if you had testing done did you choose to find out the gender?

I just got a call from my OB and the baby had trisomy 14 which he said was incompatible with life.

I'm sad, but in a way I feel a bit of relief knowing that there was something "wrong" with the baby and that it could not have survived and that I didn't do something to cause this, especially being that this was my second loss in 3 months (my first was a chemical).

My doctor didnt offer the gender, and I didnt ask. But I have a follow-up appt tomorrow and he said I can have a copy of the test results then if I want them. I'm pretty sure those results will include the gender unless I ask the doctor to block it out.

I am trying to decide whether to find out the gender tomorrow or not. Right now I am leaning towards yes, but I dont know if it will make it harder to know. I do have a strong feeling that the baby was a particular gender, but knowing for sure would make it that much more real. But, it might also give me closure and help me grieve.

What were your experiences?

if you had testing done did you choose to find out the gender?

I would not want to know, I feel like that would personalize the baby more and prolong my grief.

Re: if you had testing done did you choose to find out the gender?

With my first loss I had no choice. I went for a sono and was told we were having a perfect baby boy. Within the hour the dr came in and found complications the tech either did not see or did not tell us about. At the end of the following week, our baby had passed. Knowing the gender was hard. He is buried in Staten Island and he has a name.

When we lost triplets I found out the gender of one of the babies and I wish I hadn't. It was particularly hard knowing the babies were chromasomally normal but it was my body that failed them.

I had a significantly easier time when I did not know the gender, though at that time I was so beaten down that I was numb and cared less. That was my last cycle before pursuing surrogacy.

Re: if you had testing done did you choose to find out the gender?

I had three miscarriages and got tested for two. I did not find out the sex of either as I just couldn't bear to know...it was hard enough and this would have made it so much harder for me.
I am so sorry for your loss

if you had testing done did you choose to find out the gender?

I have had 3 m/c's ... And 2 times I found out the sex without me wanting to know

Re: if you had testing done did you choose to find out the gender?

I'm so sorry. I've had 2 D&Cs and I never wanted to find out the gender-for me it made it easier to heal and move on. But everyone is different and I can see how some just want to know or they'd always wonder. Sending prayers your way to get through this time and to find the answer of what is best for you.

if you had testing done did you choose to find out the gender?

I am so sorry. I am finding out the results of my miscarriage on tues and I am also torn about finding out the sex. I am sending you lots of prayers to help you get through this very difficult time.