holiday blues (vent)

when i pulled out my bin of christmas wrapping supplies last week, there they were - 3 rolls of matching wrapping paper i bought the day after christmas last year in anticipation of needing to wrap lots of presents from "santa".
it depressed me. but i was about 7DPO and hoped for a chance. today is officially CD1. an entire year of being off the pill, using opk's and the fertility monitor, a miscarriage at 10 weeks... an entire year of the emotional roller coaster that is TTC.
i KNOW there are girls that have been at it longer than i, but i feel it's time to join in a pity party all the same.
i'm 31 years old, surrounded by a sister and friends who got pregnant on "accident", or their 1st try - at this point, i won't have my 1st child until i'm at least 32 years old - and i just never saw this for my life. i thought by this christmas, i'd have a baby to bring back the excitement of the holidays, or be pregnant with excitement for the future. i'm left with none, feeling depressed and not in the christmas spirit at all. i'm angry at myself for waiting so long in the 1st place - for putting a career first, when now i couldn't care less about anything BUT starting a family.
when will it be my turn? and how do you go on putting on a happy face month after month, when you're crying inside? ugh, i hate this

Re: holiday blues (vent)

I'm sorry. I totally understand. I am in a similar boat. You can't look back. You did what was right at the time. Now you're ready to have a family. I get it. I learned in life that big things just take time... years. However, when you work hard at something, you at least know it WILL happen some time in the future.

Re: holiday blues (vent)

I feel you girl.

Re: holiday blues (vent)

Re: holiday blues (vent)

I'm going to be 32 next month, so I think the same things sometimes, don't beat yourself up about "waiting" to try though, you know when you're ready and that's all there is to it....I just try to think that this is all how God wanted it to be for me (even when I miscarried). I tell myself there's a reason for everything, otherwise I'd go crazy with all the what if's. I hope 2012 is good to all of us!!

Re: holiday blues (vent)

12 more days to a new year... tons of baby dust!!!

Re: holiday blues (vent)

Krista, I know this is easier said than done but please keep the faith...it will happend for you, IT WILL! The every month disappointments are all well too familiar to me, but when its meant to be it'll happen...

Re: holiday blues (vent)

i am so sorry!

i know exactly how you feel..and you r entitled to feel that way..i wish i had an answer for why it is so easy for some and not for others

there r days i do not want to get out of bed..i am tired emotionally and physically from all of this..

but we keep going..a very wise woman said to me once and i keep it with me..if i give up now what was all this for...all the money i spent..the 12 pills i take a day..the multiple injections a day..the endless doc appts...it would all be for nothing


it is so hard but keep your head up..and i hate myself for saying that bc i hate when people say it to me ..but we have to...IF women are the strongest!

fm me if you ever want to talk

Re: holiday blues (vent)

I can relate...know you're not alone!

Re: holiday blues (vent)

I feel the same way. It's so hard when everyone around you is pregnant. All my close friends got pregnant the first time they tried. I often wonder why is this happening to me. It's hard to stay positive but I think that's all we can do. Hang in there.

Re: holiday blues (vent)

I feel the same way...you are def not alone

Re: holiday blues (vent)

Re: holiday blues (vent)

Posted by gina409

i know exactly how you feel..and you r entitled to feel that way..i wish i had an answer for why it is so easy for some and not for others

there r days i do not want to get out of bed..i am tired emotionally and physically from all of this..

but we keep going..a very wise woman said to me once and i keep it with me..if i give up now what was all this for...all the money i spent..the 12 pills i take a day..the multiple injections a day..the endless doc appts...it would all be for nothing


fm me if you ever want to talk

Re: holiday blues (vent)

Re: holiday blues (vent)

I'll be turning 34 in 3 months. I can def relate. All I can say is hang in there and keep trying!

Re: holiday blues (vent)

I am 37 and literally from the time DH and I got enaged til now EVERYONE around us has gotten pregnant. I almost cant think of someone I don't know that hasn't gotten pregnant in that span . It does get frustrating sometimes, especially when you pray and pray. I hate sometimes feeling like the odd man out around my friends. But on the flip side, I have 2 nieces who I adore like they are my own. Everytime I feel like I am the one without a baby, I think about how important those 2 girls are to me and somehow that makes it a little easier.

Re: holiday blues (vent)

Unfortunately, I can totally relate. No words of advice other than, I'm in the same place.

Went off the pill last december and accidentally told my BF on NYE (was going to keep it secret). After a year and a miscarriage, we are taking a small break but plan on starting again in the new year.

I feel like a whole year has gone by with nothing to show for it I thought I was going to have a big 5 month belly this year

Re: holiday blues (vent)

Posted by queensgal

I feel like a whole year has gone by with nothing to show for it I thought I was going to have a big 5 month belly this year

Re: holiday blues (vent)

You're not alone. We've been trying for a year and a half and I'm at the point where I fight back tears on a daily basis. I remember day dreaming about having happy news to surprise everyone with LAST Christmas Eve, so it was painful to have the same hopes this Christmas Eve, but still no BFP.

I see myself starting to isolate myself from friends who are moms now, which is most of them at this point. It's just too painful.

We will be seeing an infertility doctor in 2012, as soon I'm added to DH's insurance (he has much better IVF coverage than I do), so I'm trying to stay positive, but it's getting harder and harder.

Good luck to you. I hope you get your BFP soon.

Re: holiday blues (vent)

Re: holiday blues (vent)

i totally understand...year over year...i wonder why wasn't this our year....three plus years and nothing.... of course this holiday....i have a friend ready to have one any day now and three new people who announced they were expecting....