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eddiesmommy
best buds!
Member since 5/09 11524 total posts
Name:
Melissa
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Re: Did I do the right thing?
Posted by Linda1003
since when did having a debate automatically equal arguing?
OK, fine, Ill go back and edit it to read debate (which is just really a formal argument), if you care to continue to nitpick the words people choose to use in their posts. My point was, I dont think it was harsh, you can and thats fine, but I still dont. Im not going to go back and forth and debate the reasons why it may or may not be, bc there is no need too. We just have different opinions on it and no "debate" is going to change that. Its just not necessary to turn this into a debate, she asked what we would have done and clearly I would not have done anything bc of the reasons I stated. I was just answering her question from my point of view.
Message edited 11/1/2010 12:41:57 PM.
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Posted 11/1/10 12:19 PM  |
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gabbie83
2 girls <3
Member since 6/08 3037 total posts
Name:
gabbie
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Re: Did I do the right thing?
you did the right thing!
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| Posted 11/1/10 12:25 PM |
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brownie
Baby #1 is here!
Member since 11/08 13903 total posts
Name:
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Re: Did I do the right thing?
Posted by eddiesmommy
I dont think it was mean spirited or demeaning, but kind of just tough...those are the rules, you can cry if you want, but thats the way it is. Why coddle a child bc hes upset hes not getting his way?
Its not like he got hurt and she left him there by himself crying, that would be cruel.
ITA
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| Posted 11/1/10 12:27 PM |
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Tine73
Member since 3/06 22093 total posts
Name:
*********
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Re: Did I do the right thing?
Posted by Goobster
Posted by monkeybride
Posted by jgl
I think you did the right thing but i am sure she doesnt intend on doing that and probably said it out if frustration.
I agree.
Children need to learn consequences for their action. No one is going to leave him there all day crying but he shouldn't be hugged and coddled for not sharing.
ITA
Teachers are HUMAN too. Esp to deal with so many children all day, everyday. You cannot expect perfection. I dont think what she said was that horrific and I am sure it was just a phrase she said. I would not have been horrified at that phrase. i expected to read something much worse to be honest.
ITA - That's something that I would say to DD.
What you did, isn't wrong or right - you followed your gut.
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| Posted 11/1/10 12:29 PM |
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Goobster
:)
Member since 5/07 27557 total posts
Name:
:)
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Re: Did I do the right thing?
Posted by Linda1003
Posted by Goobster
Posted by monkeybride
Posted by jgl
I think you did the right thing but i am sure she doesnt intend on doing that and probably said it out if frustration.
I agree.
Children need to learn consequences for their action. No one is going to leave him there all day crying but he shouldn't be hugged and coddled for not sharing.
ITA
Teachers are HUMAN too. Esp to deal with so many children all day, everyday. You cannot expect perfection. I dont think what she said was that horrific and I am sure it was just a phrase she said. I would not have been horrified at that phrase. i expected to read something much worse to be honest.
First off.. Hayley NEVER said she was Horrified.. she was Upset as I would be too if I heard a child being spoken to in that manner. ESPECIALLY from people who get PAID to tend to comfort, teach and love your child!!!! (a mother saying that would upset me just as much but it's her child so her business).. When a daycare provider demeans a child in front of others.. it needs to be address.
I did not say she said she was horrified. It was just a word I chose about how I "would" or "would not" feel. I still don't think it's such a serious alarming statement to hear and call a director about (hence my use of the word horrific).
And just b/c she gets PAID, doesn't mean she is super human. JMO
Message edited 11/1/2010 12:34:28 PM.
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| Posted 11/1/10 12:30 PM |
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mamabear
LIF Adult
Member since 3/08 4539 total posts
Name:
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Re: Did I do the right thing?
absolutely! this is where i believe the phrase "it takes a village to raise a child" comes in. we need to look out for other kids as well as our own in such circumstances, because we cant be there to see how our kids are being treated 24/7.
i think (as this thread shows) some parents would be ok with their child being treated that way, and some would not. whatever your belief, a parent who does not want their child treated that way has the right to demand their child not be treated that way, or take their child to a place where they are not left to cry.
you did the right thing. (actually, i would tell the mom, too)
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| Posted 11/1/10 12:35 PM |
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maybeamommy
Blessed beyond belief
Member since 10/07 17048 total posts
Name:
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Re: Did I do the right thing?
Thanks for the opinions.
I guess I found it upsetting because that is not how I'd speak to my child or anyone else's child. I am an SLP and typically have around 55 kids on my caseload, so believe me... I know what it's like to work with children all day long. It's not easy! But that's just not the way that I talk to kids. It made me feel like she didn't care that he was upset or crying... and I hated that she said it to another child. I probably would have said something like, "I'm sorry you're upset Billy, but we have to share" or something similar to that. I feel like she should have acknowledged the child's feelings instead of just ignoring him and telling ANOTHER kid that comment. JMO of course.
I didn't say it was horrific, alarming or serious. I simply said it upset me and I felt like I had to speak up... and wanted to see what others would have done in the same situation.
I know she wasn't literally going to let the kid sit there and cry all day and I didn't expect the kid to be hugged or "coddled" but I just didn't like the way the situation was handled. It's not how I would have handled it and it's not the way I'd want my child to be treated...
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| Posted 11/1/10 12:36 PM |
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mamabear
LIF Adult
Member since 3/08 4539 total posts
Name:
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Re: Did I do the right thing?
Posted by neener1211
I don't have kids in daycare, but it almost seems like this teacher is acting like this is how she would handle it if it were her own home and own kids.
I think the two have to be separate. Just because she might tell her kid, go ahead cry, doesn't mean that is appropriate in the school.
ITA
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| Posted 11/1/10 12:37 PM |
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Celt
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Member since 4/08 7758 total posts
Name:
colette
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Re: Did I do the right thing?
I don't like it and it wouldn't have sat well with me. Good for you for calling. Her comment sounded flippant and a tad mean-spirited; there are about 73,254 OTHER things she could have said to use the moment as an opportunity to teach Billy and the other child about sharing, etc. In a daycare setting, where I'm PAYING these people to take on that teaching role in my absence, this was a)not effective and b)harsh.
If it gets that teacher/aide "under the microscope" a little, well so be it - not that I'd want some kind of repercussionss if this is an isolated incident - but there may be more to the picture with that employee. The director needs to provide actionable feedback to the daycare's employees and calls like this are an important part of that process!
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| Posted 11/1/10 12:44 PM |
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MrsRbk
<3 <3 <3 <3
Member since 1/06 19197 total posts
Name:
Michelle
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Re: Did I do the right thing?
DD's 2nd week in daycare after I went back to work, I had a similar thing occur. I was so upset over it because I was scared DD would get the same "treatment" (she was only 5 months old at the time). That at lunchtime, I went back to the daycare and talked to the director.
It made me feel better and I know she spoke to the teacher. She never said it was me, but I'm pretty sure the teacher knew as I was the only parent in the room when she said what she said that upset me.
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| Posted 11/1/10 12:47 PM |
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LIMOMx2
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Member since 5/05 24989 total posts
Name:
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Re: Did I do the right thing?
I wouldn't have called but that is what you felt like you had to do, then good for you.
I don't think warrants a call to the director IMO.
You don't know how "Billy" is all day there and what goes on.
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| Posted 11/1/10 12:51 PM |
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eddiesmommy
best buds!
Member since 5/09 11524 total posts
Name:
Melissa
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Re: Did I do the right thing?
Posted by 5ofClubs
I wouldn't have called but that is what you felt like you had to do, then good for you.
I don't think warrants a call to the director IMO.
You don't know how "Billy" is all day there and what goes on.
this is kind of what I was thinking too, who knows if she tried speaking to him differently and patiently the first 10 times to no avail. Maybe after several failed attempts at being reasonable and empathetic is when she said "fine, cry all day if you want."
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| Posted 11/1/10 12:54 PM |
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Goobster
:)
Member since 5/07 27557 total posts
Name:
:)
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Re: Did I do the right thing?
Posted by eddiesmommy
Posted by 5ofClubs
I wouldn't have called but that is what you felt like you had to do, then good for you.
I don't think warrants a call to the director IMO.
You don't know how "Billy" is all day there and what goes on.
this is kind of what I was thinking too, who knows if she tried speaking to him differently and patiently the first 10 times to no avail. Maybe after several failed attempts at being reasonable and empathetic is when she said "fine, cry all day if you want."
ITA, to me it's just a snippet of time that was seen. I would never call a director about something like that. I think to expect everyone to speak the way you(in general you) would or would not is unrealistic.
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| Posted 11/1/10 1:09 PM |
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Re: Did I do the right thing?
Posted by mamabear
absolutely! this is where i believe the phrase "it takes a village to raise a child" comes in. we need to look out for other kids as well as our own in such circumstances, because we cant be there to see how our kids are being treated 24/7.
i think (as this thread shows) some parents would be ok with their child being treated that way, and some would not. whatever your belief, a parent who does not want their child treated that way has the right to demand their child not be treated that way, or take their child to a place where they are not left to cry.
you did the right thing. (actually, i would tell the mom, too)
I agree 100%
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| Posted 11/1/10 1:31 PM |
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maybesoon
LIF Adult
Member since 9/09 5981 total posts
Name:
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Re: Did I do the right thing?
rule of thumb, if she said that to your child how would you have reacted? I think all daycare parents need to look out for eachother's children. You def. did the right thing and I would be very happy if you stuck up for my child when I could not. shame on that day care provider 
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| Posted 11/1/10 2:24 PM |
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Re: Did I do the right thing?
You absolutely did the right thing. Your child is there and you have to be 100% confident and comfortable. Besides, I love him too and if you told me someone said that regarding Loey, I would cry too! 
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| Posted 11/1/10 7:58 PM |
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wingsofsong
My 3 little loves <3<3<3
Member since 1/09 7395 total posts
Name:
Maureen
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Re: Did I do the right thing?
Posted by colette
I don't like it and it wouldn't have sat well with me. Good for you for calling. Her comment sounded flippant and a tad mean-spirited; there are about 73,254 OTHER things she could have said to use the moment as an opportunity to teach Billy and the other child about sharing, etc. In a daycare setting, where I'm PAYING these people to take on that teaching role in my absence, this was a)not effective and b)harsh.
If it gets that teacher/aide "under the microscope" a little, well so be it - not that I'd want some kind of repercussionss if this is an isolated incident - but there may be more to the picture with that employee. The director needs to provide actionable feedback to the daycare's employees and calls like this are an important part of that process!
I agree with this 1000%!!! I don't think I would have called the director, because I am never able to do stuff like that (admittedly a fault of mine), but I think it's good that you did. As others have mentioned, there are so many other ways that could have been handled while getting the same point across. I am a music therapist and work in a preschool for children with special needs, so, like you, Hayley, I know how your patience can certanily be tested when it comes to kids! But I also would never say something like that, especially to another child in front of Billy. It shows both children a lack of respect. I think you handled it well!
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| Posted 11/1/10 9:08 PM |
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ChrisDee
My Girls
Member since 11/06 9543 total posts
Name:
Christine
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Re: Did I do the right thing?
I usually use this as my guide:
Would you want to know?
Would you hope that if it was your child invlolved that someone would have told?
You did the right thing!
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| Posted 11/1/10 9:46 PM |
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2PreciousBlessings
The Perfect Pair
Member since 5/06 19861 total posts
Name:
Best Wife & Mommy
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Re: Did I do the right thing?
Posted by monkeybride
Posted by jgl
I think you did the right thing but i am sure she doesnt intend on doing that and probably said it out if frustration.
I agree.
Children need to learn consequences for their action. No one is going to leave him there all day crying but he shouldn't be hugged and coddled for not sharing.
ITA!!!!!!!!
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| Posted 11/2/10 6:17 AM |
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babyxoxo
LIF Zygote
Member since 1/08 27 total posts
Name:
Ali
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Re: Did I do the right thing?
You DEFINATELY did the right thing!
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| Posted 11/2/10 6:41 AM |
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sweetie101
you make me smile :o)
Member since 5/08 4419 total posts
Name:
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Re: Did I do the right thing?
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| Posted 11/2/10 7:48 AM |
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MrsSpring
I'm a lucky mama
Member since 1/10 7585 total posts
Name:
L
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Re: Did I do the right thing?
i think you did the right thing. imagine how billys mom would feel
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| Posted 11/2/10 8:43 AM |
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Re: Did I do the right thing?
I think you did the right thing. Although I am sure I probably have said that to my son, someone who is being paid to watch him should be more professional and have a more constructive way of taking care of the situation. If the teacher is already losing her patience at drop off, I don't want to know what she says later in the day.
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| Posted 11/2/10 8:48 AM |
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Ladybug3
Two is better than one!!!
Member since 12/07 4474 total posts
Name:
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Re: Did I do the right thing?
I think you 100 percent did the right thing!
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| Posted 11/2/10 9:00 AM |
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janedoe
3 GIRLS!!!!
Member since 8/09 3184 total posts
Name:
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Re: Did I do the right thing?
For everyone who said that the OP did the right thing - just a question....
Why not say something directly to the teacher? why not try and get the entire story from her and then if you are not satisfied with her response, then call the director? Just curious?
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| Posted 11/2/10 9:41 AM |
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