Question about behavior (Long)

Long story short, DS was just recently diagnosed with P.D.D.... mild, but, we are going ahead with the extra services (ABA).
This AM, his PT was here and when she brought out an activity he didn't want to do, he'd walk away. We were stern with him, he kept thinking it was funny.
This afternoon, his teacher came and said "he was a bit off yesterday" and yesterday got the same comment from his OT...He's getting up and walking away from activities he doesn't want to do or where he stresses.
This was a SHOCK for the teachers and one of them said "It could simply be his age (he will be 3 in Jan). Its not bad reports, but, its been bothering me all day. I know there is no perfect child. I know he's going to be 3, but, it upsets me that all of a sudden he's not listening/cooperating.....Can't even say he's not listening, once he gets redirected, hes fine and will do what he's asked.
My biggest concern is, he doesn't know the difference (I can be so stern) and he just doesn't "Get it" that I'm upset with him, that he did something wrong.

Do any of your DCs do this? Have they done this? I wish he knew the difference between this is OK and No Way Jose, this is NOT ok.
He's had time outs, He will sit there, but I don't think it "clicks" that he's in trouble.

I have no idea why i'm letting this bother me so much. I did talk to his teacher and she did say "I don't want you to think he's bad, he's far from it, he listens and all, but, was shocked he walked away and all"..

TIA for any advice! I greatly appreciate it!

Message edited 11/19/2009 6:02:37 PM.

Re: Question about behavior (Long)

1/ Typical children will do it too

2/ DS does it. ALL THE TIME! He is a master at task avoidance. He will try to kiss you. Then he will try to whine. Or he will walk out like it's not a big deal, give you the biggest smile and tries to "charm" you.

He is such an actor.

Re: Question about behavior (Long)

Typical children do this too, especially toddlers. My DS, who does have some speech/language, attentional, and motor delays, does this as well. MY DS gets EI services as well and they have worked wonders for him in a short period of time. He's gotten much better at sitting for a task over time, but he still needs to be redirected at times. Some of it is task avoidance, especially if a new task is challenging, other times it's him losing focus.

I'm not quite sure why the therapists were shocked by this behavior. Many toddlers need to be redirected at this age. I would be more concerned if your DS couldn't even be redirected during the lesson. Also, maybe your DS was tired or wasn't feeling well. I know my DS is off as well when his allergies kick in or he hasn't gotten a lot of sleep.

I sometimes think that we, meaning society in general, expect more and more of kids at such a young age. Don't get me wrong, it's important to raise the bar and challenge them, but I don't think it's so abnormal for a 2 year old to get frustrated with a task and move onto something else.

I think you are doing all that you can do. I'm not sure if a time-out for this particular situation is the answer. Just keep redirecting your DS and praise him when he does complete a task or at least attempts it. I'm sorry you were made to feel that way . Maybe speaking to the therapists and discussing how it made you feel would help to clarify some things.

Re: Question about behavior (Long)

Thank You Ladies!

The more I think about it, the more I am thinking its an age/stubborness thing!

I do timeouts for things like, we don't chase the cat and grab his tail, slam kitchen cabinets, etc.
Not because he won't do an activity..I should have been more clear on that one.

The teachers were surprised cause he's never done this before. It bothered me because I got the same thing from 2 teachers yesterday and then this AM he was so off with his PT. He thought everything was funny. He didn't get that we were upset.

I do have a meeting tomorrow to discuss his new schedule. I'll prob. bring it up. Although, again, hopefully it is an age thing/phase!

Thank You again!!

Re: Question about behavior (Long)

Posted by lvdolphins

Thank You Ladies!

The more I think about it, the more I am thinking its an age/stubborness thing!

I do timeouts for things like, we don't chase the cat and grab his tail, slam kitchen cabinets, etc.
Not because he won't do an activity..I should have been more clear on that one.

The teachers were surprised cause he's never done this before. It bothered me because I got the same thing from 2 teachers yesterday and then this AM he was so off with his PT. He thought everything was funny. He didn't get that we were upset.

I do have a meeting tomorrow to discuss his new schedule. I'll prob. bring it up. Although, again, hopefully it is an age thing/phase!

Thank You again!!

Re: Question about behavior (Long)

There are 5 functions to all human behavior - the acronym is MEATS

Medical
Escape/avoidance
Attention
Tangible
Sensory

again - this is for everyone - us, our kids, etc...

All behavior serves a function. Behavior is learned through what immediately follows it, which reinforces it. good, bad, indifferent - if the consequence is delivered and the child likes the consequence, the behavior will keep occurring until something changes as the consequence - regardless of disability, but more so if there are any communication issues.

Medical:

You always want to rule out Medical - make sure a child isn't "misbehaving" when it's really an ear ache, a cold, etc.

Escape: Happens during a task. Avoidance: Happens before they have to engage in the task.

A child will engage in any behavior for it to end and get out of it - walk away, run, scream, cry - etc. sometimes if a behavior ends in a time out, they learn to engage in the behavior to get out of the task and get the time out (sounds like this might be going on - he knows he is in trouble - but the reward for getting in trouble is a time out, so he doesn't have to do what you or what the therapists asked of him anyway)


Attention:

any type of reaction is attention. Eye contact, smiling, yelling, praise, coming over to see whats wrong when a child is crying - alll is attention and will always reinforce attenion-seeking behavior. sometimes a consistent reaction - even one we may perceive as unpleasurable - is enough to reinforce attention-seeking behavior.

Tangible:

If you want something and can't say "I want...." you will use another means of communication to gain access to it - crying, screaming, pointing, etc.

Sensory:

These behaviors occur when no demands are placed on the child. If they are alone and no one is with them, and a specific behavior occurs, the function could be sensory - meaning it is automatically reinforcing, meaning it feels good. Everyone engages in these behaviors in some capacity.

hope this helps - from what it sounds like - it does NOT seem like he does not know the difference. It sounds like he cleverly found a way to get out of things and still look innocent. All that needs to happen is he needs to learn that no matter what he does, he does not get to escape or aviod until he does what he is asked to do. Even if you or his therapisrt need to "help" him. He is getting older, and he is getting wiser

Message edited 11/20/2009 3:43:30 PM.

Re: Question about behavior (Long)

I also want to add that there could be more than one function to a behavior - so if he is ignoring you, he may get out of the task - so he is avoiding it - plus you "get mad" at him - which gets him a little extra attention to boot - so that behavior is a pretty powerful one that gets him access to all sorts of extra stuff!