ss visiting & manipulation

this is the first time since we were awarded full custody that my ss will be visiting his mother. i know that she's been working on him trying to get him to feel bad that she lost and she's been telling him he belongs with her and as a child, he is confused...i feel terribly for him b/c i know she, her friends and her mom keep telling him he should live with her...but she was bad enough that the courts agreed with us that he doesn't belong in that environment 24/7

i don't know where i'm goiing with this...i just know that i want to shield him from extra hurt and know that he's going to be fed a lot of b.s. this week. as usual, he'll come home with a chip on his shoulder and then it'll take some time to bring him back to reality....i just wish she'd see what she's doing to him

Re: ss visiting & manipulation

That must be so aggravating to you. How old is your SS? Is he old enough to understand why he lives with you guys and not his mother?

If it makes you feel any better, I think they know. My SD will sometimes make comments that her mother is irrational or "she acts so crazy sometimes". The last time her mom pulled a really crazy stunt, my SD cried to my DH saying she didn't know what she should do about her because she acts nuts. That's without us saying anything about her mother in front of her, ever. I think they can sense what is right for them.

Good luck. I hope everything goes well.

Re: ss visiting & manipulation

I know it must be so hard. You're very lucky to be awarded custody, I wish we were so lucky. Just try to remember that his mother has as much right to her opinion and feelings as you do. It's her right as his mother to let him know that she wants him with her, the same way you guys want him with you. It's a really tough situation. It will get better as he gets older. Trust me, when they start to see what's going on and form their own opinion, it gets MUCH easier.

Re: ss visiting & manipulation

He's 11, and has been through a lot, so much more mature about certain topics than he should be. He knows why he's with us and why he'll stay with us. I agree she's entitled to her opinion and I wouldn't mind her telling him that she's always there for him, but it's more of a woe is me situation from her. she calls him crying that she lsot the case, that she wants him to be with her and as a child, he feels badly for her. she confides in him as one would a best friend, not a child...it takes a toll on him emotionally as he has to carry her stress on his shoulders when, in reality, he shouldn't know how she truly feels.
i know it will get easier, but u know how it is...thanks for the hugs and advice, i appreciate it

Re: ss visiting & manipulation

Sadly, I DO know how it is. My SS and SD's mother must have went to the same school

Re: ss visiting & manipulation

I hate when bio parents use kids as a weapon against the other parent, it hurts no one but the child and it is not fair to them.

It already is a rocky situation having a mom and dad not together and making it harder for the child is just making things worse and might turn into confidence issues, etc.

my SDs BM used her as a weapon against my husband and it was sickening. Its very immature and doesn't put the child first just themselves.

Guess this shows one of the reasons why she didnt win in the first place. She needs to grow up and put that child first.