Re: 40 and up having kids

No, not at all if the parents feel up to it. I had DS at 40, he was my first. I met DH late in life, and then it took us awhile to conceive, so there you go, first at 40.

The pregnancy and delivery were absolutely fine. No problems beyond the mundane fatigue, aches and pains, etc. I did take a long time to recuperate after delivering, and wound up getting diagnosed with lupus not long after DS was born, but that probably would have happened if I was younger. For a number of reasons, we stopped with DS and decided to have no more children--really more health and stress related than age.

At this point, I would try for a second if I was younger, but at 43, I personally feel the risks are a little high--I don't look down on others for having their first at this point, but for us, we don't want to chance it. We have one healthy boy, and that's enough for us.
So many parents I know are in their late 30s or early 40s, it's not unusual anymore.

Re: 40 and up having kids

I think that one thing women need to remember is that while YES you can absolutely have a baby at 40 (and up) it is MUCH HARDER most of the time in simple regards to fertility!!

I don't think that women today should adopt the mentality that they can wait until 40 to have a baby...(ASIDE from life throwing you a curveball). MEANING, a couple is married at 30 and wait 10 years to begin having kids.

I say this because I know friends going through infertility who are younger (early 30's) and we have talked at length about the statistics. You have a 5% chance of becoming pregnant on your own at 40. It happens, yes, but many women 40 and older need fertility treatments..its just a fact. And chances of chromosomal abnormalities increase greatly as well.

It's true that a woman of ANY age can have a child with defects. But the statistics say that a 45 year old woman will have a 1:12 chance of a child with down syndrome.

I don't write this to start any drama/debate. Because I firmly believe that every woman should be blessed with children..I write this to be informative and show that yes, it is totally possible but just may be HARDER in certain ways to have a child at 40 and above. Hope my post comes off that way and not insulting b/c I don't mean it any other way.

Re: 40 and up having kids

Re: 40 and up having kids

I don't think its bad or good. I personally want to be all done by 35. I also really appreciate how active our parents are because they are young grandparents themselves. My parents are 55 & 54 and my MIL is 53. They are still very active.

Re: 40 and up having kids

I love these answers so happy .....anyway I met my husband much later in life..I was married for the first time at 40 had DS at 41 then DD at 44...ok everyone pi k up your jaws...I'm so beyond blessed I thank god everyday for my beautiful healthy babies if I were younger god I would have more, I know my gyno would throw me out of his office if I told him I wanted another. Some days yes I do feel old and tired but when I drop him off at school some of the younger moms are just as tired. Also I was so nervous about bringing DS to school because I thought all the young pretty moms would look at me and wonder wow who is this old lady, but I take care of myself trying to back into the gym ,I have been told I dont look my age( I know for sure I don't act it) Also mommies at any age have so much in common so it easy to talk with them about your children. Oh and a little botox helps also!

Re: 40 and up having kids

Many of my friends will probably be older mothers. I actually think the ideal time to become a mother is probably mid-late 30's. Only thing is that fertility may not be on your side and the risks go up supposedly after age 35. If it wasn't for the risks of infertility, miscarriage, birth defects, I would say it is better to have kids a little older. You could develop your careers more, be more financially secure, spend more time with your spouse, travel, etc.

Re: 40 and up having kids

thanks for postiing this, i'm 38 and ttc baby number 2.
I only want two kids, so hopefully i'll get preggo soon.
I just feel like most people who ar TTC are WAY younger than me.
I would have liked to have started having kids earliers, but I didn't find Mr. Right, until a little later in life. So, having kids earlier wasn't an option for me.
I conceived my first on my honeymoon, right before my 35 birthday (on the first try). I would have liked to try for number 2 earlier, but due to finances and other stuff we had to wait until now.
As far as energy goes, i have lots of it. I workout and lead a very healthy lifestyle. I think that all plays a role as well.
Good luck if you are thinking about a baby!!!

Re: 40 and up having kids

I wouldn't have a dh if not for a 40+ pregnancy so I see no problem with it.

I don't want to do it, just like I didn't want one in my twenties. but it doesn't mean it's bad or wrong.

Re: 40 and up having kids

I had my first at 37, my second at 39 and my 43 yr old DH keeps suggesting we have just one more. I really am done and don't see late night feedings at 41/42 for me personally but I also have to be the one to be pregnant and hate being pregnant so I think that is part of it as well.

So I debate this all the time but definitely more of enjoying the two I have and not wanting 3 children, than the idea of having kids after 40. Age is just a number and if you are still fertile, go for it!

Re: 40 and up having kids

Re: 40 and up having kids

Age is just a number, it is all about how you feel and care for yourself...

Message edited 1/25/2011 1:16:30 PM.

Re: 40 and up having kids

Re: 40 and up having kids

For me, personally, it's too old. But I am 25 with a 17 month old DD. I hope to be done having kids by 30-32 the latest. I always wanted to be a young mom and I actually wish I was younger now.

ETS: I don't think 40+ is too old for anyone else. Just not for me. I applaud women having children at any age.

Message edited 1/25/2011 12:16:01 PM.

Re: 40 and up having kids

Re: 40 and up having kids

im 27, DH is 43 and we have a 16 month old DD. . . so for me this topic hits close to home


DH thought he was done with children, had a 10 (almost 11) year old when we conceived DD. He was a little afraid to be an "old" Dad, especially since he has horrible psoriatic arthriris. Im the opposite, im a "young" mom, found out I was pregnant on my 25th birthday.

I dont see anything wrong with it at all! I think my DH is able to enjoy our DD more than he could enjoy his son when he was younger as he's got an established career and isnt in school anymore.

But you have to take the good with the bad. He cant roll around on the floor with DD, he cant get down on his knees to bathe her. Its hard to lift her into and out of her crib and carseat. But thats why they have me We make it work, it's worth it.

Re: 40 and up having kids

I don't think it is. I remember when I was younger I had a dream of being married by 25 and kids soon after. I didn't get married until almost 30, had my son at 32 and then planned on having #2 a few years later. I got laid off from my job so I didn't think having a baby with a bleak financial future was the best. I had #2 at 36. I am almost 38 now. I would love #3.
I tried to plan out my life but it didn't turn out exactly like the picture in my head as a teenager.

Re: 40 and up having kids

Posted by maybebaby
I agree w. you. If i had met my husband later in life, i'd be having kids later.

My point was more that women shouldn't think that just because you CAN have kids at 40 and older, doesn't mean that its the ideal time for everyone...thats all. It COULD be a harder road to conceive. That was the point I was coming from...

I have a friend who is 34. Married 5 years. They want 4 kids but don't want to try for a few more years. To each their own, but I think women need to be more aware of the potential setbacks that is all.

Didn't mean to offend..I'm sorry if i did!

Re: 40 and up having kids

Of course, there are issues with having children at 40+. Facts are facts. The risk for birth defect, children with special needs, etc.. if much higher. At 40 yo you WILL be considered a high risk pregnancy.

But I don't think many women really try posponning until they are 40 to start having children.

Having kids in your 40's is more common in NY than in other part of the Country.

Many reasons for it. Cost of living, finding a goog job, housing marking, etc... makes that a lot of people do not leave home until mid to late 20's. Date for a few years to save to afford a wedding. Which mean a lot of women do not find the right guy until they are in their early 30's to mid 30's

Sometimes it just happens.

Re: 40 and up having kids

I was 40 when i had Jeremy. I married at 35, had IF issues and had Abby at 38. Would I choose to have kids at 40, I suppose I did, but it is not something I set out to do nor would I do it again. I am exhausted and if I had my kids 10 years earlier, my life would be VERY different.

To answer the OP, I do not think 40 is too old, per se, but there are risks and there are MANY differences to having kids in one's 40s versus in their 30s or 20s.

ETA My IF issues were not traditional fertility issues - they were anatomical not cyclical.

Message edited 1/25/2011 2:19:29 PM.

Re: 40 and up having kids

I see nothing wrong with having babies into your 40's.

Re: 40 and up having kids

I had my DS last year, one month shy of 39 and I am hoping to have more soon. I went through 4 1/2 years of infertility, which I never saw coming. I thought I would have no problem getting pg but I was wrong and it wasn't something I had any control over. So for me having kids at 40 + is perfectly fine! I feel better than ever and I love where I am in my life. I actually feel like I have more energy than before...but IF can really do a number on you so maybe that has something to do with it.
Of course sometimes I wish I was younger but it didn't work out that way for me and I'm really OK with it.

Re: 40 and up having kids

Not to old and personally I think, the older the better! You would be more mature, are more likely to be established in your career and have enough money... I know so many people who had kids very young and got into so much debt and still haven't gotten out from under it. Although I will echo what others said about fertility being more of an issue close to 40. It's too bad that biology and society are so not on the same page when it comes to age and childbearing!

Re: 40 and up having kids

I had absolutely no issues getting pregnant at 40 for the record and I had problem free pregnancy. I was not considered high risk.

Re: 40 and up having kids

I got married when I was 36. Had my DD at 38 and my DS 2 mos shy of my 40th birthday. No problems with either pregnancies.

I'm sure I won't be the youngest mom on parent/teacher night one day, but don't think I'll be the oldest either.

We can start a spinoff to this post and ask...is having a baby under 25yrs old too young???

It's a personal decision...and that's that. What's too young for one, is too old for another.

Re: 40 and up having kids

Posted by Gertyrae

I actually find this almost offensive since I had DS at 45. After a terrible marriage, meeting the right man at 35 and going through years of infertility I am blessed with a happy, healthy, EXTREMELY active little boy - and I wouldn't trade it for the world.
Aside from the infertility, which I would have had to deal with at any age, I had no problem being pregnant, going on bedrest for 5 months and handling a newborn. I am very active and have zero problems dealing with a toddler. I don't ever feel old around other mom's...a lot of times I hear much younger women complaining about their children and how tired they are.
It's truly about how old you are inside and how you take care of yourself....I plan on being an active and, more importantly, interactive mom with my son for many, many years.

So there!