BTDT newborn moms and moms of two...when does it get easier?

DD1 is 2.5 and DD2 is 6 weeks and it's pretty hard right now. DD 2 is not sleeping well at night and I'm up for hours in the middle of the night since it takes her forever to go back down, and to go to sleep in the first place at bedtime.

DD1 is clingy and demanding and also requires an hour plus of laying with her at bedtime and can't fall asleep alone. She's up every night anywhere from 3-6 and back in our bed.

Going anywhere with 2 is nearly impossible, and makes even something like food shopping seem like a Herculean task.

My parents are nearby so at least I can escape there for a little bit each day and for that I am so thankful.

Basically I'm just pretty miserable and wondering when it gets better. I know I sound like a spoiled, ungrateful mom who is unprepared to deal with the basics of child rearing, and this is hardly a unique situation, but I find myself pretty depressed. Albeit in the ungodly hours of night.

I don't think I have PPD, I think it's mostly circumstantial blues, but moments of sheer bliss and peace and pure happiness are pretty few and far between.

Any advice greatly appreciated.

Re: BTDT newborn moms and moms of two...when does it get easier?

My oldest was only 11.5 months old when his brother came home. It was like having 2 infants but looking back, it was ok. Until I got both on a schedule together, which was about 6 months, I was literally a walking zombie. We did CIO with my oldest a month after the baby was hone bc he was not sleeping well & I needed to have only the newborn to worry about at night. It worked like a charm.

It does get easier & honestly you have to take it one day at a time & try to conquer small things like a quick run to target. I honestky did not attempt grocery shopping with the two until about 6 months ago. My boys are now 2.5 & 1.5. I would do my grocery shopping on Friday nights after bedtime.

Re: BTDT newborn moms and moms of two...when does it get easier?

i dont have any advice, but having others for help always helped me with my DS... and my DH and I figured out jobs to do so we can get things done at night.

my parents are near and my mom was always willing to help.. she came over the same times each or every other day..

grocery shopping - maybe go when your parents come over - thats when you can even take your oldest with you for QT time - my son loves the grocery store..

**also - you are a great mom and doing awesome - i think everyone would agree that life is on hold for about 2-3 months with a newborn.. GOOD LUCK

Re: BTDT newborn moms and moms of two...when does it get easier?

Being exhausted can definitely take a toll and make a person miserable.

My first bit of advice is to fix your dd#1's sleeping at bedtime and during the night. It's bad enough being up with a newborn, but to be up more than that with a toddler is just not helping at all.

Sounds like you need to do some CIO, which will consist of a few bad nights for you. But then again... can it be any worse? 3 bad nights if it will fix your dd's sleeping is totally worth it to me. Otherwise just putting it off isn't going to fix anything.

Otherwise you can try a sticker rewards chart for bedtime, but not sure if she's old enough to really get it.

Re: BTDT newborn moms and moms of two...when does it get easier?

I dont have any advice. But I feel your pain I have 5 month old preemie, twins with colic and reflux and no family around.
It does get better. It has to

Re: BTDT newborn moms and moms of two...when does it get easier?

I feel your pain! I had such a hard time when DD#2 came home -- DD#1 was also very clingy and was hurting the baby to get attention. Then she kept getting sick, which makes taking care of them both even harder. She too wouldn't go to sleep well and kept getting up (and still does from time to time). It has gotten a bit easier, in that I know how to juggle better, but DD#2 is almost 5 months and has bad colic still, and cries alot, so it is still hard for me. I am going back to work in 2 weeks, so I hope it gets easier before then. Good luck!

Re: BTDT newborn moms and moms of two...when does it get easier?

The lack of sleep is really horrible, I feel your pain. I remember those times all too well!!

My son was also 2.5 when his baby brother arrived. I really stuck to getting him to bed on time, and sound machines for both of their rooms, so they didn't wake each other up during the night.

I remember it being hardest when the baby was 4 weeks to about 12 weeks. Then the baby started sleeping for 6 hours a night or more, and it really helped. Also, DS #1 was adjusting to the change so he slept better and was less clingy.

Have your parents give you a break whenever you can. I used to run errands alone with my 2 year old and have people stay with the baby. That way, you don't have to manage two out and about, and they 2 year old gets one on one time with you, which they love!

Re: BTDT newborn moms and moms of two...when does it get easier?

My kids are 17 months apart.
Its really tough. DC #1 was cosleeping before DC #2 was born.
It was a bunch of tough transitions. Dh helps a lot and my mom helps when he's not home. Dh puts my hard to put to sleep son to bed. It helps my sanity.
They really don't wake each other up. Ds wakes up if the floor creaks... But my daughter screaming her head off doesn't bother him.

Re: BTDT newborn moms and moms of two...when does it get easier?

order Peapod for groceries. It gets easier when you can have one in the seat of the cart and the older one in a "cozy coupe" attached to the cart. peapod will lower your stress.

i hope you can get your older one in a double stroller. getting out each day is a big help even if it is just to wander Target. Pump the big one full of snacks. She'll be fine. If she sits you can walk, browse, and small talk people you meet, even if it is just for a minute.

once the baby has a routine and the weather is nice enough just to be outside for a while each day you will find it gets easier.

also, google "momastery" and "carpe diem". that blog entry will help.

Re: BTDT newborn moms and moms of two...when does it get easier?

I am in similar situation w DD being 16 months &DS 8 weeks. I had similar issues with DD sleeping in our bed. I had tried CIO didnt work.. Try Kim west approach it takes some time but so worth it. DD is now sleeping through night in her crib & napping in crib too. Very little protesting. I did sleep training when DS was a week or 2 old. I wasn't sleeping anyway. It will help you. email me if you have ??? I can walk you through it. Good luck.
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Re: BTDT newborn moms and moms of two...when does it get easier?

You know there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

DD was a little over 2.5 when DS arrived. It was tough in the beginning, but it does get better. I think if you work with DD1 on getting a better, or shorter, bedtime routine. And keeping her in her bed til at least 6, it may be easier for you.

I think you've made it through the worst part. It should start to get easier soon. Hang in there.

Re: BTDT newborn moms and moms of two...when does it get easier?

I have 3, and I always say that I didn't feel like a human being again until they were 12 weeks. It does get better! I agree with working on your older daughter's sleep habits. It will be tough, but if you can get her out of your bed and sleeping in her room, it will really help you. (I know, easier said, than done.)

Re: BTDT newborn moms and moms of two...when does it get easier?

My DS was 2.5 when DD was born. My DH took over DS's bedtime routine so that took a lot of pressure off of me. Is your oldest still in a crib? Could you let her CIO for the night waking? For the baby, have you tried white noise? i bought a sleep sheep for my DD and had a white noise app on my phone to help her fall asleep. I can't tell you what a difference it made with her. It really helped her go down much easier.

For groceries, I would either send DH or if I HAD to go by myself, I would wear the baby and would ask DS to "help" me. Going out with 2 is hard. I have a new appreciation for drive thru!

It gets better. Once the baby sleeps longer stretches, it will feel easier.

Re: BTDT newborn moms and moms of two...when does it get easier?

It hasn't been easy for me at all, but that is partially bc DD#2 has had terrible colic since 3 weeks, and at 5 months, it is just starting to improve. Things got easier when DD#2 got more of a schedule and when she became more interactive and less breakable. Basically, it just took time for them to get to know each other. Probably by the time DD#2 was 4 months old, things began to improve, and they now get better every day.

eta-- just saw that I already replied to this, but totally don't remember! Sleep deprivation...

Message edited 3/3/2012 10:14:43 PM.