When DH loses control of emotions

DD will now be getting 1 hr a day of ABA at home in addition to her full day of kindergarten. The 5 days will be shared by 2 different ladies. They both came yesterday, to get to know Erin and I guess to figure out a strategic plan for DD. While they were working with her, she was practically bouncing off the walls, couldn't really attend to what they were doing with her. I went over and stood over her shoulder, giving her pressure on her arms and shoulders, hoping to help calm her. She seemed calmer, but was then more interested in showing everything to me, and then putting it into her mouth because I was telling her not to. I started to feel like I was a distraction, so I went into the other room. DH came in a few minutes later, and started to cry. He said he couldn't handle seeing her struggle so much with something as simple as what they were trying to do with her. He said he knew she has difficulties but it never was quite so apparent as it was yesterday. I just didn't know what to say to him. I told him that she DOES have difficulties, and that no...she wll NEVER be like the other kids. And yes, we could and should be doing more with her, but we are trying to survive, and are doing the best we can. I tried to emphasize that we need to take more advantage of all the help we are given for her (school teacher, teachers at home, parent trainer at home), etc. It was such a tough day. It sort of brought us back 4 years ago to when she was first diagnosed. How do you handle it when your DH breaks down?

Re: When DH loses control of emotions

I am sorry, I know it is an emotionally rough journey. My DS is only 2.5 but I am sure there will be many challenges we will face with him in the future. When DS was first diagnosed my DH wasn't emotional sad wise, but angry. I think he is now starting to acknowledge that DS is in fact, on the spectrum.

Anyway, you both are good parents, and doing what your DD needs.

Re: When DH loses control of emotions

It's tough. I will be honest, there have been times where we sort of having a period of grief all over again, not as drastic, but similar to when we first got a diagnosis.

ABA is difficult at first. Your child has to get to know the therapists and there are a lot of demands being placed on her. I always found it was better if I was not in the room and then the therapist could give me ideas on how to carry over what they did in a session to the day to day. They still need time to have fun and be kids, though, too. It can't be therapy all the time, so don't be too hard on yourselves.

I often tell my DH we are doing a good job and doing the best we can for him, and no one can expect more than that. It's not easy, and my DS still has his share of challenges, but the progress I have seen over the past few years has been tremendous. Enjoy the successes, even the small ones and try to stay hopeful.

When DH loses control of emotions

He's going through a grieving process and you just need to be there for him. I think it's great that he's getting so emotional. It shows that he's really getting it. My DH still doesn't believe the diagnosis and that was 5 years ago lol.

Starting ABA is absolutely dreadful but it does help tremendously. The first few weeks of DD's ABA we had to strap her in her highchair so she would listen and not wander off. She screamed and screamed and it was heart wrenching. I had to stand outside somedays because I would be crying so much. But that being said, after a few weeks she totally got the hang of it and understood these teachers would still be coming no matter what and she started to go with the flow and made amazing progress.