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sameinitials
insert creative comment here
Member since 2/12 1998 total posts
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Another bill issue
It sounds like you just have a different idea of what one does when going out to dinner for a birthday than your friend (or, for what it's worth, the majority of us here).
I arranged a dinner out for my birthday with a whole bunch of friends. Even though I was the one who arranged it, when they split up the bill they automatically included my share, and no one thought it was weird that my husband didn't pay for me. It's the same with all of my friends no matter who does the arranging/inviting.
Like I said, it looks like you just think about this differently on a fundamental level than the rest of us. I certainly don't see anything shady about friends covering a part of a meal for someone on that someone's birthday. I think it's weirder that *you* think it's shady (and I don't mean that as an insult, I just mean on the scale of odd things, if that makes sense).
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Posted 10/14/12 6:42 PM  |
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Long Island Weddings
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Re: Another bill issue
Posted by headoverheels
Posted by nferrandi
I have never, nor would I ever, expect people to pay for my DH. I would pay his portion. That's my bottom line.
I think it is different if you are taking a friend out for their bday and you did the inviting. But we were invited to go out for his bday. They have never been asked or expected to pay for either DH or my bday dinners. I thought it was kind of shady that all of a sudden we were expected to cover the bday boy, when that has never been done in the past.
That is a different story, but I'll say that in my group of friends, that's how it's done - we all cover the birthday person.
Between this and the bar/baseball game night out issue, maybe you should stay home more 
You are talking semantics here. Just because she "invited" everyone doesn't really mean that she has to pay? IDK that I agree with that.
Message edited 10/14/2012 6:54:09 PM.
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| Posted 10/14/12 6:52 PM |
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nferrandi
too excited for words
Member since 10/05 18538 total posts
Name:
Nicole
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Re: Another bill issue
Posted by Straightarrow
Posted by headoverheels
Posted by nferrandi
I have never, nor would I ever, expect people to pay for my DH. I would pay his portion. That's my bottom line.
I think it is different if you are taking a friend out for their bday and you did the inviting. But we were invited to go out for his bday. They have never been asked or expected to pay for either DH or my bday dinners. I thought it was kind of shady that all of a sudden we were expected to cover the bday boy, when that has never been done in the past.
That is a different story, but I'll say that in my group of friends, that's how it's done - we all cover the birthday person.
Between this and the bar/baseball game night out issue, maybe you should stay home more
You are talking semantics here. Just because she "invited" everyone doesn't really mean that she has to pay? IDK that I agree with that.
I certainly wouldn't expect her to pay for everyone, but I would think she would pay for her fiancé. If I was taking my DH out for his bday I would pay for him. I can't see not treating my DH on his bday and expecting others to do it for me. Again, I have gone out for dinners with the girls and covered the bday girl, but with a significant other there, I would think its their responsibility. We'll just have to agree to disagree.
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| Posted 10/14/12 7:01 PM |
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shadows
LIF Adult
Member since 1/10 4694 total posts
Name:
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Re: Another bill issue
Posted by nferrandi
Posted by Straightarrow
Posted by headoverheels
Posted by nferrandi
I have never, nor would I ever, expect people to pay for my DH. I would pay his portion. That's my bottom line.
I think it is different if you are taking a friend out for their bday and you did the inviting. But we were invited to go out for his bday. They have never been asked or expected to pay for either DH or my bday dinners. I thought it was kind of shady that all of a sudden we were expected to cover the bday boy, when that has never been done in the past.
That is a different story, but I'll say that in my group of friends, that's how it's done - we all cover the birthday person.
Between this and the bar/baseball game night out issue, maybe you should stay home more
You are talking semantics here. Just because she "invited" everyone doesn't really mean that she has to pay? IDK that I agree with that.
I certainly wouldn't expect her to pay for everyone, but I would think she would pay for her fiancé. If I was taking my DH out for his bday I would pay for him. I can't see not treating my DH on his bday and expecting others to do it for me. Again, I have gone out for dinners with the girls and covered the bday girl, but with a significant other there, I would think its their responsibility. We'll just have to agree to disagree.
I get what you're saying. I can't imagine going out with a group for my DH's bday and myself contributing the same amount as everyone else. I haven't been in this situation, but I'm pretty sure I would pay for DH and me and let everyone else split up the rest.
If it were just a group of friends and not someone's DH - then yes, everyone would split the bill. But if the spouse (or future spouse) is there, I would picture them paying for the bday boy.
Obviously lots of people don't feel this way though!
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| Posted 10/14/12 7:17 PM |
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Janice
Sweet Jessie Quinn
Member since 5/05 27567 total posts
Name:
Janice
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Another bill issue
i see what you are saying.
if dh and i went out for my bday...i can't see that he would let people pay for my meal-that would be weird. i am still his "date"
without dh there, then def my friends would pay.
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| Posted 10/14/12 7:20 PM |
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Re: Another bill issue
I think I see where the OP is annoyed.
For the most part, when DH and I have gone out with other couples, each couple pays for themselves.
Usually, that means just splitting the bill in half/multiplying by # of people there to make life easier.
I think with certain people though, no matter how you try to figure the bill, someone is going to be annoyed by it.
Plenty of people picked up on the fact that the one girl who just ate soup wasn't asked to contribute.
Having been on that end and expecting to pay something ridiculous, that is annoying too. 
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| Posted 10/14/12 7:23 PM |
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shutterbug855
LIF Adolescent
Member since 9/12 892 total posts
Name:
Gabi
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Re: Another bill issue
Posted by nferrandi
Posted by Straightarrow
Posted by headoverheels
Posted by nferrandi
I have never, nor would I ever, expect people to pay for my DH. I would pay his portion. That's my bottom line.
I think it is different if you are taking a friend out for their bday and you did the inviting. But we were invited to go out for his bday. They have never been asked or expected to pay for either DH or my bday dinners. I thought it was kind of shady that all of a sudden we were expected to cover the bday boy, when that has never been done in the past.
That is a different story, but I'll say that in my group of friends, that's how it's done - we all cover the birthday person.
Between this and the bar/baseball game night out issue, maybe you should stay home more
You are talking semantics here. Just because she "invited" everyone doesn't really mean that she has to pay? IDK that I agree with that.
I certainly wouldn't expect her to pay for everyone, but I would think she would pay for her fiancé. If I was taking my DH out for his bday I would pay for him. I can't see not treating my DH on his bday and expecting others to do it for me. Again, I have gone out for dinners with the girls and covered the bday girl, but with a significant other there, I would think its their responsibility. We'll just have to agree to disagree.
I agree with this. It's kind of odd to invite a group of people for your partner's bday, then expect this group to pay for him/her. If it were my birthday and I invited a group to celebrate, my husband would pay for me, and everyone else would cover their own plates (or if everyone ate/drank the same amount, we'd split it and he would cover my portion and his).
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| Posted 10/14/12 7:41 PM |
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nferrandi
too excited for words
Member since 10/05 18538 total posts
Name:
Nicole
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Re: Another bill issue
Posted by Janice
i see what you are saying.
if dh and i went out for my bday...i can't see that he would let people pay for my meal-that would be weird. i am still his "date"
without dh there, then def my friends would pay.
Thank you for simplifying this for me. I'm actually a little surprised that so few people see it that way. Or maybe I just wasn't coming across clear enough. My DH would never be ok with others covering my meal with his sitting right there.
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| Posted 10/14/12 7:44 PM |
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LotsaLuv
Us
Member since 6/10 4094 total posts
Name:
F
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Another bill issue
My DH would have insisted he pay for my meal. When we do birthday dinners, usually the birthday person gets their meal paid for by everyone dining, but when our husbands are involved in the dinner usually the husband pays for the wifes dinner. One year the husband paid for the whole table which was nice!
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| Posted 10/14/12 7:49 PM |
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Re: Another bill issue
I think this was Ok except the one having soup should have kicked in $25 or so.
One thing they do in the south all the time was split checks so everyone pays for what they eat/drink. It was really weird for me when I first moved down here but now I love not having to figure out bills, counting money, making sure everyone puts in the right amount etc.
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| Posted 10/14/12 8:07 PM |
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WannaBeAMom11
LIF Adult
Member since 1/11 7391 total posts
Name:
Name
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Another bill issue
Sorry I'm with the majority. The bill was split correctly. The only time I
Complain is when I'm not drinking I refuse to pay for everyone else's alcohol.
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| Posted 10/14/12 8:10 PM |
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cateyemm
Twins!
Member since 7/10 8027 total posts
Name:
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Re: Another bill issue
Posted by nferrandi
Posted by Janice
i see what you are saying.
if dh and i went out for my bday...i can't see that he would let people pay for my meal-that would be weird. i am still his "date"
without dh there, then def my friends would pay.
Thank you for simplifying this for me. I'm actually a little surprised that so few people see it that way. Or maybe I just wasn't coming across clear enough. My DH would never be ok with others covering my meal with his sitting right there.
Honestly I didn't get it at first but yes that wouldn't happen in my group. The SO pays for the bday boy if they're part of the group.
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| Posted 10/14/12 8:16 PM |
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mlny
blessed <3
Member since 10/09 2113 total posts
Name:
M
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Re: Another bill issue
I think what really screwed this whole thing up the most was you guys not having the soup eating friend to chip in. That was completely ridiculous IMO and I can't believe they didn't even throw in a $10 or a $20.
Message edited 10/15/2012 12:09:42 AM.
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| Posted 10/14/12 11:41 PM |
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ElizaRags35
My 2 Girls
Member since 2/09 20494 total posts
Name:
Me
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Another bill issue
When my group of friends go out for someone's birthday and that someone has a SO, the group always chips in for the birthday person. It's not even a question. It just happens.
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| Posted 10/14/12 11:55 PM |
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Hofstra26
Love to Bake!
Member since 7/06 27915 total posts
Name:
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Re: Another bill issue
Posted by cateyemm
Posted by nferrandi
Posted by Janice
i see what you are saying.
if dh and i went out for my bday...i can't see that he would let people pay for my meal-that would be weird. i am still his "date"
without dh there, then def my friends would pay.
Thank you for simplifying this for me. I'm actually a little surprised that so few people see it that way. Or maybe I just wasn't coming across clear enough. My DH would never be ok with others covering my meal with his sitting right there.
Honestly I didn't get it at first but yes that wouldn't happen in my group. The SO pays for the bday boy if they're part of the group.
Ok, I am confused. If the SO pays for the bday person then all you're really doing is splitting the check equally amongst all the people who are dining. My money is DHs money and vice versa so effectively, we are just paying for ourselves like any other split tab dinner. I don't understand the SO covering your meal thing, but maybe it's because we don't have separate money in our relationship.
Back in the day, when all of my friends would do birthday dinners no matter whose bday it was (DH, BF, GF etc) the bday person was left out of the head count and the cost of their dinner/drinks/etc was absorbed by everyone else at the table and we split the bill evenly.
I still think the only issue with your dinner tab last night was that soup girl not chipping in.
Message edited 10/15/2012 12:00:23 AM.
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| Posted 10/14/12 11:57 PM |
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Re: Another bill issue
I understand why you are annoyed. I don't see anything wrong with how the bill was split but if this isn't done for everyones birthday I would be mad.$80 a person is an expensive meal. If I invited people out for DHs birthday, I would definitely pay for him. I would never expect people to pay for his meal.
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| Posted 10/15/12 7:21 AM |
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jmf423
:)
Member since 5/05 6372 total posts
Name:
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Re: Another bill issue
Posted by nferrandi
I have never, nor would I ever, expect people to pay for my DH. I would pay his portion. That's my bottom line.
I think it is different if you are taking a friend out for their bday and you did the inviting. But we were invited to go out for his bday. They have never been asked or expected to pay for either DH or my bday dinners. I thought it was kind of shady that all of a sudden we were expected to cover the bday boy, when that has never been done in the past.
That makes more sense. Originally the post made it seem like you all agreed to split the birthday boys dinner.
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| Posted 10/15/12 7:46 AM |
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LotsaLuv
Us
Member since 6/10 4094 total posts
Name:
F
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Re: Another bill issue
Posted by Hofstra26
Posted by cateyemm
Posted by nferrandi
Posted by Janice
i see what you are saying.
if dh and i went out for my bday...i can't see that he would let people pay for my meal-that would be weird. i am still his "date"
without dh there, then def my friends would pay.
Thank you for simplifying this for me. I'm actually a little surprised that so few people see it that way. Or maybe I just wasn't coming across clear enough. My DH would never be ok with others covering my meal with his sitting right there.
Honestly I didn't get it at first but yes that wouldn't happen in my group. The SO pays for the bday boy if they're part of the group.
Ok, I am confused. If the SO pays for the bday person then all you're really doing is splitting the check equally amongst all the people who are dining. My money is DHs money and vice versa so effectively, we are just paying for ourselves like any other split tab dinner. I don't understand the SO covering your meal thing, but maybe it's because we don't have separate money in our relationship.
Back in the day, when all of my friends would do birthday dinners no matter whose bday it was (DH, BF, GF etc) the bday person was left out of the head count and the cost of their dinner/drinks/etc was absorbed by everyone else at the table and we split the bill evenly.
I still think the only issue with your dinner tab last night was that soup girl not chipping in.
The reason for us is, my husband would not want other people paying for my meal. Maybe it's a man thing. My friends would be there to celebrate not pick up my meal. When I go out with my girlsfriends it's different, that's why I say maybe it's a man thing.
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| Posted 10/15/12 8:08 AM |
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ThePinkGoose
In Your Hands
Member since 8/08 4706 total posts
Name:
Nunya
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Re: Another bill issue
Posted by Hofstra26
Posted by cateyemm
Posted by nferrandi
Posted by Janice
i see what you are saying.
if dh and i went out for my bday...i can't see that he would let people pay for my meal-that would be weird. i am still his "date"
without dh there, then def my friends would pay.
Thank you for simplifying this for me. I'm actually a little surprised that so few people see it that way. Or maybe I just wasn't coming across clear enough. My DH would never be ok with others covering my meal with his sitting right there.
Honestly I didn't get it at first but yes that wouldn't happen in my group. The SO pays for the bday boy if they're part of the group.
Ok, I am confused. If the SO pays for the bday person then all you're really doing is splitting the check equally amongst all the people who are dining. My money is DHs money and vice versa so effectively, we are just paying for ourselves like any other split tab dinner. I don't understand the SO covering your meal thing, but maybe it's because we don't have separate money in our relationship.
Back in the day, when all of my friends would do birthday dinners no matter whose bday it was (DH, BF, GF etc) the bday person was left out of the head count and the cost of their dinner/drinks/etc was absorbed by everyone else at the table and we split the bill evenly.
I still think the only issue with your dinner tab last night was that soup girl not chipping in.
I agree. We always split the bday person's meal between the rest of the table. It doesn't matter that their significant other is there, it's not a "date night."
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| Posted 10/15/12 8:12 AM |
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nferrandi
too excited for words
Member since 10/05 18538 total posts
Name:
Nicole
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Re: Another bill issue
Posted by PennyJ923
Posted by Hofstra26
Posted by cateyemm
Posted by nferrandi
Posted by Janice
The reason for us is, my husband would not want other people paying for my meal. Maybe it's a man thing. My friends would be there to celebrate not pick up my meal. When I go out with my girlsfriends it's different, that's why I say maybe it's a man thing.
I don't think it's a man thing because I feel the same. I am inviting people out to celebrate, not to help me cover DH dinner. And DH and I feel that our money is "our" money, but I still thank him anytime he puts his credit card down for a meal or vice versa.
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| Posted 10/15/12 8:14 AM |
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MandJZ
Time for Baby #2!
Member since 8/10 4194 total posts
Name:
M
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Re: Another bill issue
I'm trying to think how we handle birthdays in our different groups of friends.
I think if it is a bunch of couples and the bday person has an SO there, the SO pays. If it is a group of girlfriends let's say and no SO's, then the group covers the bday person's meal. If it is a group of couples/single people and the bday person is single the group covers.
Does that make sense?
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| Posted 10/15/12 8:18 AM |
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Hofstra26
Love to Bake!
Member since 7/06 27915 total posts
Name:
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Re: Another bill issue
Posted by PennyJ923
Posted by Hofstra26
Posted by cateyemm
Posted by nferrandi
Posted by Janice
i see what you are saying.
if dh and i went out for my bday...i can't see that he would let people pay for my meal-that would be weird. i am still his "date"
without dh there, then def my friends would pay.
Thank you for simplifying this for me. I'm actually a little surprised that so few people see it that way. Or maybe I just wasn't coming across clear enough. My DH would never be ok with others covering my meal with his sitting right there.
Honestly I didn't get it at first but yes that wouldn't happen in my group. The SO pays for the bday boy if they're part of the group.
Ok, I am confused. If the SO pays for the bday person then all you're really doing is splitting the check equally amongst all the people who are dining. My money is DHs money and vice versa so effectively, we are just paying for ourselves like any other split tab dinner. I don't understand the SO covering your meal thing, but maybe it's because we don't have separate money in our relationship.
Back in the day, when all of my friends would do birthday dinners no matter whose bday it was (DH, BF, GF etc) the bday person was left out of the head count and the cost of their dinner/drinks/etc was absorbed by everyone else at the table and we split the bill evenly.
I still think the only issue with your dinner tab last night was that soup girl not chipping in.
The reason for us is, my husband would not want other people paying for my meal. Maybe it's a man thing. My friends would be there to celebrate not pick up my meal. When I go out with my girlsfriends it's different, that's why I say maybe it's a man thing.
I guess it just depends on how the group of friends handles birthday dinners. In the case of the OP, if paying for the bday person isn't something that is normally done or if it wasn't known that was the plan until the bill came then I can see be annoyed by that. Totally.
Like I said, when my friends did bday dinners (it was always couples btw........not just a group of girls) we all just absorbed the cost of the bday person.
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| Posted 10/15/12 8:23 AM |
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nferrandi
too excited for words
Member since 10/05 18538 total posts
Name:
Nicole
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Re: Another bill issue
Posted by MandJZ
I'm trying to think how we handle birthdays in our different groups of friends.
I think if it is a bunch of couples and the bday person has an SO there, the SO pays. If it is a group of girlfriends let's say and no SO's, then the group covers the bday person's meal. If it is a group of couples/single people and the bday person is single the group covers.
Does that make sense?
It makes perfect sense and that is how we do it too. That's why I thought it was kind of bull that all of a sudden we were covering a SO.
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| Posted 10/15/12 8:23 AM |
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MrsFrizzle
<3
Member since 9/09 4628 total posts
Name:
Kristin
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Another bill issue
I think it's totally fair, however I do think the person who only had soup should have kicked in for the bday boy's share.
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| Posted 10/15/12 11:26 AM |
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lvdolphins
My Loves!
Member since 5/05 46292 total posts
Name:
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Re: Another bill issue
If it's my girlfriends and I, we all chip in for the bday person.
If it's a big group of us and the SOs are there, the SO covers the bday person and the rest of the bill gets split.
The person that had soup, should have kicked in some money! IMO it was rude they didn't offer!
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| Posted 10/15/12 11:49 AM |
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