Spinoff to "Does your DH cook" thread

SO...

many of us who replied said their DH's do not cook. Mine doesn't either. What can we do about this??

I am asking for selfish reasons. Frankly, I'm tired of cooking and cleaning and then on top of it, being expected to work. We don't even have kids and I'm burnt out!

I love DH and he has many wonderful qualities, but his domestic abilities are not one of them. He has no motivation to improve in this area - I mean REALLY improve. As in, take responsibility for something fully so I don't need to worry about it. We talked about it once and he said he'd take care of "fixing". Then I lived with no light in the overhead lamp in the living room for 2 months. He only got motivated to change the bulbs when the lights in the bathroom AND kitchen also burned out and we were left with one dim lamp that buzzed in the living room, the hallway light and the bedroom light. So not my idea of "taking care of things"

What do I do???? Please help

Re: Spinoff to "Does your DH cook" thread

Sorry no help here. Im kind of a feminist when it comes to household duties. I told him from day one that no matter how much I make compared to how much he makes, as long as I am putting in 40 hours a week he will put in as much effort around the house as I do....and he does

Re: Spinoff to "Does your DH cook" thread

Hi,

new here!

Like the previous poster, I have worked hard from day 1 to get DH to help around the house - he grew up with a mom who did everything for him (laundry, cooking, cleaning, etc.) even when he was done college and living at home. He didn't have any chores, not even taking the garbage out.

What has worked for me, is to divide up some of the responsibilities, we both kind of joke about it and say we are managers of different things. He now does all the laundry and the garbage, drycleaning, and issues with the car (I help). It works out since we both know our roles and there isn't fighting over who does what. When we do a major clean, we divide the apartment, so like I do kitchen and he does bath.

Talk to your DH, It can be a slow process.

Good luck!

Re: Spinoff to "Does your DH cook" thread

Teach him! There are so many easy recipes he can whip up if you had a rough day and just need a break from doing all the chores in your house. Tell him you can't do it by yourself and you think you're giving him the easiest task. If he refuses to help, you can refuse other things

Re: Spinoff to "Does your DH cook" thread

I don't know that I trust DH to cook.

Re: Spinoff to "Does your DH cook" thread

DH can make tuna fish and that's about it.. It's a hopeless cause in our house..

Re: Spinoff to "Does your DH cook" thread

I actually had this conversation with DH the other day. I told him I would love for him to make dinner and for me to come home to it. I asked him if it was just something difficult for him and he said no, he was just lazy So hopefully it will change and he'll cook stuff!

Re: Spinoff to "Does your DH cook" thread

What we started doing is that the day that I get home late from school and he is home we will have take out. BUT the catch is that it has be ready by the time I get home (as if he cooked it). That way even though it's ordered we can eat dinner as soon as I get home from school.

I dont mind that he doesnt cook. We have the whole I cook and he does the dishes so I think its fair.

Re: Spinoff to "Does your DH cook" thread

Mine doesn't cook either, but if I don't feel like cooking or I didn't get to the store, he's got no problem making sandwiches, heating up hot pockets, or ordering take-out for dinner. He's more concerned about what I would eat then.

As for all the other household stuff, I do most of it. DH takes out the trash, goes grocery shopping with me, makes the bed, occassionaly will clean the bathroom, has started to learn how to load the dishwasher. That's about it when it comes to household stuff.
I've given up arguing about helping me more, I like a clean house so I will do it by myself.
It's not fair, I work full time outside the home, but I KNOW that he appreciates everything I do for us. Little things mean a lot, like when he makes me coffee in the morning. He doesn't drink coffee.

Re: Spinoff to "Does your DH cook" thread

Just a suggestion - Do you own a bbq ?

my husband never cooked. We got a bbq in our first year of marriage and ever since he loves to fire up the grill and make dinner!


men like to bbq meat... it's a testosterone thing I think

Re: Spinoff to "Does your DH cook" thread

My DH doesn't cook but it doesnt even bother me. He does so many other things around the house. he helps out with the dog.

I also do not cook every night. We go out to eat alot or we fend for ourselves.
I cook maybe 1 or 2 nights a week.
Lately i pack him a sandwich cause hes trying to eat healthy at work. And at the office everyone orders in every single day. And its easy to gain alot of weight that way.

some nites we don't even eat if we have had a late lunch or we just have a snack.

try making easy things
like mac and cheese or sandwiches
And make sure he puts all the dishes in the dishwasher

I feel that when you use alot of pots and pans to cook it makes cleaning so much harder
Also try to use paper plates and plastic forks makes clean up a breeze

Re: Spinoff to "Does your DH cook" thread

I just yell at him a lot and then if that doesn't work, i stop having sex.
Kiddingggggggggg (sort of)

Honestly i think this is what they mean by "the first year is the hardest". The whole compromising and sharing a life thingy. Its taking some time, but we are working it out. What both of us want, expect, demand.

Neither if us really enjoys cooking so we usually order out, or his mother cooks for both of us And as far as cleaning, i do most of it, because i would just rather it that way. Him going around throwing everything in a closet is not my idea of "clean" But we just moved into our house, and there are TONS of porjects that he does, when asked nicely 108 times.

It's all about communication and compromise !!!! Or so i hear

Re: Spinoff to "Does your DH cook" thread

if i dont cook than he treats to take out or makes pizza!

Re: Spinoff to "Does your DH cook" thread

all great suggestions, some of which i've tried (dividing the chores into a list - he did none of them; communicating - he also said he's lazy and doesn't want to do chores and didn't seem to care when i said it wasn't fair for me to do everything; making a list and having him select the ones to do - he selected them but didn't do them).

i am going to try some of the others:
-get him a bbq - yippee! i love this idea - so funny with men and fire (grunt!)
-get a cleaning lady once a month even though i hate to spend $$ on this but it seems ridiculous for household chores to be a marriage buster, which it is kind of turning out to be. i find that i feel i'm married to a child which truly does nothing for the libido
-give him the easiest chores and make it most simple for him
-give up on the notion that he'll EVER cook for me
-give up on the notion that he'll EVER do something without complaining first

ugg. i'm really feeling annoyed by this whole issue but hoping to make improvements. i just don't know - i feel so hopeless sometimes because he truly doesn't care that i am burdened and bothered by this topic