I just can't take my dog anymore!

I have always been an animal lover. I have 3 rescue cats and a rescue dog. Lately I feel like I need the rescuing.

I've had my dog for about 5 years. She was at the shelter two times (that we know of) before I fostered and then adopted her- so her separation anxiety is understandable.

She has always been very clingy but it has been manageable. When I started dating DH she got a little out of hand- always squeezing herself between us, not letting us etc. but overall we got through it and I know she is a good dog. She is so good with children and just so so SOOOOO loving.

Anyway, ever since we had a baby things have gone downhill. I was home the last month of my pregnancy so the dog and I pretty much laid in bed together watching movies the entire time. That made it even more difficult when baby came home b/c it went from 110% attention to well not that much. I mean, we pretty much have the same routine i.e. walks and such but my "downtime" just laying with her on the couch- it's become rare- and not b/c I don't want to hang w/ her but because I don't have any time to hang at all anymore.

Her behavior has become torture. She will stand in front of me barking for a carrot (she has medical issues and eats carrots and cucumbers as snacks), she pees and poos in the house (she also has a weak bladder but takes meds and this is just from spite b/c if I leave for 5 mins she has done it already), and she destroys the trash. Oh, and in the morning on those rare days I have off she will wake me up by crying in my face (even though she already ate and dh walked her) b/c she wants a treat.

I HATE the way it has soured our relationship. I hate to admit this but some days I wish I never even got her. I mean, I can't even believe those words are coming out of my mouth- I can't EXPRESS the kind of relationship we USED to have. But when her behavior causes me SOOO MUCH stress it's hard to love her the way I used to.

I know that I've created a lot of the problem by giving in to her desires in the past- it's just that it never seemed like we needed to do the whole "discipline" thing. She was always a loving dog and I always accepted that as being enough- so what if she begs like crazy at the table? Kwim? I never minded throwing her scraps here and there. I'm not sure if my rewarding bad behavior got us here or just jealousy bc of the baby. I guess both.

I don't know what to do anymore. I'm not one of those people who give up on a pet- I''m that person who sends nasty emails to people looking to rehome their animals b/c it's become inconvenient. I love her like a family member but this has become unbearable. I see now how someone who is not an animal lover like myself can come to the conclusion to get rid of the dog. It has become SO stressful for me!

Anyway, thanks for listening.

Message edited 12/23/2010 5:52:12 PM.

Re: I just can't take my dog anymore!

Hi

I can relate and I understand what you are saying. I have a very very needy dog (not a rescue). My DD is now over 2. Things got so much better when DD started getting around, I hope it does for you too.

I am not sure what advice I have for you b/c it sounds like you know what needs to be done. But I want you to hang in there and know as your DC gets older, things do change.

My dogs are very needy. They do exhaust me some days. And my male had a hard time with DD, very nippy with us/her, etc. But so much is better now that she is his size and she's his playmate. I think your dog may start to seek attention from your DC and maybe that will relieve you of some stress. Funny we say maybe DD's job will be to keep our male dog company and play with him all day. But my dogs do love my DD, you can see how they go looking for her and want to be in the room with us and her all the time. So maybe your DC will help you out with your dog down the line.

How old is your baby? I can tell you for us the first year was ROUGH. Alot of work (again nipping here though, in addition to being needy so that was exhausting work). But after one year and DD walking on her own, everything changed for the better. It's all in stages, kwim? Please hang in there and know it doesn't make you bad to sometimes feel frustrated or like giving up. But the difference is YOU won't. That's why others do. B/c they don't have the dedication that you (or I) do. Just try to, when you have a bit of a sane frame of mind, think of your dog's perspective and that your dog is like a child who needs your guidance, and attention and even reprimanding.

We used www.barkbusters.com btw, and it helped alot.

Re: I just can't take my dog anymore!

Maggie's become very needy since I had the baby as well. She used to just chill around the house by herself now she's constantly standing in front my me crying, whining, etc... BUT my neice acted the same one when my sister had her baby so I guess it's a sibling thing - ha!

Re: I just can't take my dog anymore!

Have you taken her into vet to check blood work and make sure this isn't a medical issue? There are a couple of common conditions that cause excessive hunger and behaviors like what you are describing. That would be the first thing to get checked out. Be silly if a medical condition that can be fixed by a pill every 12 hours ruins your relationship. Even if it turns out not to be medical, your vet has behavior modification meds that can help and suggestions, including if need be, a professional dog trainer. Yes you can teach an old dog new tricks and for few dollars a professional dog trainer can restore peace to your household, money well spent.
Good luck!

Re: I just can't take my dog anymore!

Others have addressed the family portion of your problem, so I wanted to comment on this:

Re: I just can't take my dog anymore!

Thanks for your replies. To answer some questions she is 12 years old which is pretty elderly especially for a dalmatian and I have had her since she was about 7/8. We regularly visit the vet and I've discussed her behavior- but next time I'll ask about the medical possibilities you mentioned.

Greenfreak- maybe I'm a little sensitive but I find your post offensive. Especially these parts-

"A very telling sign is that most (if not all) of your post is about your dog's affect on your life. But you don't say much about what you have given it besides mutual affection"

"Your dog has needs too, and the acting out is just a bi-product of not having it's needs met"

I go above and beyond for my dog. Maybe I'm not the dog whisperer but I'm pretty confident that I "give it more than mutual affection" and I don't neglect to "meet her needs".

We go on three walks a day and interact with other dogs. I bathe her, trim her nails, and clean out her ears on a regular basis. We also routinely go through commands like sit and lay down after which I reward her.

She also has a slew of medical conditions I take care of that are extremely costly and time consuming. First, she takes a daily pill that is $50 per month. Then, she eats prescription food for another $100 a month. She also gets quarterly sonograms and vet visits that I won't even tell you the price of. I also spend at least an hour a week preparing her "purine free" snacks/rewards.

I put a lot into her. For four years she didn't require any sort of formal discipline to stay happy and balanced. I understand that with the baby things have changed and I may need a new approach, but I think if you truly want to help people you should consider rewording your advice- otherwise it just gets lost to anger when you start off with words like "neglect".

Re: I just can't take my dog anymore!

Your original post was all about you, blaming your dog for all the issues. You're only mentioning the other parts now. You're meeting her exercise and medical needs, which is part of being a good dog owner. I think it's great that you obviously take care of these needs but I feel that that's every dog owner's responsibility.

My point about discipline is that all dogs require it. You skipped over the part I wrote about separation anxiety - that sounds like the first sign that she was unbalanced and needed help. Then the clingy behavior, challenges to your authority, demanding attention, demanding food, feeding her from the table, etc. I'm really not trying to make you feel bad but I think you should consider how she's been allowed to maintain these problems, which have now gotten a lot worse.

I usually walk on eggshells to provide nice, carefully-worded replies. But I see this kind of post all the time, I can think of at least two others in the past month alone. They list all of the dog's issues, how it affects them, thoughts of giving it up. Some are looking for real advice, take it, and try to make changes. Some are just looking for justification. And some post the same thing over and over again, without really doing anything to fix the problems.

So, I did use strong words. Sometimes that's what is necessary for someone to look at things from their dog's point of view instead of their own. I doubt you would focus more on your anger with me than what you need to do for her, since it's obvious how much you love her.

If you decide to do the training yourself, I know some books that can help, and I'd be glad to tell you how we handle it. I know you're probably with me right now, but I would be glad to help as much as I could, especially with the separation anxiety since we've been working on that ourselves. If you don't want to do the training yourself, there are people who could recommend their trainers.

I really do wish you and your family well, and hope that you can find a way for everyone to be happy.

Re: I just can't take my dog anymore!

i just wanted to add my 2 cents too
i don't think what greenfreak said was rude...she is very helpful and knowledgable on this board...i always look to see what she says because it is good advice!...please don;t take her the wrong way because she is always very helpful....

sometimes my dogs drive me nuts too but they are dogs and it will happen more often than not..they are like toddlers...my one dog has been scratching up against the Chrismas tree and im always yelling at him to get away...the other one comes in full of dirt and i have to spend 15 minutes cleaning her off-everyday and more than once a day!! ..we all go through different things that drive us nuts with our pups--hang in there....just do the best you can-don't give up! think of all the happiness she's brought to you and that will help you get through it! you can do it! and good luck!!

Re: I just can't take my dog anymore!

You are totally entitled to have your feelings about how a poster responds to you. But I just wanted to share that I don't think Greefreak was trying to be mean spirited

In my own experience I have walked the walk of not having discipline with a dog. And then things changed in our home and the lack of discipline in the past caught up with us. The dog's behavior went haywire. It's not that we didn't love him and treat him well (as it sounds you are treating your furfriend equally as well). Our dog just didn't have the structure that would have helped him when our home situation changed. So he took over for himself and misbehaved since that was all he could figure to do (since we weren't guiding him to do better). He has long since gone to doggy heaven, but if I ever have a dog again I will definitely try more discipline upfront.

I hope things get better with your furfriend!