Fellow mommies, child psych's, or really anyone, 2nd question added

I have a real worry here.
As we all know I am sick, what I don't always post (just because it is depressing) is that on any particular day or at days at a time I am so sick or so medicated that I don't really raise my son.
One of my greatest fears is that my son won't associate me as mommy.
Is that rationale or am I just being silly?

I am prepared for either answer.


eta a question

Ok mommies, I need more help....next month I get surgery....my face is going to be scary! If you watch grey's anatomy it's going to be like the girl who had to choose the face...like her after surgery.
Joseph will be in his 10th month when this happens, do you think it will be scary to bring him to visit me in the hospital? I will be in for at least 10 days and I am not sure if I can make it that long without seeing him, but I don't want to be selfish.

Message edited 3/23/2007 4:05:25 PM.

Re: Fellow mommies, child psych's, or really anyone

I know its not the same by any means but I was a 17yr old mom......I had NO MONEY and was still living with my parents....I went to school and had to work full time
My mom was raising my DD for the most part when DD cried out she reached for my Mom not me It was terrible but what could I do I HAD to work and HAD to go to school
there is still a spcial bond between my parents and my DD but DD knows who her mother is and we are very close

My point being that right now your DS may grow closer to someone else but when you are better things will fall into place....he will KNOW you are his mommy and love you and bond with you.

Re: Fellow mommies, child psych's, or really anyone

I work, so a lot of the time I see her very limited time during the week (I know not the same, but for instance I only saw her for a grand total of 45 minutes yesterday )
but for 7-8 hours a day she is in daycare, and for a couple of hours she is just with DH...and then I get home.

When I am around, it's ALL about her. I just keep telling her how much I love her and that mommy loves Bella and just try to make that time quality.

She sure knows who her mommy is.
I am a big advocate on it's the kind of time you spend with them, not necessarily how much. Babies have a special connection with their mom's from birth...

Message edited 3/23/2007 3:36:21 PM.

Re: Fellow mommies, child psych's, or really anyone

I can only imagine the attention you give your son when you are feeling good. Kids know their mommy. Like someone stated above, I am sure there will be an extra special bond between your son and the other caregivers but momma is always #1.

Re: Fellow mommies, child psych's, or really anyone

My sister is/was a teen mom. She still lives at home. My mother watches my nephew so my sister can finish her college education (she's a senior now). My nephew is 2. He now goes to school P/T 2 days a week...
My sister will pick him up at school, take him out, etc. when she can. He knows who "Mommy" and who "Nana" is.
I haven't been working (was on maternity, but now looking for PT)..anyway, I was also helping out and he learned who I am.
You should not worry. I believe children know!

Re: Fellow mommies, child psych's, or really anyone

honestly he is so little to truly understand if you are there or not, but he will always know that you are his mommy.

only moms and our kids share that special bond that no one else has.

You are the best mom that you can be according to your circumstances.

Re: Fellow mommies, child psych's, or really anyone

Re: Fellow mommies, child psych's, or really anyone

Re: Fellow mommies, child psych's, or really anyone

I think that he knows you are his mommy and that you love him more than life. It's just one of those inborn things, you know?

DH's cousin J was working full time, giong to grad school when she had her second. The older one was already in school. Her DH at the time was a lazy jerk who wouldn't help with the kids at all. J's mom stopped working to care for the baby and then the older one when he got home from school each day. To this day they are both very attached to their grandmother, the younger one calls her Ma-Ma, but they both think their mom hung the moon.

I hope this comes across the right way. There is never a good time to go through what you are. It's awful, and I pray for you all the time. But I have thought that the one positive is that it happened when Joey was so young that he won't remember all this when he is older and you are healthy and playing catch with him in your backyard. I hope that you feel a little better mentally now, and know that you will be better physically soon.

Re: Fellow mommies, child psych's, or really anyone

I truly believe that he knows and will always know that you are his mommy. There is just something so strong and natural in that bond between mother and child and that will never go away.

Re: Fellow mommies, child psych's, or really anyone

Thanks ladies! Being a working mom is certainly similar. I just have been so sick this week that I think maybe I have spent 2 hours total with him. I just feel soo guilty (unwarranted, I know but I'm catholic...guilt is what I am good at)

K- I like that "it's the kind of time"
think I will make that my mantra.


Ok mommies, I need more help....next month I get surgery....my face is going to be scary! If you watch grey's anatomy it's going to be like the girl who had to choose the face...like her after surgery.
Joseph will be in his 10th month when this happens, do you think it will be scary to bring him to visit me in the hospital? I will be in for at least 10 days and I am not sure if I can make it that long without seeing him, but I don't want to be selfish.

Re: Fellow mommies, child psych's, or really anyone

Without question - you are being silly.

A child always knows who mommy is, it doesn't matter how much time is spent, there is just a connection that no one else has.

That was always my fear, with my first, i worked a lot of hours, i was never around. My parents watched him a lot for me along with a babysitter.

But at the end of the day, if he needs something - I am always the one he comes running to.

Re: Fellow mommies, child psych's, or really anyone

Re: Fellow mommies, child psych's, or really anyone

I work a 40 hour week easy. And I never feel that Connor doesn't know me as mommy. Nor do I feel I don't raise my son.

You have a very special connection that can't be broken with your son. He will always know you as the mommy!!!

Re: Fellow mommies, child psych's, or really anyone

I think he totally knows that you are his mommy.

This is a true story that my grandma told me. She had two cousins that were sisters and they were pregnant at the same time. One already had a daughter and one already had a son. The one who had the daughter had another daugher and the one with the son had another son. Back then everyone in the family lived so close together. They lived in the same house (one upstairs and one downstairs). Well, they decided that they would switch the babies so that they would each have one and one (I know, times were different then ), but I guess they figured that since they will see each other every day and help raise each other's children, what's the difference? Well, the little girl always had a special bond with her aunt. As she got older and found out the truth, she said that she always knew that something was off. She always felt closer to her aunt (who was really her mom) than she did to her mom (who was really her aunt).

I know this sounds totally ridiculous, but it is God's honest truth. When my grandma told me the story I didn't believe her and and she said to me "You have to remember that back then the whole family raised the children. You had aunts nursing nieces and nephews just so they can help out. All of the responsibilities were shared. But, the babies always knew who their birth mother was."

Re: Fellow mommies, child psych's, or really anyone, 2nd question added

Re: Fellow mommies, child psych's, or really anyone

Re: Fellow mommies, child psych's, or really anyone, 2nd question added

Regardless of the circumstances or if you are with you children 24/7. Your child knows you are their mother. The mother/child bond is so strong even before you meet. Your child is bonded to you while they are in the womb, they hear your voice, your heartbeat, they even know your cooking. Even before they can see your face they know you by your smell. I am a FT working Mom and when I come home, my son's face lights up, when I hold him he wraps his arms around my neck and just snuggles into my neck and the expression on his face is 100% contentment. He does this with no other, even though he may spend more time with them. Children just know Mommy, plus it is the quality of time not the quantity that makes a difference.

You are in my prayers & I wish you a quick recovery!

Re: Fellow mommies, child psych's, or really anyone, 2nd question added

Honestly Deb I would see how you look and feel when you are in the hospital. If it's bad you might not want to expose him to that until your stitches and stuff are out. I know when I cut my hair off (short) D was around that age and for the whole day she would just look at me and scream! I mean scream. It was a real boost to my ego I tell ya But that was just hair. She still doesn't like it if I have a towel on my head either. I know that you will miss Joey terribly but you might want to play it by ear.

As for your other questions. Look at it this way there are plenty of parents that have to travel a lot for their jobs or work very long hours and their kids know who their parents are.

I can tell you that my dd is really tight with my mom. She watches her 2 days a week, sometimes 3. Those days when I come home from work its as if I don't exist, it's all about MeMa. But I tell you if something is wrong or she is scared all she wants is mommy. She knows that's MeMa and I am Mommy. Joey loves you and Joey knows you are his mommy.

As Kelly said it's all about quality not quantity.

My bf's friend is a SAHM she has all day with her son. She never ever talks to him. I have seen this with my own eyes. He is now almost 3 and doesn't talk. He has no verbal skills at all because he is never talked to. He just points and something is handed to him no conversation. He is plopped in front of the TV etc.

So my long winded point is, just because she has all day with him doesn't mean she has any quality time with him. You may only have the strength for one good hour of reading a week and maybe one hour of play and 15 minutes of talking to him. It doesn't matter as long as it is quality!!!

Re: Fellow mommies, child psych's, or really anyone, 2nd question added

Re: Fellow mommies, child psych's, or really anyone, 2nd question added

I also wanted to add that it isn't going to be stitches or face reconstruction that is going to scare him. It's going to be the hesitation before he realizes it's you.

I think as long as you're feeling up to it, it would be great for both of you. He needs to get used to you & the sooner, the better. It's not selfish on your part. Ten days is a long time for both of you to go without each other.

Re: Fellow mommies, child psych's, or really anyone, 2nd question added

I have no doubt at all that he knows you are his mom. I believe that since you and studmuffin were so in love with him since the moment of your BFP, he knows that. He knows you carried him. He knows the way you look at him.
I also believe that you mother is loving him like a grandmother. He loves her like a grandmother. Calm with a BTDT attitude. The love you feel for him, no one elses can compare.

Honestly, with the hospital scene...if you think it may be too much for him, and he is sort of a deep sleeper, have someone put him to sleep, then give him to you. Then you are holding him and loving him up, he can feel you, but he will be asleep.

Re: Fellow mommies, child psych's, or really anyone, 2nd question added

Posted by Janice

I have no doubt at all that he knows you are his mom. I believe that since you and studmuffin were so in love with him since the moment of your BFP, he knows that. He knows you carried him. He knows the way you look at him.
I also believe that you mother is loving him like a grandmother. He loves her like a grandmother. Calm with a BTDT attitude. The love you feel for him, no one elses can compare.

Honestly, with the hospital scene...if you think it may be too much for him, and he is sort of a deep sleeper, have someone put him to sleep, then give him to you. Then you are holding him and loving him up, he can feel you, but he will be asleep.

Re: Fellow mommies, child psych's, or really anyone, 2nd question added

your son knows you from birth and knows his mom. its great that your mom is there to help you and you have one advantage that she raised you. about bringing him to the hospital i don't think JAG will be frightened by you they know its you by your voice and smell. After your surgery you will have more time to spend with your son and create an even stronger bond.

Re: Fellow mommies, child psych's, or really anyone, 2nd question added

She doesn't help take care of him. She does take care of him. I only get to pop in and out once in a while.