Vent: The Princess Bullies at school & skirts

Yeah Bullies at a preschool. AJ is just 3.5 and I never thought it possible.

Monday it was sand in the eye. Big deal? Kids are kids stuff happens, we don't think twice other than its odd we had to sign an injury report for it.

Yesterday AJ tells me "Sofia threw sand in my face" umm why "cause" Ok, again odd but meh, kids. "Mama?" "yes darlin" "Can I wear a skirt?" "um, no its a little cold" "but I want to" "why" "Cause Sofia said" odd but whatever. Today we sent her in pants since she forgot of course.

During a committee PTA meeting I mentioned I'm taking AJ to Disney on Ice on Good friday. another mom mentioned she may be going too. Disney Princess whoohooo. Then the director says "wait till you read the next newsletter" Of course we ask why.

Seems in a 2-3yr old pre-potty trained class a trend was started. To be a princess you must wear a skirt. It has now moved through the school and the older classes. Its getting 'ugly' according to her. She says two sets of parents have come to her and cried because their children were bullied.

In PRE-SCHOOL!?

Now the sand and skirt things connect in my feeble little mind and I am angry as heck that I just sorta let it go! I want to know more "oh no, just wait for the newsletter, not much more to add then its just wear a skirt kind of thing" REALLY?! I told her about AJ but she shrugged its not from 'the class' but yah AJ is in before and aftercare and mingles.

Just then another mom says "Well if girls all wore skirts like they should it wouldnt happen" Ok now im ticked off. Are you kidding me?! They don't make uniform skirts in 2/3t off the rack. Besides the handbook says uniform polo, beige or navy blue skirt, pants or shorts. Key word being "OR"

She says "well my daughter complains she has to wear her uniform skirts but I tell her that she must because its appropriate uniform attire"
Me: umm "I dont even wear skirts MYSELF!"
Her: "well I made sure *MY* daughter had the tights and appropriate dress"
Me: "well NO ONE is making me put my daughter in a skirt. she will NOT wear a skirt"
Her: *shrug* "well, bullying will continue"
Me: "are you kidding me? Skirt or no skirt kids ALWAYS find a reason to be a bully, you think my daughter wearing a skirt is the answer?"
Her "it is the uniform"
Me & Director: "no its not"

Ugh!

*vent over*

Message edited 3/22/2012 5:27:05 PM.

Re: Vent: The Princess Bullies at school & skirts

This is all seriously ridiculous! And to think grown adults are making it like "eh, its OK". Tell your dd to throw sand in her dd's face....maybe she will wear pants. What a bunch of whack-os.

Re: Vent: The Princess Bullies at school & skirts

Seriously??? They all HAVE to wear skirts? I find it so disturbing that preschool age girls are already picking on other girls who don't dress the way they deem appropriate. Ridiculous.

I have noticed most of the girls at my son's school wear skirts or dresses, even in the summer, and I often think it must be awkward to do all the playground stuff in them. One girl wears leggings or pants. Don't know if this is going on at his school, but sure hope not.

Re: Vent: The Princess Bullies at school & skirts

oh H E L L no...me and this mom would have been outside rolling in the grass! HOW DARE SHE!!! OMG, I'm seriously pissed for you!

ETA: I would have said "well CLEARLY the bullying issue begins AT HOME...learning from THEIR PARENTS" what a douche.

Message edited 3/21/2012 10:49:39 PM.

Re: Vent: The Princess Bullies at school & skirts

Wow, I really want to slap that mom!! Not much of a wonder if her "little sweetheart" is a bully, huh? "I learned it by watching you!".

Ugh, I'm sorry AJ is dealing with this already!!

Message edited 3/21/2012 11:11:26 PM.

Re: Vent: The Princess Bullies at school & skirts

Re: Vent: The Princess Bullies at school & skirts

I would have responded to the mom "Well I see the apple does not far fall from the tree." She is such the instigator. I am so sorry your DD has to deal with this.

Re: Vent: The Princess Bullies at school & skirts

Re: Vent: The Princess Bullies at school & skirts

Sorry to say girls at this age I think can be pretty nasty- much nastier than I remember they were at that age - I thought it was closer to 6 or 7 that they got that way.

What does your DD want to wear? Does SHE want to wear the skirt- or is she only saying that because a child told her to? I wouldn't care what some parent says but if my DD wanted to wear the skirt to fit in better - that to me would be fine (provided it wasn't something I saw as inappropriate). But if she is comfortable and happy and asking to wear the pants or shorts I would continue putting her in those. But I would go by what she is comfortable in.

I know at this age I see it in my DD's class. The girls are pretty nasty and at that age I see that whoever has the more exciting thing at that particular moment are the "more" fun ones for that moment (although they are quickly forgotten once that "one" thing is no longer special). They seem very fickle. Today it will be a skirt tomorrow it will be a hair bow, next day it is hair band or hair clips.

My feeling is that if it is something small - I'm NOT going out and buying expensive things - but if the girls wear a little bow and DD asks I will go ahead with that - esp because the little girls are NOT nice to her and it makes her feel more special. That to me isn't a big deal but for example I won't go and buy her an Ipad to fit in - KWIM?

As far as the sand in the face - I hear you DD gets that and she sometimes gets clawed too.

Re: Vent: The Princess Bullies at school & skirts

do sorry your dd has to deal with this. clearly that mom is not a good example.

Re: Vent: The Princess Bullies at school & skirts

Well AJ doesn’t wear skirts for a reason. However she doesn’t really care. Heck we dress her before she’s awake.

I did ask her that morning if she wanted to wear a skirt and she said no. And this morning I asked again (we may get up to 80 today) she still said no.

We have a few dark blue skirts she can wear, but we avoid them during mosquito season. AJ will get a bite, then it scratch it until it bleeds. All the scratches that she digs into her skin, plus the hole where the bite was will get infected or dirty and swell, then she’ll scratch that whole area just basically growing the problem. We send her in with bug repellent and anti itch as well as generally limit her to light weight pants and long (but thin) socks. It has greatly reduced her suffering.

I am uncomfortable with letting her wear something just because the other girls are doing it. I mean she’s nearly 4 and peer pressure is bad enough but I want her to be her own person, not a lemming. If she wants to wear a skirt, yes she can. If I found out it was because ‘all the other girls are’ then I’d be disappointed in her.

Even at this young age I want to instill a sense of self, independence and confidence within herself to feel comfortable with who she is. Its bad enough as she gets older and hormones kick in the idea of self beauty and self confidence fades. Right now she ‘knows’ she is: “a cutie, so sweet, Bu-ti-ful, good girl” She is all that because of who she is not because of who she follows or imitates. Its hard enough to be a mom, I don’t want to be a follow the leader mom. I also try to push AJ into accepting everyone as they are. No one kid is more ‘cool’ because of the clothes they wear or TV show they watch.

She has a ‘best friend’ Sofia (now I wonder because that’s the girl who told her to wear a skirt and threw sand in her face). Sofia seems to hang on AJ, even tho she’s older than my girl. She has told me I need to put AJ in a red shirt or put her hair in only one pony tail. I nicely say “Ok, we’ll think about it.” Ironically, they do seem to wear the same colored shirt often (we have 3 colors red, blue and white. I have mostly blue and red and two whites). So in a way I *do* let her go with the ‘norm’ or the ‘crowd’ but only as a coincidence and never as a way to fit in.

God help me but that will come soon enough!

Re: Vent: The Princess Bullies at school & skirts

Oh my goodness....I can't imagine. I would've gone off on that woman.

I can see where her daughter gets it from.(I'm assuming her daughter was one of the bullies.)

Re: Vent: The Princess Bullies at school & skirts

This is so sad and sickening! I hope the school puts a stop to this ASAP. I'm sorry AJ is dealing with this nonsense at such a young age but it sounds like you're using it as a good teaching opportunity. You're instilling some great values in your DD.

Re: Vent: The Princess Bullies at school & skirts

Horrible. It really does start at a young age with girls (I don't see this sort of thng with boys at all).

Last year we had a few playdates with my son and a girl from his preschool class. At one point the mom said she was "so grateful" my son was friends with her. I was like "huh?". She goes on to tell me that this poor little girl is always ganged up on by the other girls in the class, and that there was a ringleader who would basically tell the other girls that they shouldn't play with this poor little girl. So she was glad that when the other girls bullied her, at least there was a boy who would play with her. I was so saddened by this-- these kids were 4 years old and they were forming cliques and bullying.

Re: Vent: The Princess Bullies at school & skirts

Pathetic. This is why I shouldn't be a parent. My first thought was "Tell them mom you've taught AJ how to punch."

Re: Vent: The Princess Bullies at school & skirts

This is awful and further proof that bullying starts at home! Was this mom by any chance, Princess Sophia's mom? I can't believe a grown women would be arguing that girls are supposed to wear skirts. What is this 1950????
I'm definitely not looking forward to all the "princess politics" that awaits my 14 month old DD.

Message edited 3/22/2012 2:31:43 PM.

Re: Vent: The Princess Bullies at school & skirts

Posted by nrthshgrl

Pathetic. This is why I shouldn't be a parent. My first thought was "Tell them mom you've taught AJ how to punch."

Re: Vent: The Princess Bullies at school & skirts

Re: Vent: The Princess Bullies at school & skirts

W T F is with the other Mom telling you that if she wears a skirt the bullying will stop? SERIOUSLY? THAT's your brillliant solution to the problem?

Re: Vent: The Princess Bullies at school & skirts

Posted by Xelindrya

Well AJ doesn’t wear skirts for a reason. However she doesn’t really care. Heck we dress her before she’s awake.

I did ask her that morning if she wanted to wear a skirt and she said no. And this morning I asked again (we may get up to 80 today) she still said no.

We have a few dark blue skirts she can wear, but we avoid them during mosquito season. AJ will get a bite, then it scratch it until it bleeds. All the scratches that she digs into her skin, plus the hole where the bite was will get infected or dirty and swell, then she’ll scratch that whole area just basically growing the problem. We send her in with bug repellent and anti itch as well as generally limit her to light weight pants and long (but thin) socks. It has greatly reduced her suffering.

I am uncomfortable with letting her wear something just because the other girls are doing it. I mean she’s nearly 4 and peer pressure is bad enough but I want her to be her own person, not a lemming. If she wants to wear a skirt, yes she can. If I found out it was because ‘all the other girls are’ then I’d be disappointed in her.

Even at this young age I want to instill a sense of self, independence and confidence within herself to feel comfortable with who she is. Its bad enough as she gets older and hormones kick in the idea of self beauty and self confidence fades. Right now she ‘knows’ she is: “a cutie, so sweet, Bu-ti-ful, good girl” She is all that because of who she is not because of who she follows or imitates. Its hard enough to be a mom, I don’t want to be a follow the leader mom. I also try to push AJ into accepting everyone as they are. No one kid is more ‘cool’ because of the clothes they wear or TV show they watch.

She has a ‘best friend’ Sofia (now I wonder because that’s the girl who told her to wear a skirt and threw sand in her face). Sofia seems to hang on AJ, even tho she’s older than my girl. She has told me I need to put AJ in a red shirt or put her hair in only one pony tail. I nicely say “Ok, we’ll think about it.” Ironically, they do seem to wear the same colored shirt often (we have 3 colors red, blue and white. I have mostly blue and red and two whites). So in a way I *do* let her go with the ‘norm’ or the ‘crowd’ but only as a coincidence and never as a way to fit in.

God help me but that will come soon enough!

Re: Vent: The Princess Bullies at school & skirts

If I ever care so much what the other little girls are wearing at my DD's school I hope someone puts me out of my misery!