Am I overreacting?

My daughter’s communion is May 5th. I sent out invites in late March.

I texted my good friend of 15 years since she did not RSVP to see If she was coming. We have kids the same age and I consider her one of my very close friends. Her response was:

“Hi! Have been meaning to loop back on this apologies for my tardiness! We may be able to come join for the church ceremony and then need to hit the road for our summer house as we always end up having work done on the house in Spring as we are racing the clock before tenants (hopefully) come in Memorial Day“

They have a house out east that they try to rent every summer. They use it on the weekends the rest of the year.

So, basically, she isn’t coming because she MAY have to do work for HOPEFULLY the incoming summer tenants.

I’m honestly a little bit hurt and very insulted by this response. She is able to work on the house year-round and she doesn’t even know if she has tenants yet or what kind of work has to be done but she’s already blown me off. Am I overreacting? I know she threw that we may come to the church ceremony part in there but honestly I don’t believe that she’s going to come to that either.

It’s like I’m not even important enough to make up a legitimate excuse for not coming. She doesn’t want to commit just in case.

Am I overreacting?

No, you are not overreacting. That is a piss poor excuse to not go to her close friends daughters Communion. That is when you lie and say you already have another event to go to. I would definitely reevaluate that friendship. Sorry this happened. I know it sucks when you see peoples true colors.

Re: Am I overreacting?

That sucks.
That is a piss-poor excuse for missing an important event in your family.
At least come up with a better sounding lie.

It is hurtful enough that I would be distancing myself from this "friend".
Unfortunately, some friendships die.

Re: Am I overreacting?

Not over reacting. Id be mad it took her this long to even respond she MAY be able to attend. Dont let her spoil this special day . My dd is making communion May 5th too. May you all have a wonderful day!!

Am I overreacting?

Thanks. It has not been sitting well with me since I got the text two days ago. So unfortunate because our kids love playing with each other .

Am I overreacting?

Not over reacting, I would be pissed

Re: Am I overreacting?

Sorry, but what an a&&hole.

Did you respond back to her text?
I would probably ignore the text and not respond. There is really nothing to say to that except re-evaluate things in your own mind.

Re: Am I overreacting?

Yeah that's weak.
At least have the courtesy to make up an excuse that is better.

Reminds me of someone- a family member on DH's side- who sent in the response card to our wedding declining and wrote- Sorry, we are going out that day.



Don't write anything at all and just decline. Writing that you are "going out" that day just sounded utterly ridiculous.

Like going out? To Target? So dumb.

Re: Am I overreacting?

Not overreacting. Like others said, definitely time to reevaluate.
I am in a similar situation with DS's GODMOTHER.

RSVP date was February 22nd for DS's communion. She RSVPd at 11 PM on the 21st to my leas used email. Not even a text to my DH or a FB message to me. Spent a paragraph explaining why she's oh so busy before writing "it goes without saying that we'll be at the communion." Hasn't said anything since that email. Not one question about the communion, her involvement, anything. It hurts and I was angry for a while. Now I've kind of accepted that maybe we're not as close as I thought.

I think maybe you need to let the friendship fade. Don't let her take up any of your energy, just let it go.

Good Luck with the friendship and God Bless your daughter and your family on the special occasion!

Am I overreacting?

I'm sorry that you are hurt by her declining.
Perhaps for her family, this is not a big deal. Communions/Christenings/Confirmations are not a big thing for every family. So maybe she does not realize how important this is to you.
As for the reasoning, as a landlord, it can be quite unexpected what a rental needs for new tenants. You just never know. And a small thing can take quite a bit longer that initially thought. If this is a business for her, she needs to keep on a deadline It's unfortunate that she will miss the party.

If not attending your daughters communion party is reason enough for you to re evaluate the friendship, I would question the relationship.

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I’ll be honest that’s a crappy excuse. She could go any other day to fix up her house. If she’s a close friend, there are just some things you don’t miss.

Re: Am I overreacting?

Message edited 4/19/2018 9:51:08 AM.

Re: Am I overreacting?

For a communion I would not be bothered to be honest. I would be more annoyed that she didn't respond right away, and I had to chase her down, but would not get mad that she can't come. But, I don't think a communion is a huge deal where everyone you are close with needs to come ( and I'm catholic).

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I would be annoyed and hurt

Am I overreacting?

I would be hurt if my good friend did this as well so no you're not overreacting.

Am I overreacting?

Thanks for everyone's perspective. I guess I can accept from her side that she may know that she will be likely be unavailable from prior year's based on all the work that has to be done to get the house ready in case she has a renter but the tone of her text did not read very well. She could have worded it differently because the tone in the email read as dismissive to me.

I did respond back to say that I would really love if she could come and that I was disappointed and left it at that.

I guess the whole texting thing leads to a lot of misinterpretation. I'm not going to say that I'm still not annoyed but I do appreciate the feedback from the other points of view.

Re: Am I overreacting?

My son is also making communion May 5th but we aren't having anything major - just a small dinner with family two weeks later. My side of the family does these things pretty big but DH and I don't really want to do it that way.

I think there's a wide range of importance placed on these things, even among Catholics.

I would be a little hurt by how flippant she was but I wouldn't reevaluate the relationship just based on this.

Re: Am I overreacting?

I think she gave you the perfect response to show her priorities, initially by having to be tracked down for a response even though she's a supposed close friend.
She then let you know exactly where you and your daughter rate for her... maybe you'll get the pleasure of her company at the church, maybe not.
You're completely not overreacting in my opinion.
The church is usually in the morning so she could've at the very least committed to that.

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Our family has a summer property and several rental properties, so I can see her perspective on this. There are really only so many weekends left before Memorial Day and getting work done on the house during the week may be difficult. Personally, I feel like she's trying to make an effort to attend the actual important part of the day (the church) before heading out to take care of her responsibilities. I see nothing wrong with her response.

Re: Am I overreacting?

To me it just sounds like she has a lot going on...her message wasn't mean in any way & she just told the truth rather than lie & give an excuse. You said she has kids the same age & she's catholic. Are her kids making communion & having a party? Maybe she doesn't see it as a huge deal & that it's something more for immediate family to celebrate. Personally it wouldn't bother me...but I grew up Catholic & don't practice anymore. I totally understand feeling disappointed, but I wouldn't think she's a bad friend.

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I’d have been done with her the moment I read the phrase “loop back on this”

But seriously, I’d be insulted too.