F/T working moms vs. P/T or stay at home

Hi all- **sorry so long but please help**

My daughter is 5 months old and I am currently working P/T (25 hours a week). I had a wonderful F/T job before I had my DD and they are currently holding my F/T job and letting me work P/T until June.
I am having unbelievable anxiety about going back F/T. I dont know if I can do it. I love working 24 hours- it's just perfect, I get out of the house and it's enough money but I know that it is impossible for me to continue working this many hours. (because its a civil service job I have to either work full time or quit my F/T job and work P/T- 15 hours a week come june.)
Working only 15 hours a week would make things VERY tight financially...I would love to make an appartment on our house to help with income but my husband is totally against it. But it's the only answer I can come up with.
If I go back F/T I feel like I am just throwing my DD around from grandma's house, to her aunt's house, to her great grandma's house and not raising her or seeing her enough. I want more kids and feel like what I am going to start throwing around 2 or 3 kids? I am so upset and confused. I have a wonderful F/T job am I an idiot to give it up and be SO tight with money.

What did you do? If you are working F/T did you adjust seeing your kids for like 2 hours at night and on weekends? Are you happy?

If you decided to give up F/T and either stay at home or work P/T are you happy?

Have any of you added apartments to your house? Any positive or negative feedback?

I am so upset and feel I am getting so depressed about the whole situation.... any advice/stories/etc would help.
TIA

My daughter is just so wonderful and I just want to enjoy every minute.

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Message edited 2/7/2011 9:37:57 AM.

Re: F/T working moms vs. P/T or stay at home

I don't know where you work, but is it possible to flex your hours? I work for the state, and changed my hours to 7-3. I am home w/ DS for 4.5 hours before he goes to bed at night. Since that's basically half of his waking day, I feel like I can do it without giving up too much w/ him. I'd love to be home, but it's not in the cards, so we need to make this work.

Civil service jobs are impossible to come by, and with the state cutting budgets, the part-timers will be the first to go. That would be enough to make me stay F/T.

Re: F/T working moms vs. P/T or stay at home

not a parent but work with plenty. we are lucky to have daycare here so all the parents use it (still have to pay for it) and once they are school age they accommodate your hours so you can get the child to school OR pick up the child from school (usually some aftercare is needed.)

As far as converting a part of your house to an apartment you might run into some issues. A. your neighbors can turn you in for renting then you will have fines (if illegal) B. if legal your going to have to pay extra taxes C. many people would not want to rent with someone with a young child unless you happen to have a very silent child or the apartment has some form of sound proofing. Dh and I rented an upstairs apartment (figured it wouldn't be bad to be upstairs from kids) and i have to say it was pretty bad. Screaming every 2 hours during feedings, then sat/sun screaming/loud playing when the family was around and they were playing. It was the one reason I rushed to get our own house.


I can't give you advice on returning to work and having your family watch your baby. But in my mind its nice at least your family is willing to watch your child (or future children) and that your family will help raise them. Most don't have that option so I see it as a positive and not a negative (if the family is willing to watch them.) Is it best for your baby for you to earn money? Being tight is not good - i am in a tight spot every day and we can't afford to have children because we don't have anyone to watch them and daycare would be almost an entire salary. Perhaps in the future when you want more kids your husband's income will go up so you can stay home? Also if your a civil servant are you vested? I wouldn't give up that job until your into the retirement system because when your older you at least have some pension.

Re: F/T working moms vs. P/T or stay at home

She is so cute! It is hard to leave them all day.

I will tell you about the choices I made. I did work FT when DS was 4 months until 14 months. Financially, if I stayed home, it would have been very tight. I only wanted to be a SAHM if we could truly afford it, being comfortable, and being able to do things with DS (gym/music classes, vacations, etc). So I worked FT and my Mom watched DS. It was hard at first, but after a month or so I got used to the routine, even though I did miss him.

I am now a SAHM (with another baby too) because we moved OOS for DH's job. Our bills are much lower, so we can afford to live on one income.

If I were in your spot- I would try the FT, if there was an option to go PT if I really hated the FT. The great thing about PT, is that you have income, have more time with the baby, yet keep your foot in the door for the future. This is what my Mom did, PT as litlte ones, FT when we were older.
GL- glad you have options!

Re: F/T working moms vs. P/T or stay at home

I say, got o work full time in June, save money for a year or so, then go part time. In the meantime you can discuss at length putting in the apartment without being stressed about money yet. It will also give you an extra cushion when you go part time.

Re: F/T working moms vs. P/T or stay at home

Posted by nov04libride

I don't know where you work, but is it possible to flex your hours? I work for the state, and changed my hours to 7-3. I am home w/ DS for 4.5 hours before he goes to bed at night. Since that's basically half of his waking day, I feel like I can do it without giving up too much w/ him. I'd love to be home, but it's not in the cards, so we need to make this work.

Civil service jobs are impossible to come by, and with the state cutting budgets, the part-timers will be the first to go. That would be enough to make me stay F/T.

Re: F/T working moms vs. P/T or stay at home

I say try FT for 3 months, but it has to be your choice.

I went back to work FT after 3 months! Then 3 months later quit and went PT for 10 months. Then was laid off and am now staying home. We sacrafice for me to stay home but its worth it. We live more tightly than we care to but the way we think of it is its temporary.

I feel comforable living "tightly" only because we have a significant emergency fund. So if something comes up we arent running up debt in order to get it taken care of.

Having an apt in the house is an option but its not always the answer. There is a lot to consider with that. What if hte apt goes unrented for 6 months? What if the tenent runis the carpet? What they stop paying, what if they are loud at all hours, waking your child?
I thought about this option and DH also vetoed it, and when I think of it I know for us he is right! We are very non confrontational and we just wouldnt be good landlords.

Anyway, I say go back for 3-6 months, live on as little as you can, look at your budget and make necessary cut backs to allow you to say take a 15hour a week job. Then bank the rest of your FT salary for those months!
And make your decision!

PS, YOU ARE ALWAYS THE ONE RAISING YOUR DD! Caregivers, help YOU but they dont raise our children!

Re: F/T working moms vs. P/T or stay at home

When DS1 was around 11 months I was presented with a p/t opportunity, although I had originally planned to be a f/t SAHM. I decided to give it a shot and it has worked out great for me.

I currently work 3 days a week. I feel I have the best of both worlds. I am able to work and bring home extra money and get out and socialize with adults, but I am also able to be home with my kids most days and do activities, mommy and me, playdates, etc.

Re: F/T working moms vs. P/T or stay at home

Everyone is different -
My vote is to go back to work FT -

IMO the pros of being a FT working Mom long term, for ME far outweigh the pros of working PT or becoming a SAHM -


It's stressful, but you get used to it and get into a routine. No one else is going to be 'raising your kids' - Grandma, daycare or otherwise. YOU are still Mom -

Re: F/T working moms vs. P/T or stay at home

I think we all had anxiety when it was time to go back to work...its very normal to feel like that. Honestly I was very sad and was crying all day at work on my first day back and it has gotten a lot easier. I know how you feel about moving your child from hosue to house, thats what we are doing.

Mon, Tues and Thurs she goes to my moms. Weds my in-laws and Fridays home with DH. To be honest, I really have no choice, we want to buy a home this spring/summer and the only way is for both of us to work, I just have to bite the bullet.

If your going to be tight financially I would go back full-time in June or find another p/t job.

Re: F/T working moms vs. P/T or stay at home

I would only work PT if your DH could pay for all expenses plus at least a 10-20% cushion for emergencies. If finances are going to be really tight, I'd go back to work FT.

Maybe you can go to work FT and see how things go?

Re: F/T working moms vs. P/T or stay at home

I work FT and I have two baby boys (age 4 and 2)

Leaving my oldest at daycare was the hardest day of my life. I still cry when I think of that day.

That being said I need to work FT to pay for our mortgage, bills, and to give our boys everything they want/need

Its so hard but this day in age its hard with a single income

My ideal situation would be to work 3 days a week but financially this wouldnt work

I would keep your FT job and then see how u feel after a few months

I also would do the apt on the house to add cash

to answer your questions----when u wprk FT that 2 hrs becomes priceless and the weekends r what u live for

Re: F/T working moms vs. P/T or stay at home

I know your heart is breaking, but keeping your civil service job would be the best thing to do in my opinion- at least for now. You are probably working towards a pension, and you would not only be throwing that away for the future, but also not making enough money to run your household as you feel comfortable. Like another poster suggested, is it possible that you can switch your hours? Or can your DH switch his? I am also a civil servant (emphasis on the servant! LOL!) and I work 3:25pm - 12:00am. I work in Queens but live in Suffolk, so I don't get home until 1am. But, I am able to be home with my DDs (I have 2) all day until I have to leave for work at 2-2:30pm. My aunt or MIL come to our house and watch the girls until DH comes home around 3-3:30pm (His hours are 5:30am - 2:00pm). I would talk to your supervisor and see if this is possible. Though I am perpetually exhausted, I wouldn't change it for anything. I get to be home with my DDs for most of their waking day and still work full time. I figure, I'll sleep when they go to Kindergarten. Good luck with your decision!

Re: F/T working moms vs. P/T or stay at home

I appreciate all your feedback! I am feeling like I need to just suck it up and put it out of my head for now (so I do not ruin the time I am having with my daughter now).
I think I am going to force myself to try to go back full time for a couple month- I think I will always question- what if? if I dont.
I LOVE the idea one of you gave about taking what I would make part time- try to live off of that and bank the rest and see if I can live off of it!!!!!!! Great idea- THANK YOU.
I have been cryiing all weekend and you have all made me feel a lot better- thank you so much. I know I am lucky to have family and options. I need to be positive. Thanks for sheding some light!!!

Re: F/T working moms vs. P/T or stay at home

I would work PT. I worked FT and it just didn't work out. I saw DS 2 hours a night but he was so cranky Etc. I quit my FT job bc they wouldn't let me work PT. it was just too much, now I am home and very happy.

Re: F/T working moms vs. P/T or stay at home

I'm a FTWM and I don't look it as throwing my kid around. He's very well taken care of and has not just me but 2 other very loving caretakers. He's around other kids and has a ton of fun at daycare and he also gets a full day with grandma once a week.

Ideally, I would love to work part time because I would get the bext of both worlds- but financially that would not work for us. But I am VERY happy- I am lucky to have such a great job and to have found such amazing people to care for my son when I need to be at work. My son and I are very bonded and when I get home, he just wants to be with me and it's our time to reconnect.

And you can always go back full time and keep your eyes open for anything better that might come up.

Message edited 2/7/2011 1:09:37 PM.

Re: F/T working moms vs. P/T or stay at home

I voted P/T.

To me, I would have to be home at least PT...

BUT..this is from the head of a SAHM who lives in a financially tight situation. We don't have much in the bank, we have one car and don't have many extras..it's a big deal for us to have a date night, lol..

But...we are happy. It's ok with us. It was important that I stay home with my kids, i didn't want them with anyone else. If I had to work PT and family could watch them that would be ok.

You have to do what is right for YOU. If it is going to cause you to be a mess to be away from your DC, why do that to yourself? If you can live with things being financially tight, go for it. It's all a matter of perspective really..

Re: F/T working moms vs. P/T or stay at home

Re: F/T working moms vs. P/T or stay at home

Re: F/T working moms vs. P/T or stay at home

I went back FT for the first 4 months...I just had such a hard time not seeing DS for the entire day, and then being up half the night most nights and going back to work the next day. It was hard. I felt like I never got anything accomplished and I never saw my son. It was an extremely hard decision for me to make. My DH fully supported whatever I wanted to do and really encouraged me to go PT. I was petrified. We have a HUGE mortgage and I was so scared financially....worse than that tho was the job loss. The position that I was in I worked extremely hard to get and I knew that if I left I would NEVER get it back. I struggled with it the entire four months that I was FT. One day I was just ready. I don't know what clicked, but I just did it. I had to wait about a month before the FT went to PT....that left me second guessing what I had done. There were many sleepless nights that month. I was in panic mode. Not to mention that the PT hours that I was going to work were challenging... 12a-8a Fri and Sat and a 4-12 shift every other week. I had done the midnight shift for a few years awile back and I had a really hard time sleeping and was always sick. See.....this was such a dilemma. But.......
I AM SOOOO MUCH HAPPIER NOW!!!

I have been working PT since the beginning of December. I LOVE IT! I watch another child 3 days a week and my husband picks up OT whenever he can. We aren't able to live lavishly by any stretch of the imagination, and I sleep about 6-8 hours total on the weekends due to the midnight shifts that I work....but it was the best decision that i could have made. It also helped greatly in my marriage. I can actually make time now for my poor DH!

Re: F/T working moms vs. P/T or stay at home

I work p/t, about 20 hours per week and I absolutely LOVE it! I feel very lucky that I have the best of both worlds. BUT money is not an issue for me...

Posted by nov04libride

Civil service jobs are impossible to come by, and with the state cutting budgets, the part-timers will be the first to go. That would be enough to make me stay F/T.