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GioiaMia
Let's Go Rangers!
Member since 1/07 14818 total posts
Name:
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Re: WDYT about accepting help?
Thank you everyone for making me feel better about my actions! I will talk more to DH about this because he is just being silly. Plus, having my mom help really makes it possible for me to pump and that is something that he supports!
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Posted 9/5/10 8:17 PM  |
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BaroqueMama
Chase is one!
Member since 5/05 27530 total posts
Name:
me
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Re: WDYT about accepting help?
Posted by Tilde
Thank you everyone for making me feel better about my actions! I will talk more to DH about this because he is just being silly. Plus, having my mom help really makes it possible for me to pump and that is something that he supports!
You are doing nothing wrong. It is SO hard to be a new mom, even with my second it was just so, so hard. My parents are my saviors as far as I'm concerned. They live two minutes away and are here at the drop of a hat if need be. My mom even offered to come over at 5am every morning when Chase wasn't sleeping through the night because she was up and would rather be here with my son and helping me than sitting at home while my dad slept and she couldn't.
Just tell your husband that someday, you will return the favor for your children when they have children. That's just what my mom always says she is doing.
When I struggled with postpartum depression after my first child, my therapist (who specialized in ppd) pointed out to me that in other cultures, a new mom is NEVER ever left alone with the baby because it's just TOO much work for one person on no sleep and all the women in the family come together to take care of a new baby. That made me feel so much better about accepting help, and I can tell you, your mom wouldn't do it if she didn't want to.
Four years later, my mom still loves to pick up my daughter and take her out for the day because spending time with her is a gift to my mom.
Hopefully DH will stop giving you a hard time about this. It's hard enough being a new mom!
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| Posted 9/5/10 8:40 PM |
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shelby34
Love being a twin mommy!
Member since 5/07 2934 total posts
Name:
Michele
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Re: WDYT about accepting help?
I am seriously jealous just reading this! We had my mom and DH's parents here for two weeks after the twins were born and they were a HUGE help. This week was the first week I was on my own and it was really hard.
As long as they want to help, then I say take it! You would be insane not to
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| Posted 9/5/10 8:45 PM |
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BeachMom
Love my 4 kiddos!
Member since 11/08 8346 total posts
Name:
Kristie
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Re: WDYT about accepting help?
take the help that they offer.
i'm a big advocate for doing things yourself but if it doesnt bother them and they are not inconviencing themselves to help you out, why not.
If you just automatically assumed that they would take care of your DC all the time...then i would see an issue.
But it doesnt seem like they are complaining.
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| Posted 9/5/10 8:49 PM |
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Re: WDYT about accepting help?
Take the help! 
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| Posted 9/5/10 8:51 PM |
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Michelle
My Little Yankee Fans
Member since 1/06 4018 total posts
Name:
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Re: WDYT about accepting help?
I would leave him hgome with the baby all day with no help and I am sure he would change his mind.
I think he is insane to tell you to not get help if people are willing and able to help you.
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| Posted 9/5/10 8:54 PM |
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dawnygirl25
Growing up soo fast..
Member since 1/06 14917 total posts
Name:
Dawn
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Re: WDYT about accepting help?
I think you are very lucky to be in the situation you are in. As long as your Mom doesnt mind, accept the help and be happy about it.
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| Posted 9/5/10 8:55 PM |
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LittleBlueBug
Happy Mommy
Member since 9/06 4074 total posts
Name:
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Re: WDYT about accepting help?
I think you should absolutely take the help. Why should DD have a stressed out exhausted mommy when she doesn't have to? I hate to suggest this, but could it be that he feels a little resentful that you get help and are able to get things done without as much stressed/exhaustion when he has to work such long hours? Sometimes it's hard for the working parent to see how hard taking care of a little baby is too. Like I said, hate to go there, but that's what first came to my mind. I see it as a great opportunity for your DD to have some bonding time with her grandparents and you to have some adjustment time. I remember when I was on ML I didn't have any outside help. Taking a shower...drying my hair...those were luxuries I dreamed of. The result was a lot of crying on my part. Seems stupid maybe, but it was something that upset me as I was trying to adjust to not sleeping and taking care of someone else besides myself.
You are truely blessed to have these wonderful people in your life as well as our DD's life. Trust me, it's a blessing when you have people who are willing to help and who want to be part of their grandchild's life.
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| Posted 9/5/10 9:00 PM |
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maymama
my little loves
Member since 8/08 18453 total posts
Name:
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Re: WDYT about accepting help?
Posted by KGools
take help wherever you can get it... esp. since DH works such long hours!!
ITA! they enjoy it! sounds like its working well for both parties stick with it!
do you think DH could be a little bit jealous that he isnt getting to spend as much time with her?  I ask because my DH reacted the same way when our mother's would come over often in the beginning. He finally caved and told me that he was just upset that they got to spend so much time with DS while he worked long hours
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| Posted 9/5/10 9:06 PM |
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Peainapod
Peanuts are here!
Member since 1/09 13591 total posts
Name:
Diana
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Re: WDYT about accepting help?
I think if you have the help, take it.
We live in PA, my family is in brooklyn. I had NO ONE here to help me. My mother came out 2x in the 14 weeks i was home. Im certainly not mad b/c she takes care of my grandma..and when i went back to work, my mom stays here 2x a week which saves me on daycare. I just wish she would have been able to come more when i was home all those weeks ready to run far away..LOL.
Those first weeks are rough..and i was all on my own after DH went back to work. ALL DAY,ALL ME until DH came home at 6. I didnt have a car either b/c at the time, we had 1 car which DH took to work. So i was literally in the house most of the winter with a colicky baby who cried for hours every day by myself and no where to go except for walks around the area. I wish i had my mother downstairs or around the block.
Its your grandparents first baby? even if its not, the baby lives in their house and are thrilled there is a baby there. So let them enjoy this time...in the meanwhile it helps out a new mom.
I think I would have had an easier post partum experience those first few weeks if I had someone here to help.
Its easy for your DH to say that b/c he's at work all day and doesn't really deal with the baby. Its hard work!!
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| Posted 9/5/10 9:27 PM |
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Jan1975
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Member since 8/09 3846 total posts
Name:
Sarah
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Re: WDYT about accepting help?
I think I'm jealous and your DH is crazy!
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| Posted 9/5/10 9:30 PM |
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GioiaMia
Let's Go Rangers!
Member since 1/07 14818 total posts
Name:
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Re: WDYT about accepting help?
Thanks everyone!
Yeah, I think he may be getting jealous that he barely gets to see her. I know it is really hard for him. But soon, my ML will be over and his busy season will be over so our roles will be reversed and I bet my mom will be helping out just as much!
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| Posted 9/5/10 9:43 PM |
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Palebride
I am an amazing bakist
Member since 5/05 13673 total posts
Name:
Lori
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Re: WDYT about accepting help?
Take the help!!!
We live about 20 minutes from my parents....and I use them as often as I can!!! When Lily was 10 days old, she slept at their house so I could get some sleep. They babysit her all the time overnight...so we can go out to dinner...or a movie....
Tell your husband that if he doesn't want you to accept help from others, he'd better be home to help you out!
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| Posted 9/5/10 9:45 PM |
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livy820
Luckiest Mom of 2 girls!
Member since 8/07 1606 total posts
Name:
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Re: WDYT about accepting help?
TAKE IT TAKE IT TAKE IT!!
my mom lives maybe 2 miles away and she helps me almost everyday. When i had my first DD, i called her every morning to tell her what time to come over. you are fortunate to have the help and it is also nice for your DD to spend time with her grandparents. not everyone is so lucky.
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| Posted 9/5/10 9:48 PM |
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carissa1643
I LOVE my sons! :)
Member since 5/09 5283 total posts
Name:
Carissa
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Re: WDYT about accepting help?
Good for you! I dont think youre taking advantage at all!
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| Posted 9/5/10 9:52 PM |
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avamamma
My Girl
Member since 7/06 3395 total posts
Name:
Tara
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Re: WDYT about accepting help?
I think it is wonderful! You have given them the greatest gift, know they are just enjoying her :)
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| Posted 9/5/10 10:03 PM |
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Kissy331
My two miracles!
Member since 5/06 17826 total posts
Name:
Kristen
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Re: WDYT about accepting help?
never turn down the help....It is crucial for your own sanity to ask for it when needed & if your parents are willing, you definately are not taking advantage
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| Posted 9/5/10 10:05 PM |
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aja
my princess
Member since 10/05 2936 total posts
Name:
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Re: WDYT about accepting help?
Enjoy! Sounds awesome...my mom begs me to have the kids sleep over...I think she would be ecstatic if I told her we are moving in with her...lol
I grew up in the same house with my grandparents...we spent many nights in my grandparents bed...we used to sneak down there by ourselves as we got older
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| Posted 9/5/10 10:31 PM |
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smdl
I love Gary too..on a plate!
Member since 5/06 32461 total posts
Name:
me
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Re: WDYT about accepting help?
If it works for both party, then by any means, why break it!
There is no need to struggle to be called a "better" mom. Take the help when/while you can.
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| Posted 9/5/10 11:12 PM |
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Shelleybean11
Mommy of 2!
Member since 12/08 11013 total posts
Name:
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Re: WDYT about accepting help?
I think it's fantastic that your parents are available to help you! Sounds pretty ideal to me! Enjoy it
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| Posted 9/5/10 11:25 PM |
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MamaLeen
:)
Member since 10/09 4594 total posts
Name:
E
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Re: WDYT about accepting help?
I agree with a pp, sounds like a dream!!!
How amazing that you have your awesome parents so close and willing to help!!
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| Posted 9/5/10 11:45 PM |
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MamaLeen
:)
Member since 10/09 4594 total posts
Name:
E
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Re: WDYT about accepting help?
Posted by BaroqueMama
Just tell your husband that someday, you will return the favor for your children when they have children. That's just what my mom always says she is doing.
When I struggled with postpartum depression after my first child, my therapist (who specialized in ppd) pointed out to me that in other cultures, a new mom is NEVER ever left alone with the baby because it's just TOO much work for one person on no sleep and all the women in the family come together to take care of a new baby.
Your Mom sounds awesome too! I think that's a great way to look at it, when you become a Grandma you can pass along the favor 
Also this is such a good point about other cultures and makes a ton of sense to me. It really is so much work and any help is great to have!
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| Posted 9/5/10 11:49 PM |
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karenchad
LIF Adolescent
Member since 5/09 518 total posts
Name:
Karen
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Re: WDYT about accepting help?
I see NO problem with this! If your mom is willing to help and she has no problems, then keep things the way they are!
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| Posted 9/6/10 1:24 PM |
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ldomiano
LIF Toddler
Member since 9/09 394 total posts
Name:
Lori
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Re: WDYT about accepting help?
Posted by Tilde
DH and I have ben "talking" (fighting LOL) about this for a few weeks, curious about what others thought.
We live with my parents. Ever since AnnaMaria has come into our lives, my parents have been awesome. In the morning, I will bring her downstairs for a bit if she is awake and my mom will watch her and I will take a nice long hot shower and then go get her. Sometimes, my mom will bathe her and get her dressed for me. And then at night, my mom will feed her and watch her as I run around and try to get some stuff done. Again, I will ofent go down and find her in PJs and fed and ready for bed.
My mom doesn't work and literally lights up when she sees her. My dad rushes home for work so he can see her for a bit before she goes to sleep. I don't see a reason to "pretend" like I don't have the help as long as I am not taking advantage and I don't think that I am.
DH works from 6AM to 10PM most days, so I am not taking away any of his time with her, my parents love it and I get to take my time with stuff.
He thinks that I am taking advantage of them and that I should kind of struggle through like all you other moms out there do.
(PS, if my mom is busy or not home I have NO problem taking a shower or doing things during her naptimes, I am not incompetent LOL)
So, what do you all think?
DH, DS & I live with DH mom. She helps us out alot. She too is retired and home all the time. Ive notice some jealousy from my one SIL about it because if I say oh "Im going to the store do you need anything" most of the time she just comes with me for the ride and then in turn isnt there for my SIL. Its a whole other screwy situation.
But I know how you feel, and by all means I dont think your taking advantage Im sure if they didnt want to help you they wouldnt, right?
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| Posted 9/6/10 1:36 PM |
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MrsAT
LIF Adolescent
Member since 9/07 881 total posts
Name:
Allison
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Re: WDYT about accepting help?
you're so fortunate that this is your situation. Growing up we lived in the same house as my maternal great-grandparents and my mom had a similar situation. (My great grandmother was very young!) We were always left in good hands and because of that my parents were always grateful. My great-grandmother was like a second mother to me and I was so lucky to have such a special relationship with her, especially because my mom worked really long hours and went on to further her education. None of that would have been possible if she wasn't right downstairs.
Appreciate the situation and enjoy it
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| Posted 9/6/10 1:44 PM |
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