Stony Brook Midwives, Terrible Experience, Beware

I just wanted to take the time to post about my awful experience with the Stony Brook Midwives. I hope that I can save other women from the psychological and physical trauma I incurred under their care.

My water broke at 2:30 in the morning on a Friday. I gave birth, via emergency c-section, at 2:00 in the morning on a Sunday. I was in labor for 2 days. During those 2 days, I was verbally berated by the Midwives. My health and the health of my baby were at serious risk but the Midwives refused to allow me to speak with an OBGYN and refused to give me a c-section even though my labor failed to progress.

During my long and excruciating labor, I had 3 failed epidurals. I labored for 2 days without pain management. During this time, the Midwives performed 2 ultrasounds. After the surgery, I was told by the surgeon that my baby was stuck in the birth canal. Her arm was raised up against her head, and I was told that it would have been impossible for me to give birth vaginally. The Midwives either ignored this on the ultrasound or didn't catch it. Either way, I was told that the only way they would "let" me have the baby was vaginally "whether I liked it or not." One midwife, Heather, told me to "put my big girl panties on and push the baby out" when I asked about the possibility of a csecion after 36 hours of stalled labor. My blood pressure skyrocketed so high that I was at high risk for a stroke. Heather scolded me several times, telling me to calm down or I'd have a stroke. She seemed to think I was voluntarily raising my blood pressure to dangerous levels. She also told me that if I were to have a Caesarean section, I would lose my uterus and my baby would die.

The last midwife who tried to deliver my baby before an OBGYN stepped in was Eva. At that point I had a high fever, a uterine infection, and had no urge to push. I was exhausted, and my blood pressure continued to raise to dangerously high levels. I remember the machine I was hooked up to blinking red and the "danger" alert going off, but Eva told me to push. I pushed for 3 hours and made zero progress. After 3 hours, I passed out. Eva, her student assistant, and the nurse tried to wake me with smelling salts and by pouring cold water on me. When I came to, they started yelling at me to push. I told them I couldn't. Eva argued with me for several minutes while I was barely conscious. She left and came back, telling me that she had consulted with a doctor and she was given the okay to remove my baby girl with a vacuum unless I wanted a c section. I started begging for the c section because as I had noted previously, my epidurals failed and I was in excruciating pain. I couldn't imagine the type of pain I would endure if the vacuum were used, and I didn't want my baby to be harmed. They finally called the surgeon and I was prepped for OR, but as I was waiting for the surgery Eva sent in her student assistant to speak with me. The student assistant asked me if I was "sure" I wanted a c section and tried to guilt me for my choice, saying it wasn't good for the baby.

Please, please, please, I beg of you not to use this practice. They are so completely set on vaginal birth that they will put your health and the health of your baby at risk. It is a miracle that my baby and I are here today.

Re: Stony Brook Midwives, Terrible Experience, Beware

I'm so sorry for what you endured. That's traumatizing.

I didn't use them, but had a horrible experience with one of the midwives who was on call when I had to go to L&D for an emergency during my pregnancy. She was condescending and nasty, she even insulted one of the doctors at my practice.

Re: Stony Brook Midwives, Terrible Experience, Beware

You poor thing!!! I am so so so sorry that you had to be mistreated and tortured like that, and I would pursue a lawsuit if I were you after that. Thank you for sharing your story to warn others. I will honestly say that I am leery of midwives for reasons such as this. I am thankful for you that your baby is ok (is she?) and that you are alive after how they mistreated and failed to treat you.

Stony Brook Midwives, Terrible Experience, Beware

Omg what a horrible experience. I can't believe they value a vaginal delivery over a csection that they would risk yours and your baby's lives! Just like fed is best (breast vs formula), safe delivery is best!

Thank Gd everyone is ok.

Re: Stony Brook Midwives, Terrible Experience, Beware

OMG! So sorry you had such an awful experience. I am glad that you and your baby are OK.

Re: Stony Brook Midwives, Terrible Experience, Beware

You should definitely look into legal action. You and your baby could have died.
I am glad everything turned out ok and you are both ok, but my God that sounds so traumatizing.

If anything the hospital you were at needs to be made aware that this is what's going on under their roof with these people.....because it's a huge risk to them too

Re: Stony Brook Midwives, Terrible Experience, Beware

This sounds like such a nightmare. I'm so sorry you had to go through this! I'd be completely traumatized.

Was anyone with you during all this?

Re: Stony Brook Midwives, Terrible Experience, Beware

I'm so sorry to hear this. I use the midwives currently, and had an amazing experience with them with the birth of my son. Unfortunately the midwife who delivered my son, Amanda, is now just per diem so the chance of me getting her again is very rare. She was calm, reassuring and frankly, fantastic. Exactly what I needed in the moment.

I have a friend who had a similar negative experience with Heather during birth. She was also told to be a "big girl" and push when she was exhausted after hours of labor (she also ended up having a C-section).

Your story makes me very nervous for my 2nd birth. I've had some negative experiences more recently with the practice, especially with how they handled me after a miscarriage. If you haven't already, you should call and tell your story to Chris Kocis, the head of the midwifery department. Something needs to change with the behavior.

Stony Brook Midwives, Terrible Experience, Beware

I would sue the shit out of them.
I'm so sorry this happened to you.

Stony Brook Midwives, Terrible Experience, Beware

Congratulations on your pregnancy!! I'm really sorry that you experienced a miscarriage and that it was handled so poorly by the practice. Given what I just went through, I would obviously urge you to switch practitioners. Since I was in labor for so long, I was seen by 5 different Midwives during my hospital stay. None of them explained to me that my baby had a "nuchal hand" (hand against face). I'm assuming they had to know as they performed several ultrasounds. I later learned that while it is sometimes possible to give birth to a baby in this position, it can result in 3rd degree tears and trauma to the vagina. I should have been given the choice to continue labor or get a c section much, much earlier. I think it's really unfair that they were so secretive about her position and did not give me the opportunity to decide what I wanted. My blood pressure spiked really high while I was under the care of the third midwife, so the third, fourth, and fifth Midwives all let me labor under dangerous conditions. Heather's comments were obviously the most outrageous but I was failed by all 5 Midwives. I really hope you're able to find someone who can suit your needs better. I recently had to go to the hospital for a preeclampsia issue and went to St. Charles. They took me right away and treated me with so much dignity and respect. I have since switched to an OBGYN who delivers at St. Charles. If I ever am able to emotionally handle another pregnancy, I'll be going there. If you'd like to hear about my experience further I'd be happy to exchange email with you. Good luck xoxo

Re: Stony Brook Midwives, Terrible Experience, Beware

Ah I did something wrong...see my response above

Re: Stony Brook Midwives, Terrible Experience, Beware

I'm so sorry you went through that...how traumatizing! I am actually shocked by what I just read. I've been going to them for years and had a great birthing experience and have never had to deal with that kind of treatment from any of them. I'm glad you switched and have found a new practice that you are comfortable with. Thank God you and baby are ok and healthy.

Re: Stony Brook Midwives, Terrible Experience, Beware

Thank you...yes the baby is okay but it really is a miracle. The hospital was also negligent. After they decided to give me a c section, I waited for two hours with the baby partially through the birth canal because they said they had a more pressing emergency. I was told that if the baby stopped breathing they'd come in. Otherwise my husband and I were left alone. I have panic attacks and nightmares all of the time and at any moment I break down and cry. This has been the worst experience of my life. I'm so glad my baby is okay.

Re: Stony Brook Midwives, Terrible Experience, Beware

Thank you for your kind words. Honesty I feel like this practice rewards women who are able to have a typical vaginal birth with little to no interventions. I'm very healthy and in great shape, my pregnancy was a breeze, so I truly believed I would have a natural birth. They were very nice to me during my prenatal visits. However when my labor failed to progress and nearly an entire day passed, I started asking for pain medication, I asked to talk to a doctor...it was then that they turned on me. They do not see Caesarean birth as an acceptable form of birth, regardless of the circumstance. I felt like I was being punished because my body wasn't doing what they wanted it to do

Stony Brook Midwives, Terrible Experience, Beware

This makes me want to vomit. Do whatever you can to bring awareness to this disgusting and awful situation. I had preeclampsia and would kill someone if they didn't listen to my wishes and get a medical opinion.

Stony Brook Midwives, Terrible Experience, Beware

Oh my! I'm so sorry you went through this. Anyone who pushes "natural" birth makes my blood boil. I would absolutely pursue legal action against both the midwives and the hospital.

I hope you're able to move past this and enjoy your baby! Congratulations!

Re: Stony Brook Midwives, Terrible Experience, Beware

What a horrifying story. I'm sorry you went through that and I'm so glad you and your baby are okay.

Re: Stony Brook Midwives, Terrible Experience, Beware

Re: Stony Brook Midwives, Terrible Experience, Beware

Re: Stony Brook Midwives, Terrible Experience, Beware

O.M.G! My mouth is hanging open reading this. Of course that was traumatizing! I'm sure you are reliving the experience over & over again in your mind. I know it's hard but try thinking of other things when your mind goes back there. I agree with others regarding legal action.

Stony Brook Midwives, Terrible Experience, Beware

I used them for the birth of my son who is now 8 months old. I had a really good experience for the most part. I had to be induced, against my midwifes wishes, but I pushed for what I wanted and felt I needed. When I was induced I was given Stadol because I was told that I couldnt have an epi with cervidil. I was on the cervidil for 12 hours and got an epi when I was moved to L&D. They let me sit for another 15 hours before they said that I could opt for a c-section because I was failing to progress. I use the setauket office. Maybe our experiences were different because you use the other office? I dont recognize those names.

I'm so sorry that you went through this. Its a miracle that youre both okay!

Re: Stony Brook Midwives, Terrible Experience, Beware

Re: Stony Brook Midwives, Terrible Experience, Beware

This is insanity. First of all, the violation of your patient rights is simply egregious. Second, they jeopardized your health and the health of your baby. That's really reprehensible. I am sure you are beyond traumatized.

While you probably do not have grounds for a lawsuit, luckily, you can most certainly make a complaint with the Department of Health, the NYS Education Department and the Hospital where you delivered. I would strongly recommend you do so.

Re: Stony Brook Midwives, Terrible Experience, Beware

Posted by Straightarrow

Posted by NervousNell

You should definitely look into legal action. You and your baby could have died.
I am glad everything turned out ok and you are both ok, but my God that sounds so traumatizing.

If anything the hospital you were at needs to be made aware that this is what's going on under their roof with these people.....because it's a huge risk to them too

Just heads up, I have worked in med mal for 15 years, it does not sound like (thank GOD) that the baby or the mom has any damages. Therefore there is not a viable med mal action. There has to be liability AND damages

OP, so sorry that this happened to you

Re: Stony Brook Midwives, Terrible Experience, Beware

Sorry for your terrible experience. My first unmedicated hospital delivery was quite traumatizing as well, scary and painful beyond belief even though it was "what I wanted". . I had several meetings with a professional midwife/doula Just to help me process the experience as I was frightened to go through it again. I totally recommend a therapist to work through you birth experience. It really helped me Relax and my 2nd birth was night and day(I was terrified) . Also it helps you put a plan into action so you feel more empowered if and when you decide to take the plunge into a second baby. I had a doula , back up plans etc and felt sooo supported. Again I look back on my 2nd birth and truely it was opposite my first despite still being unmedicated.
Glad you came out on the other side and hope you can work through your ptsd ... it's real! Congrats on the baby!!!

Message edited 4/30/2017 2:30:11 PM.