What the hell am I doing wrong?

I was a horrible baby. To this day when I see the lady who babysat me, she is very old now, she literally says my G-D I never watched a baby worse then you lol Even my moms says she had days when she hated me. It is all in good fun when they joke, Im aboslutely perfect now LOL

My point is, some days suck and it is hard!!! I hated being a SAHM, it is not for me at all. Working and a consistent schedule at daycare make all of us much happier.

Message edited 8/23/2017 6:51:23 AM.

What the hell am I doing wrong?

I think it's kinda normal for that age, but might be magnified with twins, since it's harder to make them both happy at the same time if they are crying for different reasons. Around that age my kids started crying more in the stroller or shopping cart bc they were starting to be more interested in exploring the world around them and would rather be crawling/walking around. I would try to offer little stroller toys, snacks, sippy cup, and sometimes that would work for a couple minutes, but I always have to keep shopping trips very very short to avoid a screaming baby. My son is 16 months and the other day he had a full on screaming melt down in the back of Bjs, so I had to get all the way to the front of the store and check out all while he was screaming. So stressful and embarrassing.

They also may be teething. My son has extra bad irritable days when he has a tooth breaking thru, and for him each tooth can take weeks and weeks to come thru.

But be assured that it WILL get better with time. My 1st baby was a horrible cried, cried allllllll the time. I never even attempted leaving the house with her by myself til she was 7 or 8 months old I think. She would scream and scream any time she was in her carseat. Had to use Peapod for groceries. But once she turned a year or so, she turned out to be such a happy child. I think once she began to be able to talk and communicate her needs and wants, things got a lot better. My son is now 1 and is just starting to figure out some words and how to point for what he wants, so that helps sometimes, but other times I'm still mystified by what he's crying about. But i try to remind myself that (hopefully) he will grow out of his crying fits soon.

Hang in there!

Re: What the hell am I doing wrong?

Re: What the hell am I doing wrong?

Posted by LuckyStar

Posted by NervousNell

Posted by TwinMommyToBoys

Hiring someone isn't an option financially at this point, I've thought of working less because they have EI and I am the one that deals with t all, not DH and I've already been on Zoloft for over a month...

Honestly I think working less would make it worse.
I used to LOVE going to work to get away from the non stop crying.
It was truly my only sanity

This. Honestly, if I were you I'd pick up MORE hours

But all kidding aside, it does not sound like working less will help. I actually think it might make it worse. I also don't think you're giving yourself enough credit. You have TWO babies. At once. I had one and came very close to walking into oncoming traffic. You're doing an amazing job!

My DD was a maniac. Her only saving grace was that she slept at night. If she wasn't sleeping she was screaming. When she moved to the toddler room at daycare the baby teacher warned the toddler teacher about what a nightmare she was.

I've seen you post several times and tbh, you sound a lot like me. I've concluded that I'm just not a baby person. I love my DD more than anything but I'm not a great baby mom. I don't like it. I don't have the patience. And if people want to judge me for that, have at it.

Now at 20 months she's the happiest little nugget around and being a toddler mom is AWESOME. Seriously, she's a blast now. She has her moments of course, but she's the sweetest, funniest little kid. So, her demonic ways weren't permanent.

Your boys will end up little dumplings of happiness.....eventually. Babies are hard. No one tells you how hard because if they did, the human race would die out.

Re: What the hell am I doing wrong?

Posted by TwinMommyToBoys

Posted by LuckyStar

Posted by NervousNell

Posted by TwinMommyToBoys

Hiring someone isn't an option financially at this point, I've thought of working less because they have EI and I am the one that deals with t all, not DH and I've already been on Zoloft for over a month...

Honestly I think working less would make it worse.
I used to LOVE going to work to get away from the non stop crying.
It was truly my only sanity

This. Honestly, if I were you I'd pick up MORE hours

But all kidding aside, it does not sound like working less will help. I actually think it might make it worse. I also don't think you're giving yourself enough credit. You have TWO babies. At once. I had one and came very close to walking into oncoming traffic. You're doing an amazing job!

My DD was a maniac. Her only saving grace was that she slept at night. If she wasn't sleeping she was screaming. When she moved to the toddler room at daycare the baby teacher warned the toddler teacher about what a nightmare she was.

I've seen you post several times and tbh, you sound a lot like me. I've concluded that I'm just not a baby person. I love my DD more than anything but I'm not a great baby mom. I don't like it. I don't have the patience. And if people want to judge me for that, have at it.

Now at 20 months she's the happiest little nugget around and being a toddler mom is AWESOME. Seriously, she's a blast now. She has her moments of course, but she's the sweetest, funniest little kid. So, her demonic ways weren't permanent.

Your boys will end up little dumplings of happiness.....eventually. Babies are hard. No one tells you how hard because if they did, the human race would die out.

Thank you!!! That's the first time someone said "not a baby person" I wanted a baby SO SO SO bad, I was devastated when I found out I was having twins and I still have many of those feelings to this day. I don't enjoy the constant crying but feel if I had one I could manage, 2 I feel like I'm going to rip my eyes out. It's sad because they light up when they see me and I like you want to walk into traffic. I think part of it is this stigma like omg you should love your baby 24/7, light up when you see them, can't get enough of them and to be honest I can totally go hours at work and not miss them and some how I think something is wrong with me, and of coarse I have my issues with parenting and being a mom and PPD, no doubt but I also try and my hardest each day but I do have breaking points and I'm not the most patient person which doesn't help

Re: What the hell am I doing wrong?

Having a baby is a HUGE adjustment. I think it's the hugest adjustment of your life to be honest.
You go from your routine, your freedom, your life, to suddenly, overnight, being thrust into being responsible for this little, screaming, helpless person.
It's enough to put even the most stable, well adjusted person over the edge.
And you have 2 at once.
TWO!
I am not sure I would have stayed sane or out of the mental institution if I had two at once. I barely survived the one in the beginning.
So dont' beat yourself up too much. You also mentioned PPD so that only adds to your stress.
Hopefully your meds will start to help with that. If they don't, see your doctor and ask to have them adjusted or changed.
And just know that this is normal what you are feeling and that it DOES get better . It doesn't seem like it now. I know that. In the thick of it, it seems like it ill never get better.
But it does.
And then you will look back and yes, you will always remember how bad it was, but the edge is off of it and it fades and you realize, hey it sucked but I did it. We survived.
For now, just hang in there, do what you have to to survive and don't feel guilty for having these feelings. Everyone does. And if they tell you they didn't, they are lying

Re: What the hell am I doing wrong?

What the hell am I doing wrong?

I haven't read all of the responses, but personally, sleep was huge for my son (still is). If he doesn't get an adequate amount of night time sleep or naps, he whines and moans all day long and it can honestly be unbearable at times. At their age your boys should definitely be napping twice, if they are only taking 1 nap they are most likely overtired which is causing the crying and fussing. By 6 months I was using a 2-3-4 schedule. First nap 2 hours after wakeup, second nap 3 hours after the first nap ended, and bedtime 4 hours after the end of the second nap. It worked like magic because he would always be ready for sleep at those points. He stayed with 2 naps until around 14/15 months when he transitioned to 1. If they refuse to nap you have to force them (I know some area against this) but its for their own best interest and development.

For your own sanity, naps and normal bedtimes are crucial. Plan outings around naptimes and bedtimes so that you can have your alone time to get your own stuff done or just relax. Hope this helps.

Re: What the hell am I doing wrong?

Ugh. Crying babies stink. If holding them calms them down... there are baby things made for twins for wearing.

Honestly, besides seeing if you could get some help... which may or may not improve things and talking to your doctor...

I personally would have a nice drink at some point during the day to take the edge off. My kids were always worst in the evening and I found a glass of wine would be my antidepressant. It does get better. I had a colicky kid who just screamed and my doctor essentially correctly told me that I had a finite time period and he would grow out of it.

What the hell am I doing wrong?

Agree about talking to a therapist. It honestly can only help. I think every new mom can use a little therapy. Once you have a kid your life drastically changes and not all aspects are for the better. There is so much hoopla about and an expectation that a baby will make your life so much more fulfilled. It's not always the case. Unconditional love for a child and feeling fulfilled by motherhood are not always synonymous. People just don't talk about it.

Re: What the hell am I doing wrong?

What the hell am I doing wrong?

Curious-- how do the twins do when your mom is watching them? Are they the same or are they happier/more relaxed?

IF they behave the same with your mom then its probably just temperment for right now-- as long as you have ruled out food allergies and they are getting enough sleep.. If they are more calm with momI would say they are probably feeding off of your anxiety (I had this issue with my first DD) .

Re: What the hell am I doing wrong?

Do they use a pacifier? My son was like your babies and cried nonstop and was never happy as a baby. He loved the MAM brand pacifiers and they were the only thing that soothed him.

Re: What the hell am I doing wrong?

Re: What the hell am I doing wrong?

What the hell am I doing wrong?

I just wanted to send you hugs. Maybe talking to someone would be helpful? I recently had twins and I understand that for them to be ok I have to be ok. So sometimes I do let them cry a little longer so
I can finish something that makes me feel good (like not having dishes in the sink or shaving my legs) but I'm just learning this. I had a tremendous amount of guilt (still working on it) if they were crying or without me.

Go to the library. I'm not kidding it became a great safe place to go for us. There were other kids and they could cry if they needed to (they are young) I also think it will help you find mommy friends which helps so much!

Re: What the hell am I doing wrong?

Well, my 10 month old DD is very active and can be cranky, and some days she also cries and fusses and just isn't happy no matter what. I get how frustrating it is. On those days, I usually throw the kids in the car and go for a drive to get an iced coffee from D&D, or put the baby in the stroller and walk up and down the driveway. Amything to change the scenery and hopefully break the mood.

That said, it sounds like you are not in a very good place right now. Based on your posts, you seem really unhappy and overwhelmed. Therapy might be a really good idea. I hope you feel better soon.

Message edited 8/23/2017 10:54:27 PM.

Re: What the hell am I doing wrong?

So many hugs. The first year is really hard. Really really hard

My suggestion is to figure out the reason for the cry

Are they teething? Are they gassy? Are they hungry. Growth spurts mean more food

Are you bf? Are they getting enough

Do you have a carrier.

This is not the "twin" popular opinion but everyone said to e schedule them
Together. That didn't work for us

My son screamed all day and my daughter slept. So I let her

What about baby Einstein videos. Pop one in and maybe one will like so you can hang with the other

Evaluate the toys you have. Babies love mirrors and thins that make noise/light up

The MOST important thing is that you get help for yourself.
Go away for the weekend. Get a mother's helper. They are super affordable.

Where are you? We could meet up and talk.

Re: What the hell am I doing wrong?

My daughter is 6.5 months old and literally wants to be held all day long. My back and shoulders are killing me from holding her.

Do you have a double stroller?

I also have 2 boys 2 years apart. When they were young, I used to go on a million stroller walks. It seemed to calm them down and one or both kids would fall asleep. I'd walk to the library, get coffee, walk to nowhere and back.

What the hell am I doing wrong?

I didn't read all the responses to apologies if someone already suggested this but babies before like 12-14 months kind of suck, in my opinion. Hahaha. I'm pregnant with #2 now and I kind of just want someone to wake me up when this baby is over a year old. Babies are sweet and cute but they just really aren't very much fun. I didn't really enjoy being a parent until my daughter was around 15 months and now I love it. She can talk or at least whine instead of cry and we have the best time together. It's taken me a long time to be okay with how I feel about this all. I was depressed a lot during my daughter's first year because I didn't really like being a Mom and I didn't understand why I felt that way. It's okay to not be totally in love with trying to keep a baby from crying all day long. Hang in there!

Re: What the hell am I doing wrong?

Babies are tough! Twins-whew a whole nother ballgame.

When my twins were babies I wanted to rip my hair out. I had one that I literally needed to put in the baby carrier and wear him constantly. If I put him down for a second, he would scream his head off. Well that ended when I was trying to cook and the water splashed and I burned my hand. no more baby wearing for me.

I agree with pp. Baby Einstein. I know its like crack to them, but hey there's worse things. My other son loved the swing so much (actually too much). I had kept him in that swing way past where I should, but we were in survival mode.

Days turn into nights, nights turn into weeks, weeks turn into months, and one day it starts to get a little easier. Hang in there!