Re: Ashamed about this post. Sad about second pregnancy.

We intentionally TTC #2 and wound up pregnant with twins.

The guilt towards DS (2 when I got pregnant) didn't set in until we brought the girls home. The temper tantrums were through the roof. But then the visitors stopped, DH went back to work, and it was just DS, DDs and I. It was amazing. The temper tantrums ended, and we were back to our old ways just had 2 miracles to share along in "our ride".

DS is constantly playing with his sisters (without me even asking) and when one of them cries he goes over to her and says "ssshhhh baby, no cry, it will all be ok" while rubbing her head

And to be honest, DS is now 3 and I don't even think he remembers life without his sisters.

eta a pic I took of DS watching over his little sisters when they were 5 days old.

Message edited 9/20/2011 7:03:47 PM.

Re: Ashamed about this post. Sad about second pregnancy.

I had these types of feelings too. I think hormones play a big part as well.

Remember one really important thing. A sibling is an incredible gift for your DC. It's a friend for life.

I felt guilty at first. DD and DS are 2.5 years apart. But now they laugh and play together! They have the BEST time! And they ADORE each other.

These feelings will pass. Everything will work out! I promise!

Re: Ashamed about this post. Sad about second pregnancy.

I posted a few weeks ago about how sad I was when I found out I was pregnant again. It was unplanned & totally shocking. DS was only 8 months old when we conceived this LO. I was so upset when the doctor told me, you would've thought she told me I had some kind of incurable disease. Nobody in my family understood why I would cry uncontrollably when I told them I was expecting again. I felt like a monster, but I couldn't help it. They kept saying how it was great news. Then I felt guilty for not being happy for this little life. (in reality, it was such a shock to me, I couldn't even comprehend that I was carrying a baby.) Instead, I was beside myself thinking of how this era of my BABY, my DS, was coming to an end. He wasn't going to be my only love anymore and it ripped my heart out.

I wasn't ready for it to not be just me & my lil guy. I didn't want to be bothered with anything taking my focus off of him. Then, we saw the sono. We brought DS into the room & let him be there when DH & I saw the little peanut on the screen. And suddenly, it just felt different. Like it was OUR family. Me, DH, DS, and this tiny person. Sure DS was only 10 months old and didn't have a clue what we were looking at, but it made it so much easier for me to adjust. He was a part of that memory. Now when I think of the 1st time seeing DC2, I'll remember DS being there.

It took a few weeks for me to be ok with the idea, but now it's just part of my life. I'm getting used to the idea of DS being a big brother, and I'm excited about it. But the 1st few weeks were terrible!!!! Give yourself some time to let it all soak in. The hormones are crazy in the beginning and it still is shocking to find out you're pregnant again. Don't feel ashamed or embarassed. As you can see, you're not alone. Soon enough your Mommy instincts will kick in & you'll see that you have plenty of room to fall in love with another child.

Re: Ashamed about this post. Sad about second pregnancy.

DS will be 17 months when we have DD.

I also felt the same way as you do.

I was the older child (at 3.5 when my sister was born & I was miserable)... so I was the kid who did NOT deal well with someone to share the attention with.

I will be getting a maternity leave though... so I think of it as spending more time with DS.

I'll make an effort to kiss him, throw him & make him giggle as much when I have a little baby as I do now. It'll mean less sleep for me: but it DOES work out.

Re: Ashamed about this post. Sad about second pregnancy.

We had our children 15 months apart. Sometimes I felt guilty during the pregnancy and when he came home. Like there wasnt as much alone time for her. Not like it was before. Did I rush it ? Did she get to be the baby for long enough ?
There is no perfect timing, no moment would have been better than this.

She loves that little baby and loves to play with him. I gave her the best gift ever. A playmate now, a co-conspirator against the parents, perhaps a drinking buddy later, and hopefully an eternal friend, a confidant.

Her face when she seems him, screaches with delight, tickles his cheeks and says, "hi baby!"
She protects him like you wouldn't believe, watching when someone she doesnt know is holding him. Telling other children "NO!, my baby" when they touch the stroller.

She loves to play peek a boo with him. They now play on the floor with the same toys.
It's amazing!

It's moments like this that make me stop second guessing myself.

Re: Ashamed about this post. Sad about second pregnancy.

Thank you everyone for your responses and for sharing your stories.

I know this will pass and I know the excitement will hit. I'm truly getting excited about seeing DC with a baby sibling. I think the shock of "Hey let's try for number two!" and two weeks later seeing those two lines (without really discussing how we'd handle everything emotionally) was a LOT for me to swallow. I was also kinda looking forward to the fun of trying for a while! DH is very happy and very excited and it's becoming contagious, kinda.

Thanks again!

Re: Ashamed about this post. Sad about second pregnancy.

Theres a BIG gap between DS and DD, As DS is getting older I WISH I would've given him a sibling closer in age. I always think about about how my 4 siblings and I always had each other to hang out with and it has made me decide to TTC for #3 now that DD is 2y/o. My brother and I are only 11 months apart and I never felt neglected by my parents.

Re: Ashamed about this post. Sad about second pregnancy.

There is no reason to feel embarassed or ashamed at all. I felt the same way. So much that after having my 2nd child, I had reoccurring dreams of tragic accidents where I could only save one & I only saved my dc1. I was operating on no sleep for months. Then I had a dream where I saved both & never had it again.

Re: Ashamed about this post. Sad about second pregnancy.

Re: Ashamed about this post. Sad about second pregnancy.

My DD was 15 months when I found out I was pregnant with DS and he was not planned. I cried for a good part of my early pregnancy because of guilt, fear, stress, etc. I am so angry for getting pregnant, I felt terrible for my DD that I didn't get to spend more time alone with her, I swore I would never love the new baby. I will even go as far as saying, sometimes I would wish that I would miscarry. As time went on, these feelings passed and by the time my baby boy was born, I was already so in love with him. I thank God every single day for making this decision for me because I could have never known how wonderful he is, how amazing it is to see him and his sister play, know that they will always have each other, etc.

If you want to chat, FM me.

I know how hard and sad this is for you. I am glad that you are getting help and talking about it. It is going to be WONDERFUL.