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TeamLove
LIF Infant
Member since 9/09 80 total posts
Name:
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Vent!!! Need Suggestions please
WWYD????
I asked ILs to babysit last week for our first night out since baby's been born and they were super excited.
We were only out for about 2-3 hours and when we came back, FIL was drinking. He's definitely an alcoholic, who doesn't admit it, but I honestly thought he wouldn't be drinking at my house watching my son!
My alcohol was tapped into (of course it was hidden) and there were beer cans (a lot of them) in the garbage and a large cup filled with beer. He was eating pizza and there was garbage everywhere. My son was sleeping and my MIL was sitting on the computer.
I get along GREAT with MIL and I am really, really pissed. I'm upset with her because she let this all happen. God forbid there was an emergency and my son had to go to the ER. What would they have done?
Anyway, DH spoke to FIL and told him that he didn't ask him to come over to drink, he came over to babysit. His father told him he didn't think he drank that much but he won't do it again. He also asked DH not to tell him mom because he didn't her to be upset with him. WTF???
She keeps texting and calling seeing when they can babysit next but I haven't been responding because I was waiting for DH to talk to his dad.
What should I do? I feel like I should tell her because I'm thoroughly upset with them. I trusted them to care for my son while I went out for awhile (something I didn't want to do in the first place!) and I come home to beer and pizza everywhere. I didn't think I would have had to clean up after them.
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Posted 3/23/12 7:11 PM  |
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Long Island Weddings
Long Island's Largest Bridal Resource |
jgl
Love my little boys!!!
Member since 8/07 7060 total posts
Name:
g
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Re: Vent!!! Need Suggestions please
I'm confused, they were both there but your mil didn't know he was drinking? If he drank one, I could see how he old have hid that, but the amount your saying? She had to of seen
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| Posted 3/23/12 7:42 PM |
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nferrandi
too excited for words
Member since 10/05 18538 total posts
Name:
Nicole
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Re: Vent!!! Need Suggestions please
You seem to be really upset by this, and of you're close with your MIL then I suggest you say something. I wouldn't make a huge deal out of it, but I would be honest and direct. Tell her you were uncomfortable with how things went the last time. You didn't expect or accept that FIL had drank so much and you were surprised to come home to a mess.
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| Posted 3/23/12 7:42 PM |
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LINewbie
Tigger the the Rescue!
Member since 8/08 5647 total posts
Name:
LB
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Re: Vent!!! Need Suggestions please
I would tell MIL she could sit but FIL has to stay at home. No excuse. I too don't see how she didn't know he was drinking so much?
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| Posted 3/23/12 7:47 PM |
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TeamLove
LIF Infant
Member since 9/09 80 total posts
Name:
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Re: Vent!!! Need Suggestions please
She definitely knew he was drinking the beer but I'm SURE that while she was putting baby's pjs on or left the room he was hitting the liquor cabinet! Do they have a FIL-proof safety lock for cabinets?
I should say something even though FIL told my DH not to say anything to his mom? This is pretty much what FIL has been doing to MIL for 30 something years!
I want to say something but I don't want my DH to be upset with me.. I might rather me be mad at him than the other way
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| Posted 3/23/12 8:26 PM |
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maybesoon
LIF Adult
Member since 9/09 5981 total posts
Name:
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Re: Vent!!! Need Suggestions please
My moms dh is a drunk, plain and simple. Unfortunately she has never watched my dc's at her house. She has to come here, and she has to come alone. It's rare we ask her to babysit for this reason. I feel like she has no say in what her dh does, so I don't want my kids around that
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| Posted 3/23/12 9:42 PM |
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spa118
LIF Adult
Member since 3/09 2157 total posts
Name:
Shari
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Re: Vent!!! Need Suggestions please
I am so sorry that you experienced this. I would feel totally violated. I have a similar situation - there is a close family member who is an alcoholic on DH's side. This person is NEVER allowed to be alone with DD. He's never allowed to babysit, not even with his girlfriend who I trust. I don't trust him. DH agrees, and flat out told him. It wasn't easy, but its for the best. I would tell MIL. I would tell her that you weren't happy about the beer, but were even more upset when you saw that FIL found your hidden liquor. She has to know, but maybe is denying it. If she knows you know, she can't deny it anymore. There is nothing more precious than our DC, and I wouldn't let this slide at all, no matter how unpleasant it is.  And I am so sorry, but you can never, ever think "he won't drink in this situation"... an alcoholic will drink in any situation, no matter what they promise. I'm sorry. I've experienced it.
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| Posted 3/23/12 11:13 PM |
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LSP2005
Bunny kisses are so cute!
Member since 5/05 19458 total posts
Name:
L
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Re: Vent!!! Need Suggestions please
I would have a family sit down with the four of you. To me babysitting is a job and if you are getting drunk on the job you can get fired. It might be harsh but I would have to say something for my own peace of mind. I would never be able to forgive myself g-d forbid something happened and I did not say something. I would feel the need to explain that they are never going to be able to watch my child again because I can't trust them - and yes I would want FIL to go to AA before I would let them see my kid again. It might crush them, but what they did would have crushed me. I am so sorry that they put you in this position in the first place.
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| Posted 3/23/12 11:51 PM |
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LINewbie
Tigger the the Rescue!
Member since 8/08 5647 total posts
Name:
LB
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Re: Vent!!! Need Suggestions please
Posted by TeamLove
She definitely knew he was drinking the beer but I'm SURE that while she was putting baby's pjs on or left the room he was hitting the liquor cabinet! Do they have a FIL-proof safety lock for cabinets?
I should say something even though FIL told my DH not to say anything to his mom? This is pretty much what FIL has been doing to MIL for 30 something years!
I want to say something but I don't want my DH to be upset with me.. I might rather me be mad at him than the other way
I would tell her that she/ha can't babysit and if she wants to know why then talk to your husband.
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| Posted 3/24/12 9:11 AM |
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blu6385
Member since 5/08 8351 total posts
Name:
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Re: Vent!!! Need Suggestions please
while i get why you are upset about your FIL drinking and you have every right to be im confused by the statement if there was an emergency and driving? Does MIL not drive? Would she have not been able to drive if there was an emergency?
If she does drive, i would tell them MIL can watch the baby but you dont feel comfrotable FIL drinking in your house so you rather him not drink.
if she doesnt drive and you dont feel comfrotable not having someone watch the baby that cant drive i would just be honest and tell them that.
Bottom line IMO honesty is always best.
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| Posted 3/24/12 10:17 AM |
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hotsauce345
my love, my life, my son
Member since 1/09 4169 total posts
Name:
Melody
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Re: Vent!!! Need Suggestions please
Posted by blu6385
while i get why you are upset about your FIL drinking and you have every right to be im confused by the statement if there was an emergency and driving? Does MIL not drive? Would she have not been able to drive if there was an emergency?
If she does drive, i would tell them MIL can watch the baby but you dont feel comfrotable FIL drinking in your house so you rather him not drink.
if she doesnt drive and you dont feel comfrotable not having someone watch the baby that cant drive i would just be honest and tell them that.
Bottom line IMO honesty is always best.
I was wondering the same. agree with everything said here. As far as not telling MiL so as not to stir the pot with DH. DH needs to understand that when your children are involved...all rules and loyalties go out the window...they come first and whatever you have to do to ensure that your babies are well taken care of is what you have to do. you can't hide from your IL's forever...this needs to be dealt with if they ever think they will watch your DC's again, which your MIL seems to really want.
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| Posted 3/24/12 11:13 AM |
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nrthshgrl
It goes fast. Pay attention.
Member since 7/05 57538 total posts
Name:
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Re: Vent!!! Need Suggestions please
FIL is putting DH in a bad position. If it were me, I would tell DH to address the situation with his mom directly & be straight with her. I'd tell her about the liquor cabinet & your concern that she would need to be taking care of a baby & a drunk adult.
That being said, as long as one person is sober & able to act in an emergency, I think you're ok. If you were home with the baby & your DH was drunk, you'd still be ok. Not ideal obviously.
What about just having your MIL watch the baby solo?
Posted by TeamLove
This is pretty much what FIL has been doing to MIL for 30 something years!
Yes but now there are grandchildren & it's a game changer. Their safety supercedes all. The most important thing is that you & DH are on the same page about this.
Message edited 3/24/2012 11:32:28 AM.
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| Posted 3/24/12 11:27 AM |
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