I want another baby but DH says not yet

Hi people.

I posted a few times on the pregnancy board last year but I'm mostly just a lurker.

My daughter is 10 months old and I'm becoming borderline obsessed with getting pregnant again.

My husband thinks I'm insane and that it's a horrible idea. In his defense, we are struggling pretty badly financially as it is with just DD. The daycare tuition is absolutely killing us.

The problem is that my head agrees with him, but my heart is screaming for another. We were worried about $$ while I was pregnant with my DD but somehow we are making it work every month.

FYI my husband and I are both 32. We got pregnant almost immediately with my daughter but I'm not naive and I know it could take longer (if ever) to get pregnant again, which is part of my concern in waiting.

I guess my question is...did anyone have a similar issue? Did you regret waiting because of $$ concerns? Or did you leap into and regret doing so?

Thanks in advance, I always feel super icky talking about money with people I know in real life, so this has been pretty isolating.

Message edited 3/3/2016 3:00:12 PM.

I want another baby but DH says not yet

Part of our reasoning for not having another one is finances. Daycare is expensive and we don't have much help. The help we do have I feel bad asking all the time (since it's limited) so we pay for a sitter. We are looking to buy a house soon too.

I'll never forget talking with someone once and talking about how we couldn't afford to have kids (before DS of course). My FIL walked past us and said "you'll never afford it but you make it work". That has stuck with me! We have one and we're blessed so I'm good with that. I will say, I will NEVER regret having my son but I wish I listened to my husband and we waited a little longer. Now I'm going to school and working on my career, all while taking care of a toddler.

Good luck in whatever you guys decide on.

Re: I want another baby but DH says not yet

IMO, you're only 32 and your baby is only 10 months old. Having 2 children is wonderful, but very expensive. Two in day care, two in diapers, two of everything! If you're struggling financially now, it's not fair to bring another baby into the mix, and it certainly won't get easier to pay your monthly bills.

Why not make your focus in the next year to become financially more stable? See where you can save money or look for new jobs. Then, when things have turned around a bit, consider another baby. If you were 38, i'd probably say do it now (well, if your husband was on board). But you aren't, and he isn't, so I'd take my approach instead.

Re: I want another baby but DH says not yet

Re: I want another baby but DH says not yet

Re: I want another baby but DH says not yet

Re: I want another baby but DH says not yet

Re: I want another baby but DH says not yet

I want another baby but DH says not yet

Thanks everyone! Not the answers I was hoping for but definitely what I expected to hear.

Re: I want another baby but DH says not yet

Re: I want another baby but DH says not yet

Re: I want another baby but DH says not yet

I think you need to wait until you are both ready. Having 2 babies is very stressful. you at least need a realistic plan on how to handle the expense. Yes, to a certain degree you figure it out but I think you should sit down and do a real budget with cost of 2 daycare/formula/diapers and/or someone staying home and swinging 1 salary. What will it really mean and are you ready and willing to make those sacrifices.

IMHO, adding serious financial stress to an equation of 2 young kids is best to be avoided. The lack of sleep, zero personal time, and increased work is stressful enough. Both people should be ready and willing to take on the responsibility.

2 is a lot harder than 1......way harder than I thought

Re: I want another baby but DH says not yet

I believe that both parents need to be on board before adding to your family. It is not fair to put pressure on, when you still have time.
My kids are 8 and 5, kids are a huge financial responsibility. Wait until your DH feels more at ease with adding a kid. Daycare becomes less expensive the older they get!

Eta- I had my boys at age 35 and 37. Got pregnant easily both times.

Message edited 3/3/2016 9:01:12 PM.

I want another baby but DH says not yet

I'm sorry, but I agree with your husband. I would never even consider having a second child if I couldn't easily afford it.

32 is not old and your baby is very young. You have so much time!

Re: I want another baby but DH says not yet

I know how you feel. Right before my DD turned 1, I was all about getting pregnant again. I was 37 though. I didn't want to wait long between kids given mine and DH's ages and I wanted the kids close in age. I want a third and I don't feel quite the rush I did for #2 but I'd like to be done at 40, which may or may not happen.

Kids are expensive and hard! I think you and your DH need to be on the same page but I know how hard it is to not follow your heart on something so important to you. Maybe you can revisit in 6 mos. Hang in there. It will happen for you.

Re: I want another baby but DH says not yet

Hi after my first, my husband and I were both in agreement that we wouldn't officially try and just see what happens. Well I ended up with 3 babies under 3! My oldest two are twelve months apart. It was very stressful and hard and we are now surviving the toddle/pre k years with them. Our life is chaos, but we embraced it as it was such a blessing to have them! Fortunately we didn't experience any financial strain, but if we did, combined with taking care of all the kids, it would have made things much worse!!

I want another baby but DH says not yet

i'm with everybody else- 32 is still pretty young, and your DD is still super young, too! I would wait another even just 6 months- a year-- start putting away the money you would pay for the second ones daycare, diapers, etc to see what that does financially. and after 6 months/ a year, you'll have that money saved up. no harm in saving money and then decide where to go from there.

I want another baby but DH says not yet

I agree- some of the best financial advice I ever got was- if your thinking of doing something major- buy a house, have a baby, whatever it may be, take what your currently paying and essentially add to it to see if you can make it work. What I mean by that is before we bought our house, and were paying rent, each month we took the difference of an estimated mortgage, say 2k and our rent, $1500 and put the difference aside ($500) in an account to see if we could actually do it and live comfortably. We did that for 6 months. In your case now, the idea may seem nice, and sure things can work out but try it out. Add up all your DDs expenses for daycare food diapers etc. double it. Take that and set it aside and see if you truly can afford it. If not and you have a second child and have large expenses day care and whatever it may be and your hundreds of dollars short each month that may mean food clothes diapers etc for your children. If financially you can't meet the basic needs, I would wait, enjoy your daughter and in the mean time work on improving your finances. Many women have children well into their 40s. Good luck with your decision!

Re: I want another baby but DH says not yet

I'm 30 and pregnant with my first. DH and I have been together 11 years, married for 6. I wanted to start much sooner, but we were not ready. DH insisted we wait (and he's 34). It was hard and not at all what I wanted to hear, but he was right. And unfortunately, it did take us awhile to conceive- we tried for about a year before my BFP. Still worth the wait. We have a new house, we're financially stable, and we're both ready for her now. Most people seem to have their first in their early 30s now a days! You've still got plenty of time.

Re: I want another baby but DH says not yet

Posted by Lara&Aidansmommy

Posted by Hofstra26

Posted by NervousNell

Posted by JDubs

Posted by luvmykids8

Posted by Katareen

Posted by NYCGirl80

IMO, you're only 32 and your baby is only 10 months old. Having 2 children is wonderful, but very expensive. Two in day care, two in diapers, two of everything! If you're struggling financially now, it's not fair to bring another baby into the mix, and it certainly won't get easier to pay your monthly bills.

Why not make your focus in the next year to become financially more stable? See where you can save money or look for new jobs. Then, when things have turned around a bit, consider another baby. If you were 38, i'd probably say do it now (well, if your husband was on board). But you aren't, and he isn't, so I'd take my approach instead.

I totally agree with this. You're young, and your baby is still a baby!! Enjoy her!
See if you can put away money for the next 6 months that you'd use for diapers, daycare, etc. Pretend you need to pay these bills. If you can't swing it, I'd suggest waiting a bit until it won't be such a struggle.

I agree as well!

ITA.

Yeah definitely. She's not even a year old yet. You have plenty of time.

ITA with everyone else!!!

You're only 32, you have plenty of time. I had my DD at 33 and my DS at 38. Enjoy your baby, try to get your finances in better shape to ease the expense of another, and then when the time feels right for BOTH of you, TTC #2.

Agree too. Had my 1st at almost 35 and second at a month shy of 37. You have time enjoy that baby

Re: I want another baby but DH says not yet

Message edited 3/4/2016 1:21:28 PM.

I want another baby but DH says not yet

I agree with the previous posters- I would wait until your DH is ready to add to your family. Enjoy the baby you have--the time really goes by very fast. I would also focus on getting your finances in order so when you and your DH are ready to add to your family you can do so without the additional financial stress. As for your age--you are still young- I got pregnant with my daughter shortly before my 37th birthday- if you think fertility may be an issue speak to your ob/gyn. There are many options including freezing your own eggs.

Re: I want another baby but DH says not yet

We had the same issue. it was never time because we were struggling so badly. I would cry daily i wanted another so badly. We sort of halfassed tried but not really. Truth was, we could hardly keep our heads above water with one. and often we didn't. i went through a lot of grieving along the way.

I was 33 when I had DS. Now i'm 42 with one (he's almost 9) and honestly, I get a pang every now and then - a small one, but looking back, it would have buried us if we had that second child. We are doing so much better now, but still we would have been struggling with a second. while in the past we couldn't give our child everything, now we can pretty much and its so wonderful comfortably being able to do that.

Between our work schedules, our finances, and our lifestyle, as difficult a decision as it was, the best thing we ever could have done is be a one child family (I have older stepdaughters that didn't really factor into this.)

I don't regret our decision. In fact, our lives are so wonderful and perfect I can't imagine it being anything else.

Things happen the way they are meant to.

Re: I want another baby but DH says not yet

I agree with what most of the other ladies have said. You're still young and your baby is still young. I can relate to how you feel as I think a lot of other moms can. When you want another baby other concerns seem to fade but having 2 is incredibly stressful. You don't want to push your Dh into another one. It will be so much more joyous if he really wants to try. If you wait a while, just think you can potty train your older one, get out of diapers, you will have less time with 2 in daycare. Those things are huge savings. Also from a mom with 2 under 2 it's very difficult in the beginning. I look back and have no clue how I did it.