Reference gone bad, WWYD ??

OK, i'll keep this short and simple and please dont quote.

One of my professors was great. I thought we had a great relationship She gave us all reference letters and said to please use her as a reference.

Well I have used her letter for a few applications, never thought twice about it.


Well back when, I got something at school at Graduation (a small award/scholarship) from a fund set up by another Professor in honor of a late family member. I got the award by submitting an essay. This Prof asked and encouraged many of us to apply for it.

So my Prof asked me to make sure I send them a thank you. Well I will admit, I was 35weeks preggo and had two toddlers, so it took me amonth to send it out (I even have the old emails where I emailed her to tell her it was sent out!! since she kept pestering me, but in a friendly way)

Today someone called her (before hiring me for something part time), I knew they were calling her, I happily gave him her letter as one of my references..

Thankfully my other references were excellent and I got the job. (not a full time position, p/t private company)

this was part of his reply email to me after speaking with her
" I did speak with Professor XXX. She seems to be upset with you over an issue regarding sending out thank yous to people."




I was floored to say the least.

Is this completely unprofessional, is this ok, appropriate?
what would you do ?
I quite frankly want to email her and also the head of her dept, and let them know how completely disapoiinted I am that she did this to me.
Why did she bother giving me a letter?
how many OTHERS has she said this to ? (I havent used her for ALL my applications, but I would say a good portion).
I was great to her, I did lots of extra stuff for her to help her out with class things, I hunted down a restaurant to have a class dinner (she asked me to since she wasnt from the area), I was always there to help out in unrelated (to class) things.. plus I did excellent in her class, so its not like I was a bad student or performed poorly. (she observed me on several occasions in teaching related things)

Im just annoyed with her and want to say something, but Im not sure what.

am I over-reacting?

what would you do ??

It just boggles my mind, because she had even wanted to come by my house for coffee when I had my son (2yrs ago). she was really nice and I thought we were "cool"

thoughts??

before I act on instinct

im going to take this down within a day or two, so your advice would be greatly appreciated.

Message edited 7/28/2008 7:16:48 PM.

Re: Reference gone bad, WWYD ??

Oh, I don't think you're overreacting at ALL. What business is it of HERS if you send a thank you or not? I didn't realize she was the Queen of Etiquette and was supposed to monitor the time frame in which OTHER people sent out thank you's (not even to her, right?)

I am so mad FOR you. This is just SO wrong. You don't do this to people when it comes to their livelihood. You just don't. How would she know why you want/need this job? If she's willing to be a reference, then she needs to live up to her responsibility. Otherwise, if you have nothing nice to say-- shut up.

Re: Reference gone bad, WWYD ??

I don't think you are overreacting either.
She is wrong
She offered to be your reference and then said unkind things about you to a prospective employer. Furthermore, your etiquette has very little to do with your job capabilities.
IMO it is unprofessional to give someone a negative recommendation without telling them. If she didn't feel like she could give you a positive recommendation she should have told you.

It sounds like something is off with this professor. She should not have been pestering you, even in a friendly way to send a thank you note. It's none of her business if and when you send a thank you note.

If it's really bothering you, I would speak to her about it. I don't think I'd go over her head.

Re: Reference gone bad, WWYD ??

Wow- that is so weird. I don't think you are overreacting at all. I would be so upset if I were you.....

I don't know what I would do in this situation. I guess you can either call her out or drop it. I would probably just drop it and never talk to her again. I remember that a lot of these professors of education were just looney and so out of touch with the real world.........so just chalk it up to that and don't take it personally.

I am so sorry you went through this!

Re: Reference gone bad, WWYD ??

What is she, your mother? I'm sure that she looked like the fool, NOT you! And kudos to your future employer for finding it funny enough to tell you! Quite honestly, I would not use her as a reference ever again, and I would email her or call her and tell her that you already have a mother and think she acted completely unprofessionally to mention a thank you card as part of her reference for you. What a freaking jackass.

Re: Reference gone bad, WWYD ??

Posted by prncss

What is she, your mother? I'm sure that she looked like the fool, NOT you! And kudos to your future employer for finding it funny enough to tell you! Quite honestly, I would not use her as a reference ever again, and I would email her or call her and tell her that you already have a mother and think she acted completely unprofessionally to mention a thank you card as part of her reference for you. What a freaking jackass.

Re: Reference gone bad, WWYD ??

Thanks everyone ! for making me feel normal

Yes, this guy is great, he already has me on the payrolll and has me starting asap and he spoke with me (in person) for over an hour and has gotten to know me for himself.

and thankfully my other references were great. and there's one school Principal he's going to call next week.
The teachers I gave him, im not sure if they check email during summer.

He even emailed me and told me to let it go I swear I gotta find him a girlfriend, he's so cool

rachel and debbie, I agree, I am so dying to email the head of the dept.
I emailed him once before when a Prof NEVER replied to emails (and this was across the board happening to aLL students, but everyone was afraid to speak up!) well that professor replied that same day

Im really annoyed, I wanna smack her !


thanks for letting me vent. Truly it didnt phase me because this isnt my career on the line, it just ticked me off and threw me for a loop.

thanks again ladies !

Re: Reference gone bad, WWYD ??

I think you should email the professor, "thanking" her for the reference, but also stating that you found it very disconcerting that your now employer said that she had an issue with the thank you cards.

Definitely let her know that she was "outed" - but don't berate her or anything - that's just doing exactly what she did to you! (acting ridiculous and unprofessional)

So glad you got the position, though!

Re: Reference gone bad, WWYD ??

Posted by InShock

I think you should email the professor, "thanking" her for the reference, but also stating that you found it very disconcerting that your now employer said that she had an issue with the thank you cards.

Definitely let her know that she was "outed" - but don't berate her or anything - that's just doing exactly what she did to you! (acting ridiculous and unprofessional)

So glad you got the position, though!