Ladies , I really need your help deciding....regarding having 2nd child

I changed my name, some ladies know me in rl.

Ok, this is going to be long.... I have a 3 year old and can't make the decision on having a second child or not. DC goes to daycare, since 11 months old, I was able to have alernate care for her before then, do not any more. We can't afford 2 in daycare at the same time (not sure if I can emotionally put my newborn in daycare, 11 months old was a little easier) is that reason enough NOT to have a 2nd child? then I think of what to do when they are both school aged - we have to pay for a program for the 2 of them for the 8 + weeks of summer. My DH says we should not - our schedules are so hectic, house is small (not planning on moving). fiinances, etc.

I am sooo torn, I think I would regret not having a sibling for our DC but all DH reasons are valid, I am older, need to make the decision soon.

some days I say lets just do it !! other days I am so tired from Working FT, cleaning, doing the daycare drop off and pick up, I say how the Heck would I ever do this with 2.

This is actually driving me nuts - keeping me up at night. I seriously wish someone could make the decision for me.
thank you in advance to everyone who can give me some insight.

Re: Ladies , I really need your help deciding....regarding having 2nd child

is there any possible way you can stay home for a few years until your 1st DS is in school full time?that way you wouldn't have to pay for daycare for 2 kids.

Re: Ladies , I really need your help deciding....regarding having 2nd child

This is the way to think of it....DO YOU WANT A 2ND CHILD??? Would you regret not having another child for you?? i was going through the same thing and DH and I spoke about it and he said simply:
"Leave out the negative....do you want another baby? Yes or No? " I said yes and now I am pregnant. Sometimes I have moments where I completly panic but like DH says "You have to remember that thigs will come and go as far as stress but your love for that baby is there forever"
I am sure whatever decision you make will be the right one. Good Luck!!!

Re: Ladies , I really need your help deciding....regarding having 2nd child

I agree with the PP-- do YOU want another child? I know many will disagree with me but I would leave out the aspect of "giving your child a sibling"... a sibling is great but really not a necessity if your life circumstances make it hard to have another child. I'm an only child and I certainly don't care that my parents never gave me a sibling, lol. Don't do it just because you feel you "should", only do it if you're sure you'll be incomplete without that second child.

Re: Ladies , I really need your help deciding....regarding having 2nd child

As long as you want another child and can provide the emotional and physical needs for him/her that's all that matters. Everything else falls into place and eventually works out.

Re: Ladies , I really need your help deciding....regarding having 2nd child

We are in the EXACT same situation. DS even started daycare when he was 11 months! We are going back and forth on the same things. I feel your pain!

Re: Ladies , I really need your help deciding....regarding having 2nd child

I can't stay home, even after daycare, my check pays for many other utility bills.

thanks ladies, I do want another baby, not only for DC to have a sibling, I want to experience it all again, if I had the $$ I would have many more, for sure.
BUT
I just don't want to live paycheck to paycheck and double the workload stress that we have now (I know everyone has it, I am just scared)

Re: Ladies , I really need your help deciding....regarding having 2nd child

I just wanted to say I had a miserable pg with DS. Vomiting between 5 to 10 times a day for 7 months straight. After that I had horrible reflux until the day I delivered. At 25 weeks I developed a severe head ache that lasted until I delivered at 39 weeks. I had blurred vision, spots, halos, double vision, and lost eye sight. I was put on bed rest at 32 weeks for pre-eclampsia. I developed post pregnancy complications. Two doctors told me not to get pregnant again. DS was a footling breech. They said my complications were due to his positioning and my body chemistry. Well two weeks ago I just gave birth to my second child. I vomited maybe ten times the entire pregnancy. I barely had any relux and it was only the last month of the pregnancy. I had no vision problems. Apparently the day I delivered I was about to get pre-eclampsia again as I had protein in my urine. However, the pregnancy itself was fine.

Re: Ladies , I really need your help deciding....regarding having 2nd child

Its a hard decision, BUT, if you're having an inkling of want for another child, DO IT! You will regret it if you don't. Is there any way that you can plan it out so that you're financially comfortable when you have #2? By the time you would have #2, #1 would be in school and you wouldn't have to worry about daycare...

Re: Ladies , I really need your help deciding....regarding having 2nd child

Thank you, I am so sorry you went all through that. I am glad the 2nd was better ~ my pregancy was good, I am not afraid of that really, except for being tired with a toddler too !


MST9106 - that isn't a bad idea, then we would just have some scheduling pick up problems - that we can get over, just didn't want to wait another year. Thank you for the thought.

Message edited 10/14/2009 2:12:31 PM.

Re: Ladies , I really need your help deciding....regarding having 2nd child

I don't think this a decision anyone can help make for you except your DH.
I would look at it this way - if DH and BOTH wanted a second child, I would do it. Financial situations can change, but at some point you cannot have kids any more. I would not want to look back and regret not having a second child.

Re: Ladies , I really need your help deciding....regarding having 2nd child

Since you want a second child, I think you would regret it down the line if you don't do it. In my case, DH and I decided that we simply don't want another one and are perfectly happy as a family of three. I feel like most challenges can be met, if you really want to have another.

Re: Ladies , I really need your help deciding....regarding having 2nd child

Re: Ladies , I really need your help deciding....regarding having 2nd child

Re: Ladies , I really need your help deciding....regarding having 2nd child

Re: Ladies , I really need your help deciding....regarding having 2nd child

THanks again, you are all making me feel better, even if we cut every spending corner - we could NOT pay for 2 in care.

NW2006 - I have thought about the fact of when we are gone, I have though of it all . So when I am 100%ready, I will have to print these all out for DH - he really is happy right now and I feel I would have to "convince" him to have a 2nd. He loves being a dad, but times are stressful and he thinks (me too, sometimes) we would just be doubling that stress.

Re: Ladies , I really need your help deciding....regarding having 2nd child

Almost everything you wrote could be me but we are going to TTC soon and just go with the "just do it" plan
The $$$$ end is ridiculous. I think partly that is what made us wait so long in terms of paying double daycare. The other part for me was the morning sickness. I think now that dd is going to be 3 I can deal with a yr of double daycare and let everything work itself out. For us, I dont think its about not having the $ to do it but not wanting to give up the things we want. See if maybe you can cut down on the things you "want" at make it afforable.

P.S. hello fellow 06'er

Message edited 10/14/2009 2:48:03 PM.

Re: Ladies , I really need your help deciding....regarding having 2nd child

If you want the baby, I believe that everything else will fall into place.

Re: Ladies , I really need your help deciding....regarding having 2nd child

Re: Ladies , I really need your help deciding....regarding having 2nd child

Re: Ladies , I really need your help deciding....regarding having 2nd child

I'm in the same boat. Our solution is to wait until DD is in public school and we'll revisit the situation then. We know we can't afford the cost of another daycare, and I need to keep working.

While I really want a second child, I feel that struggling to have two would strain us so much, that I'd be happier with one and less struggling. DD makes me so happy, but sometimes, I feel like i have so much love to give. But then again, I have neices and nephews who live up the block and are a year younger and older than DD. So I get to spread my love with them too.

Re: Ladies , I really need your help deciding....regarding having 2nd child

How old are you? Is the clock ticking?
Life is stressful enough financially for us now so I'd say no. Maybe revisit the question in a few months.

Re: Ladies , I really need your help deciding....regarding having 2nd child

I am 35, if I wait any longer , I will not be able to chase a toddler around the house and have energy to cook, clean, drive everywhere and help both with homework down the road !! '

I also have epstein barr - or some call it chronic fatigue !

Re: Ladies , I really need your help deciding....regarding having 2nd child

Re: Ladies , I really need your help deciding....regarding having 2nd child

have you looked into a nanny....sometimes this can be more economical than double daycare and it reduces the stress of the pick-ups/drop offs. I don't live on LI anymore but a friend of mine switched from full-time day care to a nanny when she had her second and it ended up being less $$ money overall. The nanny takes her older son to preschool (3 half days a week) and is home with the baby during the day. She and her husband work it out so that she is at home in the morning when the nanny gets there and her husband relieves the nanny in the afternoon so the nanny works ~8.5 hours a day.

Just a suggestion, b/c I personally believe that if both you and DH really want another child, you should do it and not wait too too long....as we get older it gets harder to get pregnant.