Tell me I'm not Crazy for feeling this way....

I don't want to go to any baby showers. I was able to get away with not going to one because we were moving into our new house recently (I sent a gift). Now my sister's sister-in-law is having one in a few weeks which I declined and my sister can't understand why. (I am sending a gift) I don't know maybe because I am having such a hard time, has one failed IVF cycle, will be in the middle of my second one at the time of the party etc.

And my pregnant friend texted me yesterday asking for my new address - and I am sure it means my baby shower invitation is on the way and you know what, I don't want to go to that one either.

Add that to the fact that one of my best friends didn't tell me that she was pregnant with her second in under 3 three years until I said - nice maternity jeans because she didn't want to upset me which upset me more.

I feel like a damn crazy person and my sister is just adding to it.

Tell me I'm not Crazy for feeling this way....

You are absolutely not crazy. Ok, well maybe you're crazy for thinking that could make you crazy!

I didn't go to a 1st birthday party bc I was in the middle of an Ivf. Please, I wouldn't go to anything like that.

If people who know what you're going through and can't understand why you wouldn't want to go then f them

Tell me I'm not Crazy for feeling this way....

At first i thought you said your sister in law. I was going to say i sucked it up for close family.

BUT your sisters sister in law?.. theres no way id go to that one! How close are you with your sister? be honest! tell her that it will emotionally hurt you to be there!

Tell me I'm not Crazy for feeling this way....

yeah i told my sister that if it was for someone close - my sister in law or my step sister I would of course go but I see this girl at some holidays at my sisters house I don't feel the need to have to sit there and be miserable

Tell me I'm not Crazy for feeling this way....

You're not crazy. One of my coworkers is pregnant and I know there will be an office shower for her. I'm planning to take a personal day. I'm happy for her, but devastated for myself. I've also stopped going on Facebook because I just can't stand to see all the sonogram pictures and baby pictures/announcements, etc.

This is a physically and emotionally draining process. You need to do what's right for you. And if that means skipping the shower for someone you're not even related to, then skip it. Anyone with an ounce of compassion should be able to understand.

Re: Tell me I'm not Crazy for feeling this way....

I don't think you're crazy at all! If you don't want to go, then you shouldn't, and if people can't understand that, that's their problem, definitely not yours.

Re: Tell me I'm not Crazy for feeling this way....

You are not crazy. When I was going through my IF long journey I don't think I went to any baby showers or even 1yr Bday parties unless it was my family And it was hard each and every time. Not that I wasn't happy for them but it just was so difficult.
Looking back I wish I was able to tell them why but I wasn't ready to talk about it so openly

Re: Tell me I'm not Crazy for feeling this way....

you are not crazy at all....I think what you are feeling is normal....hang in there

Re: Tell me I'm not Crazy for feeling this way....

What your feeling is absolutely normal and every women on this chat forum can completely relate! I have definitely declined baby showers and such because its just too hard for me. It's not that your unhappy for the pregnant person but its just a constant reminder of the painful battle that we're dealing with. Your definitely not crazy

Re: Tell me I'm not Crazy for feeling this way....

Re: Tell me I'm not Crazy for feeling this way....

You are not crazy. Those are very very tough if you are struggling.

I attended a baby shower while in the process of my first MC, but I was able to handle it because it was a shower for someone very very special who is a graduate of this board who had years of struggle and loss before getting to that point, and my happiness for her overshadowed my sadness for myself. But, any other person and I would have declined.

I also declined to attend a friend's holiday party because she tipped me off that another friend (didnt tell me who) was pregnant and would likely be announcing at her party and fresh off loss #3 I just couldnt handle it. The pregnant friend doesnt know what I was going through or that she was the reason I declined, I just said we had a conflict and left it at that.

In extreme situations, you should suck it up and go. (ie: I still flew to visit my newborn niece 1.5 weeks after a heartbreaking mc that happened after seeing a heartbeat). But for an acquaintance? Order a gift online and call it a day. JMO

Tell me I'm not Crazy for feeling this way....

When I was going through IVF I went to three showers. 2 were friends and 1 was my sister. I wished I skipped the friends ones. I came home crying and was a mess. I do not think it is crazy at all. Send a gift like you said and that's that.

Re: Tell me I'm not Crazy for feeling this way....

Nope, not crazy! I pretty much punched out for a while. Can't handle any of it. I had to leave Thanksgiving early, and I didn't even go to family christmas dinner/gift opening bc I just couldn't handle it.

It's all so much, and for my sanity I decided I have to worry about me first. I do what I can, when I can, and my closest friends and some of my family get that.

IMO...your sister is not being very considerate or sensitive to what you are going through. I'm sorry

Tell me I'm not Crazy for feeling this way....

It has been very very difficult for me to go to baby showers but Ive been going despite how I feel. I helped throw one for my co-teacher few weeks ago, my sisters was last weekend and my friends is this weekend. I have a lump in my throat when I go but I also dont want to take away from their happiness. So I suck it up and go. But it is TOUGH..

Re: Tell me I'm not Crazy for feeling this way....

You are not crazy. I think it's totaly normal to feel.the way you do. I've sucked it up for close family and friends but everyone else can go scratch!

Tell me I'm not Crazy for feeling this way....

Not at all crazy. You have got to watch out for yourself first and foremost. I sat in a room and cried when my first ivf didn't work. Take care of you!

Tell me I'm not Crazy for feeling this way....

nope, not crazy at all. Take care of you and let the chips fall where they may. This journey will sort out who's worth it and who's not.

Re: Tell me I'm not Crazy for feeling this way....

I went to baby showers begrudgingly while I was struggling because I was afraid of how I'd be judged if I bowed out. I cried immediately after each if them. For one, I cried in my car before going in and again while my friend opened gifts because it was the very day my first surrogate cycle was cancelled and I was a HOT MESS!!!! Then for the ones I didn't go to, I was judged the heck out of and they still won't let me forget it.

Damned if you do, damned if you don't.

Message edited 4/6/2014 7:27:32 PM.

Re: Tell me I'm not Crazy for feeling this way....

I had to comment on this b/c you sound like me!! I feel really strongly about this subject. Please do not feel you are crazy, it is perfectly normal. I had to learn to accept my crazy feelings and thoughts - I felt like such a mean person - but honestly, these are real emotions that we (IF girls) all go through. Everyone is different, and deals with things differently. Some girls may feel they can handle going to showers, christenings, etc... and for others it crushes them for days. I think you have to do what's right for YOU and do what makes you feel good/better. When you think about it,,, what would your friends/relatives do if they were in the same situation? It's easy for others to say what they would do having not been thru this, but you just don't know how you'd be until you do. It doesn't mean you are not happy for them by not going to these functions, it just means you are taking care of yourself. If others don't understand, that is their problem. If they truly care about you and your feelings they WILL understand. Hang in there - I know how this feels! I'm currently surrounded by new babies being born to everyone I know.

Message edited 4/7/2014 10:37:03 AM.