Late Term Loss/burial

Hi,

I hope that you can help. I have a friend (my mom's colleague) who went through IVF and was pg with twins. Unfortunately, she lost both of them at 24 weeks. Today was their funeral. My parents are at the funeral. They wanted to keep it small and we are not on LI. I really want to write her a note to express my sympathy but I am not even sure what to say or how to say it. I just feel so incredibly sad for her. If you have any words of advice on what to say or what not to say I would really welcome it.

Thanks.

Re: Late Term Loss/burial

I'm so sorry to hear that they are going through this...Such a sad and tragic thing.

I think it's incredibly nice of you to want to send a card or note, and in my opinion, saying something as simple as "I'm thinking of you" or that they are in your thoughts and prayers can sometimes be the best thing. Often, I found that people only meant to be nice, but in trying to say too much, it all kind of got lost.

One thing I will say to NOT write - Don't say "I can only imagine how you feel" or anything even remotely close to saying that you know how they feel, because honestly, unless someone has lost a child, you can't even being to imagine the pain and suffering they are going through. Whenever people would say stuff to me like that, I would get annoyed (I didn't tell them that, but inside, I hated it.) No pain is near the pain you feel when you lose a child. Also, for me, I hated hearing people say "Everything happens for a reason" or something to that effect. (God's plan, all of that stuff...I couldn't stand hearing it.)

So in my opinion, a simple thing just saying that you are sorry and thinking of them is best...

Message edited 8/26/2011 11:34:09 AM.

Re: Late Term Loss/burial

I think Jillian hit it on the head...thinking of you.

When we lost our son people didn't know what to say and I know they all meant very well but at times they got tripped up and said things that came out wrong.

Keep it simple. That's the best bet.

Re: Late Term Loss/burial

I agree with "Thinking of You" and lots of hugs and kisses...

I can't even fathom what these parents are going through...I just can't

Re: Late Term Loss/burial

Thanks girls! I truly appreciate your perspective and thoughts. I am so incredibly sorry for all of you.


What I ended up writing is:
Dear --,

We are thinking of you and are extremely sorry about your loss. We wish you comfort and peace during this sad and difficult time. You are in our thoughts and prayers.
Love,

LSP2005, DH and Family

I debated about including my kids names but went with and Family instead.

Re: Late Term Loss/burial

I think that's perfect.

Re: Late Term Loss/burial