Having an issue with my SIL's daughter.

Hello.

I am posting secretly because I do not want my SIL to know. I need some advice.

My daughter is 6 (let's call her X), and my step-SIL's daughter is 7 (let's call her Y).

About a year ago, my sister walked into a room where X and Y were alone under a blanket. My sister heard Y say, "You be the boy...." and then heard kissing noises. My sister immediately broke that up.

I freaked out because my daughter is very sensitive and impressionable (as I'm sure they all are). I told my MIL that they X is not permitted to sleep over when Y is there.

Long story short, Y seems too mature for her age. She is in a household where a lot of things are spoken about without filter....the father is seen naked a lot (which some may not have a problem with, but I do). She says boys are hot, she Facetimes X and brings the iphone to the bathroom and pees, and the she shows X her butt on the iphone. Since then, they have had supervised facetimes at my requests because I'm nervous about what will happen next.

Y says inappropriate words and is a bit of a bully too. She tries to turn kids against X often. She tells X that kids don't like her, etc. Y even tries to turn X's sister against her.

Do you think I should talk to my SIL? The only problem she is very unreasonable and would most likely freak out causing strain on the family.

My MIL's response as always been, "Well kids will be kids!"

I WILL not allow my daughter alone with Y ever.

What would you do? Am I being overprotective?

TIA!

Re: Having an issue with my SIL's daughter.

I wouldn't because nothing good will come out of it. I think you need to speak to your daughter about these things, let her know that you do not approve of the other girl's behavior and provide her with some advice on how to handle certain situations (most importantly, that she tell you when something happens that she is not comfortable with). I think you are doing the right thing by limiting your daughter's exposure to this girl, but, since she is family, you will not be able to keep them totally separate.

However, based on the bullying behavior, that is something that I do think you need to address. Do the girls go to school together or part of the same social group?

Message edited 4/28/2016 10:24:50 AM.

Having an issue with my SIL's daughter.

I would limit their time spent together and if they have to be together I will make sure to be there!

I get kids will be kids BUT that is some inappropriate things that Y is doing that I wouldn't want my kid exposed to.

Message edited 4/28/2016 10:25:43 AM.

Re: Having an issue with my SIL's daughter.

Thanks!

I have spoken to my daughter, like you said. I did tell her that some kids are different and don't do the rights things in life, etc.

Fortunately, they do not see each other often, but when they do, sleepover is necessary since we live 2 hours from them, and my MIL likes to have the kids alone.

Re: Having an issue with my SIL's daughter.

Having an issue with my SIL's daughter.

You are not being overprotective - you are being a great mommy. I think what you are doing so far is perfect - don't let them be alone ever. And like PP said, I don't know if talking to your SIL will do any good. I know parents can sometimes be blind to their own kids behavior, but does your SIL see a problem at all?

Re: Having an issue with my SIL's daughter.

Having an issue with my SIL's daughter.

Ugh, I wouldn't allow the sleepovers and if questioned, just explain why. Totally inappropriate behavior!

Having an issue with my SIL's daughter.

What does your MIL have to say about it?

Re: Having an issue with my SIL's daughter.

Re: Having an issue with my SIL's daughter.

Re: Having an issue with my SIL's daughter.

I don't think talking to your SIL is going to help, she will likely defend her kid and their family's lifestyle. It would become a bigger problem than it needs to be. I would just make sure they never spend time together alone, limit their time together in general whenever possible, and I would put a stop to any sleepovers. She is your daughter, there is no reason why anyone should pressure you into having her sleep away from home if you are not comfortable with it. I also wouldn't trust grandma's house as neutral ground since grandma already expressed she doesn't see anything wrong with y's behavior and kids will be kids. You are not being overprotective.

Re: Having an issue with my SIL's daughter.

Re: Having an issue with my SIL's daughter.

sorry you are dealing with that. sounds like you MIL doesn't want to get in the middle or get involved. My advice would be to limit the interaction with the girls....keep your eye on them and supervise when they are together.

i would even suggest that you keep MIL out of it as you might end up causing strain just by complaining to her.

Re: Having an issue with my SIL's daughter.

you've gotten great advice from others.

just wanted to chime in and agree. you're not being over protective.

limit the time the girls spend together. you're doing a good thing by watching who your child spends time with.

Re: Having an issue with my SIL's daughter.

I have a similar issue. I severely limit the time they spend together. I don't have playdates anymore. The only time they see each other is at functions where there are other kids too. They used to facetime too but I cut that, saying we are too busy. It worked for me because the other kid has a very early bed time so I would say we were unavailable until 9 pm which was out of the question for them so that helped. Its a really awkward position to be in so I understand where you are coming from. I did speak to the mother (my issue is not as personal as yours is) so she does try to mitigate the situation but rather than putting all that pressure on her because, as your MIL says, kids will be kids and sometimes you can't control everything, I just cut ties where I can.