly vulnerable position right now, and would like her to think about what she is saying before she says it.

I know it is hard, but she is your little sis, so you don't have much of a choice but to see her go through her pregnancy. I have lost friends because it has been so hard for me to be happy for them and watch them go through their pregnancies and deliveries. I regret it and would hate for this to come between you and your sister.

Good luck and hang in there!

Re: Issue w/ sister

You are definitely NOT a mean, selfish person!!

I can say for me personally I did not understand either until we had trouble TTC. I thought it was crazy that something like this or going to a baby shower could bother someone. Unfortunately now I can empathize completely.

As the pp mentioned, she seems to not understand how this affects you and is just insensitive to your situation. Have you talked to her about how all this makes you feel? I would try my best to be on good terms with my sister.

Re: Issue w/ sister

I have come to realize that people who have no fertility issues, have no understanding of what we go through in order to have a baby since they can look pretty much at the husbands or bf and get pg. I am sorry you are dealing with this. You know you can count on this board for support. I did through my first pregnancy and I am thinking I will be needing you all again.

Re: Issue w/ sister

My younger sister just had twins and when she first got PG, I was a bit shocked, but I will tell you this, I wouldn't have missed havring that experience with her for the world.
Yes, you are allowed to feel jealous, but she is allowed to feel MS and yearn to have a drink at a BBQ. If you shut her out, you will miss sharing this time with her and she will remember that when you do finally get PG with your own bundle of joy.

Try to put aside your own feelings and be happy for her (even when she complains, as you will see it is her right to complain!) Good Luck, I hope you can both be sensitive to each other's situation.