How do I talk to my almost 4 year old .....

about my mother, her grandmother, who is terminally ill?? and why i am crying so much all the time? she doesn't understand death. i just dont want her to be confused as to why i am a mess...

Re: How do I talk to my almost 4 year old .....

I went through this last summer. My kids were 5 & 7 when my mom was dying. Honestly that whole time is such a blur so I don't remember exactly how I started the conversation but I was gently pretty honest with them to prepare them for her death. I told them it was OK to be sad and cry. My exH bought some kids books about death which helped. I'm so sorry. I know how much it sucks

Re: How do I talk to my almost 4 year old .....

I'm so sorry you're facing this.

My kids were 4 and 5 when my MIL died very quickly from cancer. The book Nana Upstairs Nana Downstairs seemed to help them understand.

Re: How do I talk to my almost 4 year old .....

I'm so sorry that you are going through this.

I would get a book about a grandparent being ill and/or dying. I have talked to my 4-year-old about death of a great uncle and a cat (not the same, but a lot of the same language). She was three for both of these, and started getting it. The key is to be honest, and use simple language. She will ask any questions that she can handle. Kids are great at leading us in the conversation.

Has she seen your mother ill? I try not to talk to kids about generally being "sick" because then they get scared that they will die when they get sick. I would use the specific name of the illness that your mother has, and tell her that it is making her body have trouble working, and this is making you sad.

When the time comes that she does pass, you can explain that grandma died and that means that her body stopped working and that she isn't here anymore. If you are religious, you can incorporate whatever you believe about heaven, her soul. etc. It's so hard, but kids are very resilient and are able to process the basics.

Message edited 8/1/2016 12:30:28 PM.

Re: How do I talk to my almost 4 year old .....

No Advice, but just wanted to give you a so sorry your going through this.

Re: How do I talk to my almost 4 year old .....

1st I want to say I am so very sorry. Many prayers for your mom and family.

When my Grandfather was dying my daughter was 4. She was curious why I kept crying and asked me a lot of questions for such a little person. I explained that my "poppy" was sick and that soon he was going to heaven and had to leave us soon and that mommy is sad since we wont get to see him anymore. She was so good and then asked some questions about heaven. Then after really listening to me she asked if I needed a hug. Children are sometimes so understanding at such a young age. Its best to be honest and explain your feelings and also let them know its ok for them to be sad too. Again there is no easy way to tell a child and I am so sorry for any pain you are having. Many thoughts and prayers for you and your family.

How do I talk to my almost 4 year old .....

My sister passed away before my 4 year old twins could ask questions since they were only 1 when she suddenly passed. They have seen me cry on the anniversary of her death (christmas day) and on her birthday or random times I think of her and just cry. She was a huge part of our lives and I tell them how much she loved them and say she is in heaven and always looking down on them. They ask why did she have to die, what happened. I tell them her heart was sick and she could not live with a sick heart. It is simple but the truth. They also ask if she will ever come back. It is heartbreaking to get these questions because they really do not fully understand why this happens.

I am so sorry you are going through this. I cannot even imagine your pain watching your mother go through this.

Re: How do I talk to my almost 4 year old .....

We have lost a few people since having my DS. I told him that sometimes people get sick and if they can't get better then they become angels.

He say my DH's step day through all the chemo and hospital stays. He every now and then says I see Grampa looking down on us...he's an angel.

I didn't go into it too much as they don't fully understand death. I also made sure that he understood not everyone that gets sick or is in the hospital dies.

Re: How do I talk to my almost 4 year old .....

Just wanted to say I'm sorry you're going through this.

Re: How do I talk to my almost 4 year old .....

Just wanted to send hugs and prayers

Re: How do I talk to my almost 4 year old .....

Be honest. The library has a lot of books about this. My son lost his dad at 4 and a half. We were told to tell him the truth. We didn't want to tell him that he got sick and died, but we had to figure out something. We told him he had a sick part in his brain. He had a massive stroke. And that it won't happen to him. He was ok with that..