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AJsMommy122
Stop 2 smell the roses
Member since 5/05 2048 total posts
Name:
Maxine
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With all the talk of Venting... do you agree or disagree with this?
A close married friend recently told me that I should Not vent to DH too much (when it is concerning his family esp.) b/c it is still his family, and he has enough on his shoulders and dosent need the drama.
She didn't mean that I shouldn't tell DH at all but not to constantly vent to him about the same thing all the time
How do you feel about that?
Message edited 8/12/2005 11:18:43 AM.
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Posted 8/12/05 11:17 AM  |
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Long Island Weddings
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Shorty
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Member since 5/05 30390 total posts
Name:
really
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Re: With all the talk of Venting... do you agree or disagre with this?
I tell FH my problems, whether the problems are about his family, or anything else.
I'm not going to say that I think your friend is 100% wrong, it just depends on the relationship you have with him.
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| Posted 8/12/05 11:18 AM |
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Redhead
You Live, You Learn
Member since 5/05 31871 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: With all the talk of Venting... do you agree or disagre with this?
yes i guess i kinda agree...especially if the venting is over smaller stuff....
I agree it is his family and he can't control them, even though he might want to....So that puts him in a bad situation
but if it is a big issue to me....i vent!
My DH though vents more about his family than i do
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| Posted 8/12/05 11:19 AM |
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AJsMommy122
Stop 2 smell the roses
Member since 5/05 2048 total posts
Name:
Maxine
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Re: With all the talk of Venting... do you agree or disagree with this?
I personally feel like that is part of what a DH is there for. A shoulder to lean on.. and an ear to complain in  j/k
I feel like if something really uspets me I NEED to talk about it with DH. and if the next day its still bothering me I will talk about it with him again and so on.
I mean he is my best friend and he might get tired of hearing the same thing but if I don't vent to my husband and bestfriend then who do I vent to? 
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| Posted 8/12/05 11:20 AM |
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Janice
Sweet Jessie Quinn
Member since 5/05 27567 total posts
Name:
Janice
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Re: With all the talk of Venting... do you agree or disagree with this?
I try to limit my vents about DH's family to him. They are problem enough for him and he does not need me to remind him.
I do frequently vent about my family to DH
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| Posted 8/12/05 11:22 AM |
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baghag
:P
Member since 5/05 10278 total posts
Name:
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Re: With all the talk of Venting... do you agree or disagree with this?
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Message edited 12/27/2007 3:17:25 PM.
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| Posted 8/12/05 11:25 AM |
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Elbee
Zanzibar
Member since 5/05 10767 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: With all the talk of Venting... do you agree or disagree with this?
I rarely, if ever, complain about DH's family to him. I don't think it's fair to him and I think it's disrespectful of me to expect him to have to agree with everything I say.
I also never vent to my mother about DH or my inlaws. I may forgive but my mommy will never forgive those that hurt her baby!
I really don't have a problem with my inlaws at all. Are they sometimes in our business? yes. Do they annoy me? Sometimes. Do I always agree with them? No. But just like my own very huge family they too have all different personalities and I respect that. They are good to me and that's all that matters.
My husband needs to know that his family is my family and my family is his.
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| Posted 8/12/05 11:25 AM |
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Jax430
Hi!
Member since 5/05 18919 total posts
Name:
Jackie
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Re: With all the talk of Venting... do you agree or disagree with this?
I try not to vent to DH about his family too often, unless something major is bothering me. I'm not always successful, b/c I talk to him about everything, and it's hard for me to hold back.
I try to vent about DHs family to my girlfriends who have ILs and understand the strange dynamics.
I also try to remember that with the complaints I have about DHs family (and there aren't that many - they are pretty great most of the time), he is the man he is today b/c of them, and i wouldn't want that to change.
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| Posted 8/12/05 11:26 AM |
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FeliciaDP
♥
Member since 5/05 18599 total posts
Name:
Mommy
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Re: With all the talk of Venting... do you agree or disagree with this?
Honestly even though my DH is my best friend and I share everything with him, I think I vent to my friends more than I do him ...
I hardly EVER vent to him about his family, since luckily there isn't much to vent about.. to him, I actually vent about MY family more !
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| Posted 8/12/05 11:26 AM |
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mrswask
Pookie Love
Member since 5/05 20229 total posts
Name:
Michal
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Re: With all the talk of Venting... do you agree or disagree with this?
Message edited 5/21/2006 1:44:23 AM.
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| Posted 8/12/05 11:27 AM |
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BabyAvocado
Happy New Year
Member since 5/05 17334 total posts
Name:
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Re: With all the talk of Venting... do you agree or disagree with this?
I agree that that's part of your DH is there for - to listen to your vents about anything and everything. But I do agree with your friend a little. I think when it comes to his family - sometimes you have to try to limit yourself somewhat.
I say that because my DH vents about MY family to ME all the time and sometimes it's really upsetting to me. There is nothing I can do to change them and they are NOT me. Yet, when he vents about the same thing all the time sometimes I begin to take it a little personally.
I'm certainly there for him to complain to, and 99.9% of the time I fully agree with him, but sometimes I do wish he would lay off a little.
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| Posted 8/12/05 11:28 AM |
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suvenR
designer mutt
Member since 5/05 4239 total posts
Name:
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Re: With all the talk of Venting... do you agree or disagree with this?
Although I think it...stinks (can I say that word?), I do agree.
Men don't like to hear complaints about their family members.
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| Posted 8/12/05 11:39 AM |
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AJsMommy122
Stop 2 smell the roses
Member since 5/05 2048 total posts
Name:
Maxine
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Re: With all the talk of Venting... do you agree or disagree with this?
Posted by Elbee
I rarely, if ever, complain about DH's family to him. I don't think it's fair to him and I think it's disrespectful of me to expect him to have to agree with everything I say.
I agree with most of this but I dont expect him to agree with everything I say - I am telling him b/c something is upsetting me / bothering me and I want him to know where I am coming from.
All I ask is that he UNDERSTAND what I am saying not AGREE with me.
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| Posted 8/12/05 11:46 AM |
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AJsMommy122
Stop 2 smell the roses
Member since 5/05 2048 total posts
Name:
Maxine
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Re: With all the talk of Venting... do you agree or disagree with this?
Posted by BabyAvocado
I agree that that's part of your DH is there for - to listen to your vents about anything and everything. But I do agree with your friend a little. I think when it comes to his family - sometimes you have to try to limit yourself somewhat.
I say that because my DH vents about MY family to ME all the time and sometimes it's really upsetting to me. There is nothing I can do to change them and they are NOT me. Yet, when he vents about the same thing all the time sometimes I begin to take it a little personally.
I'm certainly there for him to complain to, and 99.9% of the time I fully agree with him, but sometimes I do wish he would lay off a little.
 Thanks Sandra that was very helpful!
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| Posted 8/12/05 11:48 AM |
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Jennifer
Happy
Member since 5/05 4230 total posts
Name:
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Re: With all the talk of Venting... do you agree or disagree with this?
I know if I vent about his family, he gets upset. But then again, if he said anything bad about my family... I would be mad too. So I usually vent to my mother.
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| Posted 8/12/05 11:55 AM |
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Elbee
Zanzibar
Member since 5/05 10767 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: With all the talk of Venting... do you agree or disagree with this?
Posted by AJsMommy122
Posted by Elbee
I rarely, if ever, complain about DH's family to him. I don't think it's fair to him and I think it's disrespectful of me to expect him to have to agree with everything I say.
I agree with most of this but I dont expect him to agree with everything I say - I am telling him b/c something is upsetting me / bothering me and I want him to know where I am coming from.
All I ask is that he UNDERSTAND what I am saying not AGREE with me.
But he might not understand. Like someone posted above. It's one thing for you to complain about your own family member but when someone else does it, it's hard on the ears ...
To be completely honest, when I get upset over something that has to do with his family (whether it was something said or some sort of snub, etc...) I always ask myself
#1 is this really worth it?
#2 is this something that will have a lasting effect or will it blow over?
#3 Am I being sensitive today?
#4 How will my reactions affect my relationship with these people? With my husband?
#5 How would my husband feel if I complain - upset with his family? upset with me? upset that we can't get along? Sad that everyone is not getting along? Stuck in the middle?
#6 Is what happened today going to matter in 5-years from now?
I tried to generalize it a little bit. But I always look at my extended family (aunts, uncles, cousins, friends of family, etc...) and see how we get a long and I know we're not perfect - but I think we all try to respect each other and let things slide.
Granted we haven't faced anything so horrible that things must come to a head, but I think that has to do with people just getting over it (whatever it was).
There is not much in this world that I can imagine that would destroy my relationship with my family or DH's family. And because of that I try not to complain over the petty things, and let's face it, most stuff in the grand scheme of things is petty.
ETA: I'm not talking about you Maxine, I'm just talking about my my thoughts on how I handle my family. I just happened to quote you because I don't think you think he needs to agree with everything you say. I know you don't. I'm just trying to bring his feelings (all of our DH's) into it.
Message edited 8/12/2005 12:05:37 PM.
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| Posted 8/12/05 12:03 PM |
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JenniferEver
The Disney Lady
Member since 5/05 18163 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: With all the talk of Venting... do you agree or disagree with this?
I have a hrd time with this too. I have to watch myself b/c FH's family is really...augh...well not nice, and I could seriously go on all day about how much I hate them, how low class they are, how evil, pathetic, sickening, etc, whatever you can think of. And even though most of the time FH does agree with me, he doens't like to hear it, because it's still his family. I mean, my mom is 99% of the time a great mom and a great F/MIL, and the 1% of the time when i know she's beng a beyotch, I still don't really want to hear "oh your mom is being such a B----" even if it's true. So I can't usuall contain mysef, but I try to keep it at a minimum. I think your hubby though is supposed to be there to support you and listen to what's on your mind, even if it's abd stuff about his family. And if there really is a proble,m, he should address it and make sure you're feeing secure in the situation. What I mean I try to hold back from my FH is calling his sister a psycho for the millionth time. if it;s the same thing over and over again (and believe me, I can just keep going), then I try to keep it to myself, but if it's something new that's bothering me I absolutely will tell FH and expect him to listen, understand, and yes, Agree. LOL
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| Posted 8/12/05 12:55 PM |
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JenniferEver
The Disney Lady
Member since 5/05 18163 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: With all the talk of Venting... do you agree or disagree with this?
Posted by Elbee
There is not much in this world that I can imagine that would destroy my relationship with my family or DH's family. And because of that I try not to complain over the petty things, and let's face it, most stuff in the grand scheme of things is petty.
ETA: I'm not talking about you Maxine, I'm just talking about my my thoughts on how I handle my family. I just happened to quote you because I don't think you think he needs to agree with everything you say. I know you don't. I'm just trying to bring his feelings (all of our DH's) into it.
I'm not going to speak for Maxne, but I know in my own situation with my ILs, it's not petty stuff. It may have started about petty stuff, but then it turned into cruety, deception, manipulation, and just some really serious off the wall, WRONG beahvior, So it isn't always petty. You're fortunate that you have such a good relationship with your in laws
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| Posted 8/12/05 12:58 PM |
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AJsMommy122
Stop 2 smell the roses
Member since 5/05 2048 total posts
Name:
Maxine
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Re: With all the talk of Venting... do you agree or disagree with this?
Posted by marymoon
Posted by Elbee
There is not much in this world that I can imagine that would destroy my relationship with my family or DH's family. And because of that I try not to complain over the petty things, and let's face it, most stuff in the grand scheme of things is petty.
ETA: I'm not talking about you Maxine, I'm just talking about my my thoughts on how I handle my family. I just happened to quote you because I don't think you think he needs to agree with everything you say. I know you don't. I'm just trying to bring his feelings (all of our DH's) into it.
Yeah I can honestly stay I mostly vent about Major stuff. Yes every once in awhile its the stupid petty stuff but I get over that fast and don't bring it up again after that.
I'm not going to speak for Maxne, but I know in my own situation with my ILs, it's not petty stuff. It may have started about petty stuff, but then it turned into cruety, deception, manipulation, and just some really serious off the wall, WRONG beahvior, So it isn't always petty. You're fortunate that you have such a good relationship with your in laws
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| Posted 8/12/05 1:13 PM |
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dld4e
I ♥ my boys!
Member since 5/05 4461 total posts
Name:
DJ
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Re: With all the talk of Venting... do you agree or disagree with this?
I agree with it. But, I tell DH everytime something bothers me about his family. I sometimes think that I shouldn't but if it is bothering me, I feel that he is there as my best friend to listen to me. He agrees with me most of the time anyway. Besides, he usually complains about them more than I do.
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| Posted 8/12/05 1:16 PM |
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Elbee
Zanzibar
Member since 5/05 10767 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: With all the talk of Venting... do you agree or disagree with this?
Posted by marymoon
I'm not going to speak for Maxne, but I know in my own situation with my ILs, it's not petty stuff. It may have started about petty stuff, but then it turned into cruety, deception, manipulation, and just some really serious off the wall, WRONG beahvior, So it isn't always petty. You're fortunate that you have such a good relationship with your in laws
You are right Marymoon, I am lucky and in the same breath I'll say I don't think DH & I would have ever been married or gotten into a serious relationship had I felt otherwise. I believe in big families for love and support and I love my inlaws like they are my own flesh and blood. I have ended relationships in the past because of seeing how families can destroy each other and I choose not to live that kind of life.
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| Posted 8/12/05 1:21 PM |
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JenniferEver
The Disney Lady
Member since 5/05 18163 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: With all the talk of Venting... do you agree or disagree with this?
I was stupid. I shouldn;t say that, I love my FH. But at first his family was really nice to me, and then once they relaized we were serious, they started getting really nasty.. leaving me out of things, etc...And FH was so convinced that they'd treat me better once we got engaged...I knew it woudln't..but they as much as said it would, that they fet I didn't deserve that uch respect since we were "not even engaged". People never took our reationship seriously, and now that we're engaged and planning a wedding, I think they're pulling out the big guns in a last ditch desperate effort to break us up. A lot of times I've thought that maybe it would be better not to marry FH solely because of how miserable they make us both, but in my heart I'm so sure I want to marry HIM, and I just can't give up what we have because of them. Maybe I'm setting myself up for a lifetime of their crap, but a lifetime of crap beside the man I love may be better than a lifetime of relative peace without him. I guess I'l find out. Everytime I think it's gettign better with them, something totally insane and off the wall happens 
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| Posted 8/12/05 1:26 PM |
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Elbee
Zanzibar
Member since 5/05 10767 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: With all the talk of Venting... do you agree or disagree with this?
I truly believe that #1 you don't just marry DH, you marry the family, #2 the acorn doesn't fall far from the tree. Doing what's best for you is of course the right answer, I'm just stating me and my feelings on it.
My cousin is in the same sitaution you are in. I told her before she got married (and even before she got engaged) to really think about the kind of life she wants to lead. The last few weeks before her wedding she considered calling it off because of the issues. She didn't, but I wouldn't be surprised if she is one day divorced or just utterly misreable. It makes me really sad.
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| Posted 8/12/05 1:35 PM |
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