WWYD?

So I am a pretty frequent poster under another name, but I just wanted true opinions under a name where no one knows me,

Background: I have two brothers. A twin brother and a brother that is 2 years older. Both are married. My older brother has two adopted kids and has been going through IF with his wife to have a baby of their own. They just had another failed IUI (#3 ). My twin and his wife do not have kids yet and although DH and I assumed they started TTC last month, they keep saying they want to wait until next year. While I get along great with both of my SILs, they do not like each other. PERIOD!!

The WWYD part: I had my baby shower yesterday and both of my SIL were there. I opened a gift from my twin and his wife and it was BIG COUSIN t-shirt. I was a little shocked, and without thinking looked at my SIL (who was sitting very close to me and said quietly) "I am not going to turn this around and show people because I think it was very inappropriate to out yourself at my shower". Her smile faded and she said ok. other then my best friend who was next to me no one else saw it or even raised an eyebrow. I didn't bring it up again because my other SIL helped me bring stuff back to the house and set up and then we watched some fireworks. This morning i woke up to a voicemail from my SIL and my twin saying I really hurt her feelings and that she thought she could share the day with me and he couldn't believe I could be so selfish.

It brings me to tears right now even reliving that moment as being a twin and having him be so disappointed in me is heartbreaking. I keep thinking about what I said and where it came from. I honestly don't think it was sharing the day that made me say what I said. I know if it was my older brothers wife I would have jumped up and down and passed that t-shirt around for everyone to see, so I think it was my way of protecting my SIL who is struggling to get pregnant even though I know that's not my place either.

Just wondering how you think you would handle this situation. I just feel so upset and sick over what I said, because I never want to come across as selfish or not happy for either of my brothers or SILs for any of their accomplishments.

Thanks for reading, sorry so long.

Message edited 7/5/2013 10:04:03 AM.

WWYD?

Good for you! I think you did the absolute right thing and handled it perfectly. Shame on them for expecting to share their baby news at your shower- inappropriate if you ask me & attention grabbing & as a person who has gone through infertility, baby showers can be difficult as is, nevermind if another family member were to use it as a platform to make their announcement. I wouldn't give it a second thought and I would be disappointed in your twin for not being thoughtful at all in this situation

WWYD?

sorry to crash but you were right and I give you a ton of credit for maintaining your composure. Your shower is NOT the place to announce her pregnancy.

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You were so right in doing what you did! I would just try to explain that to your brother.

WWYD?

You were right. Your shower is about your baby. I think it's rude for people to announce anything at someone else's event.

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I think you did the right and respectable thing. Does your twin know about this? Although your SILs don't get along I'm surprised your twin would go along with this knowing what his own brother is going through. I would also be upset that your twin and his wife put you in a tough situation on your special day!! If it means anything I would have done the same thing as you.

WWYD?

You were right...however, in order to maintain peace I would call SIL and apologize solely based on the fact that you want to have a good relationship with her and your brother. I am sure she did not mean any malice by what happened and I don't think she was trying to one up you. As a matter of fact, I think it was a kind of cute idea, though maybe not exactly the best place to announce it.

WWYD?

Your other SILs IF issues aside, why would anyone ever think its acceptable to announce their pregnancy at someone elses shower like that???? It screams 'thunder stealer' to me and is very rude. If I were you I would call my brother and explain my reasoning just to smooth things over. But I honestly don't think you were wrong. Your SIL acted in poor taste.

WWYD?

I think you are 150% right. And kudos to you for reacting so quickly in that awkward situation. I don't know what I would've done being put on the spot like that.
And about your SIL thinking she could "share" the day with you? Really?? It's your shower and IMO the only person who should have the spotlight is you.
Anyway, I would call them back and explain why you did what you did. That you weren't being selfish, you were just protecting your other SIL. And that you're super happy for them, yada yada yada.

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did you acknowledge your SIL's exciting news later that day at all? it's one thing to not share the news with the entire room (b/c, really that announcement was not necessary at that time especially given what your other SIL is dealing with)....but if you didnt later, more privately, give your pregnant SIL a big hug and celebratory smile, maybe she is hurt that you didnt acknowledge it at all.....

WWYD?

Crashing: As someone who just became a mom after struggling with IF, I appreciate what you did. I would not want to be put on the spot if everyone knew my DH and I were trying. You were right,... plus like the others said...who announces that at a shower. Family function.. ok but shower! I would explain to your twin!

WWYD?

You were definitely in the right! Announcing a pregnancy at someone elses baby shower like that is almost like a couple getting engaged at your wedding. There's a time and place. Her idea was cute but she should have done it more privately.

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I would tell your bro and SIL that you are kind of hurt too, that they would put you in that awkward position in a moment that is supposed to be JUST about celebrating you and your baby.

Don't feel bad about what you did. You had a lot of very valid reasons, and if anything, your SIL should be embarrassed at what she did.

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thanks ladies for all of your feedback. I really appreciate it.
I do feel better and I will absolutely be calling my brother and SIL this evening to see if we can get together this weekend and celebrate their good news and hopefully work things out. I do know that DH did send my brother and SIL a message this morning to share his excitement.

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I understand that you were probably surprised and maybe even a little annoyed. I have to say, though, that for me personally, I would have no problem sharing the news at my shower. It really is the best present they could have given you, and having the attention slightly off me at my shower wouldn't bother me at all. After all, the shower isn't really about us moms, but the babies, right?

Your situation is complicated by your brother's IF struggles, of course, so if you were worried about your other SIL's feelings I can understand your reaction a bit more.

I can see why she and your brother were hurt, especially if you never acknowledged their exciting news. Hopefully you'll be able to make up and share this amazing time together!

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WWYD?

If someone did that my shower, I would not be upset that someone 'stole my thunder'. My baby is the most important person to ME and I do not feel the need to compete with anyone for attention. HOWEVER if I was a guest at a shower and someone did that I would be inclined to believe they made the announcement for selfish reasons and IMO it is a little attention whoreish (not that I am saying the peraon here is one but the act is). Family BBQ or even a small sprinkle with immediate family is one thing but in this circumstance I feel it was just the wrong time.

WWYD?

You were definitely right. You handled the situation VERY well considering the circumstances.

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I think you handled it well especially being totally blindsided by that.
HOWEVER, It doesn't sound like your SIL or brother know your reason for saying what you said. I definitely think you need to talk to them. Right now it sounds like you said it was inappropriate and left it at that. Talk to them.

Good luck!

Message edited 7/5/2013 3:06:27 PM.

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Message edited 7/5/2013 9:33:11 PM.

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