wwyd?

I'm pretty new here, but have a question for you CF families like mine. Before we got married (a year ago) DH and I decided we would be child free, we both love our lifestyle and just really didn't have any interest in having children.

Fast forward to now, all of his friends (and mine) are starting to have kids and now he wants one. (We are in our early 30s if that has any bearing). He really just wants to be a dad, and I know he would be wonderful but I really don't want to be a mom! He always says things like "Well I would love to have one, but its up to you" which makes me feel really guilty.

Its not really causing any problems in our relationship, but I hate feeling like I'm depriving him of something this important. Any advice?

Re: wwyd?

Do you think he truly wants to be a dad, or do you think he's feeling this way just because his friends are having kids now? What he's feeling may be only temporary, and the reason I say that is because you said it was pretty recently (just a year ago) that he was telling you he definitely didn't want kids, so he may go back to feeling that way once the baby craze among family/friends starts to die down. I think as far as becoming parents, that's a decision that you need to make together & come to a conclusion that will satisfy both of you, if that's possible. I don't think you should have kids just to please him, because you may become resentful down the road.

Re: wwyd?

Red flags ahead. Sorry. You came into a marriage with the intention of being CF and now he wants to change the rules? The last thing you want to be is a resentful mother. I would speak to DH and let him know how you feel- the decision to be parents must be a joint decision and you should NOT feel pressured to change your mind just because he has. Couples divorce over these things.

Best of luck to you.

Re: wwyd?

Posted by MrsS1976

Red flags ahead. Sorry. You came into a marriage with the intention of being CF and now he wants to change the rules? The last thing you want to be is a resentful mother. I would speak to DH and let him know how you feel- the decision to be parents must be a joint decision and you should NOT feel pressured to change your mind just because he has. Couples divorce over these things.

Best of luck to you.

Re: wwyd?

Thanks everyone for the responses. Its a tough situation. I feel like I'm making myself feel guiltier than he is, he is OK with not having one, but I know he wants one. Maybe we will just get a dog and have a furbaby

Re: wwyd?

Posted by ProfMomma

Thanks everyone for the responses. Its a tough situation. I feel like I'm making myself feel guiltier than he is, he is OK with not having one, but I know he wants one. Maybe we will just get a dog and have a furbaby

Re: wwyd?

Posted by southerncross

Posted by ProfMomma

Thanks everyone for the responses. Its a tough situation. I feel like I'm making myself feel guiltier than he is, he is OK with not having one, but I know he wants one. Maybe we will just get a dog and have a furbaby

My DH told me "its up to you" after I asked him if he wanted kids last year. I was shocked. He said he's indifferent & some days he thinks its a good idea and then others he's like no way. He said since I have a stronger feeling about the subject he'd go with me either way I chose. It sounds sweet in his head but I felt this intense pressure after that.

ALL of our friends have kids or are having kids so I don't know if his answer had any bearing on that. But that conversation still bothers me for the same reasons you said.....i wouldn't want to be the reason he doesn't have kids & maybe regrets it one day.

We got a furbaby last year and it actually makes me want kids less because of how much work it is. But a friend of mine told me getting her dog made her want kids more so who knows ?!?

Re: wwyd?

I suggest getting a furbaby first. DH and I are a CF for now but I just got him his first puppy and I think he's floored by the amount of work a puppy is. That might help him make up his mind. Just make sure to get a breed that is a little more "hyper" so it's not a complete walk in the park

Re: wwyd?

Posted by MrsS1976

Red flags ahead. Sorry. You came into a marriage with the intention of being CF and now he wants to change the rules? The last thing you want to be is a resentful mother. I would speak to DH and let him know how you feel- the decision to be parents must be a joint decision and you should NOT feel pressured to change your mind just because he has. Couples divorce over these things.

Best of luck to you.