venting again, sorry

One of my good friends from college just told me that she is 14 weeks pregnant. I know I should be happy for her. And I am. But I also feel like someone punched me in the gut. I would have been 14 weeks this week too. We would have been due the same week. We would have been going through this together. Ugh. I know lots of preggo ladies, but this is just too close too home.

And all DH and my mom said was "Everything happens for a reason. Your time will come." I know that's true and I know they think they're being helpful, but that's not really what I want to hear. I just want to be able to be sad and angry at the world for a little while without everyone telling me "It's OK, it will work out"

Sorry, vent over...thanks for reading.

Re: venting again, sorry

Sorry that you feel this way I know exactly how you feel. For me, I feel hurt, envious and sad when I hear someone's pregnant. Everyone else is over the moon. But, really no one knows how it feels unless they've been in our shoes. I have to believe that everything happens for a reason because that's what gets me by when I feel like drowning in my sorrows. I'm currently planning my sis-in-law's baby shower and I'm trying so hard to keep a happy face all the time. But, I've been very vocal lately when people tell me that "It's ok, it'll work out." For me, it's not ok. I also can't stand to hear "when the time is right." That one is like a knife to the heart. In the back of my mind, I hear the other pregnant people around me say that it wasn't planned, blah blah blah. Try and keep your head up and vent as much as you want. We understand and we support you no matter what

Re: venting again, sorry

Me too!!! I get so angry with myself for feeling this way and then I have to stop and remind myself that it is a natural human response to feel sad, angry, envious, and like life has treated you unfairly. Because life has!

Regarding people's thoughtless comments... ugh. The next time some well-meaning jackass says something thoughtless to me I am going to let them know that these types of comments hurt people's feelings and that they should never say such things to a woman who has miscarried (I'm sure that will lose me a few friends, but at least I will no longer have to suffer through their ignorance). I know, I know, their intent is good, but you know what they say about that road being paved with good intentions...

Sorry, I have been feeling particularly angry and out-of-control lately... esp since we had so much trouble conceiving in the first place. Making a family is not supposed to be this hard!

and to all of us.

Message edited 9/29/2009 7:24:58 PM.

Re: venting again, sorry

I think its totally justified to feel that way

Im starting to get a little depressed again because I would have been almost 20 weeks and would have been finding out the sex DHs bday is next week and when I first got preggo he was so anxious to know the sex that we did the math and figured it'd be around his b-day. So Im a little upset this week.

I cant tell you how many times Ive heard "Everything happens for a reason" or "It wasnt meant to be" Well WHAT was the reason it happened and WHY wasnt it meant to be?

Hang in there

Re: venting again, sorry

I'm So sorry that it hit so close to home. It's normal to feel that way, we probably all do.

And I think sometimes people say things with good intentions not fully understanding the situation, ya know? They truly don't know what to say, and figure that's a good way to start, I guess. Sometimes we just need people to be mad with us, but I think they don't realize that.

I hope your time comes soon

Re: venting again, sorry

I am so sorry. I completely understand how you feel. Every time someone mentions someone being pregnant I cringe and start counting days and playing head games with myself. I still go on the pregnancy board and see how the ladies I was due around are doing. It's not good and I have to stop. But it's still really hard coming to terms with not being pregnant. I am sorry it hit so close to home for you.

Unfortunately with miscarriage I don't think people realize what they are saying is so insensitive. I hate, hate, hate the "things happen for a reason". I also, hate when people talk about karma. What the heck did I do to deserve a miscarriage? I guess everyone who gets pregnant must be a saint. Sorry to hijack your vent with my own vent.

Re: venting again, sorry

Re: venting again, sorry

I completely understand. I ran into my old hairdresser the other day & she is due 11/18. I was due 11/9

Re: venting again, sorry

I def understand how you feel.




I think we all go through a mix of emotions. I certainly know i still try to understand "why everything happens for a reason".

Re: venting again, sorry

Re: venting again, sorry

Thanks girls

Don't get me wrong, I think that whole "everything happens for a reason" thing is true to some extent. If something was wrong, I guess the way things happened were better than finding out later and then having to make a really tough decision. Like I said, sometimes I want to stop and just be sad and angry for a minute though.

On a much better note, it looks like AF might be on her way, which means my 2 cycles are almost done...woo hoo (oh, the things that get me excited these days )

Re: venting again, sorry

I completely understand how you feel I had a m/c in March and just when I was starting to feel "normal," my BFF told me that she was 10 weeks pregnant - I would have been 12 weeks pregnant when she told me. While I was completely happy for her and thrilled beyond belief, it was like the m/c wound had been reopened because she was essentially where I should have been. I really think it is the hardest when someone is due when you would have been due