thoughts on a fourth child

my husband recently told me he would like to have a fourth child. we had always said 3 or 4, and I would have thought I would be the one pushing for more. I love absolutely everything about having children...i love being pregnant, i love the newborn stage, i love the baby stage, i love watching them grow into little people. and my kids love each other so much and love having siblings. my older 2 still ask for more. (youngest is only 6 months). i still worry that crossing from 3 to 4 is a big step. 3 seems fairly normal, and 4 seems to be a little more extreme. although i shouldn't i do worry about negative reactions from others, including our families. also, my 3 are all girls. i actually worry that having a boy would throw off the balance we have in our home. and although we can afford 4 now, who ever knows what the future holds and if one us loses our job, it will be even harder with four kids. plus, i don't yet know what types of extra curricular activities they will be into when they are older, and whether 4 will be dramatically more expensive than 3. any thoughts or guidance?

Re: thoughts on a fourth child

My sister gave birth to 5 kids and they has a stepdaughter. Do I think she's nuts? Yes! Truth is... I love their family. The kids are so great together, they're the house the whole neighborhood likes to play with, they always have each other too and it's fun to be around them. I have two boys and they LOVE going to my sister's house. It's so much fun. They really don't have the money always, but they manage. She doesn't do big birthday parties, but together it's a party itself. If you can afford it and want it then go for it. AS long as you have don't have any health issues or at risk sounds like you have more love to share.

thoughts on a fourth child

I'd say go for it! I totally get the finances part, but honestly, things could fall through if a couple only had one child. I have two cousins have four children and I LOVE LOVE LOVE going to their place. Yes, its madness, the house is always "lived in" (so is mine and I only have one) but the energy, the love and the organized chaos is just amazing! One cousin has 4 boys and another one has 3 boys and 1 girl.. and apart from sibling rivalry and an occasional meltdowns, they are good kids!

Re: thoughts on a fourth child

If several circumstances were different in my life (age, c-section related issues, my DH ), I believe I would totally have gone for four--my dad is the youngest of five and I always thought that would be awesome! In many ways, I'm sad it's not a real option for our family but...

For me, if I did end up having that fourth, going back to work (I SAH) would be pushed back by several years and I'm not sure I can be here that much longer because frankly, I'm not really an ideal SAHM sort, and I've been here for almost 7 years now. Also, I'm not even kidding when I say my sanity would be compromised--I live out of my car as it is and I already own stock in Two Oceans Pinot Grigio Also, I don't have much (unpaid) help. As far as that goes, my DH and I really enjoy going out a few times a month and so we already pay a small fortune in babysitting; plus, can a 17yr old handle four kids?

So yeah, in the end it's probably better that those factors exist which prevent me from trying for #4, but I think I will still always be envious of those who do!

Good luck with your decision!

PS...your house is very UNbalanced now...I think a little boy would begin to even the score

thoughts on a fourth child

I would go for it! If I didn't have issues with my pregnancies and have to see a high risk dr and have another c section, if go for #4. My twins are 3 and the baby is 17 months. I get negative reactions from people all the time. Strangers when we are out! Someone actually told me not to go and have anymore children because I had enough! And family can't deal with the craziness of my kids. Their loud, they run around and they're toddlers. I've learned not to care. I think adding a boy to the mix would complete your family! My DD loves having brothers :)

Re: thoughts on a fourth child

Posted by luckysmom

Someone actually told me not to go and have anymore children because I had enough! QUOTE]

I hope you ripped this "someone" a new one..

Re: thoughts on a fourth child

How flexible are your jobs? Would you be able to leave work to get your kids or bring them to activities? Will you be able to shell out money every single week (or almost) for 4 kids for school and other activities and parties and such?

These are some questions as I have 2 older kids and it is very hard trying to just get them places and affording the things they need on a weekly basis. It is much easier when they are little. The issues and bills get bigger as they get bigger lol.

Re: thoughts on a fourth child

Posted by buttercup

Posted by luckysmom

Someone actually told me not to go and have anymore children because I had enough! QUOTE]

I hope you ripped this "someone" a new one..

This was in the walmart parking lot and I actually had my then 2 YO twins in the stroller and was "wearing" the baby who was only a few months so I didn't get as angry as I wanted. I just turned around and told her some thing to the effect of it's a lot of fun and I'd have 10 more if I could. She just looked at me. DH was shocked I didn't open my big mouth and go ape sh!t on her.

Re: thoughts on a fourth child

Posted by luckysmom

Posted by buttercup

Posted by luckysmom

Someone actually told me not to go and have anymore children because I had enough! QUOTE]

I hope you ripped this "someone" a new one..

This was in the walmart parking lot and I actually had my then 2 YO twins in the stroller and was "wearing" the baby who was only a few months so I didn't get as angry as I wanted. I just turned around and told her some thing to the effect of it's a lot of fun and I'd have 10 more if I could. She just looked at me. DH was shocked I didn't open my big mouth and go ape sh!t on her.

That is crazy. Why did she say that?

Re: thoughts on a fourth child

Re: thoughts on a fourth child

Re: thoughts on a fourth child

People who say "OMG your crazy" are people like me, who couldn't in a million years imagine having, raising or handling 4 children. It takes a very specific type of couple to do this -
I'm too controlled, too organized, NOT at all laid back enough ......I would be in a constant state of overwhelmed panic

but if you can afford to care for 4 kids, and give them your time and be happy - why wouldn't you have as many as YOU wanted and could care for?

I'd have an anxiety attack just thinking about a 3rd !!

Message edited 1/2/2014 1:56:49 PM.

Re: thoughts on a fourth child

Posted by MarisaK

People who say "OMG your crazy" are people like me, who couldn't in a million years imagine having, raising or handling 4 children. It takes a very specific type of couple to do this -
I'm too controlled, too organized, NOT at all laid back enough ......I would be in a constant state of overwhelmed panic

but if you can afford to care for 4 kids, and give them your time and be happy - why wouldn't you have as many as YOU wanted and could care for?

I'd have an anxiety attack just thinking about a 3rd !!

Re: thoughts on a fourth child

I only have 1. But my mom said the 4th really did her in - physically and financially. My friend said the same thing about her 4th.

Whatever you decide, good luck!

Re: thoughts on a fourth child

Re: thoughts on a fourth child

Posted by pmpkn087

I only have 1. But my mom said the 4th really did her in - physically and financially. My friend said the same thing about her 4th.

Whatever you decide, good luck! [/QUOT

I'm one of four and my
Mom said the same. She said it was pretty easy going from 2-3 (I'm the third), and the fourth one threw her over the edge. Coils be b/c my brother had issues. If you want a 4th and can afford it, go for it. I'm jealous that you loves all those stages. I hated being pregnant and newborn phase. It's just getting a bit easier for me. DS is almost 3. Best of luck to you!!

Re: thoughts on a fourth child

There was a study done a few years ago that said parents of 3 were the most stressed! That parents of 4 were the happiest. I don't remember all of it, but it was a very interesting read. My SIL has 12 and said that 3 was very hard for her but after that she was good to go. Lol I doubt we'll have 12, but it sure makes having #3 seem intimidating and the thought of 4 much easier.

thoughts on a fourth child

See I thought 2-3 was the hardest bc we were officially outnumbered. 3-4 was rough for us, only because #4 was (and still is) a high-maintenance baby who likes to be held all day long and constantly be entertained. But it still has not been as much of an adjustment bc we are already used to juggling so much.

We tossed the idea around for a while. I knew I would have regretted it if we DIDNT go for a 4th. But even on my hardest days, I cannot imagine not having my son and would never regret doing it.

Re: thoughts on a fourth child

We are going for number 3 this year at some point. There is also a lot of judgement that comes along with having three pretty close in age and my husband and I are only 27 and 25. In the end, we really don't care what anyone thinks. What works for some does not work for others. Our first two are 18 months apart and I want the third to be somewhat close in age. My 2nd will be 2 in April. Do what works for your family! : )

Re: thoughts on a fourth child

I think you should go for it. I have 4 and if anything it is more balanced than it was with 3. That may be because of the spacing- my older two are 8 and 6, and my younger 2 are 2yo and 8mo. Don't get me wrong-it is a lot of work!! The laundry alone-omg. But watching them interact and grow up together is so cute, and having little siblings has definitely taught the older ones that it is not all about them and they have to pitch in. One thing though, and it may be different for me because I live in the city and pretty much walk everywhere- it is hard when the older kids have activities. I have help for after school so I can pick the older ones up from school and don't have to schlep the babies all over. As for expenses, vacations become crazy because of airfare and needing two rooms, but that is certainly not a necessity and only something to think about if it is important to you. As my Irish mother in law says, "it's just another potato in the pot". And by the way, I have all boys, so be prepared if you have another girl for people to still ask you if you are going to go for five!

Re: thoughts on a fourth child

Posted by afternoondelight828

Posted by MarisaK

People who say "OMG your crazy" are people like me, who couldn't in a million years imagine having, raising or handling 4 children. It takes a very specific type of couple to do this -
I'm too controlled, too organized, NOT at all laid back enough ......I would be in a constant state of overwhelmed panic

but if you can afford to care for 4 kids, and give them your time and be happy - why wouldn't you have as many as YOU wanted and could care for?

I'd have an anxiety attack just thinking about a 3rd !!

Re: thoughts on a fourth child

I only have 1 right now but I think if there is even a little part of you thats whats a 4th I would go for it. I love the idea of bigger families. My aunt has 4 boys and they have so much fun with each other.

Re: thoughts on a fourth child

thoughts on a fourth child

Thank you all for your input! I have a lot to think about, although I'm leaning strongly toward one way....I think there is always some fear when you decide to have a child, or another child.

Re: thoughts on a fourth child

I say go for it. I just had my third, and honestly, I would love a fourth. If it weren't for my age, and the fact that my second I'd disabled (which caused a lot of stress during this last pregnancy), I'd definately be telling DH that we're having another. I am 1of 4; my mom is 1 of 8. I always loved our big family holidays and parties.