DH doesn't understand...

why I'm upset.

October 4th would've been my due date and I was feeling a bit sad the other day. DH doesn't get why. I told him I'm upset because I was supposed to have a baby in two weeks - he says he doesn't see it that way. He said that when the pregnancy ended he came to terms with the fact that it wasn't viable and didn't think of it as a baby. To be honest, I don't think I thought of it as a "baby" either - I just have a hard time getting past the 'should've' and 'could've' I think about where we would be now if I hadn't miscarried and the plans we were making and it makes me sad

I think I handled the miscarriage so much better when it actually happened than I am now. I got pg on the first try, so I guess I just took it for granted that by the time the due date rolled around I would definitely be pregnant again. It's six months later and I'm obviously not. I feel like it's all so unobtainable.

There's nothing anyone needs to say - I just needed to get that out.

Message edited 9/23/2008 9:04:52 AM.

Re: DH doesn't understand...

Sorry you are having a terrible day.


we carry the baby, so we feel it more. It affects us more.
They aren't walking around from the minute after the BFP, thinking "should I eat that ?" "I shouldn't get that coke, coffee."


I was much more bothered by the due date than my husband was.

Re: DH doesn't understand...

i am sorry ... i too have my DH that doesn't understand when i am upset, or what not..
even if it wasnt a viable pregnancy, no matter what week you are in.. you still feel very "different" its unreal how you feel sooooo empty when you know there is no baby in your tummy... no matter the size... its still a "baby"

i have come to the conclusion that MEN , will never understand the way we do.. and of course they feel terrible that it happened.. but its not their bodies that its happening to!

i just have a feeling that after my due date that i will have more closure.. just to always know what week i should have been, and how big . etc.. that is the toughest for me..

you are not alone.. my husband could be like this too..

Re: DH doesn't understand...

my DH is the same way.
They're so stupid sometimes.

It has nothing to do with missing an actual "baby." It has to do with the dream and wish of it, and the realization that you don't have it.

They just don't get it....

Re: DH doesn't understand...

it's true, they don't get it. I'm coming up on my due date alsoand it's hard for me too.

Re: DH doesn't understand...

Re: DH doesn't understand...

Re: DH doesn't understand...

Posted by when



It has nothing to do with missing an actual "baby." It has to do with the dream and wish of it, and the realization that you don't have it.

They just don't get it....

Re: DH doesn't understand...

It IS very different for men, because they often don't feel the attachment until they are actually holding the baby in their arms. We feel it the second we see the positive pregnancy test. It's hard for us to understand why THEY don't understand.

My DH was the same way for a long time, and would actually get annoyed when I would cry alot. It's been about a year and a half and he is FINALLY starting to tell me how he feels about our inability to conceive easily and how he always feels so sad FOR ME. I think he came to terms with the miscarriage so easily because he had to for me, and because his thoughts/actions/feelings didn't change when we got pregnant. I don't know. I know it's hard for our DH's to see us so sad, and I think they almost resent the pregnancies/miscarriages for making us so loony. I know that when I started coming to terms with everything, after almost a year, my DH started listening and empathizing more. When I wasn't obsessing over it all.