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Mags1227
Just a mommy ...
Member since 10/10 2665 total posts
Name:
M
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Re: Am I overreacting?
Posted by NervousNell
Posted by jambalady
Posted by Mags1227
Not overreacting. Like others said, definitely time to reevaluate.
I am in a similar situation with DS's GODMOTHER.
RSVP date was February 22nd for DS's communion. She RSVPd at 11 PM on the 21st to my leas used email. Not even a text to my DH or a FB message to me. Spent a paragraph explaining why she's oh so busy before writing "it goes without saying that we'll be at the communion." Hasn't said anything since that email. Not one question about the communion, her involvement, anything. It hurts and I was angry for a while. Now I've kind of accepted that maybe we're not as close as I thought.
I think maybe you need to let the friendship fade. Don't let her take up any of your energy, just let it go.
Good Luck with the friendship and God Bless your daughter and your family on the special occasion!
I’m sorry to hear that. Definitely from the godmother who is supposed to have such a special role.
God bless your son and I hope you guys have a great day as well !
Just out of curiosity- because my DD is making Communion this weekend- what is the Godmother's special role that day?
I mean at the baptism, yes, of course we all know their role that day is the most important, but we just had the rehearsal for the Communion and all and there really is no mention of the Godparents having any role in the day of the Communion.
I mean of course my sister (DD's Godmother) will be there with bells on, that was never a question, and I am sure she has a special/nicer gift planned as she is her Godmother, but is there some special role she has that day that I am missing?
no special role for her to play that day. I think Jambalady meant her being the godmother makes her like a vip at the event. For her to show so little care is like her saying she does not view being the godmother an honor or even as important.
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Posted 4/19/18 11:45 AM  |
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jambalady
Is it summer yet?
Member since 8/06 7392 total posts
Name:
Holly
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Re: Am I overreacting?
Posted by Eireann
I’d have been done with her the moment I read the phrase “loop back on this”  
But seriously, I’d be insulted too.
Right! That's what I do with things I know I have to deal with it, it's a chore, but don't feel like putting in the effort to thinking about right now, so I'll "loop back on this" when I have more time!
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| Posted 4/19/18 11:53 AM |
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Mags1227
Just a mommy ...
Member since 10/10 2665 total posts
Name:
M
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Re: Am I overreacting?
Posted by jambalady
Posted by Eireann
I’d have been done with her the moment I read the phrase “loop back on this”
But seriously, I’d be insulted too.
Right! That's what I do with things I know I have to deal with it, it's a chore, but don't feel like putting in the effort to thinking about right now, so I'll "loop back on this" when I have more time!
honestly, if you have to "loop back" then it's not that important to you, which I like you read that I and my family are not that important to you.
I don't get the whole "working on a property is time consuming, she has other priorities argument" . You gave her more than a month's notice. she could have easily fit this into her schedule. It is a few hours on a Saturday, not all weekend.
I get some don't see communion as important, but you obviously do. you spent the time to plan a party, send out invitations, invite people to this ONCE IN A LIFETIME event. It is obviously important to you, and as your friend of many many years, she should understand and attend the event.
also, i'm sure you've talked to her about the event and what it means to you so I doubt she doesn't know it's important.
It may be harsh, but I would phase out this friendship because I am obviously not important to her.
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| Posted 4/19/18 12:04 PM |
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PhyllisNJoe
My Box Is Broken
Member since 6/11 9145 total posts
Name:
Phyllis
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Re: Am I overreacting?
I would be pretty pissed
With close friends and close family, not only do I respond to a party immediately, I usually know about it before the Invites even go out. Technically I don’t even need one.
For people who are more of acquaintances - I don’t know until invite comes and if I have something else that day, it’s a no w a gift sent.
If she’s a really good friend (or you thought she was) definitely call her and tell her how you feel. Maybe she doesn’t even realize how rude she is being about this.
Message edited 4/19/2018 2:30:20 PM.
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| Posted 4/19/18 2:29 PM |
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Joann
LIF Infant
Member since 9/12 360 total posts
Name:
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Re: Am I overreacting?
I know I am in the minority but I personally would not be bothered by this. Maybe I would be annoyed that I had to text her to get a response. But as for the fact that she isn't attending and her excuse, I would not care unless she is the type of person who expects people to be there for all of her events. If so, I would be bothered by the hypocrisy. But if she is the type that would say, "if you can make it great, if not, that is ok" then I wouldn't be bothered at all.
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| Posted 4/19/18 3:24 PM |
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MrsPJB2007
MBA at your service!
Member since 7/06 12020 total posts
Name:
MJ
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Re: Am I overreacting?
Posted by jeanyus27
To me it just sounds like she has a lot going on...her message wasn't mean in any way & she just told the truth rather than lie & give an excuse. You said she has kids the same age & she's catholic. Are her kids making communion & having a party? Maybe she doesn't see it as a huge deal & that it's something more for immediate family to celebrate. Personally it wouldn't bother me...but I grew up Catholic & don't practice anymore. I totally understand feeling disappointed, but I wouldn't think she's a bad friend.
Pretty much the same for me.
I'm pretty chill about this stuff though because I just know that life happens and she was being honest. I feel like if she made an excuse that wasn't truthful she'd be wrong and being honest she's wrong - so there's no winning here.
To some, communions are more about immediate family than extended family and friends so maybe she just did not think it was that huge a deal to you. But I would say yeah you're overreacting.
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| Posted 4/19/18 3:57 PM |
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jambalady
Is it summer yet?
Member since 8/06 7392 total posts
Name:
Holly
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Re: Am I overreacting?
I have to say that I’m honestly shocked by the number of people who wouldn’t think that it’s a big deal or important event when they receive a formal invitation to something.
In the era of casual texts and Evites I would always assume that if I received a formal invitation in the mail that it was something special and meaningful to the host, especially as a close friend.
I didn’t invite you to stop by for a beer after work or go to the movies.
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| Posted 4/19/18 4:49 PM |
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NervousNell
Just another chapter in life..
Member since 11/09 54921 total posts
Name:
..being a mommy and being a wife!
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Re: Am I overreacting?
Posted by jambalady
I have to say that I’m honestly shocked by the number of people who wouldn’t think that it’s a big deal or important event when they receive a formal invitation to something.
In the era of casual texts and Evites I would always assume that if I received a formal invitation in the mail that it was something special and meaningful to the host, especially as a close friend.
I didn’t invite you to stop by for a beer after work or go to the movies.
I get what you are saying and she was 100% wrong to not RSVP and make you chase her down. That is a HUGE pet peeve of mine when people don't RSVP. Extremely rude and inconsiderate.
However, the only people I would be horribly upset about if they couldn't make my DD's communion is my immediate family- parents, sister etc.
In fact, my DD's Communion is this weekend and my husband's sister can't make it. She feels terrible but she has to leave for a work conference on Sunday where she is getting an award.
She told us about it as soon as we gave her the date back in January. She even forwarded him the email so he could see it himself. She felt that bad.
Nothing she can do about it.
It sucks, but it is what it is,.
Life is too short to get upset over things like this.
That is the perspective I try to keep.
Just have a beautiful day with your daughter and family and friends who can be there.
They are the ones that truly matter.
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| Posted 4/19/18 5:16 PM |
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jambalady
Is it summer yet?
Member since 8/06 7392 total posts
Name:
Holly
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Re: Am I overreacting?
Posted by NervousNell
Posted by jambalady
I have to say that I’m honestly shocked by the number of people who wouldn’t think that it’s a big deal or important event when they receive a formal invitation to something.
In the era of casual texts and Evites I would always assume that if I received a formal invitation in the mail that it was something special and meaningful to the host, especially as a close friend.
I didn’t invite you to stop by for a beer after work or go to the movies.
I get what you are saying and she was 100% wrong to not RSVP and make you chase her down. That is a HUGE pet peeve of mine when people don't RSVP. Extremely rude and inconsiderate.
However, the only people I would be horribly upset about if they couldn't make my DD's communion is my immediate family- parents, sister etc.
In fact, my DD's Communion is this weekend and my husband's sister can't make it. She feels terrible but she has to leave for a work conference on Sunday where she is getting an award.
She told us about it as soon as we gave her the date back in January. She even forwarded him the email so he could see it himself. She felt that bad.
Nothing she can do about it.
It sucks, but it is what it is,.
Life is too short to get upset over things like this.
That is the perspective I try to keep.
Just have a beautiful day with your daughter and family and friends who can be there.
They are the ones that truly matter.
Thank you. I agree. I understand people have other obligations and that I’m not the most important thing in the world, just don’t be so brutally transparent about it!
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| Posted 4/19/18 5:29 PM |
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PitterPatter11
Baby Boy is Here!
Member since 5/11 7619 total posts
Name:
Momma <3
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Re: Am I overreacting?
Posted by Joann
I know I am in the minority but I personally would not be bothered by this. Maybe I would be annoyed that I had to text her to get a response. But as for the fact that she isn't attending and her excuse, I would not care unless she is the type of person who expects people to be there for all of her events. If so, I would be bothered by the hypocrisy. But if she is the type that would say, "if you can make it great, if not, that is ok" then I wouldn't be bothered at all.
ITA
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| Posted 4/19/18 8:11 PM |
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M514
Hi
Member since 8/10 6011 total posts
Name:
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Re: Am I overreacting?
Posted by Joann
I know I am in the minority but I personally would not be bothered by this. Maybe I would be annoyed that I had to text her to get a response. But as for the fact that she isn't attending and her excuse, I would not care unless she is the type of person who expects people to be there for all of her events. If so, I would be bothered by the hypocrisy. But if she is the type that would say, "if you can make it great, if not, that is ok" then I wouldn't be bothered at all.
Same!
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| Posted 4/19/18 8:34 PM |
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drpepper318
MIR MIR MIR!
Member since 6/07 8274 total posts
Name:
me
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Re: Am I overreacting?
I don't think you're overreacting at all.
Her response (& the fact that she didn't even respond until you tracked her down) makes it sound like you're not a priority to her & maybe she isn't the close friend you think she is. I could be wrong, being that I don't know the details of your friendship besides what you described, but she comes off as a jerk here with the way she said it. Even more so than the fact that she's not coming.
As someone who makes every effort to attend every event I'm invited to, it hurts when people who you consider close friends just blow you off or stop making an effort. If I can't go to something I'm invited to, it's because I've already committed to another event at the same time, not because I have something else I might have to do or might want to do that could actually be done at another time. Her message was so casual, if it were me I'd be apologizing & saying I feel terrible about missing it.
People suck. What can you do? I've dropped down some friendships once I've realized what people are really like. If I'm not your priority, then you are definitely not mine. If you can't make an effort, then I'm not going to. I would probably still talk to her, keep in touch, but sparingly & at a distance.
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| Posted 4/19/18 9:48 PM |
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ali120206
2 Boys
Member since 7/06 17792 total posts
Name:
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Am I overreacting?
I would be upset but as an outsider I see her point.
We got our date about a year in advance and suddenly my aunt can’t make it because she has to babysit her grandkids in a different state. I was upset because she could’ve said any weekend but that weekend but it is what it is... People have different priorities.
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| Posted 4/20/18 8:33 AM |
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Pomegranate5
LIF Adult
Member since 2/11 4798 total posts
Name:
Pomegranate5
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Re: Am I overreacting?
You're not wrong. I would probably feel exactly the same as you. It hurts when someone important to us shows us that we aren't a priority to them at that particular moment in time.
BUT, at one time or another we can all get so wrapped up in our own stuff that we do or say something thoughtless and selfish. If you have been close for many years I'd hope this is just one of those times for her. I would definitely not write off the friendship. Hopefully you can move on from this after a little bit of time goes by.
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| Posted 4/20/18 9:38 AM |
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jambalady
Is it summer yet?
Member since 8/06 7392 total posts
Name:
Holly
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Re: Am I overreacting?
Posted by Pomegranate5
You're not wrong. I would probably feel exactly the same as you. It hurts when someone important to us shows us that we aren't a priority to them at that particular moment in time.
BUT, at one time or another we can all get so wrapped up in our own stuff that we do or say something thoughtless and selfish. If you have been close for many years I'd hope this is just one of those times for her. I would definitely not write off the friendship. Hopefully you can move on from this after a little bit of time goes by.
You hit the nail on the head. It was the thoughtlessness and selfish response that irked me more so than declining.
I’m not ending our friendship over this at all but it definitely didn’t sit well with me,
As an update, she did text back after I said that I was disappointed and that I would really love if she could come that now she will be coming.
I’m going to let it go for now. I’m happy she’s coming and I will chalk it up to her not realizing the tone of her email and how it came off.
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| Posted 4/20/18 10:02 AM |
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FirstMate
My lil cowboy
Member since 10/10 7790 total posts
Name:
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Re: Am I overreacting?
No, I would be pissed too. My BFF blew off my son's 1st bday party to go to an Oktoberfest festival. Not THE Oktoberfest in Germany, some festival. I was very hurt by that. My only solace was at the next event when other people asked her how Germany was (as when asked where she was at DS's party, I said she was at an Oktoberfest) and she had to explain herself and they looked at her like she was nuts. I could tell she felt bad and possibly stupid because she was asked about 3 times. 
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| Posted 4/20/18 11:06 AM |
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