Thanks for your input. I am not able to go.

My friend passed away after being hit by a snowplow. I have been trying to figure out how to get back home for the funeral, but driving that distance is tough, especially with DS alone. Then I feel guilty for even thinking of not going.

Then I see messages from her on facebook and it nearly makes me faint. It is her husband, talking about the arrangements. Asking when everybody can make it. He first comes up with days, then changes it to accomodate us. He is talking to us from the funeral home. This man is selfless. So I feel even more guilty for possibly not going.

Then I talk with my parents, who can put us up for the days while we are away. They think the drive will be long and ask if we can fly. I can't even imagine going through the airport alone with DS, luggage and a carseat in tow. Then I feel guilty for thinking of how hard it will be on ME.

Then I call my boss to ask for time off. It is fine, but I am still not sure I am going. Why do I feel guilty for not being there? Will this go away? Should I go? Will I be a burden on my family?

I am not looking for answers really. I just don't even know what I am looking for. Thanks for listening.

Message edited 2/28/2011 10:26:07 AM.

Re: I just need to 'talk' this over

maybe you need to sleep on it about whether you should go or not.

Re: I just need to 'talk' this over

I am so sorry for your loss. I could be wrong but what I think you are dealing w/is actually the loss of your friend to such an untimely death as to the actual problems w/getting there. When we have a loss, we all deal w/it in different ways. When my sibling died I was OBSESSED w/talking to everyone.....a freaking stranger off the street and telling them all about the last few days of his life.

I honestly think since you have so much positive backing in you making the journey, you should just resolve that you are going. Make a list of everything you have to do and any arrangements you have to make. Then out it in proper order and let that be your guide for your trip.

HTH......
Once again so sorry for your loss

Re: I just need to 'talk' this over

First, I am so sorry for your loss.

I know what its like to want to go to a funeral and cant. I know how that feels guilty.....Its such a hard position to be in.

You have to weigh the options. I KNOW you want to go.

Look at the options. You can drive and your parents can put you up. How long will thr drive be? Will it be safe?

Can you fly? is it worth the money? Will you be exausted? Have you dont it before (travel with LO) and have something to compare it to?

Ultimatly, you HAVE to do whats right for you. If you just have this overwlming need to be there to grieve with family and friends, go. Suck it up and just figure that you WILL be ok traveling. You ARE string enough to do it.

If you JUST cant bear your options, talk to the husband and tell him its just not possible, you want to be there and will be in prayer.

But give yourslef a break. YOU lost a friend too. What would she want? If its impossable to get there, well it is and thats that.

No matter what, you WILL make the right decision.

And I am JUST so sorry for your loss.

Re: I just need to 'talk' this over

Very sorry for your loss.

You have to think will you feel guilty forever by not going? Then you can make a decision as to what is the best thing for you to do.

Re: I just need to 'talk' this over

Re: I just need to 'talk' this over

I just wanted to say I am so sorry to hear about your friend. What a horrific death.

Re: I just need to 'talk' this over

Posted by julesrbf

Posted by THUMPER

Very sorry for your loss.

You have to think will you feel guilty forever by not going? Then you can make a decision as to what is the best thing for you to do.

Exactly this.

I'm so sorry for your loss. I understand what a hardship it will be for you to get home for this, but it sounds like it might be something important for you in your grieving process. Would you be able to forgive yourself if you don't go? It sounds like you might not ...

How horrible for you though.

Re: I just need to 'talk' this over

Personally I'd rather regret going than not regret going.

I also think you are a lot stronger than you give yourself credit for & while it seems like a daunting task, kid, car seat, flight, if you can get the time off, afford to go & feel that you need to be there, it seems like a no brainer to me.

How long of a drive is it? I think I'd rather drive than fly if it was under 20 houirs.

I'm sorry for your loss

Message edited 2/27/2011 3:14:53 PM.

Re: I just need to 'talk' this over

Posted by nrthshgrl

Personally I'd rather regret going than not regret going.

I also think you are a lot stronger than you give yourself credit for & while it seems like a daunting task, kid, car seat, flight, if you can get the time off, afford to go & feel that you need to be there, it seems like a no brainer to me.

How long of a drive is it? I think I'd rather drive than fly if it was under 20 houirs.

I'm sorry for your loss

Re: I just need to 'talk' this over

I'm so sorry about your friend, I think you would regret not going. If its important to you, you will make the right decision.

Its not that difficult to fly with small children, you could eliminate one headache by renting a car seat when you get there. That might make it easier for you. Good luck with your decision.

Re: I just need to 'talk' this over

I'm sorry about your friend.

And I agree with the others- it seems like many of the issues are worked out- and I think you'll feel better if you go.

Re: I just need to 'talk' this over

Re: I just need to 'talk' this over

Posted by nrthshgrl

Personally I'd rather regret going than not regret going.

I also think you are a lot stronger than you give yourself credit for & while it seems like a daunting task, kid, car seat, flight, if you can get the time off, afford to go & feel that you need to be there, it seems like a no brainer to me.

How long of a drive is it? I think I'd rather drive than fly if it was under 20 houirs.

I'm sorry for your loss

Re: I just need to 'talk' this over

Sorry for your loss. I would definitely go to support your friend's husband and to honor the memory of your friend. It will be difficult to get through the airport but not impossible. Just plan ahead, stay calm and you can do it.

Re: I just need to 'talk' this over

It's such a small world... I work at the same place that Jennifer did and although I didn't know her directly, I do the same job function for a different department so I'm sure we've probably been at the same meetings and that I've seen her around campus.

I feel so terrible for her children... I can't imagine what her family is going through.

I think you might regret not going, although we haven't been having the greatest weather up here this winter so it would be understandable if you didn't make the trip.

for your loss.

Re: I just need to 'talk' this over

I am so sorry for your loss. I am going to say I think you need to go for yourself, and yes I would fly. I would call the airline and ask them for an assistant. Sometimes they have those carts that go through the terminal and with passengers and their things.

Re: I just need to 'talk' this over

Posted by waterspout4

Posted by nrthshgrl

Personally I'd rather regret going than not regret going.

I also think you are a lot stronger than you give yourself credit for & while it seems like a daunting task, kid, car seat, flight, if you can get the time off, afford to go & feel that you need to be there, it seems like a no brainer to me.

How long of a drive is it? I think I'd rather drive than fly if it was under 20 houirs.

I'm sorry for your loss

It's 8 hours up to Rochester. Typically not so bad. But with all the crying, my eyes have been hurting so bad. I only had a 20 minute drive yesterday and I could barely see. Just going to Walmart today was such a daunting task. I have no patience for my son and I feel horrible. I just want to sit down and cry. I want to grieve, but he just wont leave me alone. I feel like I should hug him even more, but I am so overhwlemed right now that I can't function.

Re: I just need to 'talk' this over

I'm so sorry about your friend. I would probably try to fly up. The flight won't be very long and DS may surprise you and do better then you expect. Plus, with your parents help, you may finally have a chance to really sit down, let it all sink in, and grieve. For you and this woman's famly.

Re: I just need to 'talk' this over

Posted by nferrandi

I'm so sorry about your friend. I would probably try to fly up. The flight won't be very long and DS may surprise you and do better then you expect. Plus, with your parents help, you may finally have a chance to really sit down, let it all sink in, and grieve. For you and this woman's famly.

Re: I just need to 'talk' this over

So sorry for your loss.

Sounds like you want to be there.

I've flown with 2 by myself (6 months and 3 years). You can do it if you have to

Message edited 2/27/2011 10:08:49 PM.

Re: I just need to 'talk' this over

Posted by nferrandi

I'm so sorry about your friend. I would probably try to fly up. The flight won't be very long and DS may surprise you and do better then you expect. Plus, with your parents help, you may finally have a chance to really sit down, let it all sink in, and grieve. For you and this woman's famly.

Re: I just need to 'talk' this over

Re: I just need to 'talk' this over

Posted by waterspout4

Posted by nrthshgrl

Personally I'd rather regret going than not regret going.

I also think you are a lot stronger than you give yourself credit for & while it seems like a daunting task, kid, car seat, flight, if you can get the time off, afford to go & feel that you need to be there, it seems like a no brainer to me.

How long of a drive is it? I think I'd rather drive than fly if it was under 20 houirs.

I'm sorry for your loss

It's 8 hours up to Rochester. Typically not so bad. But with all the crying, my eyes have been hurting so bad. I only had a 20 minute drive yesterday and I could barely see. Just going to Walmart today was such a daunting task. I have no patience for my son and I feel horrible. I just want to sit down and cry. I want to grieve, but he just wont leave me alone. I feel like I should hug him even more, but I am so overhwlemed right now that I can't function.

Re: I just need to 'talk' this over

That is so awful, I am so sorry. I would fly, it wont be easy but in the end you will feel better knowing you got to say good bye.